July 28, 2004

• My money is on Lenny as well.
• My official guess is Troy Mclure (you may remember me from such educational films as...) don't forget all you heard it here!
• Troy? Nah, he's got... deeper problems... Smithers? Well, Duh! That's not news for anybody, is it? It's got to be Selma. Remember that visit to Maison Derriere?
• way too obvious... if they are announcing it in advance, then it's probably someone unexpected, like Otto or Comic Book Store Guy, or maybe even Neddilie Flandiddleyanders... we already know Smithers deeply desires Mr. Burns' withered flesh and that Lenny and Carl have unresolved issues.
• My official guess is Troy Mclure (you may remember me from such educational films as...) Gay marriage with a dead person? That would be quite a trick, unless they can regenerate Phil Hartman's voice through the magic of computers. Otherwise, I'd have to guess Lenny or Selma. if it were Ned Flanders, now that would be newsworthy.
• Doctor Nick: "Hi, everybody! I'm gay!" Everybody: "Hi, gay Dr. Nick!" OR Sideshow Bob!
• Duff Man gives new meaning to "Can't get enough of that wonderful Duff."
• Skinner. Obvious, in hindsight.
• They've already made gay innuendos about Smithers, Selma, Carl and Lenny. If they add another to the gay list, it'll be like Will & Grace. That would suck. Unless it's Hans Moleman.
• Duh. Krusty the clown. Obvious.
• Two words, people: Disco Stu
• 2/1 Skinner. So much repression in one man. 11/4 Kang and/or Kodos. 3/1 Rev Lovejoy. The name was always the hint. The name, and the hair. 7/2 Blinky the three-eyed fish. With hinsight, obvious. 10/1 Abe. Ah, why not? 12/1 Matt Groening 16/1 Maggie. Check it out, when she gets scanned at the supermarket in the title sequence, it totally says "LEZB1AN". 25/1 The Hounds.
• Krusty's already a "minority" character, being, I think, the only Jewish character. Lenny and Carl are so generic, although I did just watch the "Listen Lady" episode the other night (nightly reruns here at the moment) and Lenny was wondering how to tell Carl that the wife he'd told Carl about was fictitious. I reckon since Smithers is essentially out of the closet anyway it'll be a woman. I'm thinking Edna Krabapple.
• It's not Atrios, is it?
• SNPP has the scoop:

  In case you didn't notice, Patty had always indeed leaned towards homosexuality at times. In this episode, Patty falls for a local female golf pro. Springfield legalizes gay marriage, and Homer becomes a minister by registering online. This may spell an outing for the love-stricken Patty. However, be on the lookout for a possible twist ending. This episode could be part of the FABF production line, or the next season's.

• Krusty.the.Clown. Bitches. hehe. Let's look at this logically. What has most comedic potential? Comedic potential only exists really for a few of the characters being gay. With Lovejoy it would be funny, but we get into a whole church/gay thing which could be preachy, plus he's married with a daughter. Krusty would be funny, too, & I can't think of overt heterosexuality displayed by him. Then again, this is 16 odd years of shows to sift.. Nelson (ha-ha) would also be funny, but it's not likely his sexuality would be discussed as he's a kid, ditto Jimbo, Dolph & Kearney (although Jimbo made out with Laura Powers). Abe has shown he's straight. Not only was he married to Homer's mother, but he wooed.. that one old bag. Too difficult to explain that. We know Kodos can't be because of that one halloween special where they became Clinton & Dole - & Kodos is female (apparently). Plus its rather unlikely these two figure in anything but a Treehouse of Horror episode. 'Long time character' would be the clue. Not all of these suggestions fit with that. Disco Stu hasn't been around all that long. Herbert Powell is also out, as he is a guest star voiced by DeVito - Sideshow Bob would also require Kelsey Grammer.. Burns has either been married or attempted to get married, plus had an illegitimate son. Wiggum is married. Moe the bartender has dated a girl. Skinner has had an affair with Miss Crabapple (early on). Flanders *might* be (his wife & kids notwithstanding since he could be playing straight by force of belief) but that doesn't seem to make much sense in light of what we know about him. Apu is straight, we had an episode about his marriage. Selma married Sideshow Bob & also Troy McClure. Patty, however, has no interest in men, so she's a possible. I think Quimby is out, obviously. Dr Hibbert (heheheeheehaha) is also married. As far as my memory allows, other possibilities would be: Comic Book Guy, Prof. Frink, Eddie & Lou the cops, Bumblebee Man, Jasper the Old Guy, Moleman, Otto (or did he have a girlfriend?), Groundskeeper Willy, Barney, Cletus the SJY, Kent Brockman, Rainier Wolfcastle, Snake, Dr.Nick, Miss Hoover, Joey Jo-Jo Shabadoo Jr. and Stuart The Duck. Why *wouldn't* it be Smithers? We have had lots of clues that he is a girlie-man, but why wouldn't the producers finally bring him out of the closet?
• Bumblebee Man is married, I'm pretty sure. Cletus has a girlfriend, Brandine. And, FWIW, Ned Flanders confessed to Rev. Lovejoy that he had coveted his own wife.
• Otto had a girlfriend: Crystal. Of course, he could swing both ways... And let's quit beating around the bush re: Smithers--he is already "out there"--no mystery or hinting around about it.
• Kent Brockman.
• Bart
• nostril, dating and/or marrying someone of the opposite sex doesn't necessarily mean you're straight! i'm hoping it's marge's weird sisters. gay AND incestuous!
• Yeah, I know that, SideDish, which is why I noted the thing about Flanders. But in terms of writing for tv, and internal consistancy of a series, it pretty much does. Kent Brockman is an interesting possibility, and so is Groundskeeper Willy.
• I'm thinking it's got to be Smithers. I mean, even when it comes to a comedy, when was the last time anyone was shocked by someone coming out on television?
• Jimbo. I mean look at his hat... Though there was that time him and Bart's babysitter got it on. So maybe he's bi?
• My guesses are: 1. Barney 2. Carl 3. Kent Brockman 4. Prof. Frink 5. Miss Hoover It won't be Smithers, that would be anticlimactic. It won't be Patty, she's more of a celibate, it's really not in character. I think that's a red herring. Groundskeeper Willy was in love with Sherry Bobbins, Comic Book Guy was downloading pictures of naked Captain Janeway, Dr. Nick was picking up girls at a party in a flashback, Snake's girlfriend was Shoshauna in one ep., so they're out. It won't be a major character, like Bart, Homer or Maggie. It can't be Troy McClure, because they haven't used that character since Phil Hartman died, and he already had that marine mammal fixation anyway. It probably won't be anyone who's been married or dated someone of the opposite sex, as that would be too complicated. On the other hand, the way the writers and producers have murdered the series in the last 5 years or so, it could be just about anyone.
• Hmmm...
• Are the writers really going to do the obvious with Smithers? Can't imagine that they would. We've known for frigging eons about poor Waylon. Personally, I'm rooting for Moe, or (though it would never happen in a million billion years) Rod & Tod.
• No, the writers aren't going to do the obvious with Smithers. My reasoning is because, well, look at the "Who Shot Mr. Burns" episode--the shooter came right out of left field.
• milhouse is a little "light in the loafers."
• Well, Rod & Tod are... in Bart's Native Indian vision of the future, at least.
• you discount Disco Stu but count Joey Jo-Jo Shabadoo Jr? My *god*, man. "Discus Stu Was talking to you" Also, Comic Book Guy dated Agnes, Skinner's mom. Ouijar board says "MIL ROUSE", so I guess even the spirits don't know.
• Milhouse is observed with a huge amount of homosexual tendencies according to a season (3?) episode, but he's a kid. fvw has sprung that it's patty, which would put the episode where Skinner proposes in a new light, although it'd be kind of boring. Barney is out based on the alcoholic/off-the-wagon theme they have going on him (i.e. his character is 'taken') Krusty? pffft - gedouttaheeeah. Sideshow Bob? Yes but Homer wouldn't marry him to anyone. Sideshow Mel? Disco Stu? - no, too minor and not long-running enough Otto's girlfriend married his brother - and now he's sleepin' on their couch! Skinner and Krabappel are in love - no way. Smithers? Sheesh if he were any *more* out of the closet he'd be out the window. I'd have to say the logical choice is Patty, although that's no great shakes - "There goes my last remaining hint of heterosexuality" (on seeing Homer naked) was a long time ago.
• Selma has been married twice, possibly 3 times. Moe has dated a few women and Krusty fathered a daughter after a fling in the Gulf War. Not proof that they're straight, but...Patty makes the most sense to me.
• Maybe it's Captain McAllister.
• I root for the Rev. because it opens the most interesting story possibilities while at the same time shaking the tree of middle-america in a huge, publicity-generating way. Just think! Gay rights; the church abuse scandal; and gay marriage - they could do a WHOLE SEASON.
• Not to mention the fabulous new wardrobe options Ned would have! Oooh, how about a great Simpsons episode with the "Queer Eye/Straight Guy" crew!