October 13, 2004

• I just moved to Christchurch (from LA..) The touristy shops here are full of - paua shells - jade carved tikis - plushy kiwis - magic honey - woolen products of every imaginable kind - various other sheep byproducts. - plushy sheep So anything _not_ in that list may do :) There are 3 sheep per capita. And kiwis (the birds) are becoming extinct (apparently).
• Not in or from NZ, but maybe some All Blacks gear (if they are a sportsfan)? Just as iconic as the kiwi or the sheep.
• Get him some rain on his wedding day - or a free ride when he's already paid.
• Oh, right - iconic. Shit.
• How about some NaCl - or some Ca3N2?
• Oh, right - iconic. Shit.
• An Australian flag. All the Kiwis I know make a habit of hating it passionately, so he might as well have one to practice with.
• How about one of these? Maybe a little heavy, but lasts for ages and cheers up the garden no end. Serve with rocket salad, a light balsamic dressing, and a pint of Onassis Old Paralyser Retsina 1973.
• That's easy. A selection of fine New Zealand 42 Below vodka. I myself can vouch for its' quality and potency. The Manuka Honey one is especially good neat, straight from the freezer. http://www.42below.co.nz/ Enjoy!
• ahem. 1 pair velcro gloves. 1 sheep. /token kiwi bash by aussie don't hit me!
• A right-handed fork? This non-swapping of the knife and fork while eating is ... well, it's un-Christian is what it is. A heathen practice. Ahem.
• Magic honey?
• a kiwi?
• Your friend would probably like something to remind them of their new nationality. So, even though sheep are everywhere, and kiwis are getting scarce, you might want to give them a tour of the country - even a virtual one. Or perhaps a trip to Fiorland. Or go the usual rout, sheepskin boots. Or some Maori carvings. Really, what makes a New Zealander a New Zealander? If you are really not that happy with your friend, invite them to see Maria full of grace at your local film theatre, and watch them weep.
• A hobbit.
• Honey is good. mmm... Veering dangerously off-topic, is it very hard to become a citizen in NZ? What's the labour market like right now? I seem to know several friends of friends are are flying off there.
• If I ever make it to NZ, I'm checking out the Zorb.
• A drop bear? Oh, wait...I think that might be an Oz thing. Never mind. A special discount on membership in monkeyfilter?
• Remind him of what he's left behind. Buy him a kilo of coke.
• Buzzy Bee! Buzzy Bee!
• Veering dangerously off-topic, is it very hard to become a citizen in NZ? There's a bit of info in this article.
• Perhaps a trip to see a kakapo?
• Court3nay, we could have a Christchurch mini-meetup. Maybe persuade rodgerd to wander on down; I owe him a birthday present. I'd suggest a good book on kiwi slang. A classic kiwiana-type book is called the "Half-pint(?) Quarter-Acre Pavlova Paradise" - written in the '50s or 60s by a politician and horrifyingly accurate. I'd dig my copy out and get his name but I don't know where it is. Or what about Michael King's new history of NZ? An introduction to rugby, including a ball and some rugby socks? All that tacky tourist stuff is crap quality and geared towards the Japanese tourists. But the possum-fur nipple warmers are cool. And a buzzy bee. And a large pack of spicy tomato Munchos - my personal addiction. And some chocolate chippies. And a roast lamb dinner on a hot summer Sunday evening. And some cheese Sizzlers. Maybe a bone carving, if you want to be all cultural and stuff. I guess what I'm saying is that a giant food parcel would be the way to go. And some introductory light reading. Right, stopping now. I've done a lot of these sorts of gifts.
• I'd get them a book outlining the rules of rugby/cricket.
• Michael King's history is goooooood. One could also get "How to watch a game of rugby", but given that it's written by Spiros Zavos, I don't think it's got any practical value.