of no fixed subtitle
October 13, 2004
Kiwious Jorge: what to get the new citizen?
Since there are so many Kiwi monkeys, I have a question for yez. A Colombian friend has finally been awarded permanent NZ residence. What iconic welcome present would you give him?
18 years ago
I just moved to Christchurch (from LA..) The touristy shops here are full of - paua shells - jade carved tikis - plushy kiwis - magic honey - woolen products of every imaginable kind - various other sheep byproducts. - plushy sheep So anything _not_ in that list may do :) There are 3 sheep per capita. And kiwis (the birds) are becoming extinct (apparently).
Not in or from NZ, but maybe some All Blacks gear (if they are a sportsfan)? Just as iconic as the kiwi or the sheep.
Get him some rain on his wedding day - or a free ride when he's already paid.
Oh, right - i
How about some NaCl - or some Ca3N2?
Oh, right - i
An Australian flag. All the Kiwis I know make a habit of hating it passionately, so he might as well have one to practice with.
How about one of
? Maybe a little heavy, but lasts for ages and cheers up the garden no end. Serve with rocket salad, a light balsamic dressing, and a pint of Onassis Old Paralyser Retsina 1973.
That's easy. A selection of fine New Zealand 42 Below vodka. I myself can vouch for its' quality and potency. The Manuka Honey one is especially good neat, straight from the freezer. http://www.42below.co.nz/ Enjoy!
ahem. 1 pair velcro gloves. 1 sheep. /token kiwi bash by aussie
don't hit me!
A right-handed fork? This non-swapping of the knife and fork while eating is ... well, it's un-Christian is what it is. A heathen practice. Ahem.
Your friend would probably like something to remind them of their new nationality. So, even though sheep are everywhere, and kiwis are getting scarce, you might want to give them a tour of the country - even a
. Or perhaps a trip to
. Or go the usual rout,
boots. Or some
. Really, what makes a New Zealander a New Zealander? If you are really not that happy with your friend, invite them to see
Maria full of grace
at your local film theatre, and watch them weep.
Honey is good. mmm...
Veering dangerously off-topic, is it very hard to become a citizen in NZ? What's the labour market like right now? I seem to know several friends of friends are are flying off there.
If I ever make it to NZ, I'm checking out the
A drop bear? Oh, wait...I think that might be an Oz thing. Never mind. A special discount on membership in monkeyfilter?
Remind him of what he's left behind. Buy him a kilo of coke.
Buzzy Bee! Buzzy Bee!
Veering dangerously off-topic, is it very hard to become a citizen in NZ?
There's a bit of info in
Perhaps a trip to see a
Court3nay, we could have a Christchurch mini-meetup. Maybe persuade rodgerd to wander on down; I owe him a birthday present. I'd suggest a good book on kiwi slang. A classic kiwiana-type book is called the "Half-pint(?) Quarter-Acre Pavlova Paradise" - written in the '50s or 60s by a politician and horrifyingly accurate. I'd dig my copy out and get his name but I don't know where it is. Or what about Michael King's new history of NZ? An introduction to rugby, including a ball and some rugby socks? All that tacky tourist stuff is crap quality and geared towards the Japanese tourists. But the possum-fur nipple warmers are cool. And a buzzy bee. And a large pack of spicy tomato Munchos - my personal addiction. And some chocolate chippies. And a roast lamb dinner on a hot summer Sunday evening. And some cheese Sizzlers. Maybe a bone carving, if you want to be all cultural and stuff. I guess what I'm saying is that a giant food parcel would be the way to go. And some introductory light reading. Right, stopping now. I've done a lot of these sorts of gifts.
I'd get them a book outlining the rules of rugby/cricket.
Michael King's history is goooooood. One could also get "How to watch a game of rugby", but given that it's written by Spiros Zavos, I don't think it's got any practical value.