July 22, 2004

Human Timeline Do you know when humans first migrated from Africa? When did humans first plant seeds? When did the Neanderthals die out? A handy guide.

Not that we aren't still monkeys. Just sayin'.

posted by pete_best 20 years ago
  • 12,000(?) BCE: Barbara Bach models a fur bikini.
  • 15,000 BCE: A caveman invents porn.
  • 50,000 BCE: Humans, running from drought have left Africa on first reading i thought that was, "Humans, running from doughnuts..."
  • When the aliens return and reveal the real truth about human history you are all going to feel stupid for beleiving this mumbo-jumbo!
  • we returned already - about 60,000 years ago.
  • Bah. Upstarts. Late-bloomers. A honeybee timeline would start around 40 million years ago.
  • bees, that's wild! i like what the queen does: functions - kill sisters and mother
  • Queens can be monstrous -- but there, that's royalty for ye.
  • I don't think this timeline is accurate.
  • When I read sentences like Neanderthal's have become or are becoming extinct.
  • Either of you care to explain?
  • No one knows what happened to Neandertals, whether they bred out (ask anthropologist Milford Walpoff about that one) or were killed somehow. They just disappear from the skeletal record at a point in time. Not to mention the misplaced apostrophe, and dated spelling of "Neandertal". /pedant
  • Neandertals didn't go anywhere. Don't you people watch football, hockey, or rugby on tv?
  • What tracicle said. And the earliest date for Cromagnon appearance has been pushed back rather a lot recently, and there is still mucho argumento about all of that stuff.
  • Not to mention glossing over how it was that the Australian aborigines managed to even reach the continent. My current understanding is that they would have had to sail over open ocean _and_ be out of sight of land at some point while they did it. And they managed that sometime around ~40000 BCE.
  • The misplaced apostrophe I'll give you...it's an annoying but common error. The Neandertal/Neanderthal spelling, however, is not an error. Both spellings are commonly used and are equally accepted, even among paleontologists. (The species name is still homo neanderthalensis, after all) And sure, much of this stuff is in dispute, and will never be difinitively known, but I think it's still a great resource and an interesting find. Thanks pete!
  • make that definitively.
  • This is interesting. Difficult to sum up thousands of years in a few words, and some of the entries are a bit gnomic. The empire of Sargon's grandson, Naramsim, is overrun by migrating Gutiens. Migrants in magnificent little boats reach Micronesia Who or what were Gutiens? What was magnificent about the boats and who were the migrants? (The Gutiens, still restlessly overrunning yet more lands, long after their imbroglio with Naramsim?) I don't know, but I shall have hours of innocent fun trying to find out.
  • Swine, bow your head to the ground and hail Sargon of Akkad, destroyer of Lugalzaggesi, sacker of Kish, grandfather of the god Naramsin - he who is depicted with a horned crown! Great Naramsin waged war upon those not classed among people, nor reckoned as part of the land of Gutian - those cursed ones with human instinct but canine intelligence and monkey's features. ONE DAY HE WILL RETURN AND FEAST UPON THE ENTRAILS OF HIS ENEMIES!
  • who left the door open?
  • Plegmund did you find anything? An "English only" search for Gutiens brought only this timeline link and a "Jews in the Spanish Civil War" link that I think kicked up because of the author's name. /me kicks Intarweb Be more useful! *kick*
  • Sorry for the delayed response, pete_best - I've not been allowed near a computer for the last three days. It turns out that: According to written Sumerian and Akkadian texts the Guti are: Not classed among people - not reckoned as part of the land - Gutian people who know no inhibitions. With human instinct but canine intelligence and monkey's features Mm. I know some people like that... Still not sure about the magnificent boats, but I was interested to discover that Thor Heyerdahl's theory about migration from America has been disproven by research based on the genetics of the rats (Rattus Exulans : don't know what they'd got to be exulans about) which the migrants (actually from the Lapita culture of Polynesia) apparently carried with them as live snacks. So, hours of fun indeed. Thanks again for the post.
  • Live snacks?! Ewwwww! Otherwise, thanks for the update :)
  • HA! And you thought I was making shit up about the Guti, eh pete_best? When Sargon of Akkad returns, I'm gonna make sure he hears all about YOU, my friend.