October 21, 2004

• The best part was when they dragged off the wax-encrusted corpse. But Douglas Adams invented this first: Ford stared at Arthur, and Arthur was astonished to find that his will was beginning to weaken. He didn't realize that this was because of an old drinking game that Ford learned to play in the hyperspace ports that served the madranite mining belts in the star system of Orion Beta. The game was not unlike the Earth game called Indian Wrestling, and was played like this: Two contestants would sit either side of a table, with a glass in front of each of them. Between them would be placed a bottle of Janx Spirit (as immortalized in that ancient Orion mining song "Oh don't give me none more of that Old Janx Spirit/ No, don't you give me none more of that Old Janx Spirit/ For my head will fly, my tongue will lie, my eyes will fry and I may die/ Won't you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit"). Each of the two contestants would then concentrate their will on the bottle and attempt to tip it and pour spirit into the glass of his opponent — who would then have to drink it. The bottle would then be refilled. The game would be played again. And again. Once you started to lose you would probably keep losing, because one of the effects of Janx spirit is to depress telepsychic power. As soon as a predetermined quantity had been consumed, the final loser would have to perform a forfeit, which was usually obscenely biological.
• Ouch!
• "Ouch" would be playing this game with swarthy Mediterraneans. Asians tend to be much less hairy, non-Ainu Japanese especially so.
• I like the Japanese game show "Weasels Ripped My Flesh" although admittedly it loses a bit in translation.
• Damn, that's it. I'm moving back to Japan.
• Alex: George Michael already does.
• Christ. I'm all for insane Japanese shit, but shouldn't they at least give these guys a pair of goggles?
• Another crazy Japanese game show. The Japanese have really cornered this market.