June 29, 2004

And you thought Apple was a bad name? Sure, lots of celebreties give their kids weird names, but so do regular folk. ESPN is taping a show about kids named after the network. According to ESPN spokesman Dave Nagle "...there's no better testament than when someone names their child after your product." According to this article from Psychology Today "kids named Espn tell of parents with a more general love of sports." According to me, they are retarded. No disrespect to retarded people intended.
posted by The Onanist 20 years ago
  • Weird stuff. Is the kid's name like E.S.P.N with just the letters? Or would the parent read it out like you often heard people who aren't sporty attempt to pronounce it like an actual word? So many questions....
  • ESPN8: The Ocho!
  • Best part of Dodgeball...
  • Better than calling your kid 'Drudge', I suppose.
  • Para Psychology Today: Extra Sensory Perceptive Naming
  • You sick fuck.
  • Turns out he is not the only child with the unique name. Then it's not a fucking unique name, is it?
  • middleclasstool wins!
  • 0tv had this nifty little game: a picture, with 5 possible names. Interesting to try to pin down why that person looked like a Sharon rather than a Christine. Alas, it isn't working at the moment, which I mention only because for once I had something relevant to add and I've been stymied by technology. And: I agree with the there-should-be-a-story thesis. I like that there is a reason why I have the name that I do, rather than just "We liked it" [may in part be related to the fact that I don't particularly like the reasonless name my father had picked out for me].
  • My idiot brother named his first born son Rantes after the main character in the Argentine film MAN FACING SOUTHEAST. I somehow feel responsible since I told my brother about the film which was what the American feature KPAX was based on. I have visited Argentina many times and have many Argentine friends. None have ever heard of "Rantes" as a first name. At least he didn't name the kid KPAX...
  • If I ever have any kids, I'm naming them THX1138. Yep, all of them.
  • If I have kids, I'm naming them dirigibleman. All of them. Regardless of gender.
  • luckily for the world and my children, I am never going to have any, cause I always thought it would be cool to have twin girls & name them Scylla & Charybdis...
  • I'm naming my first born Pootie Tang.
  • Names for twin girls: Polly and Esther. Now that's classy.
  • A girl I used to work with has a friend whose last name is Cracker. Her parents (I am not making this up) named her Saltina.
  • I long thought Sam & Ella would be great for fraternal twins, but then my father upped and named his cock & hen that (his CHICKENS). Far more appropriate really but I was midly disappointed.
  • I know a woman named Candy Caine. Her brothers are Raisin and Walken. Yes, it's true.
  • According to me, they are retarded. No disrespect to retarded people intended. posted by The Onanist at 07:10PM UTC
  • If I ever have indentical twin kids I'm gonna call them Winner and Loser to test if thier names have an effect on their life expectations.
  • Since this has moved into fantasyland, may I suggest the delights of the hyphenated-phrase name, perhaps using antiquated popular phrases --Not-On-Your-Bippy Smith, You-Said-A-Mouthful Jones, He-Who-Dies-With-the-Most-Toys-Wins Johnson, etc.
  • Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate -- yes!
  • My in-laws--let us call them Larry and Beth, called all seven of their boys, Luther, Bob, Lori, Bert, Link, Bill, Loren etc etc. LBLBLBLBL Some people. My aunt really wanted me to chose the middle name Sara when I was confirmed. Would have made my maiden name initials A.S.S. A Classic.
  • Twins: Rascible and Ritable, Spume and Spate, Jaunter and Jigger, Stint and Scant, Foible and Folly. ...Ah, the possibilities! Exorcising such deviant humour is why name name their pets so very amazingly, I suspect.
  • John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Hey! That's my name too!
  • What ever happened to naming your kids normal things like MOONUNIT?
  • "Rantes" sounds like the next internet superhero. "FEAR my INTIMIDATING USE OF CAPS! I am RANTES, the VERBOSE!" I'm sorry. But it does. This page is classic - it's probably been posted before, but what the hey, it's not a FPP.
  • More unbearable twins: Ewe and Yawl, Heave-ho and Hove-two, Wodehouse and Woodlouse, Rapparee and Wraparound, Dree and Dram, Ethelwis and Ethelwot, Stanhope and Wanhope, Wobbly and Wavering.
  • "We don't have viewers. We have fans," ESPN spokesman Dave Nagle said. "And I guess there's no better testament than when someone names their child after your product. It just shows the bond we have with people." If by "bond", he means, "market penetration"... ------------ Memo to you and your hormonally-imbalanced preggo wife: Your children are not property, they are HUMAN BEINGS, you fucking inbred dipshit simpletons! Save the stupid-ass cutesy names for your kitties and poodles and pokemons. Or, why not just skip all the ESPN/Canon/Armani bullshit and just name your kid, "Make Fun Of Me", "Kick My Ass", or "My Parents Have Room-Temperature IQs And All I Got Was This Stupid Name Which Contains A Reference To Pepsi Blue Soda Because My Parents Used To Enjoy Drinking It And I Guess It Must've Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time". And I'm very disappointed in Jason Lee. Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee? What?!