September 05, 2004

An online reprint of "How To Attain The Ideal Sex Life", circa 1940
"I must at the outset ask the reader's indulgence when discussing the intimate details of any one of the functions, which, if we employ the comparative method, are highly important on account of their analogy with the other functions, but in themselves are not very savoury"
posted by forksclovetofu 20 years ago
  • the erection produced so soon after birth in all boys, and the permanent uncovering of the glans, whereby it is to a far greater extent exposed to touch, friction, and stimulus, together with a frugal and domesticated life, must have contributed very largely to the great increase and wide distribution of the Jews. Truly one of the most brilliant scientists of our day, to make a connection between circumcision and population expansion in those pesky Jews.
  • For the act of copulation, a partner is, however, necessary. We have here the curious phenomenon that two individuals are required for the natural performance of a physiological need. It is fortunate that, for other physiological functions, such as digestion and respiration, a partner is not required. But, digesting by yourself is just meaningless masturbation. Digestion is best when done with someone you love and share a spiritual bond with. Sure, some people believe that you can digest with just about anyone, that the physical act of digestion is just as important as the spiritual, even going so far as to pick up professional gastros at the street corner when they feel a pang of hunger, but these people lead a corrupt and empty life. They will never know true digestive pleasure.