October 21, 2004

"Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink." And 85 other prudent rules for boozing. [via]
posted by TayBridgeDisaster 20 years ago
  • 55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English. Sing it, brother!
  • 22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands. Sometimes not even then. I don't like people talking to me when I'm peeing, especially if I'm drunk.
  • I love Modern Drunkard.
  • Sometimes not even then. I don't like people talking to me when I'm peeing, especially if I'm drunk. Amen. If my penis is out of my trousers, in my hand, I don't want to be forced into the situation where I'm talking to another man.
  • Hurray, BBF, you're back! Ach! Dinna be chatty with me when I pee, For some things require due solemnity! How can a man possibly concentrate While in his ear ye clatter and prate!
  • 75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious. SO FUCKING TRUE!
  • Semi-related note. I love the article on this site about "Smelling of Alchohol in the morning." I just read a column (don't remember her name, it's Dear Abby's replacement) which regarded the same thing. Her advice (to the offender's employer), was that they should confront the drunkard, get him help, or fire him. This site recommends you wear a strong cologne, drink lots of tomato juice, and stick to vodka. What a world! (Seriously, the list was funny as shit tho')
  • Can you really be "prudent" when talking about boozing it up?
  • This one time, in Prague- An all you can eat, all you can drink bonanza for the Polyglot teachers at a run down pub on the edge of town- In the bathroom I'm peeing and one of the regulars stumbles in and uses the urinal next to me. He starts talking, in Czech of course. Sad to say, I don't get a word of his Casual Drunken Czech but hey, were both drunk I figure, and no good will come of being less than sociable, so I talk back, in English, which he doesn't understand a word of. And we talk, casually, happily, neither terribly concerned with what the other is saying, then a cordial Na Shledano and out the door I go. Best- conversation- I- ever- had.
  • Ah, you caught my little joke there, f8xmulder. Nickdanger- yes, it's wonderful how alcohol greases the wheel of international relations. I know the only time I ever came close to having a conversation with a Japanese person in Japanese was when I was deliriously drunk. Alcohol not only makes karaoke bearable, it makes it wonderful. "Alcohol- the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."