November 29, 2004

Tired of aliens abducting you? Do you want so stop all telepathic communications from the aliens? All you need is a hat, some tape and the ability to use scissors!!! They really work!! Read real stories of abduction and the success of thought screen helmets Here.
posted by LokiSpeak 20 years ago
  • Accept no substitute. Only Nostrildamus' officially sanctioned Monkeyfilter Tinfoil Hats will stop alien abductions, AND keep you safe from ghosts & other non-physical entities, too! Also will protect you from internets trolls such as Quidnunc, Quonsar & other beings starting with Q. also I think this is a double post
  • Stupid Sexy Aliens!!!!! Seriously... I wanna get my psych degree in time for that girl to be old enough to move out on her own. *imagines the houses and fancy cars funded by her therapy*
  • I got abducted at least 18 times on my way to work today. I am *so* getting one of those hats.
  • Please fill out this helpful alien abduction survey to determine if you have been abducted by aliens!
  • That's a nice hat and all Nostrildamus but "Only thought screen helmets using Velostat are effective." I mean everyone knows that velostat is da' bomb
  • This MeFi thread on sleep paralysis has lots of info on this relatively common phenomenon, which may help explain some of those 'abduction/mind control/strange presences" night events. Or not. Anyways, I've been going to bed with my tinfoil cap and tinfoil pajamas since, oh, always...
  • Thanks Koko. Now I can rest easy knowing I probably haven't been abducted by aliens.
  • I just looked at a Velostat bag with a jeweler's triplet and in tiny print it says "Made In The Pleiades".
  • Protect your thoughts with Zapatopi Intradimensionals Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie
  • Damn, varj, you beat me to it. Unless the hat isn't working. In which case, you stole the link from my brain!
  • You should've protected your brain. ALWAYS wear your deflector beanie or I will steal your thoughts.
  • Fools. There's only one hat that really works.
    Plus, we don't abduct gap-toothed attentions-seeking kids with credulous parents. How would they know why Elvis killed JFK? please tell us. please please please. we'll go away for good if you do....(elvis still won't talk....)
  • Actually, this works too. Sort of. (more fun (but ot) stuff here)
  • Only thought screen helmets using Velostat are effective.
    I am sick and tired of the viral marketing. When will people finally wake up and realize that this is all being perpetuated by the static control industrial complex? Wake up people! You aren't being abducted by "aliens", your wallets and your minds are being robbed blind by 3M. There is no "Michael Menkin", he's just a fabrication of the 3M marketing department. And "his" sole purpose if to get you to buy more Velostat. And the scary thing is that this is just the test run. When they unroll the real operation in China, in 2008, the stampede of orders for Velostat are going to come crashing in. Imagine, billions of Chinese heads covered in Velostat. People will need multiple hats for differing fashion tastes, moreso for the ladies. That's millions of miles of Velostat, at $117 a unit! And of course, no ordinary tinfoil will do, only 3M Velostat will "work". Want to know just how brainwashed "Michael Menkin" has you? Velostat isn't even tinfoil! Wake up people! This message brought to your by your friends at Alcoa. Better Living Through Aluminum
  • I wear a tin-foil lined cup so that the aliens can't steal my mojo.