July 29, 2004

Urban Asshole Notification Cards
posted by tracicle 20 years ago
  • No longer will I need to resort to "the finger"! I hope you can see this because I'm doing it as hard as I can.
  • Another way to make money out of human suffereing. Just write a note telling them they are an asshole. Frankly I would take a hand written note far more seriously than a pre-printed anti-hallmark card.
  • Ha ha. I actually left a note on a car the other night as the alarm kept going off... and off... and off, seemingly every time a mosquito landed on it or a baby sneezed a block away. I figured a note was better than keying the car. Where I live these might come in handy.
  • I normally love Glark's ideas, from TWoP to her zombie: Eat Flesh t-shirts (and now her "Touch My Monkey" shirts), but I gotta go with Squiddy on this one. I'd much rather write out what an ass someone was. My personal invective is so much more cutting than the stuff you'd find in a card.
  • Ten cards for $7.50? Gimme a break.. I can print my own for much less than that.. Love the ATHF quote, Arm.. ("We smoke as we shoot the bird!")
  • "Using an ATM for 18 consecutive transactions when people are waiting" Most of the examples are pretty good, but the one above I don't really consider appropriate. Where I live banks actively discourage customers from coming to the teller. If I'm being practically forced to use the ATM for everything, as are all the other bank customers, I don't see how doing so makes me an *!&#@. Just a small comment.
  • FYI, Glark is a guy. I don't buy a lot of stuff online, but I do plunk down change at Glarkware every now and then. The (sadly discontinued) zombie: Eat Flesh shirt is my favorite design. I get a lot of comments/questions whenever I wear it. They hadn't come up with the urban asshole notification cards last time I ordered, but I did grab a bunch of Movie Manners Coutesy Cards, which are worth it for the novelty value alone. If anyone plans to buy anything, I suggest you sign up for the mailing list and wait until they run another special (none right now, otherwise I'd give out the code). You can usually save at least 15% off any non-TWoP order.
  • Would be funnier if the last option was "Handing out asshole cards to strangers."
  • Metafilter: Handing out asshole cards to starangers. ;-)
  • Using Barnes & Noble as den I had to snicker at that one, as this is the first time I've heard that one outside my own brain. I've always been somewhat annoyed at being unable to sit down and flip through a book before buying, due to people who asses are parked for hours in all the chairs reading novels in their entirety. I've never really complained about it though as I can tolerate sitting on the floor for a few minutes.
  • Ten cards for $7.50? Gimme a break.. I can print my own for much less than that.. Hell, for pennies more you can get a letter Direct from God !
  • Goddamn, something is very wrong with me. I read "Hell, for pennies" as "Hall of penises."
  • Yes, I left a sizable endowment with that Hall.
  • Ha ha. I actually left a note on a car the other night as the alarm kept going off... and off... and off, seemingly every time a mosquito landed on it or a baby sneezed a block away. I figured a note was better than keying the car. Where I live these might come in handy. Stand next to the car and shout "Nobody cares about me! WOOP WOOP! I might be driven off by thieves, but my owner doesn't give a rat's ass about me! WOOP WOOP! Someone may run off with my aftermarket spoiler and halogen lights! WOOP WOOP! So what? The ignorant fuckstick who bought me doesn't care! BE-OOH BE-OOH"
  • I always thought that most people who bought the cards wouldn't actually use them (like the Movie Manners ones) -- funny, show your friends, they lay around in a junk drawer for years. Like expensive "witty" post-it note pads. Personally I glare at the back of peoples' heads ferociously until by sheer dint of will they leave (they may be done with their Let's Annoy People Today! errands, but that's just coincidence) Also: I have Glarkware's My Girlfriend Can Totally Beat Up Your Girlfriend.
  • What a marvelous idea!!! perhaps adding a timed stink-bomb, or a little electrical generator, or some type of self-combustion coating would make it even more interesting. *runs to make his own cards*
  • I got my mom Glarkware's World's Best Grandma for Mother's Day. I know it was intended to be very hipster and ironic, but she is, literally, the World's Best Grandma and still more than hawt enough to rock a tiny pink girlie shirt. Directly on topic: bitching about someone "bringing sixteen items to the fifteen-item express lane" makes you sound way snotty asshole yourself. Compared to the other stuff on that list, it's pretty fucking trivial. Get over it and save your vitriol for the crap that really counts.
  • Bringing thirty-two items to the fifteen-item express lane, now that's a different story. Have to admit, occasionally when I shop, I'm not sure if my basket has fifteen, or sixteen items. And I look real silly standing in the corner, frantically counting and wondering if two bars of chocolate count as one or two items. *sigh*
  • Dang you, Jerry Garcia, you beat me to one of the best taglines!