August 03, 2004

• he was trying to pull off language's hat. stupid parental figure - how many kid-gets-hurt stories include the infamous "the next thing I know, . . "
• yet another reason not to have children.
• hear hear SideDish!! so many people want to have those little critters but do they keep an eye on them in the monkey-containing food store??? nnnnoooooooooo!
• i'm just sayin'...
• Solomon says: cage the monkey. AND the child, too. That should teach 'em both to behave in public, little rascals... And if Grandma so much as raises a brow, cage her, too. Why, in my time, kids knew to leave monkeys alone, and their elders enforced it...
• Has anyone considered that maybe the monkey started it?? *crickets* Well, alright then, but any monkey that bites my kid gets its head twisted off.
• the kid? Dude, that's harsh.
• For as it is written in the Book of Simia: "Bite thee not the human babies, lest thy head be twist'd off by their rath'r irascible forebears."
• Maybe the lesson is: Everyone, Mind Yer Critters. But I have to think that a trained helper monkey would have been through enough "don't bite the children" training that this kid must have crossed the line. The grandmother is totally unbelieveable.
• jena knows better.
• Ok, so I bit the kid, sue me.
• Sue? Nay! Let the head-twistin' BEGIN!
• Bah, I'll bite their damn forebears too. You want your yardape untouched? Keep his ass close. =P
• You bite my forebear, you die. Wait, we're talking about wangs, right?
• The kid was lucky he wasn't in Honk Kong.
• *searches internal joke Rolodex for reference to "Honk Kong"...mebbe a 50-foot caucasian ape?*
• great, i go in to get an ice cream cone and this thread goes right by me . . .
• Pray. For. Mojo.
• Mojo Jojo?
• No. This Mojo.
• Bite me.
• You know you want to.
• I'm with pete_best in the training issue. Kid probably deserved all he got and more.
• And if Grandma so much as raises a brow, cage her, too. Flagpole, I'm gonna give you the back of my hand, young man. GramMa sez: There is a natural order to things. Kid teases dog, cat or monkey; animal growls or moves away. GramMa warns animal, scolds kid. Kid persists; animal scratches or nips. GramMa first smacks dog, cat, or monkey, then backhands kid. Everybody learns that this behavior is NOT acceptable in my house. I've got very tolerant critters, as well as well behaved grandyoung'uns--ages 1-7. That broad in the story ought to lose her grandmother badge.
• I am here! Thanks for the prayers! ... oh, wait, the OTHER Mojo gets prayers? um, so what do I get? *waits expectantly, clapping hands in anticipation*
• one banana parfait comin' right up!
• Monkey bites? or monkey bites? Anyway, how to treat them is online.
• Uh oh, isn't that how Dead Alive (or Braindead, depending where you're from) started?
• Thanks, Pete_!
• The "disabled" Brooklyn man whose monkey has bitten two kids says he needs his attack macaque to help him cook, open drawers and comb his hair — but here's the ex-con doing construction and even shoveling snow without any help whatsoever.
• *does the funky homunculus*
• "Attack macaque"? "Damning photographs"? Holy fucking yellow yournalism. Founded in 1801 by Alexander Hamilton. That's 203 years continuous of fucked up news. /PE
• i forget who owns the NY Post . . shoot i should know that