October 20, 2004

• I love Jack Chick in the way that I love the Old Testament God, which is to say I'm scared shitless of him. The Halloween tracts are great (there are at least 2 or three), and if you can find "Dark Dungeons," you'll be in AD&D heaven. True story. Actually received a "Dark Dungeons" tract from a chick in junior high school who found out I was into role playing. Wish I'd had the good sense to keep it. I had a friend who thought the Jack Chick site had to be some kind of elaborate parody. I'd like to get JTC and TimeCube guy in a room.
• Jee-bus! That be one narrow, scary doorway.
• Boo! Another Halloween Tract. I can't count the times we finished off a great Halloween party with a game of bobbing for apples and then sacrificing a cat to Satan. You know, just for kicks.
• Get Ted Jesus Christ God to referee, and you've got yourself a cage match.
• Run! 'Tis the Devil himself!
• Dark Dungeons. Feast your eyes on the majesty of Chick. I could link to Chick Tracts all day, but I'll stop there. I do suggest looking at his library of "Why Catholics/Muslims/Mormons/Jehovah's Witnesses/Other Denominations Are Servants of Satan" tracts though. Very informative and eye-opening. And for sheer comedy gold, you can't beat the evolution tracts. Okay, seriously, I'm stopping...
• Okay, I said I would stop...but God fucking damn. The Little Princess goes trick or treating while dying of terminal cancer or some such, and is saved by a Chick tract thrown in her pumpkin. Jack calls it "An emotional story with a happy ending." Apart from the dying, you know.
• How could I have been so wrong all these years?!! Thank you chick!
• Here's an open invitation, to any deity, that can give me magical powers. If you're an all-powerful, or even sorta-powerful, being, and you'd like to give me magical powers, please do so.
• And when you're done with the real Jack T. Chick site.....
• In "The Little Princess", God must be killing Heidi to punish her parents for being weak-minded enough to accept any bullshit somebody puts in their daugter's pumpkin. I get it. Jack Chick is trying to teach us not to believe Jack Chick's nonsense. How deep. Can you even fathom dedicating your life to a religion you stumbled across? What's the logic there? "Hey, I haven't heard anything better today, so this must be true." So anyway... I just moved to LA, and I'm not sure where to find a cat for my Halloween sacrifice. I haven't really made any new friends yet, so a human sacrifice is out. Maybe I'll just go to church instead.
• This one is good. Shame it's called a parody.
• What if life were that easy? What if I could do whatever the fuck I wanted whenever the fuck I wanted, and all I had to do was accept Jesus at the end of the day and I could go to heaven? That would fucking rock! I want this guy's god, and I want him now.
• Halloween started in the British Isles with the Druids. Those guys were really spooky. October 31st was a night of terror called "Samhain". That night, the Druids went house to house, taking victims for human sacrafice. In exchange for the victim, they left a Jack-O-Lantern, which was supposed to protect the house from death demons that night. Hey - he's not just a great artist, he's one of the world's leading experts on Iron Age Gaelic/Celtic culture!
• What if I could do whatever the fuck I wanted ... and all I had to do was accept Jesus at the end of the day and I could go to heaven? His God has no "NOs". How can he tell? Parable!
• In "The Little Princess", God must be killing Heidi to punish her parents for being weak-minded enough to accept any bullshit somebody puts in their daugter's pumpkin. It's even better when university professors are converted from evolutionism to Creationism by one session with a bible-spouting student. Or when fundamentalist Muslims are converted by a tourist and his son. But my question is, Where's Rabbi Waxman?
• I credit Jack T. Chick with turning me off to xtianity forever when I was a teenager and some well-meaning adult gave me a few pamphlets. I still perk up when I see these tracts lying around left by hopeless cases in public places. They are always good for a belly laugh or two. Thanks, Jack!
• If you follow the Jack T Chick tracts and actually end up in hell, there's no recourse because he's "Jack T Chick LLC"!
• HAW HAW! ;)
• I can't count the times we finished off a great Halloween party with a game of bobbing for apples and then sacrificing a cat to Satan TP, I think we may be looking at a euphamism here. Every time you 'bob for apples' God kills a kitten. (Its Halloween, so He's wearing his Devil mask.)
• Don't you know there ain't no devil, that's just God when He's drunk... ...You got to tell me, brave Captain, why are the wicked so strong? How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves his porch light on?
• that's just God when He's drunk Well, that's true. After all, if God is omnipotent, omnicognizent, and omnipresent, then he would be the Devil too. He is all of us, since he encompasses the universe. And if He is Love, how can He hate? Jack Chick's stuff borders on self-parody oftentimes. It makes me feel rather dirty reading it.
• Jack Chick's stuff borders on self-parody oftentimes I think he needs to increase funding for border security. Because that border's lookin' mighty porous...
• It is indeed easy to ridicule Chick. At the same time I have been known to envy the certainity of his ilk. Intellectually and emotionally I find the idea of a omnipotent creator ludicris, but there are times it would be nice to have something outside myself to believe in. The problem is our social structures are breaking down, as our world becomes more wired the possibility of technological disaster looms, it is a gaurantee that within the near future terrorists will get ahold of nukes and use them, ecological disater is befalling us, by all accounts it looks like we are on the precipice of a new dark ages. There is nothing in which to believe. Even as I revile the religious I can envy them their crutch.
• Lisa