June 24, 2004

• (not on topic, I know, but I couldn't help myself: 'Until the End of the World' is probably my favourite film, evah!)
• Not to be one-dimensional... but I'd imagine there would be a lot of disaster sex (there was a lot of this after Sept. 11th in New York). I would probably get back together with the ex. But it would be an interesting dynamic, those last hours. Who you'd want to see, and how you'd ration your time... But yes, if it was today, most of those six hours would be with her.
• status on Until the End of the World DVD
• I would spend my last six hours being sucked off on mescaline by the Flying Nun while hanging from the top of the Empire State Building guzzling tequila.
• Actually, in all honesty, six hours isn't a long time so I imagine I would just make sure I was with my family.
• I'd start smoking again. Check my email, check *filter, come up for air to realize I'd just spent three of the last six hours reading flame wars about the best way to spend the last six hours of the earth. I'd feel some relief because all questions of War and Religion and Politics and the Environment and whether the Atkins diet is bad for you have become irrelevant. I would eat a pound of bacon. I'd take a last walk in the woods with the dogs,probably crying the whole time, then spend the last hour of my life on the phone with my ex, bickering. I would hope that this would be like "Groundhog Day" and be repeated until I could do all the other things it was possible for me to do. And then, like everyone else, like every animal, plant, virus, insect, every book, every hope and argument, all love and hate and humor, agonies and orgasms, music, sunburns and snowball fights, yea, even Turkmenbashi, I would die. Jeesus, I'm depressed. Can't we do the one about winning a million dollars instead?
• (somewhat off topic: surly, i have that soundtrack. kicks major music ass, i highly recommend it.) (back on topic) well, sounds like PatB has it all planned out! as for me, i'd get into bed with my sweetie and a gallon of chocolate ice cream and put our little sign on the door: NAKED WITH ICE CREAM. GO AWAY. actually, that's the second of that little sign, the first was stolen in scotland. anyhoo, in conclusion, six hours of love and chocolate ice cream and we'd die in each other's arms, blissfully happy.
• Does not compute.
• I think talking with friends about old times over many pints of Guinness.
• I can't believe I forgot chocolate ice cream! Thank you SideDish!
• The soundtrack does indeed rock. I've been listening to it for the last two days. For my part, since I posed the question, I'd try to spend it with the loved ones and a huge bottle of Grey Goose. The disaster and Haagen-Sezx would've been taken care of long before and I think I'd just mellow it all out, get drunk with the nearest and dearest and blast a little End of the World music. (Dancing With Tears In My Eyes comes to mind as one of the prime songs on that list.)
• Sex and food, duh! Since in six hours couldn't make it to my favorite snorkeling place, guess I'd have to settle for a hot tub, some Guiness (yeah, I'm cheap), and someone willing to participate. She better bring some japanese food, of course. But, after 5 hours, I'd get out, all crinkly and buzzing, and finally gather the ****s to try hangliding. The worst that could happen is I crash and die in pain. Otherwise, what a glorious last hour...
• I'd want to get together with my husband and our families and friends on a private beach on a beautiful warm evening for good Cuban food, mojitos and cigars. Then a band would appear out of nowhere, comprised all the best son montu
• Ok, let me throw in the added caveat that you've known this was gonna happen for a while and you could get to that special snorkeling place or that secret hideaway you always wanted to get to.
• Write an essay about who's best: the Four Tops or The Temptations.
• Oh, how amazingly depressing. Well, since sex and toasting old times aren't an option (both sound great): 1. Spend remaining money on food, assuming the economy hasn't broken down. If it has, smash windows and grab. Cook banquet. Serve in a park, with tablecloths over picnic tables, for whoever shows up. BYOB since I have no liquor sense. Could fit that all into six hours. Assuming I could decide what to serve. Tch, particulars. Or, 2. Wander down the street, look for unusually quiet houses, knock (assuming there's no ice-cream sign), and if I find any people who are alone, ask them about their lives.
• Guiness! How could I have forgot Guiness! And hang gliding! Look, this simply will not work, surlyboi. I'm going to need more than six hours. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is.
• I'd look into saving the world, and see how that works out.
• I'd help Mickey. Unless it seemed hopeless. Then I'm with SideDish. Well, not with HER, necessarily, but with my Gal, and ice cream. Except it'd be mint chocolate chip.
• Ooh, and at the very last hour or so, I'd want to steal a fast car (like a McLaren or something) and drive down the coast highway unreasonably fast. At the end of which, if I didn't fall off a cliff, more disaster sex!
• Sex and food, duh! In addition to the aformentioned (which is all I live for anyway) I'd have a hearty portion of long walks, substance abuse, and finding the ex. Maybe I'd call mom. It's like New Year's Eve with no new year.
• well I know this might sound cliched or obvious but gather all friends I can for big party: best possible food, drinks, intoxicants, conversations, sex (orgy hopefully, doesnt fear lower inhibitions?), hottub etc., btw, PatB this is virtually identical to what I would do if I won millions in the lottery, except the party could last longer than 6 hours!!!
• To: Matt Haughey From: Tom Phillips Subject: 6 hours left Dear Matt, Soon, the world will perish. In a conflagration of white-hot flame, hellish winds that tear the skin from your face, and rain that can melt metal, our civilization - and all its wondrous achivements - will vanish forever. The screams of the dying will echo through our once-gleaming metropolises; already, the insane and the despairing are roaming the streets, yelling incoherently and either killing or raping any living thing they encounter. We have lost. Hope is but a memory. Darkness beckons, and there can be no waking from the coming nightmare. So will you PLEASE re-open new user sign-ups already? I mean, jeebus. Regards, Tom (aka flashboy, MoFi)
• flashboy: BHWAAAA HA HA!
• If I had planning time beforehand, I'd probably throw a huge party and invite everyone I care about as well as random lonely people and anyone else who showed. In a big hotel by the beach, so people had a place to disappear to for disaster sex. I could have a little family time, sneak away for some lovin', and have a big 'ringing in the apocalypse' blow out. With no planning time I'd probably just gather the family and friends I have in town and cook an elaborate meal to share with them.
• download top 40. with the "block ip address" unchecked.
• Ooh. I like Cali's hotel idea. Add that to my End of the World scenario.
• everyone I care about as well as random lonely people and anyone else who showed a.k.a. all monkeys! (ducks in fear of thrown bananas)
• The Onanist: Actually, in all honesty, six hours isn't a long time Well, if you did take the mescaline, it wouldn't feel like only six hours.
• "Holy shit! The world's about to end? I wonder if there's a discussion on Monkeyfilter about this."
• Drugs, food, and family. But the family you actually like. Including friends that are family.
• well sail flashboy.
• flashboy *totally* wins. Hee!
• well said it should have said said I would learn how to spell on the fly, just because I can't do it right now.
• Monkeyfilter: Everyone I care about as well as random lonely people and anyone else who shows
• whoa, gyan's here! the world must indeed be ending!
• If there was a longer time frame, say a month, then a worldwide tour to visit some acquaintances would be in order. But first, trying to contact back... her. *sigh* If she came with me, that would be a happy end. And of course, a close family celebration. Wouldn't be too long, for who knows what their own plans would be like? But of course, at the end, that beach; the chair, the sun, the water. Naked like a monkey.
• Wow, some of these make me wanna plan the next Mofimeetup, y'all are some freaky simians. *dreams of disaster sex*
• Ha, this thread reminded me about that famous philanthropic
• Wasn't it also Steve Martin who said "Remember when the world ended last Tuesday but they didn't tell the stupid people?" OMG!!
• PatB, you'd think something like that people would remember, but nooooooo. C'mon, you don't remember when the Earth blew up? It was completely destroyed? And we escaped to this planet on the giant Space Ark?
• Well I....um....I...suuure I do! I was with...Morgan Fairchild....Yeah...
• I like all the fun and loving ideas here, but: Doom spells the lack of social restraint. Your hotel would be invaded by people trying to rape your sisters. The waitstaff there would have killed the boss and stuffed him in an industrial clothes dryer, then looted all the seafood in the hotel restaurant kitchen, and set out for Florida in your car, which they stole from the parking lot after pitching your Journey CDs into a ditch. Your mother would have already died of a heart attack. Her neighbors are already going through her things because they secretly don't believe the world is going to end, so they're hoarding. Really hoarding. Two of them have taken over a Walgreen's with only a pair of shotguns, and they intend to be rich sumbitches when the world doesn't end and they have such a deep supply of all those hard-to-find drugs. A high school football team started out by nobly directing traffic after the power went out because a church group committed mass suicide in Ohio by forming a hug circle around the biggest power transformer in 10 states, but then the football team caught sight of the cheerleaders dressed as boys, being snuck out of town by their worried parents, who were killed by the football players when they figured out why, exactly, the parents think their cheerleader daughters are in danger from football players like them. So good luck with all the fighting you'll be doing in your last six hours. I hope the ice cream freezer still works at the 7-11 after the neighborhood kids set it on fire. Oh yeah, and I hope the radiation sickness from the nuclear warheads doesn't set in until the 6:01 mark, at least, for those of you who live, because if we get six hours' notice of the end of the world, the first thirty minutes will be spent watching the pretty criss-cross of rocket exhaust trails in the sky.
• (me, I'd call up all the women I've ever loved and tell them I love them still)
• I'd painfully kill the local slum lord.
• Mo Nickels: That's terrifying. I have Journey CDs?
• *crosses Mo Nickels off disaster sex orgy guest list*
• Gosh, Mo, you can come with me and we'll sit up on the hill, drink cheap beer and be misanthropes together. *gazes admiringly at Mo Nickels*
• I'd give Mo a really big hug. Okay, all friends and family together. A case of the most expensive single-malt I can lay my hands on. I'd kidnap Wolfgang Puck and force him to cook for us all. Those who wish to pray may, the others can get drunk and laugh, cry, screw, whatever. We talk, we sing, we dance, we hold each other, we tell each other "I love you," even if we used to really hate the bastard. Then, when the zombies finally break through the front doors, we take as many of those flesh-eating bastards with us as we can.
• zombies? this involves zombies? oh my.
• And yes, I'd have my trusty assualt rifle closeby in case we had any belligerent party crashers. =)
• Well, no zombies unless you really need them to complete your end-of-the-world scenario. Zombies to me implies hope.
• Mmmhh... I was thinking more in the lines of house-sized meteorites, falling to the ground by the dozen. Zombies would do the job in six hours? And Mo: my thoughts exactly. But I didn't want to spoil the fantasy. And guess that's why if this ever happens, we'll get to know it by the fire in the sky, instead of some government warning. Easier to help the survivors than to control the rioters, I suppose.
• MonkeyFilter: Zombies to me implies hope
• I had a dream about this once. My boyfriend and girlfriend at the time were in it, too. We knew the world was going to end and it was going to be AWFUL, painful, bad. So they had set up these centers everywhere with a "last meal" - different in every city. The last meals were supposed to be fantastic, but there was a hitch - the desserts were poisoned with a fast-acting toxin so you wouldn't die in excruciating pain. We sat there, eating the dinner, nervously awaiting the dessert portion of the meal, talking about old times and laughing - but mostly out of nervousness. So was everyone else in the place. When they brought out the dessert trays, many many jokes about what an important decision it was were made - "what if it's awful and that's the LAST THING I EVER TASTE?" was the general gist. Everyone was terrified. Everyone was giggling like schoolgirls. A radio played jazz. And my girlfriend - who god knows was the bravest of us three, I think - took a bite of hers first. My boyfriend and I followed her lead...she slumped over suddenly and he and I were stroking her hair and telling her we loved her and she murmured she loved us, too. She died. And the radio stopped playing music. And it told us all the disaster had been averted. My boyfriend and I looked with horror at our girlfriend's body on the floor...then realized we, too, had eaten the dessert - partially. "Will the poison still be effective?" I asked him. "I only ate half of mine." We stared at the half empty plates. And then he doubled over. And so did I. And then I woke up. I do not like the end of the world.
• I'd curl up on the couch with my wife and our son who will be born in a few months.
• Six hours? Just long enough to watch "Until the End of the World". I'd do a little web research to make certain that it is totally inevitable and unsurvivable. And if it's not relatively sudden or painless, arrange to be unconscious when it happens. Then I'd try to spam every address on the Net with the words: "I TOLD YOU SO!" I might even try to contact several of my many past unrequitted loves/lusts without fear of rejection. And ice cream is definately on the priority list.
• Oh sheeez Blog...sorry if all this sex, food & zombies orgy upsetted you. I should have known where this mood curve would lead us. First we joke and fool around, then, as we actually consider this deeply and it sinks in...*sigh*
• no biggie. it did get me thinking. almost cried here in the cubicle. zombies? WHO THE HELL INVITED REAGAN?
• No, in my scenario the zombies aren't necessarily the cause of it (though they could be, I suppose), but are an effect of the fallout and chemical spillage -- the dead rise from the grave to feast on the brains of the living, that kind of thing. Geez, blog, sorry. I imagine contemplating such a thing would take a more serious turn if you have kids.
• We have lost. Hope is but a memory. Could someone wake me up when that football thread is over?
• Monkeyfilter: Who The Hell Invited Reagan?
• Ooh! Six hours is just enough time to watch the three first two Lord of the Rings movies on DVD!
• Mfpb: To do so may well bring about the end of the world. At least, it'd guarantee it'd be extremely protracted, po-faced and boring. ZING!
• everyone has so much they would be doing. i'd go down by the lake with my darlin' and my critters and wait, while i contemplated the beauty of life that has been and is still there....and watch it end. same thing i try to do regularly anyway, minus the incipient doom and destruction. i intend to go out peacefully.
• It's not the zombies so much as the mutant zombie dogs. I have no idea what I'd do. After reading The Stand one too many times, I'd probably go out and sit on a hill far from civilisation with my husband and son, and wait for the world to end. And I'd have a great view of Mo Nickels' carnage.
• "let him without banana fling the first poo" - don't want to be the party pooper, but... great food, fun sex, caring for the loved ones... Does it have to wait for a very hypothetical end of the world? World Orgy. Now.
• Does it have to wait for a very hypothetical end of the world? Yeah, 'cause essentially we're all just lazy, apathetic bastards.
• Run fast with scissors. Then find a lawn chair and the world's biggest bucket of iced tea and some sunglasses. But, you know, I like life on the edge like that. Plus, I don't have a girlfriend, so the sex thing is out.
• Mo's view is similar to mine. I would do anything to get the fuck away from civilization. I don't want to have a bunch of whining going on as my light goes out. I would probably also be very high.
• ZING! BLAISE! It stings! It BURNS! Sorry. I forgot to put a after the LotR comment. Although there are definitely worse things.
• I'm going to cover my head and yelp, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" I think I'll start right now.
• Id totally set some shit on fire.
• First I would visit the only girl I ever loved and give her one last kiss and tell her how much I still love her. Then I would pack my things and go to a small peak to see everything from the top again, sit calmly in an zen-like position and loose my mind thinking some deep shit. Then probably I would wander over a little, throw some rocks and try to know out some pineapples. I will make some rock piramids and just have some fun doing the things I liked to do alone as a child. Finally, in the last seconds I will cross one hand's fingers and, with the other hand, give the finger to the comet, aliens, missile, asteroid, God, or whatever is ending this world, and keep hope until I die.
• I'd hopefully do what I always do. The last 6 hours of the world is such an overrated concept. If you still need to do important things in those hours you should start doing them NOW. Because it might be that your last six hours have already started. And if not I'd probably cry. And go for a walk with the dogs and my friends if they are still available. But they are probably locked up naked in their rooms eating ice cream.
• I just don't know what I would do, probably one last goodbye and I love you to all my loved ones and then fire up the bike for one last ride.
• Start walking. Anywhere. Give cats a scratch behind the ears as I passed. Maybe eat a bannana. Then when the end comes (however that is), I'd stop, watch and enjoy the show. Hopefully it will involve stuff going KERBLAMMO!!
• I'd go on e-Bay because A) there'd be some great bargains, and B) nobody would bid against me because they'd be dead, and C) I would not be dead. I am going to die a couple of years after, during The Time Of The Giant Spiders.
• If there's a Time of the Giant Spiders, I hope I die long beforehand.
• What about the Time of Chimpanzees? (I was a monkey)
• /clears throat YOU MANIACS. YOU BLEW IT UP. DAMN YOU. GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!! *cough* mmhh... it's gonna be good to be a monkey, during the Time of 'Zees...
• It's a mad house. A mad house.
• Stolen from a Slashdot thread: Someone once asked Asimov what he'd do it he knew this would be the last day of this life. He replied, "Type faster."
• I thought Last night was a pretty decent effort.
• I'd activate 7a. If that failed, hang out with my family, friends, and you monkeys at the beach. Then super-happy-kawaii-disaster-fun-orgy. Zombies? Pssh. Flamethrower my friend. We could hold 'em off for a long time. Surlyboi, you don't have something you want to tell us do you?
• I would appoint myself King of the Giant Spiders. Then I'd get creeped out by all those beady little eyes and run away screaming.
• Assuming we had some advance warning, I'd spend the last 6 hours launching a small rocket containing a satellite. The satellite would be directed towards the center of the galaxy, and contain as much of a written and pictorial history of mankind as I could possibly compile. Then I'd eat a huge plate of Chinese food, get stupendously drunk on the finest wine I could find, and hopefully find a girl to spend the last few hours with in complete physical extacy.
• When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining. I guess I slept right through it. Oh, wait--this was hypothetical??
• I may have some explaining to do. *blushes
• I'd do some ironing.