August 30, 2004

• Electric Ostrich Jockeys would make a good name for.... something.
• Check out the one-egg omelette. Serves 15.
• Or one person with a suicidal impulse towards cholestrol poisoning. mmmm...yolk.... /Homer Simpson
• Just go away. No, I don't want to be ridden today Or do as I'm bidden. Or cooperate in any way. What do I mean? Gentlemen, I intend to have my way. I'm an ostrich not a horse! I'm not a beast of burden And if you come one step closer you'll be hurtin', Things will go from very bad to worse -- I guarantee you'll get a kick out of me!
• Ostriches are mean sonsabiches. Riding them? Nuts. Shooting them? Not as nuts. Taken singly, their bites are not unwithstandable, sorta like getting your hand closed in a large book at medium force. It's when the bastards get together, bite and kick you until you are knocked to the ground and then stomp the shit out of you, that they become really dangerous. And they move fast, upwards of 30 mph, and weigh, well, more than you do by a good stretch. They think nothing of getting up a good head of steam and ramming you into a fence or whatever. Also, I find their meat, which is purported to be so much like beef but without the fat, strangely textured. And bland. You have to marinate the shit out of it, like venison, or it'll toughten up on you AND you have to season it to death for it to have even a modest flavor. Bleh and pfui.
• leave the ostriches alone
• Seems a bad idea to mess with such a creature. It's only fun until someone gets their ass kicked, ostrich stylee!
• Also: three (empty) ostrich eggs in a bowl by the door of one's house are considered good luck, but this may just be an Arizona thing. how does Fes know all this ostrich crap? His wife's cousin has an ostrich farm in Phoenix.
• My mom's cousin raised ostriches. I concur that they are mean. They could only put one male in a pen or they would try to kill each other. Plus they are dumb. But one of them was trying to woo my mom's cousin with a mating dance that was really funny. The baby ones are cute and their baby feathers feel like porkipine quills.
• If I ever get some kind of debilitating terminal illness, I think I will choose suicide. And my method? Get kicked in the head by an ostrich. That would be so awesome. People will say, "Dude, he could have let himself die of bone spongiform ensefalacocous, instead he let himself get kicked in the head by an ostrich! That's hardcore! His head flew, like, 60 feet!" Until then, I'm staying away from the ostriches.
• From the link and re. the last section of the video: "If ostriches get confused or upset they start to spin around..." :-(
• (That's bovine spongiform encephalopathy - yeah, I totally had to look that up - thank god for electronic OED. But I can say it 10 times fast. For some sick reason, after attending a lecture on prion borne diseases a few years back, a friend and I decided that was just a really fun phrase to say over and over and over...)
• "If ostriches get confused or upset they start to spin around..." Folks, we just found our renewable energy source.
• I tend to do the same thing, especially in bank lineups.
• Ostrich riding
• O pretty ostrich, won't you come out and play? My limp has gone away My cast comes off today Sweet charming ostrich don't kick me any more because I'm packing a 44
• across the sands the ostritch skims running on two well-muscled limbs how does it find a bite to eat while racing through the tropic heat?
• The ostrich lays gigantic eggs and sweeps about on two long legs -- he has scant time for politics he pecks not but delivers kicks to posturers with actor's tricks.
• I do not want to ride herd on this bird! I know he's hatching as we chase a way of catching bits of me and strewing them about the place.