November 24, 2004

• Not go.
• a fun dark purpose, or an evil dark purpose?
• Tell someone trustworthy where you are and arrange for that person to call in the marines if you don't phone within a specified time period. That would be my first thought. You could also do the beloved of mystery writers "letter-at-my-lawyers" thing: if you are not heard from by a certain time, than the letter is opened and instructions followed. Of course, that might just insure that your death is avenged, not that it doesn't occur. Or, you could quickly become a master of martial arts, or pack heat (ooooh! I always wanted to say that), or bring a large friend or three. Or, there's this.
• Clean underwear. Always good.
• GPS suppository.
• Oh, I so want to know what this is about.
• You booked an appointment with moneyjane, didn't you?
• Adamantium skeleton. Metahuman ability to recover from injury. Enhanced reflexes. Now I need to buy some disads, right?
• Always keep one hand in your coat pocket.
• Please be careful. In 1992, a friend of mine from college and his fiance were attacked in what they thought was an above board meeting with an unknown person at a hotel. She died from her injuries. The crime was never solved The Atlanta Journal and Constitution October 29, 1992, Thursday HEADLINE: Town shocked by coed's slaying here Victim, fiance attacked at hotel by computer thief BYLINE: By Diane Loupe STAFF WRITERdeaths; computers; investigations; violence; colleges BODY: Heather Uffelman and Jeremy Rolfs, both seniors at Middle Tennessee State University, loved computers and each other. Heather had helped half the faculty set up their computers, and broadcasting companies were angling to hire Mr. Rolfs as a technical consultant after his graduation this fall. They dreamed of a spring wedding. Those dreams ended Saturday morning in a Marietta hotel room, when a mysterious computer junkie beat the couple, killing Ms. Uffelman and stealing the expensive computer system they had intended to sell to him. On Wednesday, the professor who was scheduled to marry the couple was one of three ministers at Ms. Uffelman's funeral in her rural hometown of Erin, Tenn. Mr. Rolfs, released from a Marietta hospital on Tuesday, told the mourners of his love for Ms. Uffelman and read an essay she'd written about growing up on a farm. Students at Middle Tennessee were shocked by the brutal crime. "You just don't think that kind of thing can happen to people you know," said Randy O'Brien, news director at WMOT, the public radio station on campus. Marietta police are trying to find the man who apparently murdered 22-year-old Ms. Uffelman. A clean-cut man who went by the name of Tommy Johnson, drove off in a brown Dodge Dynasty with a Tennessee license. Mr. Rolfs, 21, who's scheduled to graduate in December, had a part- time job with the Halsey Company of Nashville, a group that made music videos. The company was trying to sell a $ 31,000 computer system and Mr. Rolfs was bringing it to a man who answered a trade publication ad. The Appla Quadra was a sophisticated film editing system, said Dr. Elliott Pood, chairman of the Middle Tennessee department of radio, television and photography and a friend of Mr. Rolfs. They talked several times Mr. Rolfs "had talked to the gentleman several times by phone and he asked him to deliver it down there," Dr. Pood said. Ms. Uffelman was worried that her fiance was working too hard and feared he might fall asleep driving, so she rearranged her schedule at the radio station to help Mr. Rolfs make the five-hour drive from Murfreesboro to the Atlanta area to deliver the computer, Dr. Pood said. The couple arrived in Marietta early Saturday morning and met the killer at the Knights Inn on Delk Road in Marietta, Police Capt. Walter Parker said. The man drew a gun on the couple, rolled them into a bedsheet to confine them and pounded their heads with a hammer, later recovered by police, Captain Parker said. The motel manager called police. Both students were taken to Kennestone Hospital, where Ms. Uffelman died of head injuries at 12:30 p.m. Saturday. Captain Parker said police have put out a nationwide lookout on the suspect but have not been able to locate him. Helen Uffelman said her youngest daughter always loved writing and worked on campus tutoring other students in writing. She planned to graduate in the spring, and then attend graduate school. "We are very devastated," said Mrs. Uffelman. "Since this happened, there's been such an outpouring of love in this small community. We're a rural county in middle Tennessee. People have been coming to our house, telephoning and bringing food since we got the news."
• Not knowing the purpose of the meeting, could it be held in the hotel lounge or some other semi-public place? Or maybe you could book the hotel room and have the other party meet you there, thereby ensuring that there aren't thugs hiding out in the closet if it goes sour.
• (christ, kimdog, that's awful. sorry about your friend.)
• and wibble, now that you have everyone worried, you'd better tell us what this is all about!
• Bring a cell phone and call a friend if there is a problem?
• I hope it doesn't have anything to do with A bottle of tesco tequila, a copy of playboy and a straight razor
• This is all assuming you don't want anyone you personally know to learn of this meetup, and also assumes that this is a seedy motel, with outdoor parking/access to rooms. First. Leave all the info, address of meet, room #, alias of contact (real name if available), reason for meet (drugs, prostitute, etc.) whatever you know about the appt. in a manila envelope in your mailbox. The police (but probably not perps trying to clean up your apt./house) will eventually check there. Second, arm yourself appropriately. A hunting/military-type knife in a waist sheath works fine. Don't bring a kitchen knife, as most criminal types will figure you for a amateur if/when they pat you down. Note: before they pat you down, let them know you are armed, but try to keep control of the weapon at all times. If anything, attempt to get permission to deposit it in a neutral location, such as your car. Don't menace people with it, if you pull it, go for the kill. (If you choose to go unarmed, keep a cell phone on hand with 911 pre-dialed into the keypad. This speeds up the process as you will merely have to hit the "send" button to call for help.) Third, back in to the parking space, leaving the driver's door unlocked. This will make a possible getaway much easier. Also, leave the ignition key on a separate key ring, by itself. You won't have to fumble for the car keys to make your escape. Fourth, (this may spook dealers, or other similar types) but if you're really concerned about getting jumped, order towels or room service to the room. Evaluate their response time to answer the door and their body language while dealing with the hotel employee. Lastly, you may want to arrange a meeting in a public place first, someplace close or even inside the motel, and then after you have the opportunity to size your contact up, proceed to the room. Hope this helps!
• debaser's on my team if we ever rumble!!!!
• One more option for the extremely paranoid. Rent the room a few days before the meet. Place handgun in Ziploc freezer baggie inside of toilet tank. Upon entry use bathroom.
• Take a cellphone with an emergency number ready to hit "Send". Have it in your pocket where you can reach the button without looking obvious. Tell as many people as possible. Make your presence known to the front desk. Meet in the foyer instead. Tell a friend that if they don't hear from you by a pre-arranged time, call the appropriate people. Tell the person you're meeting that you have someone waiting for you in the foyer and that they expect you in $minutes. Actually have someone wait for you in the foyer. Or don't go.
• Leave the gun; take the cannoli.
• Cannoli make poor weapons. A properly gnawed biscotti can be quite deadly.
• I'm very sorry about your friend. I exaggerated for dramatic purposes..sorry if it touches any nerves. Thanks for the replies. Argh: not I get unless another Tesco's value pair of socks this year.
• The obvious answer is to have a friend next door. But, perhaps you don't have a friend you trust with your "dark purpose"? In that case just ring 362436 oh.
• my mom ended up in a motel room with a guy she met on the internet who claimed to be a jet-setting pilot but was in fact a married unemployed doofus with a GUN in his suitcase. just thought i'd share.
• But she sounded so nice on the phone.
• Did we learn all these tricks from movies (ahem The Godfather)? Who says violence on film and TV is a bad thing.
• Video surveillance? Have your rescue SWAT team (or just a recording device) monitor your encounter from another room. Of course this brings a whole mountain of legal problems. And as an active defense, unless you go the SWAT team option, it won't really help. Ah, and leave the passport taped to the underside of the telephone : )
• Okay, now I am afraid of Debaser626.
• Put the cash in an airport locker. Take the key to the meeting. If the key is taken from you, they will now know where the locker is. Of course, they could make you tell them. Then, when they get the key from you, and the location of the locker, they can open it, only to find that it contains the key to >another< airport locker. Different airport. None of this actually helps, does it?
• Tell your dealer you want to meet in a place that's less moseisleyesque.
• Glad I could present the worst case scenario.
• Bring goons.
• Hired goons.
• (sorry, couldn't resist)
• wow, this is why I love this place. deadly biscotti, intrigue, and the ability for monkeys to know way too much about things. if you bring goons, dehydrate them first. just remember not to rehydrate them with heavy water and you'll be fine.
• Or you can act all crazy and unpredictable, like, you know, you might do anything.
• "Like, you don't want to fuck with me, man. I voted for Bush, man. I'm crazy, man. Loco. Come one step closer and I. Will. Fuck. You. Up."
• [sorry for going political.]
• An ammendment to debaser626's comments. Do NOT bring a weapon unless you are confident in its use and fully intend to use it if the necessity arises. Otherwise, you're far more likely to see it weilded against you. Running, as opposed to fumbling for a knife, will be the more lifesaving option 9 times out of 10. Better a bruised ego than an abdominal evisceration.
• itstheclamsname, ya.. I should've been more clear on that... per my comment, not to menace with a knife, but go for the kill. I just figured that any monkey not willing to commit such an act (myself included) should go for the cell phone option.
• This is kinda vague, because it really depends on if you are showing up for the performance of a service by yourself or another, or to view/show a legal/illegal object or substance. If the former, call from your cell, in the sight and hearing of the individual to a friend/co-worker/your own or a friend's voicemail and, after asking the individual you're meeting for the correct time, repeat that time to whoever you're calling and say, "yeah, I'm down at (the hotel, nearest intersection, the most specific info you think you can get away with) so I'll be out of here at _____, and I'll meet you at the office/restaurant/? at____." Make this time no more than 15 minutes after when you will be leaving the room. If possible, work meeting a family member in there, because those are the most likely and quickest to call cops if you don't show. If it is the latter; Don't go alone. If this individual wants you to go alone, then demand it be an open, public space. One or the other. This may be a test to see how smart you are and/or how much you will stand up for yourself. You need to drive the scene, not them. They need to know that their priorities are secondary to your own. In my own line of work, I go to hotels myself all the time, but only after I'm satisfied that when I walk into any room, the psychological power in that room is all mine. Nothing less is acceptable.
• y'know... I never thought to click on moneyjane's profile until now.... more power to you, girl... *imagines moneyjane's personality to match the courtesan from Firefly*
• Also, if you are going to ever pull a knife, hold it in your fist with the blade angled towards the floor, so you'll be taken seriously, rather than waving it around like you're about to challenge them to some kind of girlie swordfight. If you do that, and you don't actually know how to use a knife, and are not prepared to actually make them dead, you've just pissed them off so bad they are going to take you apart and stack your body parts in a corner like a wee pile of blood-spattered firewood. Just so you know.
• I would try to keep the knife unknown until its blade is en route to flesh, the better to break a grapple by surprise. Then - run like hell. Definitely don't "present" the knife unless you have training.
• I also suggest a push dagger, if you're inclined to go the distance... like brass knuckles, hilt fits within your fist, but blade extends from between your forefinger and ring finger. very hard to disarm, punching motion (with twist) creates very large wound. Practiced with wooden one during martial arts training. (Accidentally stabbed friend with real one in the palm, he bled like HELL) Very effective in close quarters. Still, I don't have the balls to end someone's life... If, however, I was concerned about my personal safety, I would purchase a can of Sabre, which is a slightly diluted, street legal (in some areas, not all) tear gas, more effective than pepper spray. Believe me, I've been hit with both pepper spray and Sabre. Pepper spray, painful yes, but Sabre? For the next ten minutes of your life you'll be wishing you were dead... Oh the PAIN!!!
• Debaser626, do you mean an exploding cellphone?
• OMG ooga! That hit the spot... *stares warily at Motorola on table*
• I think the most important thing about going into potentially dangerous situations is your mindset. If you are not prepared to actually kill someone, by whatever means neccessary, in order to walk out of a given situation, do not walk in. If you know this about yourself, others pick it up on a subliminal level, and are much less inclined to fuck with you. People to avoid are those too stoned/drunk to pay attention to these cues as they should - these are the people who will start something you will end up finishing. Avoid them like the plague. Read an excellent book called the Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker for more about this stuff.
• If you intend to pull a blade, be sure how to use it. And if the sight of blood is a little too much for you, don't even think of carrying one. Better go for some martial arts training, or firearm if it's legal where you are.
• Read an excellent book called the Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker for more about this stuff. Perfect for this holiday season - the gift that keeps on giving!
• I'd prefer not to deploy any gas or spray agent in an enclosed space. Too easy to succumb to blowback.
• Monkeyfilter: Too easy to succumb to blowback.
• OK - feels really hard to talk about this in any manner other than the completely serious, after kimdog's post (naturally, my deepest possible sympathies, kimdog). But... Wibbleflex, admit it, you're just stuck on the plot of your NaNoWriMo entry, aren't you?
• Ask A Military Historian: From Fairbairn's "book of dirty tricks", a WWII British hand-to-hand combat training manual. -------------- In close quarters fighting there is no more deadly weapon that the knife. An entirely unarmed man has no certain defence against it, and, further, merely the sudden flashing of a knife is frequently enough to strike fear into your opponent, causing him to lose confidence and surrender. In choosing a knife there are two important factors to bear in mind: balance and keenness. The hilt should fit easily in your hand and the blade should not be so heavy that it tends to drag the hilt from your fingers in a loose grip. It is essential that the blade has a sharp stabbing point and good cutting edges, because an artery torn through (as against a clean cut) tends to contract and stop the bleeding. The main artery is cleanly severed, the wounded man will quickly lose consciousness and die. The Fairbairn-Sykes Fighting Knife (shown on the opposite page) developed by the author and a colleague, is highly recommended as possessing the requisite qualities. This knife and similar types have found wide favour among experts. There are many positions in which the knife can be carried. Selection of this possition depends upon individual preferences based on length of arm, thickness of body, etc. The following considerations, however, should always be borne in mind. A quick draw (an essential in knife fighting) can not be accomplished unless the sheath is firmly secured to the clothing or equipment. Moreover, speed on the draw can be accomplished only by constant daily practice. The author favours a concealed position, using the left hand for in close quarters fighting, the element of surprise is the chief ingredient of success. Certain arteries are more vulnerable to attack than others, because of their being erected service of the skin, or not been protected by clothing or equipment. Don't bother about their names are long as you can remember where they are situated. In the accompanying diagram (Fig. 112), the approximate positions of the arteries are given. The very in size from the thickness of one's thumb to that of an ordinary pencil. Naturally, the speed at which loss of consciousness or death takes place will depend on the size of the artery cut. The heart or stomach, when not protected by equipment, should be attacked. The psychological effect of even a slight wound in the stomach is such that it is likely to throw your opponent into confusion. Method of Making the Cut Artery # 1. Knife in the right hand, attack opponents left armed with a slashing cut outwards, as in Fig. A. Artery # 2. Knife in the right hand, attack opponents left wrist, cutting downwards and inwards, as in Fig. B. Artery # 3. Knife in right hand, edges parallel to ground, it sees opponent around the neck from behind with the left arm, put his head to the left thrust point well in; then cut sideways. See Fig. C. Artery # 4. Hold knife as in Fig. D; thrust point well in downwards; then cut. Note.--This is not an easy artery to cut with a knife, but, once cut your opponent will drop, and no tourniquet or any help of man can save him. Heart # 5. Thrust well in with the point, taking care when attacking from behind not to go too high or you will strike before the blade. Stomach # 6. Thrust well in with the point and cut in any direction. Note.--If knife is in left hand, when attacking artery is # 1 and # 2, reverse the above and attack opponents might arm. -------------------- Don't do this at home, kids!
• NOTE: I apologise for the above post. I realise that while I have to read this stuff every day, some monkeys may be disturbed and upset by it. If you delete it, I will totally understand.
• Rex Applegate:

  It is probable that the soldier or law enforcement officer will face an enemy, a criminal, or a demented person who is armed with a knife or some other kind of bladed weapon. He may encounter a trained knife fighter, but it is more likely that he will be assigned to duty in areas dominated by racial groups or by underworld elements who rely on bladed weapons as their principal means of combat. The average American does not like the idea of encountering a knife in personal combat. He would much rather use his fists, a hand gun or a club....

  (Kill or Get Killed, Chapter 4)
• Simply don't meet someone under such circumstances. If you feel you must, make an initial meet in a public place. And I'll echo running shoes as the best form of self-defence. Toting a weapon you don't really understand, or a few half-arsed tricks from "self-defence for dummies" won't get you very far. Failing that, remember that eye-gouging and testicle twisting will get you further in a fight than even the most delightfully executed open-palm strike or punch.
• This is certainly the weirdest Curious George ever.
• To illustrate my point about martial arts: I took up Judo this year. In my second or third lesson, I got to do newaza randori - ground sparring. I spent four minutes wiping the mat with a yellow belt; the New Zealand Judo Foundation mandates to get your yellow you need a minimum of three months Judo to sit the grading. So 3 months plus of doing Judo seriously allowed this very fit, muscular guy (who would weight in maybe 80 - 85 kilos) to get his arse handed to him by a rank amateur who has never done a martial art before. But I am quite strong for my size, and I weigh 105 kilos. I mention this, not to suggest I'm a big bad-arse (I'm not, I'm a big softy), but to ram home the point: going to a self defence course a few times, or waving a knife around in your back yard, may do wonders for your confidence, but that confidence can be totally misplaced when push comes to shove.
• Hey guys, your sympathies are appreciated. And no worries about any "disrespect". I just wanted to put a real spin on what can happen in these situations. And now Wibbleflex has any number of interesting suggestions about how to handle his particular situation. I just wish my friends had that kind of foresight.
• Dreadnought - excellent, if disturbingly informative, post. (No scans of the diagram?...)
• Or you can wave your hands -- try to make yourself "bigger" -- and make threatening sounds. Works with bears. Some of 'em, anyway.
• Also, always approach the hotel room from downwind.
• [and of course, kimdog, none of what i say is to make light of your too-real, too-tragic story.]
• Shit! From what I've seen here, it still seems like the best advece is "don't go if you can't sent up the meeting in a public spot." On the other hand, if you made this more dramatic than it appeared on the surface, still set it up in a public place. Unless it's your dealer and you're buying something to resell... In which case, it's your problem.
• (No scans of the diagram?...) I'm kind of worried somebody might, you know, try it out on their kid sister or something.
• The thing is, you must update us as to the nature of the visit to the hotel room post-adventure. And seriously, if it's something that worrisome, don't go. You know the right thing to do, you just don't want to listen to it. :)
• Yeah, definitely keep us posted. You've piqued a lot of interest and concern (and bad jokes, if those can be piqued) here. Good luck.
• By the way, kimdog, I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your friends and don't intend any disrespect with my flippancy.
• Avoid the sausage
• wibbleflex, I say this not to talk you out of being careful, but to provide some sort of perspective. Crimes committed between people on the internet are as far from being common as child abduction/murder cases by strangers. They make the headlines precisely because they are unusual. You don't hear about a murder of a woman by a former/current boyfriend (there were five in my small city this year alone) nationally. You hear about the internet murder that happened in some city somewhere. It is sensationalistic journalism. So, while being careful, I would remind you that you are far more likely to be injured on your way to the meeting or attacked by a former lover than you are to be attacked in that hotel room. Have fun. Be careful.
• Wear warm socks.
• Holy Crap! I found out what it's all about!
• Ha! Yes, maybe the Wibble is just out for a kinky rendezvous, and here we all are giving hand-to-hand combat and testicle-twisting technique advice... Mmmhh... well, maybe that'll be useful, too.
• Argh, you may be right but she did specfiy "no weirdos".
• Weirdoness is subjective.
• go for the cell phone option Just make sure you have the RIGHT cell phone and the mindset to use it. In choosing a cell phone there are two important factors to bear in mind: balance and keenness. The hilt should fit easily in your hand and the flip top should not be so heavy that it tends to drag the hilt from your fingers in a loose grip. It is essential that the phone has a sharp stabbing point ... The Fairbairn-Sykes Fighting Fone (shown on the opposite page) developed by the author and a colleague, is highly recommended as possessing the requisite qualities. This phone and similar types have found wide favour among expert ... ... always approach the hotel room from downwind ANDremember that eye-gouging and testicle twisting will get you further. All the advice anyone ever will need is right there
• The problem is, weirdos never think they're weirdos. They feel perfectly normal to themselves.
• I find they tend to feel a little sticky.
• They feel perfectly normal to themselves. Mmmhh... why, yes, of course... /sweats copiously, averts gaze
• MonkeyFilter: eye-gouging and testicle twisting will get you further
• This "dark purpose" needs to be less general. Are you in a vampire movie? Bring garlic, stakes, holy water, etc... Be sure to actually eat some of the garlic and rub some of the water on your neck (might not help, but it can't hurt). Are you meeting with an spy, man in black, an Illuminati type, or anything similar? Buy a house plant, and leave it in the car (something strange that they won't understand. As long as they don't understand, and they'll be less likely to get rid of you until they know what you're up to.) Also bring a blank CD-R as a substitute for the real secret plans. Realize you may be forced to destroy the secret plans (If you do have to destroy them, you'll figure out some way to replace them at the end). Are you exchanging the special artifact for for the child? Be sure to make sure the romantic interest stays behind, so she can be captured and the showdown can be more climatic. Do they already have the girl? When confronting the antagonist, make some reference that only the girl will get and give her a meangiful glance. This is where you make you move. If you don't know what kind of movie you're in yet, you will just have to play it by ear. You could be the opening scene that dies the most gruesome death. To try and avoid this, be sure to tell at least 2 friends exactly what's going on (If one other person knows, you still could be the opening death, but it's less likely if more people know). Don't get spooked and start running, because that's exactly when it'll strike.
• Incidentally, Fairbairn, the guy who wrote that book which included knife fighting instructions, learned his craft as a policeman working in the seedier parts of Hong Kong.
• A picture of the Fairbairn-Sykes commando knife. It's primarily a stabbing weapon, as Dreadnought's E-Z instructions suggest.
• Never bring a knife to a gunfight
• Forget about the knife; they only do 1d4 damage. Take a bastard sword instead. Pray for a natural 20.
• monkeyfilter: some kind of girlie swordfight. moneyjane is my idol
• Don't get spooked and start running, because that's exactly when it'll strike. Run downstairs, not upstairs; don't lose your virginity; keep your shirt on; don't ask, "Who's there?"; remember to look behind you as well as up; don't answer the door right after that prank phone call.
• Odd tidbit: a innocuous-looking CD-R can, after being properly broken up, become a nasty sliver/edged thing, with a convenient round side and center groove for easy handling. Just sayin'.
• And a little salt in with the wash gets those red wine stains right out!
• A look at their profiles makes it clear why moneyjane knows how to protect herself when walking into a room with a stranger, and why Dreadnought knows how WWII soldiers were taught to kill. So, debaser626, care to share how you came by your knowledge? It clearly wasn't from playing Halo 2.
• Dang! Good save on the tags, Trac and Side, I missed those!