August 26, 2004

• I was disappointed to learn that my own misconception about sex is also the most common - something to do with babies being pooped out... anyway I don't want to get into the details. Savage is very entertaining, I look fwd to his column every week.
• I thought, when I was about nine, that you only had to touch appropriate bits together and that was sex. The appeal of that was lost on me when I spent a few nights at a neighbour's house (my mother was in hospital popping out a baby) sharing a room with a ten-year-old boy who seemed to think the same.
• My friend once told me that a blow job was where a girl would get on her knees and position her mouth about a tongue's length (yes, he did use that term) away from the head of the penis--and then blow. Another friend once said that sex was where two people roll around naked together in bed.
• when I was fairly little my parents had this hippie-type sex book laying around. Never really talked to us about it, just left it around. Anyway it explained all the biology of sperm fertilizing the egg, etc, but never went into any detail of how it got there. It just had a picture of two people in bed. So I assumed "sleeping together" meant literally that, and that by just laying there all night the sperm somehow found its way to its destination....
• sex was where two people roll around naked together in bed (O_o) Oh... so... you mean there's more to it? Crap... all those wasted years... I knew I was doing something wrong... And btw... an incredibly young, stupid Flagpole used to boast knowing all about the kid baking on mom's belly and coming out some months later; but the actual preparation of the recipe was a murky mistery. My first theory was that kissing somehow motivated the baby to grow. Nothing but kissing. Which explains my terror for a week or so after getting kissed by a cousin during a sneaky game of hide & seek. I kept asking her if she didn't felt her belly growing or something...
• Well, this is what this couple thought. Shamelessly stolen from Nostrildamus' May 20th post. At least you guys had the excuse of being young. :)
• Snopes.com is less than convinced about that story, Darshon...
• Early on, me and some friends had the belief that your cock got bigger the more you did it...... Hey, it worked for me! ;)
• I used to believe/sex
• Some kid in my kindergarten class went through our classroom library and wrote "FUCK" at least once in every book (I'm not sure they ever found the culprit). Some grown-up told us "fuck" was the worst thing you could say; we decided that must be "I hate God." Someone added that their mommy said raising your middle finger meant that too. I vividly recall marching through the playground with about ten other kids, pointing our middle fingers downward and chanting "I hate the Devil!" I also remember thinking sex was the name of a surgical procedure that made babies.
• I was pretty confident that once a year or so, a seed (perhaps rather like a sunflower seed) came out of the father's penis, and he planted it in the mother. Didn't really consider just where..
• When I was a kid my parents would go "have a rest" in the middle of the afternoon every so often. They were so happy announcing it. I always thought that was odd. When I was about 26 my sister explained it to me. :-)
• jerry! you grew up in a happy household. lucky you! actually that's quite a sweet memory.
• My grandparents' story was exactly like that German couple, only it happened 75 years ago. They were raised in very repressive religious homes and honestly did not know how babies were made. They thought being married would somehow naturally produce kids, but after three years of childless marriage they got worried and went to the doctor. He gave them a book on sex. My grandmother told my mom the story many years later, and said she was still terribly embarrassed to remember it.
• This is bad, but it was meant in all innocence at the time. Having almost no context from other people, learning bare essentials from health books, I figured that sex was a skill you had to learn, like riding a bike, so naturally your parents or teachers would teach you how to do it right. Errr. No. Obviously when I learned what it was, I realized that it's not exactly like riding a bike.
• Well, you know, girls can break their hymen by riding a bike...
• it's not exactly like riding a bike Mmhhh... how can I put this... in my case, that analogy would be fitting. The fear, the awkwardness, the stumbling, the embarassment over judgement passed by others involved... all but the bloody knees, and it would have been the same as my first bycicle ride/crash. I think I should shut my mouth now.
• babywannasofa, that story is wonderful. Thanks.
• Flagpole, you forgot the honky-horn noises and the streamers on the handlebars. Not to mention the big banana-seat and cutting your calf on the chain.
• You also forgot about the momentary sensation of euphoric freefall, the dull sickening thud as you returned to earth, and the sudden realization that you just made an awful mistake. And the scarring -- you forgot about the scarring!
• ...aaaaaaand I just ruined my keyboard.
• I don't know exactly where I got this idea from, but when I was very young I was convinced that women could inflate their breasts like balloons. Of course, now that I'm older, I know that this is in fact true.
• My parents relied heavily on books, both sex-ed and my father's playboy, so I knew about the seed theory, and had fantasies of my naked teacher in first grade. However, at about 11, I kept wondering how to properly align the bodies to insert penis into vagina. The missionary position seemed a very difficult exercise in mechanics: if you are parallel to each other, how does this work? Didn't make sense at the time.