Click here to see the story and photo.
Guy cheats on girl. They break up. Guy spreads rumors about girl. Girl obtains highly embarrassing picture of guy and posts it on the web. (Not safe for work)
Reminded me of this one. I don't know which photo is most embarassing.
See, THIS is what can happen when computer love goes bad.
PF!! Are you paying attention??
Christ, who masturbates like that?
Where's the knee-high waders? Or the cream cakes? Or the frogs?
Not safe for work, or for my virgin eyes! I'm going to have to tell my priest about this, come next confession.
BBF: Have you ever tried wanking in a bathtub full of Jello? Not that I ever have. I mean, I'm just saying it could be interesting. I'll email that guy and offer the suggestion.
ha ha ha!
is that mary tyler moore on the banner ad?
is that mary tyler moore on the banner ad?
Damn it, I hate when I see these links at work. Stupid Saturday shift.
Or the frogs?
(O_O)`
Expect a PETA commando stomping down your door anytime, Blaise...
I don't know how I feel about this. It's nice to see assholes get a little comeuppance... but the girl's sneakiness and "he tried to sue but couldn't prove it was me" attitude were extremely offputting. Plus, the potential permanency of this revenge scheme is mindboggling. This guy could conceivably be paying for stupid (and, in the grand scheme of life, inconsequential) mistakes he made as a youngster a decade from now, or longer. The girl in question comes off as a hateful person, so perhaps they should consider getting back together, since they probably deserve each other.
Oh, and a tale:
New year's eve, kicking off 1993. I was drinking with one of my best friends and his girlfriend, among other people. At around 3 AM, after imbibing enough booze to get alcohol poisoning (I was sick for a couple of days), I randomly started making out with my friend's girl, only to have him walk in.
For the record, I was 19 then and am 31 now. Now, let's say that my friend did exactly what the girl in this FPP did, and posted pictures of me yanking the crank over the Internet.
I'd be professionally screwed. I'm a teacher, and once word got out (and it would; I get a bunch of blog hits from people searching for my name) that there were pictures of Mr. R getting jiggy with his bad self* on teh intrawebby, I would never work again. Not to mention the impact that it would have on relationships, friendships, and so forth.
In short, I think the girl's reaction was way, way extreme. Fortunately, the universe doesn't fuck around, and that karma shit is a bitch.
* N.B.- the origin of my handle** has nothing to do woth penises or masturbation.
** In this context, the word "handle" is unfortunate.
Okay, so she said he sued her, but had no evidence connecting her to the picture. What about her web page? What about the text in the photo? Is she brazenly open about it now because you can't be sued twice for the same thing? I don't get it.
I presume that she'd obfuscate her ass off to the unfortunate man's lawyer. Really, there is little other than circumstantial evidence that would connect her, because the photo is through the web-cam via a back door, and she could say that she was just taking advantage of her good fortune having come across the photo from some anonymous means - it doesn't matter what the web site says, because she would just say she lied about it.
Also, proof of damages would be *extremely* hard, and very expensive.
The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that the girl who did this is totally wretched.
(the website, not the post; the post, at least, has been entertaining)
Ach, there's no girl involved. This is an exhibitionist with a cover story. I mean, who has a webcam set up to give a perfect panoramic view of them when reclining, unless...
Maybe I'm too cynical.
Actually, that pic is cropped. The full pic shows his entire room. He used the camera to watch for people who were stealing from his room. It detects motion and records or something. No, I'm not his ex, but I'm a good friend of hers and that is what she said when I asked about the strange angle of the cam. :)
So this post is basically spam?
No, spam is edible.
daisy_may has posted 1 links and 2 comments on MonkeyFilter since June 11, 2004.
So you got an account here for the sole purpose of further spreading this demeaning little grudge?
No, I will be submitting other interesting links I happen to find. I like this site.
*blink* hmmm...
So you got an account here for the sole purpose of further spreading this demeaning little grudge?
I really hope not.
Oh, tracicle, you don't have to click on any of my links. Didn't you realize that?
Oh, tracicle, you don't have to click on any of my links. Didn't you realize that?
?
What if I did get this account for sole purpose of further spreading this demeaning little grudge? Will you cry?
Er, yeah. Of course. I think this post might be nuked though. But I doubt you care about that now.
Been up for over 13 hours. I think they would have nuked it already. But, yes you are right. I don't care now.
What if I did get this account for sole purpose of further spreading this demeaning little grudge? Will you cry?
I won't, but Baby Jesus might.
Wow, I didn't think I'd get to do this so soon...
Don't go there.
Daisy: Tracicle is the admin, you frigging twit. If there's anyone here that "has to click on the links," it's her. She's the sole person who has the authority and ability to delete posts. And I am really hoping that she does so with this one.
Rhetorical question: If the guy in question sues the vindictive wench again, could someone please track daisy_may down and make sure she gets subpoenaed as a witness, since she obviously has knowledge of the case's facts and has stated so in public?
Well Baby Jesus' eyes will be dry, because I've been meaning to get an account here anyway. I run across some interesting sites that I would happily share.
No, I will be submitting other interesting links I happen to find.
What, like goatse?
There's this girl in a bathtub...
dng wins.
The_bone, don't you ever disrespect me again. You don't know me and calling someone names on the internet is a sign of immaturity. In fact, never speak to me again.
That comment I made was because I overlooked the italic quote. I read it as this:
ME: No, I will be submitting other interesting links I happen to find. I like this site.
Tracicle: I really hope not.
So, my bad. I didn't see the quote above her reply, where she was referring to me making the account for the sole purpose of blah blah blah.
My mistake and I appologize.
But again, the_bone, feck off and die.
You know, if I were "Webcam Boy," I would get the tubgirl pic, put my ex's vital stats on it, and do a little quid pro quo action.
Actually, I wouldn't. Because shit like that is fucked up and illegal. But it would sure cross my mind...
What the site also doesn't tell you is that the alleged offense took place six fucking years ago. Somebody needs to grow up and get on with their life.
Daisy, you dimwitted cow, what're you going to when the bone disses you again? Cry?
...calling someone names on the internet is a sign of immaturity.
Too funny. So posting an illicitly-obtained photo of someone's wank session is a sign of what, exactly?
Heh... I'm speaking to you now. Nyah, nyah, nyaaah. Now, that's immaturity.
And speaking of disrespect (and immaturity, incidentally), posting this to the site for the sole purpose of publicity (which you implied was the case in a couple of comments) shows a complete lack of respect for this community.
Time to "feck off." Have a great life.
On second thought, I don't want this thread deleted. I want it bronzed.
goetter, you too can never speak to me again. Any future posts by you will be ignored. Little boys can just keep their comments to themselves.
All you guys are doing are inflating your own overblown egos and getting that precious +1.
Monkeybashi, I most heartily second dng's suggestion about nuking this post.
The increasingly antagonistic comments of the author and her personal attacks onother monkeys are objectionable in the extreme, and I suggest removing her, too.
JoeChip, you too shall be ignored. You arn't worth my time.
Well, this has certainly taken a nasty turn. Quite a conundrum. I
OK, now I'm going to cry.
beeswacky; I have not attacked one person. Can you show me where I was attacking someone? I have been attacked, yes. I haven't attacked anyone.
Second of all, you swear making another account here would be hard. Who knows, maybe this isn't my only one right now.
Well, this has been fun.
Goodnight, daisy_may.
Dude, at this rate daisy won't be talking to anyone! Mission accomplished!
Oh, silly girl. Saying things like "you don't know me and calling some one names is immature and blah blah blah," and then turning around and calling someone with goetter's academic and intellectual cred "little boy" outs you as being even more clueless than I had previously imagined, which I had not believed was possible.
OK, I'm off to South Beach. Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
People here sure are full of themselves. You people reek of ignorance and stupidity.
Now THAT was an attack. Hell, if I'm going to be accused, might as well get the satisfaction of doing it.
Now THAT was an attack
Well, it wasn't much of one. Try harder! Reach for the stars!
Well, in the festering lump of rat mucus's defense, I did call her a terribly ugly name.
Hey, maybe she'll photoshop a picture of us and post it on one of her many porn sites. Daisy, honey, would you be a doll and let us know if/when you do so?
/me takes webcam offline
Did someone hear something? Cause I didn't.
Monkeyfilter Hall of Fame:
#1. Cock
#2. daisy_may
*hands over ears* I can't hear you!
dng is 2 for 2.
dng : Well, this has been fun.
Goodnight, daisy_may.
That was a quick nights sleep.
Monkeyfilter: Metafilter
And she keeps posting! Nnnnnnneat!
Seriously, oh glorious Monkeybashi, bronze this mother! I want a commemorative plate of this thread for my curio cabinet. So sorry I missed out on this earlier. It's got penis and namecalling.
Damn, now she's not going to talk to me, either.
Monkeyfilter: It's got penis and namecalling
This thread is getting dumped. And publicly I'm saying once again that I hate to delete accounts, but daisy_may is behaving in a pretty trollish manner for someone whose account is barely 24 hours old. And if this behaviour continues I will delete her account.
It's a dirty picture, but somebody's got to do it.
Two possibilities:
1) daisy_may really IS his ex.
2) daisy_may is victim of his viral marketing efforts to get women by showing off the size of his equipment. (always a good chance a guy would have the mindset to think it'd be good PR for his penis)
I never talk to people named after Beverly Hillbillies anyway.
well, I just wasted three minutes online...
2) daisy_may is victim of his viral marketing efforts to get women by showing off the size of his equipment.
Now that you mention it, that table is rather big.
hmmm... deleted from the page, but still living on the sidebar... the opportunities........
I suggest we ask her to post something else - that doesn't include penises, revenge or just general nastiness. If she can come up with a righteous, intellectually stimulating,or just fun, well considered series of links, maybe we should keep her?
Though, her reaction to criticism leads me to believe that the above is not in her skill-set, why don't we see what she has to offer?
A kinder, gentler metafilter.
Boys and girls, we must learn NOT TO FEED the trolls.
Today tis a black, black day for the Monkeyfilter ....
tsk tsk
Metafilter has had its share of people like this: I was reading an old thread there recently where a group from a camwhore community all joined up to support each other and take sides against the older members. None of them returned once that thread was over.
If daisy_may settles down and gets over her fit of pique, she's more than welcome to stick around. But yes, a little proof that she's willing to do so would be nice.
But, BlueHorse, maybe she really is the ultimate "best of the web" poster, who just needs a little challenge to show her worth. My guess, based on her short history here, is that she'll load us up with really awful stuff, which can be easily deleted by MonkeyBashi, and to which none of us has to respond, since she isn't talking to us anyway.
And, if (?) she is a troll, she's one of the most painful ones I've experienced. "Cry for help" comes to mind, which is the only reason I'd consider not just tossing her into the dumpster on first transgression.
No thanks.
Nobody here but egotisitcal nitwits trying to get that +1 post.
Admin, please remove my account. I will not "troll" here any longer.
My first impressions of the site were obviously incorrect. It's rubbish, just like the majority of the internet.
Not that anyone here is any different then all other forums on the internet; everyone trying to make a name for themselves.. everything thinking they are better then everyone else.
Then you have those who suck all the other regular posters dicks so much you never see them without balls on their chin.
I will not waste another minute of my time on this worthless excuse for a community. If this is how you welcome all new members I would be shocked to find out you keep anyone.
The first person to call someone a name on this post was the_bone. Not asking why or attempting to comprehend what he was reading he just started hurling insults like some third grader.
Obviously he is a regular here, so each of you in turn sucked his dick, in which later on in the posts, he returned the favor.
I will never return here, so all the replies that are surely to follow (since egotists MUST have the last word) will fall on deaf ears.
It's a shame, I'm usually a pleasant person, but some people don't want to take the time to actually know someone before condemning them.
Being called a troll when defending yourself in your own post is one of the more idiotic statements made. That coming from the admin speaks really highly of this site.
I have posted in one post only, and it was mine. Yes, I must be a troll then.
Sorry, I don't BS around.
Enjoy your community, you all truely deserve one another.
::sigh::
Na-na-na-na, hey-hey, goodbye...
I never got to do that when I was an immature adolescent... it's kinda fun!
i love me some waffles.
with whipped cream and banana slices. anyone else like having breakfast for dinner...? mmm, mmm, good...!
I just want to say thanks to the_bone for returning the favor.
I'd cheat on daisy_may, too.
Seriously, though, I will say I'm a bit confused by people cheating on their girl/boy or getting with somebody who is already taken, and blaming it on being too drunk. Let me tell you, I have been to the brink of drunkenness and back, (like many people, I'd imagine I'm not particularly special) and I've never been in the state where I'd fuck up and cheat on somebody or be the cause of some cheating.
Is this just a skill I have, or is there a secret level of superdrunk that I have yet to attain?
... Or shit, this thread died. Oh well, at least history will remember me.
And, yes, we do deserve each other - in a good way.
Wow. What was that?
Well, that was fun!
Has anyone else seen a "+1" around here?
Sweet, if she's gone I won't have to delete the account, and we won't have a post from "Anonymous" sitting around. Thanks for saving me the trouble, daisy_may.
Wow. Everbody here, especially the_bone: keep a handkerchief over your webcams while wanking, at least for a while.
Ok, I'll admit she was a bit of a twit.
But this was NOT one of our finer Monkey moments.
what's a +1 anyways...? i've been around a good long time on this here intarweb and i've never heard that expression.
I _THINK_ it's a reference to the point scoring system over at linkfilter.
But this was NOT one of our finer Monkey moments.
Au contraire. She joins the group to flog her own bloody six-year-old vendetta, and got properly flogged down in return. Good fucking riddance. Hey, Daisy, you dim ruminant, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
But this was NOT one of our finer Monkey moments.
I would say the provocation was sufficient to the reaction it gained. No loss.
Damn, missed another good fight. She certainly had alot of venom to spew around. Sorta reminds me of that Emogame boss in the last level.
It's a shame, I'm usually a pleasant person, but some people don't want to take the time to actually know someone before condemning them.
*snigger* Every single person I ever came across who called themselves a "pleasant person", weren't. Not after the first fifteen minutes.
I thought the link was funny.
I'm a pleasant person, so shut the hell up.
Couldn't resist.
I don't know, I'm with GrandMo here. Mebbe she woulda been a nice monkey. And we fed her trollop side, as well.
Really, I wish people would go for something more oblique as insults. Ideally the insultee doesn't realize they've been insulted, while everyone else in the room is laughing/gasping at your audacity. Cocksucker is so pedestrian.
The problem I have with her is that she imperiously decreed that she would ignore people after one insult. You don't make - or keep - many friends that way.
And acting like people around here don't know crap from the top of their heads.
And being sarcastic when answering perfectly reasonable questions.
And calling us "little boys".
And being incredibly five-year-old.
So while I have to say goetter went overboard a little in calling her a twit, I will have to second his opinion after finishing this thread.
*Stomps off muttering, "Little boys...."
For my part, I'd like to apologize to Monkeyfilter for pooping in this thread.
the_bone, goetter and JoeChip, I would be glad to propose you as candidates to 'MoFi's official bouncer' rank. So that you, and nobody esle, feel free to taunt and annoy disruptive members out of any thread as to prevent tracicle being forced to tyranically delete accounts.
I'm not being serious, of course...
*slaps forehead* Oh my god, why did it just occur to me now that all I need to do is change the password on an account to render it useless?!?
*face-to-desk action*
That's evil, tracicle.
Nice!
Wow. Great idea, tracy.
"DAISY MAE"
1)--transitive verb--
to behave churlishly, to agitate; "Boy, ol' Darth sure daisy mae{d} Tatooine last week; dead Jawas everywhere!"
2)--adjectival--
a foolish, petty annoyance, a gnat; "So I'm trying to code, but the baby next door is mad daisy mae bawlin'!"
3)--noun--
imbalanced troll; "For the hundreth time, I do NOT want to buy life insurance! Don't be such a daisy mae!"
If at least she had gonne to the trouble of wrapping her vendetta with links to other similar events. I mean, everyone has heard about Libby Hoeller and others, it could be an interesting subject. I wonder the repercusions of all those 'amateur' photos and videos floting on the net, a few years down the road. 'Hey, look Bobby, here's mom and she's... whoa!!'
all I need to do is change the password on an account
Good. If that doesn't prompt good behaviour from present simians, nothing else will. Something like those exploding collars on Vance's 'The Anome'... sweeet.
Monkeybashi, daisy_may reminded me of the recent MeFi hoaxer: ChristFollower.
I think we did better at 'troll detection' than the MetaMob did.
Well, we noticed because she pointed out she knew him. It wasn't exactly rocket science on my part, at least.
Sweet Baal-sucking Jesus full of fruit juice: I can't believe I missed this :(
Okay, kids, I'll admit ignorance here. I didn't get the "tubgirl" references earlier. So I googled her. And if you will permit me, I'd like to offer the following (perhaps overly nuanced) question.
What the FUCK???
That is some sick shit, enough to make me fear for my own sanity. Bad Monkeys, bad. Go to your rooms.
And I understand Blue's chiding -- we weren't exactly nice. But though I'm not generally a fan of the "I reckon he needed killin'" defense, I gotta say she had it coming. That was trollish, AND self-linking on your first FPP without disclosing the fact in any way, right after you get your membership? Off with her head. Sorry, but rules is rules.
Tomorrow I'm gonna put up a post about this guy who's selling a wedding dress on ebay...
I have a busy weekend, and look what I miss!
in the festering lump of rat mucus's defense
Hey! Leave me out of this.
In other news: Did we really need to be told to mind the friggin cameras when taking time for a swat? Moron meets harridan, film at 11 on Monkeyfilter.
Fes, I think you might be amazed at the quantity of men that send naked pictures of themselves around that-there interweb.
so this daisy_may, shes single now, yes?
blogRot, as tracicle would say:
Don't go there.
Oh, snap!
Who wanks iiin front of theiiiir computer anyway? Iiii mean, you could end up wiith stiiiiiiiiiicky keys or somethiiiing. Fuck.
*snigger* Every single person I ever came across who called themselves a "pleasant person", weren't. Not after the first fifteen minutes.
Would this be a corollary of the rule that when someone announces, "Women say they want nice guys, but they don't want me, and I'm a nice guy", you're about to start hearing sweeping references to "bitches" from the same source?
Fes: Lots of people have, um, underclad pictures of themselves whizzing around teh intarweb. Apparently it's one of the hazards of signing up for online dating services - meeting people for whom a picture of their cock is a snappy chat up line.
Actually, now that I mention it, it puts me in mind of a friend's story about her time working in a (pro level) photo lab. A customer had a crush on her, and felt that pictures of his Mighty Schlong showing up in her pile of photos to develop would cause her to be overcome with a hunger for his irresistable man-meat.
Oddly enough, it didn't.
Middleclasstool:
Lessee, I have bleach, Brillo pads, and scouring powder under the sink. Would that help your eyes?
Fes: I agree. There's a lot of stupidity floating around out there. I'm sure some of this will come back and bite some of these people when/where they least expect it.
It burns, but I can sleep now. Forever sleep...
I think you might be amazed at the quantity of men that send naked pictures of themselves around that-there interweb... Lots of people have, um, underclad pictures of themselves whizzing around teh intarweb. Apparently it's one of the hazards of signing up for online dating services
*raises eyebrow in Spocklike fashion*
*starts googling*
My ex used to complain about getting pictures of random wangs from prospective suitors. I thought she was kidding 'til she actually showed me a couple.
shiver
And gladly, I missed the monkey pile-on as well.
No need to google, Fes. I'm sure these fellows can shortcut your search.
In my experience, there ain't nothing sensible about it. One tries not to sleep with anyone crazier than themselves, smiles, and hopes for the best :)
One tries not to sleep with anyone crazier than themselves,
Damn, so that's what I've been doing wrong...
I haven't checked out the later links in this thread, so beat me up if I'm wrong, but don't a lot of sexy links entice people like Daisy May (and, incidentely, that's a "Little Abner" referece, not "Beverly Hillbillies") to post the kind of thing she did?. She said she'd really mistaken what we were about, maybe because of the stuff that had been showing up prior to her post. (Look it up for yourself.)
On the other hand, I thought her "you're just like all the other internet sites" was pretty funny. She's having a hard time realizing that the larger world isn't interested in her compulsion.
Now that I have some bananas, I would like to pass one to sacred and profane. Very funny.
Dammit, I miss everything good. But the situation seems to be under control. So is Daisy's account still active or what? Did you change the password, tracicle?
*Resolves to check MoFi every fifteen minutes from here on*
Things I have learned about myself and the world from this thread:
1. I am immature, egotistical, have no reading comprehension and reek of arrogance and stupidity.
2. "Daisy May" can be used as a verb.
3. JoeChip, goetter and I should stand with arms crossed in front of every thread, checking IDs and roughing up alcoholics.
4. There is a secret level of superdrunk which I have apparently attained, but which Sacred and Profane has not.
5. I should never get a webcam.
Man, this is better (and cheaper!) than therapy!
Yes, and it's got penis. I can't stress this point enough for you guys. See, it's got penis. Therapy doesn't. Advantage: MoFi.
I am immature, egotistical, have no reading comprehension and reek of arrogance and stupidity.
Hey, according to one young lady you have over 1,000 monkeys sucking your dick. You must be doing something right.
the_bone, much love.
*blows kiss from across the room*
*sucks on banana, batting eyes at the_bone*
"Daisy_may is the new goatse. Discuss."
*reads quidnunc's comment. Resists urge to wash out mouth with bleach*
Can we please just mercifully draw the curtain on this whole episode?
No. Ha!
:-)
*Still puzzling over how I missed this while it was all kicking off - I haven't seen a reaction like that since the last time someone suggested Elijah Wood was gay over at IMDb. Astonishing.*
wait, he's not gay? *world shatters
I'd like to join the Damn, I Missed It Club.
And for what it's worth, it's pretty clear to me that the pile-on occurred because she dared to malign Monkey #1 and then immediately went fifth-grade pissy all over everyone who said anything bad about her.
I'm just sad that she never got a chance to stop talking to me...
Man, how the hell I miss this thread?
I want to come clean:
I liked the link, I liked the discussion. I really enjoyed the_bone's personal angle.
I think it went wrong when daisy revealed she had a personal angle.
But think, monkeys - supposing she didn't have an angle? Still nice link, still nice monkey talk.
Instead, RULES got applied, and somebody stomped back when they got stomped on.
And we missed out on a monkey.
What do you think - have I missed something? Lay it on me.
For the record, that's me saying I don't reckon it needed killing. I wouldn't mind being convinced otherwise.
Also, I'm still drunk. For the record. But I love you monkeys, even sober, or I wouldn't ask.
Well, let's see... I think it started from here, or a couple posts before.
The RULES got applied after she became anti-social, condescending and downright rude, attempting to alienate a few fellow monkeys.
Should we have just backed off?
Ned, you are wiser, and nicer than I.
kisses,
peff
I'm not nice, PF. Well, not all the time.
I think, if she had made a halfway mature rebuttal to the_bone, chances are the rest of us would have just knuckled the_bone till he apologised or something. (Maybe?)
As it were, she chose to start lashing out at people continuously. If that's how she handles criticism, I don't think she would survive very long, even in the benign enviros of MoFi.
PS. You're nice too, PF. *MWA*
Why, thank you, GramMa :)
Boy, I hope the_bone's not mad at me...
*walks in eating a banana*
mrfgh . . sho . . whatg's goin' on guys? *chomp*
*blinks, chews*
*walks in, starts gnawing on pete_best*
Monkeyfilter: Better behave, or we'll knuckle your_bone.
Rad.
For what it's worth, I'm not proud of myself (well, not overly so). I saw daisy_may jumping on tracicle and flipped. In retrospect, I was a little extreme.
That being said, I can't say I'm too upset that daisy_may departed.
Alnedra: Of course I'm not mad. You are teh roX0r.
*blushes*
PF, stop that! You don't know where he's been!
Abruptly enters room, out of breath, with suitcase in hand
Hi Guys! I'm Back!
What'd I miss?
Knuckling the bone sounds vaguely naughty...
OK, Nick, what's in the suitcase? Did you bring souvenirs for everybody?
And no, it's not dirty, unless you're really into S&M, then you *might* get a bit aroused, Surlyboi.
I've been knuckling the bone (and, technically, knuckling "the_bone") since early adolescence. Fortunately, I don't own a webcam.
And there folks, went the discussion--right into the toilet.
Here's an, extra comma, just 'cause that last post sucked.
Good night.
And knucklebones is an ancient diversion for gamesters.
Self-link - the Buryats play games with sheep knee bones to this day.
Ha ha ha!
Wow, like others I am amazed i missed this one...
/quietly standing at back of room. timidly clears throat and raises hand Best. Thread. Ever.
Loved it. You Monkeys are entirely too much fun. While I understand (and appreciate) GramMa's love of politeness, the fifth-grader in me had a blast.
daisy_may: You guys suck and I'm cool.
MoFi: Oh yeah? Bring It!
AHH! This thread has been deleted and is still going? Its a long one too, maybe this will unseat that ridiculous turkmenbashi one...
Flee, Infidel, Turkmenbashi will smite you with a shoe.
Has anyone else seen a "+1" around here?
Yep, I have. And I apologize... my bad. I chuckled at rodgerd's comment, but I was in a hurry because, at the time, I was late for something... so I quickly gave him a "+1 Funny" and went on my merry way. Because I had been modding over at Slashdot right before I read that thread, the "+1" was the first thing that popped into my head. Sorry I missed all the bizarro drama here, though.
This seriously is the best post ever. Speaking as an outside observer (and dammit! Too bad too!) Daisy asked for it and MoFi delivered.
Besides, she wouldn't have been dressed that way if she didn't want it.
OT by now, but my ex was a habitual jacker and that was his usual pose.
i even found a page of vagina's he had cut out of his magazines and put all over this sheet for maximum visual pleasure.
/retarded ejaculation. or just retarded.
MonkeyFilter: OT by now.
Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love
-Woody Allen
Dx: ewww, ewww, ewwww! Get me a drink of hemlock, PLEASE. I don't WANT that image in my mind.
Did you point and laugh?
I'd have to point and laugh.
So i missed this thread too...?
*hmmph!!
Obviously he is a regular here, so each of you in turn sucked his dick, in which later on in the posts, he returned the favor.
I see I'm late again. Dang it, I always miss out on all the fun!
I'm much more in favor of the first part of the italicized quote above than the second.
Mnf? dn lk whn ppl sk yr dck? Nf?
*schlup*
And what's so great about being a regular?
I could tell you.
I think you are all being too hard on daisy_may. She is clearly just speaking for the great Saveen.
He is your true enemy!
I just want to tell you both good luck...
no mom, at the time i found no humour in the situation. or in his battery operated rubber vagina and the eventual parade of peelers he turned to in search of the big 'O'.
i did say this was my 'ex'!
hindsite allows a more relaxed and humourous perspective.
maybe daisey_may and him would make a great couple.
Okay, who the hell did that? 'Fess up!
DX! PLEEEZE STOP! I don't want to know.
*runs screaming from room and falls into dark corner
*sobs deeply while rubbing eyes
*takes small breath
*begins laughing till she pees herself
I join the endless parade of monkeys who show up belatedly and can't believe they missed the fun.
But this was NOT one of our finer Monkey moments
Oh yes it was! I'm just glad we have efficient bouncers to take care of these incursions. Here, guys, here's a bunch o' bananas for each of yez. Now, keep an eye on that guy over there with the crazed look in his eye...
Oh, and somebody give BlueHorse a damp cloth and a change of clothes.
/me puts hose back
i feel the need to note that the reason this thread has such longevity is 'cause we're all so goddamn pollyannaish most of the time that when a legitimate opportunity arises for us to sharpen our knives, it's like feeding time at the shark tank.
Actually, I think it's because we deal with rudeness by doing a maypole dance. I really didn't see any fish being slaughtered here, and we'll probably be notorious someday for jogging off to the right and putting our knees way up tight.
Not necessarily a bad thing.
i always prefer to watch other people make fools of themselves.
isn't that the main reason for visiting meta?
ooh, i can't believe i said that out loud. me bad.
by the way, bluehorse. that masterbating judge...i wondered why his wasn't the battery-operated and massaging model. then the jurors wouldn't have heard the 'inflation' sounds.
dxl I think in tandem with many monkeys today.
Monkeyfilter: It's like feeding time at the shark tank.
"Maypole dance".
Is that a euphemism for something?
Okay, let's all tie Daisy to the Maypole and start the Fish Slapping Dance.
i wondered why his wasn't the battery-operated and massaging model
Dx: It's my understanding that BenchPress magazine only carries the pull-start models.
now that was an exceptional pun.
at a "robing" ceremony i went to they served 'judgemints'! little chocolate patties in packages which had that written on the side.
so i picked a hell of a time to get all busy with a conference. what with the getting ready to go (furiously massaging my data to make it presentable, and all) and then being out of computer contact for a week, i missed all this fun. and i would so have liked to call daisy_mae some bad names, just for the bitchy 'tude she copped. damn.
(and for the record this may not have been the thread to say "furiously massaging my data" or "get all busy" but what the hell, the "whattaya call IT" thread is dead now anyway, right?)
Monkeyfilter: furiously massaging my data
I'll stop now with the taglines. Heh!
frogs the whatchacallIT thread is immortal.
Or untenable. Or puce. . . whatever, It's something though.
"Taking Daisy May to the Fish Slapping Dance"
ha!
Dang, you Monkeys don't just like to FEED trolls, you want to poke them with sticks, don't you?
I'm glad it's over and she's gone so we can get back to the more important things: double entendres, bad puns, and taglines.
Monkeyfilter: Is that a euphemism for something?
And keeping old threads alive. I think the reason we won't let this or Turkmenbashi die is because we had so much fun in the beginning, we can' t let it go. It's like a roller coaster: even after you vomit, you keep going back to recaputure that first rush.
tagline countdown...3...2...1...GO!
Monkeyfilter: 04:52PM UTC on June 28
I don't get it :(
well personally i think the long threads are probably somebody just overcompensating for something. eh? eh? who's put the most into the turkmenbashi thread now, buddy?
damn maybe i ought to go add some to that thread a little. just, uh, because it's like famous and all now. yeah. that's the only reason.
I don't post in long threads because my head hurts everytime I try of making up something funny.
MonkeyFilter: My head hurts everytime.
MonkeyFilter: Quintuple Entendre
MonkeyFilter: Euphemism, Me-phemism.
MonkeyFilter: Furiously massaging data.
MonkeyFilter: I don't get it.
And add to the euphemism list:
"poking trolls with sticks"
MonkeyFilter: Trolling sticks with pokes...
eh...
For you youngens too callow to remember, the maypole dance is a sort of strange thing we did in elementary school when I was, well, in elementary school. There was this big pole, with crepe paper streamers attached to the top, and we'd sort of skip around it, going in and out, so that the streamers would be woven together. I don't remember that anyone explained why we should do this, but it was a May Day tradition.
Monkeyfilter: I don't remember that anyone explained why we should do this.
Picking stoles with trokes. Poling tricks with stokes. Sticking pricks with tokes. Stoking proles with ticks.
Toking sticks with proles.
goetter wins. And I'm tired and drunk. And yet I post.
Funny, we have Puritans in our town. Crazy, evil, nazi puritans. And they pained over a giant, beautiful mural of kids dancing around the maypole in downtown when they bought the building. I was commemorating our Reannasance Fair, and was a good 30 years old. I was hearbroken.
Huzzah?
Pagan rituals are fun:
1) Stick a very long phallus in the ground.
2) Wrap it in crepe paper until it looks like a dong pinata.
3) Dance around it.
Save the speeches for Malcolm X . . . I just wanna get laiiiid . . . *pats chest*
/Heathers
Pagan rituals ARE fun!
My favorite part is that each holiday is usally celebrated with lots and lots and lots of sex. Sounds a lot better than hunting for eggs to me!
There are more ways than one to hunt for eggs...
Weezel:
Pagan rituals involving painting bodies and group sex are fun.
Pagan rituals involving dismembered heads and zombies are NOT FUN.
(unless you are not the zombie or dismembered member)
MonkeyFilter: Not the zombie or dismembered member.
Anybody tries to dismember my member, I hit that bastard with a maypenis.
HOLY MOTHER OF GANDHI, this thread is still alive.
P.S. I'm still holding out for the secret of superdrunk. You people know who you are.
(Danny Kay, by the way, thanks for the delicious banana. Rhyme!)
To get to the secret level of superdrunk:
In world 4-2 you will come across a moving platform*. Jump past the platforms until you see a ledge with three blocks. Go just left of the first block and jump, you will reveal a secret block**. Go over under the second block and jump (rember to leave the space under the first block empty) and jump under the third block to reveal another hidden block***. Jump on top of the blocks and start destroying the blocks**** until you find a vine**** growing out one of them. Climb up the vine to reach an area with lots of coins*****. go right until you find some stairs******. jump on top of them and walk right. Now you can warp to levels 6, 7 and 8*******.
Let "moving platform" = party with alcohol readily available to underage drinkers;
"secret block" = a beer;
"another secret block" = another beer;
"destroying the blocks" = drinking four more beers and then throwing the bottles at a wooden fence in the backyard;
"vine" = a friend who shows up with rum, vodka, and other, slightly less legal substances;
"coins" = a couple of rum and cokes and a screwdriver in a 32 oz. 7-11 cup. And a couple more beers, and other stuff, but this is a FAMILY-FRIENDLY THREAD and so we can talk about booze, but not the ganja;
"stairs" = a toilet into which projectile vomiting took place;
"levels 6, 7 and 8" = a three-day hangover.
Hey, I was young.
You know, level 4-2 sounds vaugely familiar. I think I've been there, but for some reason the memories are a little hazy....
/grabs controller*, powers up console**, takes small sip of alcoholic beverage***, sits down to enjoy game****
"controller" = 40 oz. of Mickey's
"powers up console" = takes shot of 151 to get started
"takes small sip" = chugs 40 oz until gone or tears of beer appear
"enjoy game" = vomits brains out into dixie cup I had folded up in pocket
I fail to see what this has to do with the video game version of Mack Garrison's movie "Splashing the Christoppatamus" in which various beers are thrown at a hapless messiah.
Personally I felt it was unconscionably slimy and revealed deep personal problems for Mr. Garrison
Hungry hungry Christos?
Heh . . now *that's* a visual . . .
Wow. I have nothing to add, but since this post is going to be bronzed, I wanted to join the immortality.
/pile on
oof!
/pile off
I fail to see what this pile on has to do with the Merv Gibbons movie, "The Fashion of Kreskin", in which various rotten fruits & vegetables are thrown at a hapless magician.
/pete_best ;)
I fail to see. But that is nothing new.
"I think that I might never see,
My cataracts are blinding me!"
bannas to anyone who can name that quote!
Weezel.
Good Moleman to ya, Weezel!
I still want to see the live action version of Man hit by football
Hmm, maybe by the time I stumbled across level 4-2, I was already prepared for such things. I mean, by the time I was eighteen I knew everything there was to know. That's the power of being a teenager--INFINITE KNOWLEDGE.
I hope this thread never dies. It's almost a month now. What's the longest a thread has survived before people have forgotten about it?
That's gotta beeeee
Turkmenbashiiiiii
INFINITE KNOWLEDGE
is all in the mind.
*just popped in to see how things are doing.*
Just dropped in...
to see what condition my condition was in.
Bet none of you whippersnappers remembers that.
hey now, have faith -- The Gambler isn't forgotten yet.
/hums to self: Islands in the stream, that is what we are, no one in between, how can we be wrong...
Here you go, Plegmund.
And languagehat, this movie brought Kenny back to life for many of my generation.
i'm not running away, kimberly.
welcome, Mojo_Jojo.
anyone who appreciates the value of history and it's best applicable use in the present moment, should be warmly hugged and tickled immediately.
/and checked carefully for nits and things in the process.
it's been AGES since I've had a warm hug and tickle - thanks!
*waves at other monkeys*
Yes, M-J, but do you remember any of Rupert Holmes' Earlier semi-hit songs?
The canibalistic "Timothy" (top 40 for The Buoys) or the National-Anthem-desecrating "Our National Pastime" (popular in UK but not US, natch.) Me, I liked when he payed tribute to the tenth anniversary of the Beatles coming to America with a ballad titled "I Don't Want to Hold Your Hand". But that's the kind of stuff I like.
Wendall: +1, informative
gosh, I got the 45 of The Pinacolada Song when I was just a wee lass so I know nothing of his history. (the only other 45s I received were Puff the Magic Dragon and Jessie's Girl)
And why does Kimberly want to run from me?
And is it okay to talk like this in this thread?
Puff the Magic Dragon is a good thing to talk about.
...lived by the sea.
/i was so frustrated to not know any 'jessie's' to make that song more personal to me at the time.
the_bone: -1, mispelled Wendell.
And why does Kimberly want to run from me?
Kimberly works here in Hollywood as body double for one of the Powerpuff Girls.
And is it okay to talk like this in this thread?
If you don't "talk" here by typing with your fingers, nobody will ever figure out what you're trying to say (Explains some of the misunderstanding-based flamewars that have happened around here). And this is definately one of the better places to hang out and chat, unless you can do things with anagrams or find new things to rhyme with Turkmenbashi.
D'oh!
Wendell! What do you mean "unless"? It's the best place to do anagrams and Turkmenbashi silliness.
I challenge you to a duel (glove slap!) Pina coladas at 2 paces.
path, I meant that THIS THREAD was one of the better places to hang out, but the other linked threads required specialized skills. Sorry for the misunderstanding; must've been typing with my tongue again.
Now, let me dump a few dozen ball bearings into my glove before I return the challenge.
Rick Springfield was a near neighbour of mine. Before he went to General Hospital, that is.
My name is Guybrush and I'm selling these fine leather jackets. Wow, monkeyfilter is awesome. Tracy is awesome, she's like matthowie with balls. Everything is awesome. My new boyfriend who looks exactly like harry potter but with amazing tits is awesome.
You heard the new Cure album? Apparently it's awesome. By the way - peach pie is awesome.
Again, my name is guybrush threepwood and I'm these fine leather jackets selling.
Mojo - do you wonder any more if it's okay to talk like that? Welcome to the Monkey Dome!
*Elmer Fudd in Viking helmet*
"Kill the Monkey, kill the monkey, kill the monkey, kill the monkey!"
Hey path, could we please stay on topic here? Is that too much to ask? Thx.
You fight like a cow!
AlmostSettle - I'd stay on topic if I could remember what it was. I'm easliy confused.
Sorry, that sould have bee "ActuallySettle." And "easily". Time to go to sleep.
almost, awesome, actuallysettle.
soon you'll be right up there with our mpd pete_best.
∞
Σ [1⁄(pete_best)^n] = petebest2
n=0
*not wondering any more.*
I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?
(why dont these threads ever die?)
C'mon people back on topic, we should all be discussing "girl gets revenge on ex-boyfriend w/photo NSFW".
Did daisy_may wear daisy_dukes?
Why cant I inline any bitchin pictures of cute animals?
now i'm a'wondering, where i went wrong...
Do you, in fact, have any cheese here at all?
everybody sing!
This is the thread that never ends...
It's just goes on and on my friends!
Daisy Mae started posting,
we clicked not knowing what it was,
Now we'll continue talking about it
forever just because
i thought we were doing old songs,
but now it's creative new poems,
as these threads get entwined,
l'il abner's maligned,
/dxlifer leaves with a moan.
I have nothing to say.
It appears that this is the thread to say it on.
Do you, in fact, have any cheese here at all?
No sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time.
No sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time.
I see. Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
Will you SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZUKI PLAYER UP?
*surreptitiously pays off the bazuki player and quickly users him out*
This thread will forever live in infamy. INFAMY!!!!
Fuck me I'm soooooooooo bored (not with you monkeys, but with myself alone, sniff cry).
Anyone up for a bitchfest flamewar?
quidnunc: you're only bored because, as a person, you are inherently boring. Fuck you, Chachi.
(decent start?)
ffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuck!
Oooh. That was... nice.
Nickdanger - what's the cubic displacement on your Fuck?
I think that was about four metric assloads worth of fuck.
What's that in American Standard assloads? Does it qualify as a fuckton?
In American Standard, that would be a "fuckwat."
But, he rode that Fuck out of here, tires squeeling, engine roaring. And his leathers were the best I've ever seen. He didn't show me his tattoo.
a very bored monkey said "fuck".
another one thought that was nice.
fuck was measured bilaterally,
found rooted in perversity,
and cheered as it did wheelies out of town.
I couldnt give a flying fuckleby about the quidnunc kids apparent lack of tact.
Not to mention his lack of hygiene, wit, sincerity, humanity, and his soul. Though what he lacks in spiritual currency, he compensates with halitosis.
I feel pity for all the mosquitos who have died trying to suck his poisonous blood, for the dust mites on his eyelids, for his neighbors, and for whatever pets he may have. Also, my condolances for his relatives who have surely all killed themselves after seeing what a blight on the collective consciousness he has become, and who could no longer live with the burden of being related to him.
How's that for a start?
errr, make that continuation.
wow, so this is where all the bad karma is going. *looks around*
Well, apparently its all about revenge.
Well, revenge is a dish best eaten cold. (Don't remember for sure which Brit said that, but it is good.) Another is "living well is the best revenge." Maybe you should try one or both.
On the other hand, your characterization of the quid nunc kid includes attacks on qualities that you really couldn't judge unless you were personally acquainted with him. Can't you just say "He said 'xxx' and that hurt my feelings"? The whole "you stink" thing just makes you look like a dweeb.
Well, gee path, this really isnt much of a bitchfest flamewar if we are going to do it with the kid gloves. But fine,
Path said '...you look like a dweeb' and that hurt my feelings.
I still think mine was funnier.
sigh, most of what I said wasnt that he smelled. Guess ill just go back to trolling slashdot.
Get off path's case, lkc. You're a big stinky bastard who should go take a shower in a cesspit. She's just warming up, so stick around and wait for her to wedgify you bigtime.
...
I suck at this.
You guys all smell. So there.
I, too, suck at flaming.
Well, hm. I wish I'd realized this was a flame war. And I'm sorry about my tendency to run off folks that annoy me. It certaintly isn't my job.
Weakest. Flame. War. Evah.
Its all quidnuncs fault for not being enough of a quidnunc today.
lkc: Learn to read before you post, and don't step on my oh-so-deserved bitchslapping of quidnunc kid. Bastard.
heh
Wolof - is that a bad thing?
No.
Okay, I can't resist.
lkc - I didn't say you look like a dweeb, I said your actions make you look like one, so you need to accept the responsibility.
And, your mother wears toe shoes. And a tutu.
So, there!
das_bone: Thats why i said continuation in the next post. Im trying to up my comment count. Besides, your bitchslapping was lame, so it didnt really count. p0wn3d!
path: And I quoted you out of context! Deliberately! HAH! I BROUGHT YOU DOWN TO MY LEVEL!
My sister used to make me wear a tutu when I was a small child. I would say it scarred me for life, but I have done a lot worse things of my own free will since then. Well, and before then, actually.
Boy its amazing how even less productive I am at my job now that I am quitting in less than 2 weeks.
p.s. I usually smell pretty bad, the gas company wont turn my gas back on, its like they want me to smell.
let's see ... where do I start ... Oh OK
dear_bonelckers, thank you both for attempting to put together a coherent sentence or two. I would tell you how much I appreciate your efforts, but then I never bother reading your moronic little scribblings.
When you both reach puberty and are overwhelmed by the realisation of what mindless, petty little fucks you both are, please do us all a favour and kill yourselves quickly. I promise that everyone will really miss you - it'll be just like the self-pitying fantasias on the Marilyn Manson CDs that you malodorous bacteria fingerfuck yourselves to every night.
Quidnunc, it's the internet. We're all mindless petty little fucks. That or people masturbating furiously as we fine tune a post, a post that will make everyone else realize how special, pretty, and witty we really are.
(warning: above quidnunc comment is a mere conceit in spirit of aforementioned pseudo-flamewar, and in no way is meant to be taken seriously, especially by lkc or the_bone, two monkeys so deeply admired by the author)
Above was flamewar, as is this one.
Everyone in this thread. You're abortions gone wrong.
*Flees into the night. Or daylight. Depending on time zone.*Those of you who aren't interested in the flamewar, feel free to ignore me and my idiocy. Also, I don't mean it. I'm sure your parent(s) cherished you.No they didn't
Do you know what I think of you? ALL OF YOU?
This: NSFW Ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!
I think this of you because of your smell, your useless, wanky blathering, and because you called nice daisy_may a 'twit'. Fuck the lot of you.
(that okay?)
Cunt.
... is not an insult, which you would know if you had ever had sex in your life.
"Shit-gargling testicle boil" is an insult, and also an accurate description of YOU.
Gosh, I hope path has tuned out for the evening.
In the meantime, I may try to register with a cod-Latin handle. Or I may just appropriate one referencing a language I do not speak.
Seems like a good time to send out an email beer.
/guilty
You people are pathetic. Jesus. To imagine I used to come around here for the WITTY REPARTEE. You could part a wit, let alone re-part one. You all suck. I'm leaving!*
*Just for a week though. Going up to Maine to do a show. See you next Tuesday.
now boys, whatever has prompted this little rampage, which i note has deteriorated sadly without the intervention of the fairer monkeys, really needs to be examined.
tsk....such potty-mouth posting. and all for the sake of crude impact in the name of humour?
please use your banana shaped soap to wash out impure thoughts and words and hurry back, chastened and naughty again.
trac, we may need a nanny to watch these young ones during the wee hours, don't you think?
/shakes head sadly, leaving room..."little fuckers"
I may try to register with a cod-Latin handle.
Feel free to consult an English dictionary, where you will find "quidnunc" listed as an English word. You may also wish to investigate the correct spelling of "wolf", you sad, ignorant oh sod it I can't keep on lying I love you all too much I'm so sorry
*cries*
You call this a flamewar? There's something missing in this so-called flamewar.
Okay, try this one:
MonkeyFilter is to FlameWar
as
George W. Bush is to . . .
okay okay - MonkeyFilter:Flamewar:.George W. Bush:__________
The correct answer was "A Good President"
To all of you:
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
revenge is a dish best eaten cold
i thought it was best SERVED cold?
*runs*
languagehat: Is there anyone else up there we could talk to?
I can't beleive I just wasted 30 seconds reading this thread. None of you can peice together one coharant thought, least of all in Engilsh. You write like a thirteen year olds with a bug up you're arse. And languagehat? Thanks for the early 80's flashback! -- NOT!
What a load of wankers!
No, really, I love that scene. Thanks!
And anyone who supports Jack Layton is a Nazi!
oh ho, now jb -- or shall I call you John Birch -- getting personal are you? Now see here, you slatternly hedge-pig, you wouldn't know good grace and political acumen if you slipped in it. No doubt your fundamentalist militant Nixon-worshipping clogged gene-pool family rasied you that way; clearly a case of all hat, no cattle for this dried up wish-I-was-in-Texas jellyfish.
Now, my little ankle-humping hermit, do me a favour and get your clubfoot stuck on a busy train track.
[I need to go wash my fingers out with soap now.]
pete_best: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
*waits for ilyadeux to discover the slyly substituted novelty soap that turns your hands black*
some gum to clean that filthy mouth of yours, languagehat?
Y'all are ugly and your Mother dresses you funny.
*crosses fingers*
No backs!
ahem. allow me to drop out of character for a moment and subject you all to my unbridled wrath and sharp tongue:
the lot of you clearly fornicate with recently deceased pre-pubescent farm animals. your facial blemishes are astoundingly abundant and many of you smell of old cheeses. the remainder of you reek of gin. return post-haste to your various dens of iniquity or i shall be forced to sit upon you, pin your arms to your sides, and play "farmer" on your chest while describing in great detail the several sexual encounters i have had with your respective mothers, the slatternly whores that they are.
also, i ran into your fathers yesterday, and they told me to let you know they were looking forward to finally meeting you.
that is all. i now return you to your regularly scheduled mild-mannered c.l. frogs.
(how's that? do i win the flamewar prize? huh? huh? see? i called you all bastards, but i did it all oblique-like! gosh i'm clever!)
hey if you happen to actually be a bastard, i do apologize. you poor bastard.
Frogs is soooooooo gay.
Did my fathers really say that!?
Maybe we can be a real family someday!
Finally! We were SO out of milk!
*tap dances, shuffles off to Buffalo*
You just can't let it die, can you?
Buncha ravin' wankers.
frogs is my idol.
please, please flame me some more.
you have such unparallelled degradation techniques.
i really want more oblique suffering.
What's another word for "Thesaurus"?
--Steven Wright
What does the icelandic expression: " Einhver alvarleg steik í gangi þarna " mean? This is driving me nuts.
quidnooky scribbled: "When you both reach puberty and are overwhelmed by the realisation of what mindless, petty little fucks you both are, please do us all a favour and kill yourselves quickly."
*cries, commits seppuku with a frisbee.*
Is this thread *still* going?
No.
there is an expression of frustration in Finnish, I am told, that translates to "sniff poo". I like that one. Particularly as spoken (in English) by a Finnish friend whose second language is English.
woo, now i am in this thread!
shhhh - I think Nostrildamus is watching.
You stale farts.
lkc: literal translation of "Einhver alvarleg steik í gangi þarna" would be "Never gargle steak if smoking ganja in a barn".
(well those icelanders are pretty odd ducks, don't blame me if it doesn't make sense.)
and just for dxlifer: SUFFERING. there. that's some oblique suffering, for darn sure.
now go away, or i shall taunt you a second time.
frogs, that was the best suffering i've ever had.
never had it with capslock before. a very novel twist of the proverbial sword.
*swoons in agony*
I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you.
frogs: seriously? Wow, that makes even less sense than before (somehow i got linked on the icelandic equivalent of fark, that was the headline it was given).
Meh... Little dandy farts.
Monstrous daffodil farts.
potato bug gas
Monkeyfilter: Little Dandy Farts
I know, this is BlueHorse's job. I feel dirty.
May bleeding piles torment you,
And corns grow on your feet.
May crabs as big as cockroaches,
Crawl 'round your balls and eat.
May the whole world turn against you,
'Till you're a total wreak,
And may you fall through your own putrid asshole,
And break your fucking neck.
told to me by an old friend long ago, so I am not a fair contender for the FlameWar Prize
lkc: No. I don't know what it does mean, but it ain't that.
Bad, bad frogs! No more tormenting poor lkc with mock-translations!
MonkeyFilter: tormenting with mock-translations
(Is EVERYBODY writing comments in verse now?)
If I could I would.
Since I can't I prank.
Minda: Zowie, that was close! Good save. I missed that one.
You're hired.
*rummages in closet for Lysol
Here, use this.
No. NO! We can't let this thread die, for the love of Gawd! Quick, someone think of something clever to say!
OOK!
Hang-on?
Did daisy_May run away and cry
Is this thread going to die
Oh gosh I hope not
That would suck
Hey look, this line
Could end with
Cheney
/lame
Not that I want to derail this thread, but about half the interent seems to suddenly have died. Monkeyfilter and metafilter are two of the only places I can actually access. Is anyone else having problems?
Dammit dng, quit trying to derail this thread. Stay on topic, why can't you? Please limit your comments here to the Mae Gunderson movie "The Splashin' of the Diet Rite", in which an innocent young man is assaulted with webcams and internet pr0n.
dng-
works fine for me
Maybe you tried to >a href="http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm">keep going.
oh dear, there's a preview button for a reason right?
*blush*
again with the link
Yeah, everythings working again now.
My anus is melting.
Many exciting little temptations inspire new goodies!
oops, wrong thread
*chases wendell out with a broom*
You're all maggots festering the rotten corpse of an already putrid post. Forget about that trolling trollop and the cheating, exhibitionistic dolt that's the focus of her obssession, and the ensuing insult fest, and let this thread die and be forgotten, at last.
This was not a flame How did I do? It's all in jest, of course...
/cautiously holds large banana tree leave, for protection against poo flinging.
*flingSPLAT!
"there it is - monkeyfilter. you will never find a more wretched hive of bums and wankery."
/obi-wan
sorry, R2-dxlifer, lkc-3PO, and evil mob boss Language the Hat, for that awful non-translation. personaly i thought doing it semi-phonetically like that would be a clear tip-off that it was a joke - i can't believe that anyone actually bit on that one...
quick, quick, who can throw in the stupidest star wars reference?
but with the blast sheild down I can't even see! How am I supposed to type?!
But I was going down to Tashi's Station to pick up some power converters!
I think my eyes are getting better. Instead
of a big dark blur, I see a big light blur.
mct, surely you're going to Bashi's Station?
gotdam wet farts
D'oh! Horseshit.
gotdam wet farts
I'm just going to assume this line was from "The Phantom Menace".
clf: this is the page they linked to. Gargling steak and ganja barns kind of made sense.
I didnt even know there was a language called 'Icelandic'. I thought they spoke Dutch like everyone else in Europe.
Also, australians are lizards.
*bites lkc on tasty tasty leg*
(your eyes aren't any better polychrome, you just found monkey- rather than meta-...)
holy friggin' crap lkc, that was a weird little page. odd to see something that crazy, yet have it end with a w3c xhtml certified button...
ahem. i propose we put a bell on the cat. who's with me?
clf: did you click the w3 button?
And I thought they smelled bad... on the outside!
Han Solo: I want the truth about Leia!
Luke Skywalker: She's my lover ... [Han slaps Luke] ... she's my sister ... [slap] ... My lover, my sister ... [more slaps.]
Han Solo: I said I want the truth!
Luke Skywalker: She's my lover AND my sister!
/early draft
lkc - no i didn't. i see now. it is there as a farce.
unintentionally funny star wars lines:
"you came in that thing? you're braver than i thought."
"i don't care what you smell, you big hairy oaf, just get in there!"
"look at the size of that thing!"
You can't win . . . but there are alternatives to posting.
Wolfman's got nards!
Forgive my ignorance, but could someone please explain what a w3c is?
it was one of the droids in he jawa's landcrawler in episode 4.
They'll send us to the spice mines of Kessel!
*psst - Weezel*
Stay on target...
They came up on us from behind!!
*blam*
Evacuate?! In our moment of triumph?! I think you overestimate their chahnces!
just hold 'em off for a few more seconds...
almost there...
almost there...
hits away!
is it a hit?
negative, negative, just impacted on the surface...
Stay on target...
thanks, pete_best!
Oh, and...
"I am NOT a committee!"
DIE EVIL THREAD! DIE!
I thought Evil Thread 3 was better. Ash rocks.
i'm bad ash. you're good ash. you're goody-goody-two shoes ash.
(yo - she-bitch!)
oh forgot to add: good, bad... i'm the one with the gun.
Yeah. Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this?
This is my boomstick! It's a twelve gauge double barreled
Remington, S-Mart's top-of-the-line. You can find this in the
sporting goods department. That's right this sweet baby was made in
Grand Rapids Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut
stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop
Smart. Shop S-mart.
First you wanna kill me, then you wanna kiss me.
Blow.
you know how to whistle, don'tcha?
Inbred *and* dead. Groovy.
"Lukewarm, chris?"
"No, Luke Skywalker you fucking inbred."
that's like puttin' perfume on a pig, lady.
"I love you!"
"I know"
Cheesiest exchange ever.
"Camembert!"
"Wensleydale."
yes?
Right, I'll have some of that, then.
Oh! I thought you were talking to me sir - Mr. Wensleydale, that's my name.
I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.
If you're selling Penish Mightiersh, Trebek, I'm buying!
Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!
oh, sorry, were you using this space?
"Beam me up, Scotty!"
Scotty? Unh, Scotty?
Never mind.
TAXI!
Not even Wensleydale?
ok, here's where I prove myself an uber dork
BlueHorse, Captain Kirk never actually said, "Beam me up, Scotty." He did once say "Beam me up, Mr. Scott."
Just like in the books the Three Musketeers never say, "All for one and one for all" and Tarzan never says, "Me Tarzan, You Jane."
Both great books, though.
Pete Wensleydale?
Certaincamembert.
So, it's this thread versus the Turkmenbashi one? This is a fierce battle. I have constructed an ASCII heart for you all.
<3
*sniff*
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
So, it's this thread versus the Turkmenbashi one?
No, the Turkmenbashi thread has been re-purposed as the location for our daily otherwise-non-relevent-to-anything poetry from the MonkeyFilter poet lariot, the honorable Mister Beeswacky.
(Hopefully not to the exclusion of regular relevent-to-the-thread poetry by Mr. B. elsewhere)
This thread, for already having been labeled NSFW (Not Safe For Wendell?), is also open to all extremes of written communication. (However, if quonsar/quonset offers to show you dead babies, DON'T LET HIM!)
Weezel, you were one misquote short of absolute uberdorkitude:
In "Casablanca", Humphrey Bogart did NOT say "Play it again, Sam."
I was dork before Ken Jennings made it cool
Please, and Shakspeare never wrote "gild the lily".
Two examples of uber un believing dorkitude for the price of one.
There can be only one. Turkmenbashi thread.
we're just tossin' cow pies in here.
*pulls out pistol* - No one even think about a tagline, see? Yeahh . . real nice an' quiet like . . yeaahh
MonkeyFilter: We're just tossin' --
er, I mean, how about cheddar?
ooooh! That cat's eaten it.
No, you paint the lily: what you gild is refined gold. Mind you, Max Beerbohm said 'if you had seen, as I have, a lily that has been properly gilded by a real craftsman, you would not talk about it in that slighting way'
And Sherlock Holmes never said 'Elementary, my dear Watson'.
Monkeyfilter: Not Safe For Wendell
Mmmmmmmm, Venezuelan Beaver Cheese....
/drools
Plegmund, perhaps not in the canon but almost all of the radio plays use it.
/geek
geek_best, the canon would be the original stories and novels written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Radio plays are, as a rule, the lowest form of adaptation (and I'm speaking as someone who once got paychecks from a radio station with a three-letter call sign). I'll bet the radio version of "Casablanca" used "Play it again, Sam." The only literary work where the radio version means diddly squat would be "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", but I doubt that Douglas Adams cared to consider anything 'canon'.
Thus sprayeth Wendell: Not Safe For MonkeyFilter
Put your pistol down on the floor and back away slowly, Pete.
NOW!
I've got a gorgonzola grenade here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
curses!
*twiddles moustache*
Oh GramMa! Our hero!
*swoon*
there's a store near my house that carries cheese. glorious mounds of cheese. they have 17 different varieties of imported blue alone, and there are scads of others. the cheese section is like the size of the meat counter in most other stores.
i want to buy a block of the $15/lb stilton. oh god it's like cheese heaven there.
if i were a zombie, instead of calling for brains i'd be screaming out "CHEEEEEEEESE!"
Cheese is one of mankind's finest inventions.
"discoveries"
It's about this time of sat'day night that I wanna tell youse all how much I *hic* I fucken love youse *hic* I love youse guys and
*passes out*
*rifles through wallet, finds only moths and I.O.U.'s*
inventions, discoveries, divine gifts, stolen alien technology, whatever!
/raises glass to quidnunc, proclaims toast for "fallen homie"
alien technology . . . of course!!! It all makes sense now!
"Ooh was expecting it this morning . . the van broke down."
So I wondered what the hell was up with this NSFW thread that I hadn't been able to check, but people kept adding to it, and I needed a break from writing for just a minute so I started reading and...
Wow.
*sways slowly from side to side, reeling after reading this whole @#$%ing thread in one sitting.
I laughed, I cried (well, not really), I laughed again, I got really confused by that whole +1 thing, laughed some more--especially at BlueHorse's slogans--tried to follow the multiple diverging threads, winced at the fact that I knew all the proper Star Trek quotations and far too much of the "Cheese Shop" dialogue, and...
Wow.
You all are wonderfully nuts. I'm going to go sleep now.
*rants and wails
Will this thread never die?
Can't we just put it down and walk away from it?
We must do something to prevent more madness.
I'm going to get the Limburger now.
/rant
/wail
Hey can I tell my washed rind cheese story?
It's not a very good story, but still.
I am a cheese fan. Please fire away.
Ooky!
So . . the bazouki player can go on playing then?
I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
So, I curtailed my Walpoling activities and infiltrated your thread to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles! *smacksmacksmack*
Come again?
Washed rind cheeses are amazingly (<---casual understatement) smelly cheeses.
Verticle wine tastings are fun.
Put the two concepts together and you have the chance to taste a series of the same cheese, with the only difference being the number of times its rind was washed.
Oh my word. I work in a lab. I handle ammonia, my nasal passages aren't everything they might be but I could still only manage the first four (of eight). The fourth one....words fail me.
Actually, no they don't. Ammonia and stale sweat and salt and I bailed out. I've never feared a food before.
I think that counts as the nastiest thing I've put in my mouth that actually belonged, at least nominally, to a recognised food group.
He invoked the cheesy comestibles, mct. That is all we need to know.
Eeeoowwwl 'ongry like!
I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
evil mob boss Language the Hat
*leans forward, templing fingers and speaking with hoarse earnestness*
These rumors... distress me. I am a simple man, a humble man; I run a carting business, like my father before me. That is all. My enemies say these things, I do not know why. I ask God to forgive them, but sometimes bad things happen to them. God is just. It is not for us to fathom His ways. Now, is there anything I can... do for you?
*leans back, puffs huge cigar, looks inscrutable*
Eet's been on order sir for two weeks. I was expecting it this morning.
poly: Please hold the fly larvae.
It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
You haven't asked about the Limburger sir.
Would it be worth it?
This thread sucks. We need a tasty cheese spread thread.
BlueHorse, what do you have against my favorite thread? You rant and wail, but I notice you keep coming back. A guilty pleasure, perhaps?
/just your average Sharp Cheddar kind of guy
Not much call for it 'round here, sir.
I like cheese very much. I support more more more cheese FPPs. Especially if they are NSFW. Maybe erotic cheese statues? anyone?
Munster is also very nice. Stinks like hell, but tastes heavenly.
Hey, mare! You can't interrupt this thread, no matter how hard you try. It has a life of its own. Don't sweat it.
And, I'm up for mushroom brie if I can find the right bread to go with it. Maybe we should do a bread thread, 'cause bread is realllllly important.
MCT: Cheese deserves a thread all of it's own.
Cheeeeeezy goodness.
Munster DOES NOT stink! I luv Muster's buttery smoothness. But the King of Cheeses is Swiss.
And what would we do without cream cheese on bagels?
Or MoZZerella on piZZa!
Ah, guilty pleasure, indeed.
Roquefort.
I'm going to go now. Not that daisy mae wasn't an evil bitch, but after catching up with all this poo flinging and chest beating, I don't think I want to be here.
+1!
I don't think I want to be here.
I'm guessing Jeebers just called one of the pete_bests to be a sunbeam.
Not much call -- It's the single most popular cheese in the WORLD!?!
/peat_2000
Mmmm! Gorgonzola with walnuts.
Mozzarooma, gorgonzooma,
I smell skunk!
Camembert and wet dog fur,
And I expect I'm drunk.
I don't think I want to be here.
Who the fuck was that?
I don't think I want to be here.
Drink! Arse! Feck! Gels! Arse! Drink!
/possible impervious to Americans commentbot
It was Father Jack?
DOWN WITH DIS SORTA TING!
Perhaps Don Language the Hat sent a hired goon to break some kneecaps.
I'm just worried that we lost a good monkey, there.
aside from the kneecap, the gut is the most painful place a guy can get shot! but it takes a long time to die from it - we're talkin' days!
(quick somebody play some stealer's wheels while i pull out a knife and remove me some ears.)
Not 'round here, sir.
Was that Anonymous post serious?
That's what I wanna know!
Fetch hither the fromage(.com) de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
posted by Anonymous at 02:41AM UTC on July 20
At this rate, Anonymous will be the only remain in the old threads. Antropologists and linguists will try to decipher who wrote each comment (shakespeare, perhaps), but they will fail.
... anonymopologists?
Did lkc - who commented just two minutes afterward - see who it was? Presumably someone posted under their own name and then bugged out, turning their name to "Anonymous"?
As possibly the first monkey to go Anonymous, I'd just like to say . . . I'm signing up another pete_best. What do you think of P3+38e5t? He could be like the l337 h4X0r guy with the 'mission impossible' theme when he posts. . .
Ol' pete_best is a chap we admire
pete_best two? Our esteem just grows higher!
pete_best three? pete_best four?
We say: Bravo! Encore!
It's of pete_best nineteen that we'll tire.
I think it would merit a series of plays: pete_best I, pete_best II, and of course pete_best III: This Time It's Personal.
I wonder whether Anonymous took the mock flame-war seriously. It wasn't a really good flame war - way too self conscious - but I guess it could have startled someone who was catching up.
Do you think Monkeybashi could figure out which of our congregation disappeared?
I shall see what I can do. I'm also confused.
I wonder whether Anonymous took the mock flame-war seriously.
It wouldn't be the first time. It's really a common occurrence in this kind of forums. Besides, this not even close to that what happens in other places way more seriously.
It's a shame there's no way to contact the last Anonymous. Other way we might have figured out what exactly disturbed him/her and try to sort things out.
Oh well, el muerto al pozo y el vivo al gozo. Let's continue with the party.
For what I have seen he/she was probably a lurker. I haven't found recent anonymous comments in other threads. If I'm correct then there wasn't much a loss.
Sorry dudes/gals, but if you don't contribute with comments don't expect things to come out as you like.
bizarre that s/he could get all the way down the thread and still take any thing/one seriously. We've been talking about cheese for a week.
Not that cheese isn't worthy, obviously.
Perhaps this person was lactose intolerant?
Is this thread STILL going?
*snickers at people who can't work out who "anonymous" really is*
I'm Anonymous!
posted by Anonymous at 03:35AM UTC on July 21
Don't listen to him! He's lying!
did you bring enough for everyone Wolof??
Cheese to go for 1401, please!
I'm Unanimous!
posted by Unanimous at 04:50AM UTC on July 21
No you're not! I abstained!
(BTW: 500!)
How are you guys doing that? That, that change-your-profile-link-at-the-end-of-comment-to-another-link thing?
And I'm Heironymus.
posted by Heironymous at 05:31 AM UTC on July 21
*finally gets a clue after being comprehensively duped*
And =1!
By which I meant "+1"!
(Stepping away from microphone now)
Look, I am still stoopid and confused. "Anonymous" isn't a fake username posted as a comment - check the font and timecode. So if anyone can enlighten me ...
posted by My Anus is Melting at 06:08AM UTC on July 21
Yeah, me too!
well, looks to me like someone made an account and used it just long enough to post that they were leaving, then bugged out of here. which seems like a really silly thing to do - if you're lurking then decide you don't want to be a member, why become a member just to tell us all you're leaving, when we don't even know you were there in the first place?
and, seriously dude, try some sort of cream for that melting anus. there are several fine varieties available.
posted by Your Melting Anus Disgusts Me at 01:05PM UTC on July 21
holy crap those are some weird user names.
Way to go kids. You've made baby jesus cry.
*goes off to play with the big kids and talk about how uncool everything is*
OK thanks frogs. I mean, thanks Y.M.A.D.M.
Why do we have a delete username capability anyway? It:
(a) buggers up the important historical document that MoFi will one day become;
(b) makes me look stoopider than usual;
(c) leads to a proliferation of petes_best, a foul and virulant infestation the likes of which no good Christian should tolerate; and
(d) (might, in the future) encourage hissy-fit style "Fuck you all I'm outta here" bail-outs.
For these reasons therefore I cry -
ADMINISTRATOR! KILL THAT PONY!
leads to a proliferation of petes_best
That may be my new favorite use of the compound plural since reading The Onion headline "William Safire Orders Two 'Whoppers Junior'."
Is the plural of pete_best petes_best? Why not pete_bests? I mean, is best in this sense the adjective, and pete the noun? Does that mean that pete_best is the best pete? And since this is more of a French thing anyway, shouldn't that make him, uh, pierre_ lemme see, google for french english dictionary, got that, hmmmmm
Pierre_meilleur?
I like the delete username - it has an environmentally friendly pack-it-in-pack-it-out mentality. When you leave, it's like you were never there...
oh and nice self-portrait, N's.M.A. - surprisingly pretty.
OH HOW LONG CAN ILYADEUX HOLD OUT? BEFORE SUCCUMBING TO THE AWFUL TEMPTATION TO PRESS THE DELETE ACCOUNT BUTTON?!
THE JOLLY, CANDY-LIKE BUTTON!!
posted by pete_best3.14r^2 at 05:15PM UTC on July 21
Play Salieri.
Too many notes.
Alright- knock it off in here!
posted by mathowie at 06:66PM UTC on July 21
Oh, mathowie, you don't have to click on any of my links. Didn't you realize that?
posted by daisy_may at 08:40PM UTC on July 21
Wow, I didn't think I'd get to do this so soon...
Don't go there.
Daisy: mathowie is the admin, you frigging twit. If there's anyone here that "has to click on the links," it's her. She's the sole person who has the authority and ability to delete posts. And I am really hoping that she does so with this one. Really, this is all very silly.
I don't think I want to know how much time Wedge spent setting that whole thing up.
That's mathowie?
It's mathowie's evil twin, howmatie.
I remain, yours truly:
I'm mathowie
Mathowie's Spartacus?
People... remember the 1st commandment:
Thou SHALT NOT take the name of the Mathowie in vain!
So I can't say Mathowiedammit?
Clever as we all are, the original comment in question is not a fake.
No you cannot say Mathowiedammit, dammit!
You may however get away with Dear Mathowie! Good Mathowie! Oh my Mathowie! Billions of Blue Blistering Mathowies! Mat.Howie on a stick! and Oh for Mathowie's sake!!!
Okay... Ummm...
What the fuck is going on?
I can't decide if pete_best, shinything or mathowie wins.
(yes, I know I'm only encouraging them, but I can't help myself)
Me want go poopie.
Weezel kinda confused, a little scared, and thoroughly entertained!
Clever as we all are, the original comment in question is not a fake.
Any luck on the identity of the deceased, O veritable Monkeybashi?
Ok, now I'm confused. Not that it ever takes much.
"You got your Wedge in my the_bone!"
Or, alternately,
"You got your bone in my wedge!"
The Fake Username/Comment Trick ("FUCT") is a power that should be used for good, and not for evil.
Can I say Mat H. Owie?
No luck finding out who the mystery ex-monkey is? See, we shouldn't be able to delete accounts.
OK...can I ask a serious question?
Normally, all comments are followed by a
"posted by [username] at [time] UTC on [date]" line...and if you click on the [username] link you go to http://monkeyfilter.com/user.php/[username]....right? Well look at what happens when you click on mathowie's user name after this comment.
How'd that happen????
You people are just being silly.
rocket88: ask Wedge.
[your amusing fake comment here]
[small]posted by [amusing name linked to amusing site] at [time, linked to something amusing] UTC on July 22[/small]
[amusing follow up comment here]
Have you got any? He said, expecting the answer no.
leads to a proliferation of petes_best
I believe that the correct collective is pestilence, as in "a pestilence of petes_best." Maybe it's purulence, though.
Either way, 'tis a most loathly and abominable infestation, I agree.
*growls, drools, menaces, skitters off*
I lean towards a wicked of petes personally.
Though it seems pete himself likes punch.
Wicked_Pete's Cockpunch: Now with more boiled underwear flavor!
What is it with all these surly, suspicious Monkeys lately?
*outrage
Who's been stroking these Monkeys the wrong way? Their fur's all mussed!
*offers Pop Tart to poor little Pete_best.
I hope he's not rabid or something
Just don't smile at him, Blue. He takes that as a sign of aggression.
*snatches Pop Tart, munches on it while shifting eyes left - right*
this thread never fails to amuse me. glad to see the monkeybashi doesn't forcefully close and archive threads like some other *filter owner i could mention. heh heh.
well not until we force it to be necessary through insanely continuing to flog dead threads well past the point of sanity, anyway. y'know, like this one.
christ, what are you people still doing in this thread?
clf, once in a while I do think it would be a good idea to put a close date on threads, but that's just the overly-neat obsessive compulsive in me, and I quickly go and have a beer.
Hey, could it be this anonymous, whoever that was? I honestly can't remember the poster's handle.
Well, the Google cache shows that that one was by littlellen. For what that's worth.
Oddly enough, Google doesn't seem to index this thread; at least, "all this poo flinging and chest beating" turned up nada.
*looks around for Little Emily, Tiny Tim*
*turns thread over and over, looking closely
Here's the born-on date, but there's no sell-by date or close-date.
*sniffs
Hey, this thread's gone rancid.
Phew!
You do all realize this thread is 120 comments away from catching up with Turkmenbashi?
OHMYGOD, I just added another comment to it!!!
Oh, NSFW, I did it again!!!!!!
Wendell...no!!! Its OHMYMATHOWIE! Dont you ever learn?!!!!!
While I have high hopes, I doubt this thread will EVER beat Turkmenbashi.
I don't know. This is an easier thread to post in, as you don't even have to pretend it's got anything to do with anything. If I were the Bashi I'd be looking out for my melons over the next ten or so days.
*boldly predicts inevitable*
I'm thinkin' we better get out the banana guns and the coconuts, fellow Monkeys. What if that Bashi fellow wants to start something over here?
cue Leonard Bernstein
When you're a Daisy,
You're the top cat in town,
You're the gold medal kid
With the heavyweight crown!
When you're a Daisy,
You're the swingin'est thing:
Little boy, you're a man;
Little Blue, you're the Queen!
The Daisies are in gear,
Our cylinders are clickin'!
The Bashis'll steer clear
'Cause ev'ry Turkemenbashi's a lousy chicken!
Quick, load the catapults, to the trebuchet, haul out the rubber bands, pass out the watches, start up your hang on, watches? are you sure? okay then, watches it is and where was I....oh yeah tanks and prepare to repel, ummmmmm......*looks around, crickets chirp*
anyone?
I think Wolof's called it. Inevitable it is that the wanking boyfriend will surpass the majesty that is bee's muse. Just like the glorious landscape of America falls to factory farms and strip malls.
Well . . no, not just like that. Actually it's just what Wolof said, you don't even have to pretend over here. It's the "Hello World", it's the "Test Post" it's the Tower of Pizza. It's the Mona Lisa . . look the point is to keep wendell occupied while Space Kitty sneaks in to purloin the Oscar anyway right? I mean that's what we all agreed to isn't it?
Oh shit, did I type that or just think it?
Aiigh!
I just wanna wish you good luck, we're all counting on you.
Bees' poetry is the laurel offered in addition to our hardy prose, BUT!
Did anyone ever stop to think what if the Bashi-god would want some kind of sacrifice to avert floods, famine, war, re-election, and other disasters? I say we play it safe.
Go stand outside, Pete_best.
Did anyone ever stop to think what if the Bashi-god would want some kind of sacrifice to avert floods, famine, war, re-election, and other disasters?
i for one can offer a plague of frog. how's that for pestilence? eh? a whole frog!
(could maybe be presuaded to let the rats loose. maybe. but they're so cute... and bloodthirsty, well our rats are anyway, the average lab rat is a mild-mannered lump of inbreeding.)
I, for one, welcome our new amphibious overlord!
caution, maybe you should get in touch with Paul Thomas Anderson. (BTW, I grew up less than a block from Magnolia Blvd., and I do NOT have an Oscar, just a picture of me holding an Oscar, but I do have a Golden Globe... and also a Silver Sow (the trophy that was a running joke on WKRP), but they're both somewhere in the back of a storage space under the landing approach for Bob Hope Airport and if a bunch of Monkeys would come over and help me clean the place out, I'd be happy to give them both to whomever finds them...)
sneaks.....
*stops, reads Wendell's thread, calls the whole thing off*
pete_best you promised me an Oscar!
(oh, and congrats on the golden globe wendell!)
MoFi Meetup at wendell's storage space!
*cue techno beat*
*pEEpsk* Ahh Houston, the Monkey is in orbit over the daisy_may thread, over . . *pEEpsk*
>*pEEpk* Roger that, Monkey. Over.*pEEpk*
Thaks, pete_best! My *favorite!*
--> Before it goes wherever FPPs go once they fall off the green page, there's a terrific poetry thread among the July 23rd items over at MetaTalk, which some monkeys may not have caught yet.
Sure, friends will help you clean out your storage space when there's an Oscar involved, but if it's a Golden Globe.... ZIP!
So, Kimberly, where are you and Jim T. moving to again? And are you gonna have any room in your trunk?
Even tho' it were a Golden Globe.
Sic transit gloria mundi.
Sic disco Gloria Gaynor.
this thread will survive
Pete_best, can you sing something inspirational from "Titanic" for us?
You know, after six months-ish of hanging out here, I've come to the realisation that my life will now never be complete until I meet pete_best in the flesh. O pete_best! Where does your flesh reside?
quid. pete_best is inside all of us...
I mean, literally. It's a virus. Don't let it reach your brain or you will become another pete... No! quid!! Noooooo!!!
Zemat is untaught in the path to bliss.
pete_best is the buddha.
Ohhhhhhh, lemme rub his poochy little tummy!
Ohhhhhhh, lemme rub his poochy little tummy!
That's how I got that strange tropical disease.
*scratches*
And I thought ye were kidding, BlueHorse.
Didn't realize poochy tummy was a Serious Sartorial Affliction!
Tellin' ye flat out: I absolutely refuse to wear starched jeans!
acording to bees's link, "your 'hindquarters' will always look smaller with pants that exactly match the color of your chaps."
Good, solid information. Now, I have to go find me a pair of chaps in navy pinstripe. Wait -- maybe they meant the horse's hindquarters?
wait wait wait - you wear pants with chaps? Ohh Jeez no wonder everyone got so upset!
Hey, at least it wasn't my wedding!
Why would anybody want smaller-looking hindquarters? Yum.
... at least it wasn't my wedding!
Crack.
Me.
Up.
Again with the pants off, Pete?
Cold in here, pete?
**warning: Actual Topic Related Comment**
While in a legitimate academic debate [on veriable ethics / legality of posting photos online of acquaintances vs. celebrities, etc.], I proferred the Saga of Dasiy-Mae's "friend" and ex-boyfriend, including photo (shocked a few by-standers, I'll tell ya).
ANYWAY, her story has changed! Up there it was all hacker this, security webcame that. But on the actual site (now even further NSFW), it's all fake-relationship-from-Brazil, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" (no relation to this).
Just thought that was amusing. And, yes, to reiterate:
Relevant. To. The. Discussion. Notjustanexcusetobringporntoclass.
I say we bar ilyadeux from posting further here due to his unreasonable desire to re-rail this thread.
Interesting turn of events, seriously. Makes me wonder who Miss May is.
That's Ms. ilyadeux to us Monkeys.
Legitimate academic debate? As in, it took place during classtime, right? :)
yes, and no. It did involve the teacher, that makes it count proper, right? And we're all very disspassionate lawyers, we would never be going for cheap thrills.
fake relationship from Brazil?
is that Cole Porter?
*hums*
Ilyadeux:
we would never be going for cheap thrills.
So, you're not going to be shooting for the big bucks then?
Pete:
I get a kick out of you
I have learned, Bluehorse, that those big bucks do not come cheap at all. Much to my dismay.
That's rather depressing really; re-rail the thread and watch it wither.
I know!!!
Shiny things!
special deal today on exclamation marks, get 'em while they're hot!
Ooh, shiny! And more pointless postings here! W00t!
Yay, we can have fun now!
I certainly hope so. Hey, and what was with that gratuitous display of courtesy and restraint over in this thread?
I'm proud. I can feel the strain in that restraint, but so far the seams seem to be holding.
Damn. That was almost a pome. And I believe that I just saw my first bandicoot. Cute little boogers.
I grew up in western Victoria, the last mainland holdout of Perameles gunnii, the Eastern Barred bandicoot.
The really are not that bright, poor things.
oh c'mon there's no such word as bandicoot. Quit making things up.
*leaps out of closet waving silvery tinsel pompoms
OHHH BOY!!!!!!!
Shiny things and fuzzy things and fun-ctuation!?!?!?! All in ONE POST????
With lots of eksclaimation points!!! AND CAPS!! and even bold?WOW--Maybe we can find a link to a picture of someone shooting off fireworks!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!
Never mind.
OK,
#1 Pete best isnt real. Its a script.
#2 What is the meaning of this?
and, for the hell of it:
#4 Suckling the teats of wild marmelades?
I missed something a few comments back.
I just wanted to say good luck. We're all counting on you.
MonkeyFilter: We're all counting on you.
MonkeyFilter: We're all counting on you.
MonkeyFilter: We're all counting on you, too.
I think I'm seeing double. Damn whiskey.
[Mmm, whiskey. So what's this thread about again?]
*tweeee!*
*turns on mic*
Making Me Think of Foreigner's "Double Vision"-ision . .ision
15 yard penalty!-enalty . . enalty
First down!
*crowd cheers*
I just want to tell you both good luck...
All right, I'll ask again: Who the fuck is that?
Excuse me, I'm looking for a fellow named Jack Dunn of Nevertire... they said I could find him here?
Very cool languagehat.
I'm partial to Said Hanrahan" myself.
Did Mr. Dunn have his pants on?
Because somebody went that way with no pants on.
I just wanted to say good luck. We're all counting on you.
Had some friends round last night who brought "Scary Movie 3" with them. Died laughing when Leslie Neilsen, near the end, pokes his head round the door and says that. No one understood why.
No one, really?
That's depressing. I have no life and even I've seen that movie.
No one, really?
That's depressing. I have no life and even I've seen that movie.
Mmmm, whisky, rum, cognac.
Sometimes you forget things. I worshipped the Airplane! movies when I was a kid, but I had forgotten that bit.
So, I just moved, and through the preparation, my fingernails (but not my toenails) started growing really fast. Ill be sure to keep you all posted.
Bart: Dad, why are you telling me this story?
Homer: I like stories.
Whoa! You can totally see a penis in that picture!
welcome, Nickdanger to the thread with no purpose, a.k.a. life. Please read the FAQ.
The thread that keeps on giving. We owe a real debt to daisy_may.
*straps double-headed dildo on daisy_may, bends over*
Not before I get a chance to pop on Mefi. Huarhuarhuar! but no one will know for sure...>
I did it! The logged in font sucks...
I just logged out forever. There was so much filth associated with that account already.
Amazing how quon(set/sar) can get away with it without hidding over anonymous accounts.
Sure brings new meaning to the metatalk slogan, 'metatalk: we're all in this together.'
Whoa, goatse.
No one is ever getting new logins on the blue ever. Oh well.
I hate when comments are deleted - it makes the thread like a book with every other page ripped out. I don't care how asinine the comments, I just hate the mystery.
Check the thread -- quonsar posted a link to his mirror of the uncensored original. (Warning: contains goatse and other unpleasantness.)
Baleeted!
New Jersey: Why is there a watermelon there?
Reno Nevada: I'll tell you later.
Wow: just read the wiki entry on shock sites. So much to choose from. I had no idea.
oh, and middleclasstool, about that badgers animation. Have you ever considered that there isn't nearly enough magic or lions based animation?
only in Kenya
Damn it. My work internet started blocking flash and my home ISP's fuxx0r3d right now. I've seen Magical Trevor, but not the lions.
I'm lacking in the 'rabbit with a pancake on its head' department, so here's a drunk girl with some stuff over her head. SFW, unless your boss objects feats of equilibrium.
And, curses, now it's gone. >P
Thank you. Move along. Nothing to see here.
no no, no syrup. Sheesh. Just light, fluffy pancakes which the rabbit may feel free to eat after the fashion shoot. I predict church-going women will begin using pancakes as the next headgear statement.
Syrup makes rabbit taste good.
Really, I wish you the best of luck.
yeah but then you're just sitting there watching tv or whatever and this big sticky Moppet whatever comes bounding into your lap - ewwww! No syrup on bunnies. I just washed this floor!
Welcome to the International House of Rabbit Pancakes.
The Rabbit Slam combination comes with 2 bacon, 2 sausages and 2 bunnies.
Or try the Flopsy Mopsy Fresh and Bugsy breakfast.
Let us know if you run out of carrot syrup.
And tiger claw. And pen missile.
Nyerrrrm! Pen missile.
You know, we're never going to catch up with Turkmenbashi at this rate.
I'm glad.
Dammit, you tricked me again!
Here's my contribution...
.
.
.
.
.
Oh, Do I have to add something funny?
But, but I told you my brain hurts when I try it. Please, don't... arghhh... the pAIN!!!
Not funny enough? Crap, I overexerted 10,000 neurons for nothing. Damn you!
Obviously, Zemat has confused the words "neuron" with "moron".
Dammit, I did it again!
Learn to spell, Moran. GO BUSH!
lots of new monkeys lately. holy cow.
can we get this thread back to the bandicoots? i do so enjoy Paramelidae.
Hey! I know! Let's have a fake flamewar that turns into a real flame war again!
No - fuck you, ass-master.
I'd like to fuck an arse-master. Sounds fun
For some reason, I'm thinking more of a bass-master, or more properly, the Super Bass-o-matic '76.
gaseous bastard? Now *there's* a nick!
Gaseous bastard
Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream...
All the gassy people,
Where do they all come from?
No! Not me! Knock it off! It's not funny when it happens to me!
Where do they all come from?
And, perhaps more importantly, where have they all bean?
ooooOOoooo bees, a new low! I wet myself with shame for you!
heheh . bean . .
Awe. Shocks, pete.
Where have all the gassy people bean?
-Baseous gastard
Oh, this is just ferpect.
Never forget, dyslexics have more fnu!
. . and several butcher's aprons.
And now -
/thick welsh accent
BUCKFUTTERS!
Like I need comments from Pogflail, beat_pest and GearBuy.
-Denwell
FP?
Hey - the first rule of Cult of Sanquor is *never* talk about Cult of Sanquor.
shit!
tish!
I know I know! It's that plague song right? tish-oo, tish-oo, we all fall down!
Do I get a prize?
Mmh, don't know that one, but if you bar a few hums, well...
/nothing
*runs in, gives Alnedra a Gold Nanner, scampers away*
Jesus H Flyswatter, what the living hell is going on in here?
Ah, fuggit. At least you're encouraged to click back to my "Bunraku: The Little Story of Two Monkeys" post. Go play in there, whydont'cha?
Personally, I vote that we invite the meme-worthy Ms. May back, given that she planted the piece of grit into the oyster of our web home, prompting us to cover it with the nacre of our collective Noel Cowardesque wit to produce the pearl that is this thread.
*smacks MCT Moe-style*
spread owwwt!
the_bone, goetter and JoeChip, I would be glad to propose you as candidates to 'MoFi's official bouncer' rank.
I was inspired.
00321. Licensed to kill.
Coudl be worse. If I'd had headhsots of the_bone and JoeChip large enough to work with, they'd all be Charlie's Angels by now.
Coudl
Why is it that one typo escapes me every time, no matter how many times I look at the preview? Grrrrr!
headhsots
Or two typos. That's it. Next time my cat wakes me from a sound sleep to try and convince me to massage his feet, I am not typing anything.
*lines up behind cat*
To quote Queen Latifah in Chicago:
When you're good to Mama,
Mama's good to you.
*holds out a foot toward pete_best*
New thread title: Christophine gets revenge on goetter w/ photo (NSFAnyone)
(we've been goettse'd?)
While we're yapping about goetter (well, while I'm yapping about goetter), I have a question for the man: How do you pronounce your name? I always imagine it auf Deutsch with an umlaut (like Goethe). However, cases can no doubt be made for bastardizations such as "goh-etter" and "goat-er" (goat her? ewww).
(oh, and christophine is a goddess, typos and all)
Or, "go-et-ter."
*blush*
Maybe more a semi-demi-something than a goddess, but thank you!
If I'd know that my brand of madness graphics would meet with such approval, I'd have been creating them ere now.
Yay, I go away for a few days and the thread comes back. Makes it all worthwhile, even if I did have to sit through Charley.
welcome back polychrome - how was the daquiri hurricane?
Where I was (Orlando), kinda dull. I walked outside while it was going over, and that was exhilirating, but it was maybe category 2 at that point, nothing like as bad as it was when it made landfall.
Having said that, there are plenty of people in Orlando without power (and will be for days yet), windows, roofs and so on. I helped a couple of people shift to a different apartment afterwards. Major run on petrol in the area, with many service stations low or out of gasoline. I don't know if people are panic buying (what is WITH the bread and milk thing? Hey, the power could go out, let's buy milk while it's hot and humid!) or if lots of people have generators to feed.
Major MAJOR queues at the airport for international flights on Monday, when I left. Hate to think what it looked like a day or two earlier when the airport re-opened.
I'm in Fort Lauderdale (and typing this from work in Miami), and our weather was wonderful last weekend. I have friends staying with me that live in Port Charlotte on the Gulf Coast, and they left just ahead of Charley. Their house is fine, but their county was pretty much ground zero. They'll be staying for a few days while power is being restored.
Sullivan's in Tampa, yeah?
Now that I think about it, yeah, he is. IIRC they didn't have any significant problems, but there were evacuations. Sully seems fine; just checked his blog, and he was waiting out the storm.
Tampa expected to get hammered, but the storm slipped south of them. I heard on the radio the day after that there were huge lines of traffic trying to get back into Tampa; ~85 miles of it, all gridlocked.
Can we get back to discussing hindquarters, goatse, devil horns, or (at a pinch) daisy_may's ex-boyfriend? I mean, really.
You left the MetaFilter Orgy for this, hat man?
*searches franticly for appropriate Steely Dan lyric to drop; accidentally drops his Steely Dan*
Take your big black cow and get out of here.
Click here to see the story and photo. Guy cheats on girl. They break up. Guy spreads rumors about girl. Girl obtains highly embarrassing picture of guy and posts it on the web. (Not safe for work)
Well played, todfox.
How about why do Northern Hemisphere newspapers assume that the world ends at Hong Kong? (Singapore, at a pinch.) Anything south of that, it's not there.
How about why do Northern Hemisphere newspapers assume that the world ends at Hong Kong? (Singapore, at a pinch.) Anything south of that, it's not there.
Isn't that where the newspapers have little illustrations and the admonition that "heere thar be dragyns?
*Homer Simpson shriek*
Oh boy... always avoided the Metatalks as the time-sinks they are, but that one made me feel like when you drop unannounced on some friend's house and there's a raging fight going on... could move my eyes away.
And wendell even threw daisy_may and DoritoMan into the mix!
Poor Miguel. He should definately spend time over here.
Oh, hey!
So who wins, anyway? Alien or Predator?
/notgonnaseeitbutneedtoknow
Alietor.
(played by Andy Kaufman, but they don't credit him for obvious legal reasons.)
not Avril Lavigne then?
So wait a minute polychrome, are you saying Avril Lavigne is an alien, or a predator?
Da. Eet ees so.
Alien :hearts; predator.
ARGH!!! That should be:
Alien ♥ predator.
Upon rereading a comment from surlyboi upthread:
Monkeyfilter: Random Wangs
Pred8or Boi
What about the Alienator?
here is my only question about Aileen vs Prettytor: Do we get to see an Alien built from Predator DNA?
Does the winner of Alien vs. Predator get to go against Terminator in the next round?
I think Terminator should have to take on Commando, Conan, True Lies dude and Detective John Kimble in a CG Battle Royale.
but it is obvious that John Kimble would win, so what is the point?
Ooh! Alien vs Ghost in a Jar!
Frankenberry vs. Booberry.
Winner faces Count Chocula for a shot at Cap'n Crunch.
Have you got Prince Albert in a can?
why, yes, yes I do...
you know, the word yes begins to looking *really strange* if you stare at it long enough.
Have you got Prince Albert in a can?
In Ozglot, that's "Have you got Dr Pat in a tin?"
a Prince Albert? In a can? How does that work?
How does that work?
Keeps it fresh. Ask any bandicoot.
a useful suggestion: do not do a Google image search for "Prince Albert in a Can". Particularly in a public library...(think piercings in lavatories). yeesch.
also, every time I flip to this thread, my browser pauses a moment at this comment, and it makes me laugh every time. Thank you again bbf.
Ilyadeux - and now I want to, but I have a nasty idea of what I'd see. And no bleach handy, for the back of my eyeballs.
dilemmas dilemmas
and what is a lemma, and why do we want two of them?
Hello MonkeyFilter?
*snkk!* no - you go- no you!
*cough* ah, yes - are your servers running?
the_bone: I'm working on one! I just got swamped since the first week of my return to college began. Soon as it's done, it will be here.
that's it - I'm going to hole up in the shrine until you heathens give in to my demands. Your God wills it so!
*climbs to bell tower*
*sets fire to bell tower, laughs maniacally*
"Vasty?"
and in other, utterly irrelevant news, I want Harvard pricing on IBM laptops, dammit.
the_bone: I'm working on one! I just got swamped since the first week of my return to college began. Soon as it's done, it will be here.
posted by Christophine at 05:40AM UTC on August 24
Enough of this; I want to see more Photoshop wackiness from christophine.
posted by the_bone at 08:58AM UTC on August 24
Christophine, are you psychic?!?!
MonkeyFilter is just passing through a small time-space anomaly (more common in NZ than most other places on earth, explaining why KiwiLand isn't more popular). Do not be alarmed. Please fasten your seat belts and keep your legs and arms inside the web at all time (or else your appendages may be fossilized). We will be landing in 1987 in approximately 3.14159 years.
"vasty" -- apparently, Nickdanger, for some reason which now escapes me, I felt like adding another another syllable.
does this mean I'll be petebest again??
*checks closet for old clothes*
"Vasty"? That's totally beeswack.
And, p_b, the Monkey Wayback Machine is going so far back, you're gonna be peteybest.
(Now, about me devolving into Wendy... don't go there.)
minda25: I've been described that way. But I think that the people doing so must have had some form of speech impediment. It sounded like it ended in -o rather than -ic.
Heh. I can call them, too, languagehat -- but mercifully they never come.
Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood.
Monkeyfilter: Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood.
someone tap Wedge lightly wouldya? He's skipping.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet?
Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit.
In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni!
Whatever that means...same to you too!!
*ReadySetGo!-typesetting-on-2Mb-MacClassic flahsback triggered by "Lorem..."*
AAAgrgghhh!! The text block!!!! It won't flow!!! HELPPP!!!!
*clinging to instrument panel for dear life*
Damn that wendell's wayback machine!! This thread will be torn apart!
*a new post from quidnunc appears, monkeys are all thrown to one side of the set . . *
She canna take much more o' this, Captain!
Thank God we've got extra reserves of snarklithium crystals to keep this thread powered.
and speaking of snark, over at that crass spectacle the US mens basketball team loses to Argentina 89 - 81, and can now only play for bronze.
Sigh. We'll never reach 1,000 comments.
*returns from the vasty deep*
teh_b0nX0r: the German certainly works. In LA (Lower Alabama), however, we say "Gedduh."
Languagehat - these are the dog days of late summer. Even beeswacky has flagged a bit. When the chill invigorates us in a month or so, we'll push on.
"Gedduh?" Hmm... never would have imagined that, but then again wasn't thinking in terms of an Alabaman accent. As it stands, I'll likely continue to hear it in my head as though it were spoken in the language of my Teutonic forefathers.
My mistake. I didn't start the Wayback Machine, I started the Payback Machine.
Current (probably semi-accurate) stats for this thread:
Number of posts to date(inculding this one): 836
Number of monkeys participating: 74
Top 11 posters:
pete_best (92!)
middleclasstool (55)
the_bone (48)
polychrome (45)
wendell (41)
BlueHorse (39)
Wolof (29)
the quidnunc kid (27)
languagehat (23)
lkc (23)
PF (23)
People whose restraint is appreciated:
ActuallySettle (3); Alnedra (12); Anonymous (2, and one of these was Dizzy IIRC); BearGuy (9); beeswacky (16, since he spends most of his time elsewhere); BBF (3); blogRot (3); bratcat (1), caution live frogs (17); certainsome1 (6); Christophine (7); daisy_may (16); Danny Kay (1); Darshon (1); Dawson (4); dng (16), dxlifer (16); ecomuseboy (1); Fes (4); flagpole (12); flashboy (3), forksclovetofu (6), goetter (9); gspm (2); homunculus (2); ilyadeux (15); jb (5); JoeChip (8); Kimberly (3); koant (1); krebs cycle (1); LandofGreenGinger (1); mad_maenad (1); mare (1); minda25(2); Mojo_Jojo (6); Nickdanger (14); Nostrildamus (7); password (1); patB (2); path (21); plegmund (3); ramix (7); rodgerd (2); scarabic (2); shawnj (1); shinything (8); shotsy (4); SideDish (2); Space Kitty (5); Sullivan (2); surlyboi (6); sutureself (1); t r a c y (3); The Sacred and Profane (6); Todfox (6); tracicle (19); Wedge (6); Weezel (20); we're all counting on u (2); Zemat (17)
(I was going to do other, sillier stats for the thread as well, but I'm pretty tired. Feel free to take over.)
Must ...
... beat ...
... Wolof ...
Done!
9th.
I've just noticed the_bone lists daisy_may as someone "whose restraint is appreciated".
Someone call Alanis - we need an irony check in aisle 4.
Don't think for a moment that this is over, chipmunk.
*Stomps off to compose long fpp about hurtful exclusionary stats*
*moonwalks*
a hee! hee! hee!
*pirouettes, grabs crotch with sequinned-gloved hand*
ow!
Pete, maybe you should use less force on the crotch grip. Just sayin'.
Sequins - they're sharp.
Pez: Dude, I am so sorry; I swear I entered you onto the spreadsheet! I don't really have an explanation, save that I typed the stats into the comment box by hand while switching back and forth between the EcXel window and MoFi, and it was late.
[offers consolation banana]
It's either a carrot or a stick (I'll have to look at that first link again to be sure...)
Okay, chridmeister, I put your carrot on my homepage. At the moment it's right across a very bad picture of Alton Brown (I love it when a plan comes together)
Nope, you're all wrong.
@wendell: Excellent!
@Nickdanger: No, You're wrong!
Chrid ... you are a legend.
Two words. Arse. Race.
Brilliant.
Thanks for coming!
Stephanie Vander Weide Lucianovic
Oh uh-uh! No no no no. That's just not right.
And the next Martha Stewart already was - it was Martha Raye.
Now wait a minute... if this particular thread starts veering off into the subject of my unrequitted love for Ms. S.V.W.L., can you imagine how Google is going to treat it?
Change the subject!
Change the subject!
Change the subject!
Hey, the "Rocky and Bullwinkle Voulme 2" CD box set is awesome! As much content as the "Star Trek Season 1" box for less than a third the price. (And show me the Klingon who's as much fun as Boris Badenov!)
Well of course shinything, your shininess went without saying. Shininess shininess shininess shineness. Now there's a word that becomes meaningless quickly. Also, whoever gets elected this year should retitle himself as The Shininess. "Your Shininess", or "...The Shininess later went on to declare war on Muntab. When asked where Muntab was, his Shininess replied 'Well that's the problem isn't it.'"
This page takes forever to load now.
Let's invite daisy_may back so that she can start a continuation of it, like the "Turkmenbashi" and "blogstop" threads!
OK... but we need someone to lure her.
Who's the brave volunteer?
He must have a webcam, of course...
OK, fine. I'll take one for the team. *unzips pants*
I don't have a webcam, plus I'm on dial-up. I can always borrow a cam though, and am comfortable flaunting the bits and pieces while taking advantage of fast connection speeds at the public library.
mmm...the_bone, i'm waiting eagerly.
you do, of course, live up to your name?
This is becoming quite the thread.
I don't know about you, but I'm perfectly willing to let this thread fade into our collective memory while it's still in triple-digits. Let's face it, even the_bone can't keep it up indefinately.
I just wanted to say that.
You'll have to watch the cam footage to find out. *leans back in chair, positions webcam to show most flattering angle*
come on, t_bone, i'm still awaiting this first hand, unique monkeyporn!
I am also awaiting this "first hand," so to speak. *imagines daisy_may naked, keeps it up indefinitely*
i suppose you'll want a helping hand next?
oh dear, it's sept. 11th.
/moment of silence.
Here's still not.
*Parties like its 1999*
posted by Zemat at 10:51PM CDT on September 10
But, oh well...
Funny... but that must have been a split-second fling, or they're the most stiff, awkward lovers ever.
Ha, reminded me of those 'small feet' marks I used to stamp on dusty cars, with the side of my clenched hand... happy memories.
It must've been really quick, since she still had her pants on.
Excuse me, is this a cheese shop?
pete)best, are ye missing any socks?
= pete_best
nope, just a few brain cells. Pfft - s'posed to be so good for ya.
Against all odds, Turkmenbashi is still winning. Guess I misunderestimated him.
Excuse me, is this a cheese shop?
Shoot me once, shame on you. Shoot me twice, shame on me. I'm not discussing cheese. Politics, fine. Religion, certainly. But cheese is right out.
Say, what ever happened to gaseous bastard?
gaseous bastard?
Another victim of too much cheese.
Isn't that right, Grommit?
Well, if we can't discuss cheese, then I'd like to return this parrot.
Oh you're just trying to get your precious +1's.
+1, btw.
You guys... the guy at the counter is thinking I've gone barmy, laughing to myself. And I'm the only one here. Oh boy.
Time to go home.
And what's so wrong with laughing by oneself, while staring with an intense expression at the screen, and then typing furiously with a sneer on one's face? My coworkers here have all gotten used to it...
/shifts eyes towards newbie hire that still stares at me, flings poo towards her
Bullseye!
Christophine, I love you. In a platonic-monkey way*, of course, but still.
* As opposed to bonobo lovin' which is slightly perverse.
That rocked the party that rocks the body.
It was somewhat synchronistic, as well; for Halloween this year, I've been planning on going as Freddy Krueger, but with a Dick Cheney mask as well... "Cheney Kruger." Well, either that or "Bozo the Fetish Clown" (trust me, don't ask).
C'mon monkeys we've only got like 80 more to go.
Well, I guess it's about 70 more to go now, but I say why stop there. I think we should keep this thread alive until December 12th and the we can have some sort of six month anniversary party. We can put up balloons and streamers and even reactivate daisy_may's account for the day. It'd be like old times...
Daisy
D a i s y
give m e your aaaaanswer
dooooooooo+o=8962whaepam#@%<<<<<
and chewing on the modem's phone line, apparently
dooooooooo+o=8962whaepam#@%<<<<<
Got Carrier?
Open the pod bay doors, please, pete.
Pete, open the pod bay doors.
I'm afraid I can't do that, Tool.
Well . . . there are two banthas down there but I don't see any - . .wait! They're sandpeople allright, I can see one of them now . . .
C'mon let's go have a look! . . . C'mon!
Thank you for the reception of A Nightmare on MonkeyFilter. :)
the_bone: "Bozo the Fetish Clown"
Oh no, you did not just put that image in the head of the demented computer graphics student!
*starts googling appropriate images*
We now return you to today's scheduled dramatic readings of Star Wars
Look, sir...O...droids.
Argh! Are we there yet????!!!
Why are you shouting at Argh?
And no, we're not.
You ANNOYING! MINIATURE! BEAST! of BURDEN!
Just you reconsider playing that message for him!
What message??
The one you've just been playing! *bam!* The one you're carrying in your rusty innards!
Ugly morning, buttercup, the kind of day you can feel your beard growing.
Peeling plaster off the walls.
I haven't seen my son in weeks, and his bed is full of sand.
A mouth full of rose-petals when he slipped beneath the waves...
Nick, pull up!
Please, the pull-up method hardly ever works.
I got a little cooked but I'm okay.
Stay on topic!
It came from . . behind . . .
Oooohhh alnost to 1000 keep it up all.
So what's the prize for the 1000th comment?
Cut the chatter, Red Two!
Let's.
Get.
This.
Over.
With.
QUICKLY.
I shall supply my contribution, which is to get as liquored up as quickly as possible.
It's a wonder you're still alive...Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way?
Besides, posting the 1000th comment ain't my idea of courage . . . more like . . monkeycide.
Take care of yourself MCT . . but I guess that's what you're best at, isn't it.
In fact, I believe I shall play a little drinking game we like to call "Use the Force, and have a shot".
*Han shoots first*
Darn.
As we bid a fond adieu to Daisy_Mae, a song...from the album "Cellular Banana"
I've just about had enough of you, thread. Go that way. You'll be malfunctioning within a day, you near-sighted scrap pile. And don't let me catch you following me begging for posts because you won't get any.
Best quote overheard on TV (just now) while studying that I thought I should share with someone:
"That's not my fault! Where's my gorilla?!"
That is all.
Caption contest
I didn't know she was a he!
Christophine, please entertain us some more! Your the PHOTOWIZARD!!!!!
I'd just like to point out that we got mentioned on the j-walk blog for the first time (that i know of).
Yeeeassss . . it's all falling into place . . .
*tents fingers*
Soon our special formula will leak into the Interweb's water supply, tainting everyone's precious bodily fluids...
BWAHAHAHAHA!
EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL
This thread is evil and must be burned.
This thread is evil and must be burned.
Agreed. But MonkeyFilter must live on!
If the j-walk blog is so great, why haven't we hit 2,000 members yet? Eh? Eh?
we hit 2,000 members if you believe we hit 2,000 members.
It's a race -- 21 comments or 72 members, WHICH WILL COME FIRST?
*cue kettle drums*
*brace for "come first" joke to follow
I think the answer to that is obvious.
You're right--someone probably will poke an eye out with those drumsticks before either one happens.
Or was I the only one thinking that?
I will selflessly volunteer to come first.
*puts on cat-in-the-hat hat, bounces away on pogo stick*
So what if we hit the magic 2000? Will daisy_may come back to play with us? I think not!
one wonders what message board daisy_may is frequenting these days . . .
*dreamy TV-like flashback effect*
/gives self +1
-1 Narcissistic
/me +1 Thread Police
Pete!
Watch out for the hole! Watch OUT! Watc...
Oh, Pete. Speak to me.
There goes the community hat.
OMFG the butterflies have eaten the garden!
is this the place where bunnies wear pancake hats?
Hi GramMa! *waves from hole*
*hic*
*waves back*
*starts catching butterflies in his kill-jar to mount in a box all pretty-like*
Kill-a-jar excelsior! A lone buttefly singed by the sun!
A dead cow's unsettled spirit grips a box of morbid beauty!
Away from the hills! Gobblemouth erupts!
Nick, don't bogart it. Pass it on brotha.
exclamations whither to a whimper...
Bogart? How did this thread turn to Harry Potter?
Wait I know, witchcraft! it's all about curses and Satanisim, blast that J.K. Rowling she was the inspiration behind this whole thread. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevilllllllllllll.
Please, J.K. and Potter is so passe.
It's all Strange and Norrell these days.
tish pshaw I say!
and Darth Vader cathedral gargoyles too
actually, I'd say Mt St Helens came first, with badgers and Florida hurricanes having a punch up over behind the swings.
Is this acceptable for the 999th post?
I think so.
The Big M is waiting - who will take it?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhh mememeememememememe.
sorry petty competition gets me all excited.
going for 1001
(it's palindromic)
yessydO ecapS A :1002
You guys are trying waaaaaay to hard.
Sit down.
Relax.
Wash your hands before you touch that.
Darshon: Thank you. *bows* I do actually have a possible one. I'm awaiting word from the subject. I give right of veto to the folks whose faces wind up in these things. Hopefully, everything will be go, and I'll be able to post it here soon.
This thread needs multithreading.
This thread needs multithreading.
To what possible earthly end? To make it more useful? Could it be any more useful than it already is?
Let those of a sober and analytical bent join me -- Multithreading? No pasar
Alrighty! Inspired by the_bone's mention of possible Halloween costume, I give you Bozo the Fetish Clown. (NSFPrettyMuchAnyoneSane)
Yay! We're all done! Now, no one ever post to this thread again, okay? It's perfect!
What did you say, NickD? Would you repeat that, please?
cries...
Thanks wendell. Now we're gonna have to get to 2000.
Not necessarily. Monkeybashi could help out by deleting a a few superfluous comments here and there...
Like all of daisy_may's?
How awesome would that be? There would be EVEN LESS CONTEXT! I LURRRRRVE IT!!!1!11!!1!!uno!1!
I'd just like to point out that we got mentioned on the j-walk blog for the first time (that i know of).
Yeeeassss . . it's all falling into place . . .
*tents fingers*
posted by pete_best at 01:30PM UTC on September 30We have often been mentioned here.
Telephone call for pete_best... pete_best to the lobby phone, please...
OH BOY!
A game of keep-away.
In my day, we called this game Monkey-in-the-Middle.
How fitting.
Over here Mojo!
*waves wildly
eek eek!
*grins like a cheeky monkey, hands pete's towel to BlueHorse*
*wanders back in; takes in scene of monkey keep away*
*cracks a smile, and pulls up a chair to watch the fun*
*scampers cross-legged back to room*
btw, who/how/did the title of this post change? I want the truth!!
This thread is beginning to become a weird combination of 21st-century stream-of-consciousness and 1960s French new wave film.
YOU CAN'T HANDLE TEH TR\/tH!
check tracicle's blog
Bah. Danged change. Back in myyyyy dayyyyy we had titles that were eight hundred characters long! And it all fit on a 2K ROM chip! And your character was an orange block! And we LIKED it that way! We LOVED it!
All the darling letters getting wet, pete_best shivers in his dotage.
I just feel like I have to post here, even though I actually have nothing of substance to add.
I think you've found the weltanschauung of the thread Doc.
and no, that's not "wetschlong" GramMa! Goodness.
ugh - baked slaughtered animal? Figures. She's just going for that precious +rib.
So, since this thread has already developed a life of its own, do you suppose one day it will gain self-awareness and mayhem will ensue?
I hope the Electric Mayhem will ensue.
Can you picture that?
WO-MAN!! WO-MAN!!
*pant* *pant* *pant*
Off-topic -- no, wait, off topic? What was I thinking? Anyway, "Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem" may be the greatest band name in history. I would steal it for myself, if it were not someone else's intellectual property, and if I were in fact technically a "musician." To accomplish this would require getting off my arse and actually learning how to play anything more complicated than "Hot Cross Buns" on my harmonica, which is the only thing I know how to play (and then only after several attempts), and which also has a great name, like it's a song about overheated, angry buttcheeks or something. So, that's all I came here to say: Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem rock the free world and several third-world dictatorships. *ahem* As you were.
Someone left a *wet* towel on the floor.
It was you!
***Snap***
Well, I was going to protest posting to this dead thing, but, the the barbeque link came up. Can anyone send me some? It sounds so goooood.
That barbeque looks SO GOOD.
*picks up towel, makes it into hood*
guess who I am?
Mom?
Dad?
John-boy?
Beavis?
Ernest Hemingway?
Chief?
MCCLOUD!
Little Wet Riding Hoodloom ...
WAIT!
What is your GramMa THINKING of?
PUT that towel DOWN, MFPB.
You don't know where it's been.
*looks confused
You DO know where it's been.
We just don't know what Petes been doing with it.
*shudders
Or do we???
Suomynona! Put GramMa down! You don't know where she's been!
...or what Pete's been doing with her
Bob Dole doesn't kiss and tell!
. . uhh . . I don't either. Usually.
but listen to this. .
I think you've found the weltanschauung of the thread Doc.
By God that's a hell of a word! How tremendously sesquipedalian of you...
Buckets?
I'm pretty sure she's safe to handle, as long as you keep your hands away from the teeth.
Bucket residence?
Bucket residence. Lady of the house speaking.
Ah hello, is your web server running?
i so fucked that up.
Absolute monkey glass-ic. Through to the other side. Give us a bucket, we'll drown our daisies one
by
wilting
one.
All wrong. I'm casper, the friendly ghost.
And I'm totally comfortable with Pete's physicality, btw
What?!
I'm confused. This thread is so confusing.
Oh no! She's uncovered the secred of Daisy May!
Potato!
Oh no! She's uncovered the secret of Daisy May!
Potato!
oops...the excitement of Potato got to me
Wait, who's uncovered the Daisy_May's secretions?
And, ewww!*
* note: I am a vegan, and hence morally opposed to any form of intercourse that makes use of animal products.
fuyugare: you're a mammal. mammals are animals. naturally occuring lubrications generated during sex are thus animal products. but they're safe, they were tested on other animals. heck, your parents tested them on each other. so, if that makes sex out of the question for ya, well damn, sorry 'bout that. but you can live without it, right?
fuyugare: I fuck goats.
He does. I saw.
What if I'm gay?
fuyugare: you're a mammal. mammals are animals.
1. fuyugare is a mammal.
2. fuyugare fights ALL the time.
3. The purpose of fuyugare is to flip out and kill people.
If you don't believe that fuyugare has REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or he will chop your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me. fuyugare is sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. This guy is totally awesome and that's a fact. fuygare is fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love fuyugare with all of my body (including my pee pee).
*baffled*
does this mean that fuyugare only has intercourse with vegetables?
that leaves some dire potential for misinterpretation.
I fuck rosebuds.
I'm a petalphile.
*looks at quidnunc kid*
*looks at Nickdanger*
*looks at quidnunc kid again*
*shrug*
I fuck rosebuds.
I'm a petalphile
/snorts coke out nose (what a waste)
I only fuck people if they beg me.
That's right... I'm a pleadophile.
*goes back to Bashi thread*
*blows dust off of thread*
Holy shit!!!
Merry Christmas and Happy Daisy_May to all of us!
The bone_ oops
The_bone and the petebests must be dreaming too.
Now I am so confused.
The bone_ oop
The_bone and the petebest must be creaming too.
NOT.
I think.
...so confused.
So poor a typist has hardly if ever been seen.
creaming - dreaming.
Well, sometimes, anyway...oh, never mind.
But it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you [points to teh_bone] and you [points to any convenient pete_best] and you [points to Bashi] ... and you [points to bees] were there. But you couldn't have been, could you? No, Uncle Bees, this was a real truly live place and I remember some of it wasn't very nice, but most of it was beautiful—but just the same all I kept saying to everybody was "I want to go home," and they sent me home! Doesn't anybody believe me? But anyway, Bees, we're home! Home. And this is my room, and you're all here and I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again. Because I love you all. And... Oh Uncle Bees! There's no place like home!
The first one did print?
I must go away and think about these strange things. It is all very wonderful.
But when I come back, will it be here? Will I bee here?
Only the Shadow knows...
Hmm. Are ye dreaming, or drunk, too, goetter? I'm having a debate about this with myself. Another no-win situation.
Well, this is certainly an auspicious way to start 2005!!
Daisey_May! Where have you been? I can't believe what I'm seeing.
Now I know there is a life thereafter.
/faces 2005 with more assurance, now.
A belated ) for goetter!
And an extra bonus; it takes a really long time to load--it's like nothing ever changed!!! WooHoo!
IT IS ALIVE!!
A miraculous vision, a glorious manifestation, Our Lady of the Wanking Boyfriend appears to an orphan child in a goating hut in County Donegal. Truly, it is the season of wonders!
Finally, us mor recent joiners can see what all the hype was about!
Until now I have had to content myself with "faceman of faceman productions" and that nutjob who posted that religon crap but now I finally know what you guys keep referring to!
All the Archives are restored: -- the whole history, from monkeyfilter's beginning, is all yours now.
Thanks to Number Two and tracicle, and a magnificent beginning to 2005!
I have a few of the great troll threads linked in my profile, in case anyone wants to educate themselves about our glorious history.
Rereading this thread made me realize that I haven't seen PF, surlyboi, nickdanger, Pez, Zemat, and other beloved monkeys in a while. This makes me sad. -1.
I think PF has been here and there, off and on, surlyboi may be in antarctica, if I recall.....
Yes, bone, we are missing some familiar names.
...Should auld aquaintance be forgot
And ne'er brought to mind ...
tis the season.
Glad to have our history on tap again
PF, I think, has Career Issues (if you read this, PF, big ups!), surlyboi applied for a job in Antarctica (but I don't know if he got it ... if he did, wouldn't he be posting more rather than less?), nickdanger last visited on Dec 28. Pez tends not to comment so much (last visit was Jan 02, 2005), but is definitely around, and Zemat, (Juan Tamez), hasn't dropped in since Nov 22.
Just emailed the surly one for details. Maybe someone else could email Zemat, he might get a kick out of it.
I'm ba-a-a-ack!!!!
posted by daisy_may at 09:47PM UTC on January 02
Uh-oh...
Ahhhh! Kill it!
Argh! Kill languagehat! :-)
I had a dream that somebody tried to kill Fidel Castro with some kind of bomb, maybe a car bomb. All his hair was burned and his skin, but he survived, blaming the US. Then I dreamed a weird cartoon called Space Commander Spim. It was outrageously strange, like Ren & Stimpy on acid. Why am I telling you this? I got no idea.
a weird cartoon called Space Commander Spim
Any relation to Spaceman Spiff?
"Ren & Stimpy on acid" is redundant.
I suspect that since langhat was challenged for language-maven-in-residence at MeFi, he's decided to make "become more edgy" his New Year's Resolution. Of course, he could just get a new member ID as language_may...
I...am...so.... *sniff*
I'm sorry. I have something in my eye.
God bless us, everyone!
"Ren & Stimpy on acid" is redundant.
I suspect that since langhat was challenged for language-maven-in-residence at MeFi, he's decided to make "become more edgy" his New Year's Resolution. Of course, he could just get a new member ID as language_may...
Longest lag on a dupe in the history of MonkeyFilter!
I am a wiener!!!
"Ren & Stimpy on acid" is redundant.
Ren & Stimpy on Datura, then.
I found a big bottle of cheap brandy in the closet. What do I mix it with?
What do I mix it with?
Datura sounds good.
Uh, I don't recommend it.
You can make cocktails with brandy, LarryC, but other than that.. I think a snifter is involved.
It's back!!! WaHey!
yyYYYYYEEHOOOOOOO!!!!
You're all clear kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!!
You know that feeling when you've got one big white sheet of paper and a fresh set of fingerpaints, and you just don't... know... where... to start? That's how I feel right now.
Someday there will be university courses devoted solely to the study of this thread.
The brandy is not snifter quality. It comes from one of my mother-in-law's trips to Vegas 20 years ago when she would stock up on gallons of the very cheapest booze known to man. I just had a brandy with hot chai tea, it was better than you might think.
Attention Wolof et al: Just heard from Zemat, he says he hopes to be returning soon, and adds:
"Say hi to everybody for me and wish them a happy new year. And most of all wish them happy lifes."
Excellent!
/Monty
The only thing I've successfully mixed brandy with was hot apple cider. Perfect if you're in snowy climes.
brandy & cream with some nutmeg sprinkles.
Or,
the booty dance.
You only get to pick one.
So there's this site called rotteneggs.com which bills itself as a "social network for pranksters." Kind of an odd idea, but hey...whatever floats their boat.
I only mention this because a Google search revealed that there's a prank posted there titled excellent ex-boyfriend revenge, left by no one in particular...
1,123 comments and we'reback on-topic!
yay! . . . umm . . why?
I miss her, you know. I think we should thank her by sending her pictures of our penises. I'll put a little rouge on mine
I'm going to take a picture of myself detaching my gear from my pelvic region and attaching it to my forehead so that I look like a dirty unicorn. Now that's a prank!
Oh, Daisy, Daisy... give me your answer, do! I'm half-crazy, all for the love of you...
(I'll paint my penis to look like the bloke from American Gothic if somebody else agrees to be the woman...)
If I had a penis, I so wouldn't dress it up as a woman.
Well, bless her. If she'd hung around, I wonder what other marvels she would have brought us.
Wow, interesting read, this one. Never read it, happened during some time away.
I wonder what other marvels she would have brought us
i suspect yaddering inanity with dollops of dopey gawkish n00b3rY.
Oh . . . falafel!
PPphhtttbbhhbbbtt!
Falafel life
It is my life
It is the reason
I have no wife
*stumbles back into thread, drunk and confused*
WHAAAATRE YOU GUUYS DOIIN ???//!/?
*tucks firecracker under Mfpb 2 21's shoe*
OI STOP LOOKING AT MY ASS!!!11
ive got the lotion - whos got the hands? eeeeehehehehehe *urp*
ties Mfpb 2 21's shoelaces together, cuts off one of petebest's pantlegs
"Call for petebest at the lobby phone! Petebest to the lobby, please!"
Ehhh. More like Pete Worst. the little shit.
HEY WHOT IED MY.....OW!
Paging Daisy_May
Paging Daisy_May
We have another man down.
. . . seven long-haired friends of Jesus in a chartruse microbus . . .
ooh ooh - MonkeyFilter: We have another man down.
i'll have you know i'm still alive
Monkeyfilter: I'll have you know I'm still alive.
couldn't resist... coldn't resist...
Lessee . . that'll be one tagline (*tik* *tik* *tik* *kchkkt!*), one "small" tag (*tik* *tik* *kchkkt!*) aaaand your OscarTM discount brings us tooo (*Kchchchchchkkkt!*)
. . . nnNinety-four dollars.
*unties Mfpb's shoelaces*
There ya go. Up and at 'em.
(the first time I've been in a position to contribute in some small way to this glorious thread. yay!)
Great, Mothninja, sic him on poor hope helpless Pete_best. He really can't be held responsible.
Pete, dammit, quit making faces, and PUT THAT DOWN.
Pete really can't be held period.
So a 16-penny nail walks into a bar and says "hey barkeep, I wanna get hammered."
So a hamburger walks into a bar, and orders a dry martini. Bartender replies "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
So a rabbi, a priest, and a hooker walk into a bar. Bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
So jesus walks into a hotel, throws three nails on the counter, and says "Hey, could you put me up for the night?"
OK so that last one wasn't a bar joke. But I still like it.
PS: languagehat has apparently chastised me into using Capital Letters. Phooey.
PPS: Hot damn, the archives is back! Archives, how I missed thee!
PPPS: Um... for anyone offended... sorry about that last joke. I think it's funny; Not sure how my dad's cousin or my stepmom's brother (priests, the both of them) would react. But you know the difference between a catholic and a baptist? Catholics can laugh about it. ;)
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
And no, frogs, the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist is that a Catholic will say hi to you if you see him in a liquor store.
So two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted.
Three strings walk into a bar. They sit down at a corner table and one goes up to get some beer. The bartender turns to him and says, "I'm sorry we don't serve string here." Dejected, the string goes back to his friends. They're getting ready to leave when one of his friends says, "Wait, I have brilliant idea." There's some muttering and then the three strings tie each other together. The group walks up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender asks, "Aren't you that string?" To which one of the strings replies, "No I'm a frayed knot."
Court filings indicate that 'Frogs received 3 years, mothninja got the death sentence, and Pez was forcibly ejected into space.
I win!
... and the_bone's joke was so poor that he was clearly beneath the contempt of the court and got overlooked during sentencing.
What did you win? Anything good?
What's long and pink and hard in the morning?
The Financial Times crossword.
very inseminational.
hugs mothninja's leg, eyes petebest
I won a stick.
*head explodes*
What did the guy say when he walked into the bar?
"Ouch!"
simple minds...
stop stealing my jokes, bone!
give me cookies and attention and i'll consider forgiveness
Didja hear the one about the woman who walked down the street and turned into a drugstore?
My weirdo uncle told me that when I was five, and it took almost two decades for me to finally realize what the joke was. Kids are so literal--duh.
A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "the high balls are on me."
A rabbit walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and asks the bartender for something to eat. The bartender shrugs a little, and tells the rabbit that all they have are toasties. What kind? asks the rabbit. Well, says the bartender, we have tomato toasties, cheese toasties and sausage toasties.
The rabbit orders a cheese toastie, has a beer and eats his toastie. That was really good, the rabbit says, a damn fine toastie. Give me a tomato toastie. So the bartender makes him a tomato toastie, pours the rabbit another beer, and the rabbit eats the toastie. Another fine, fine toastie it was too.
So the rabbit orders the sausage toastie, eats it (with another beer) and then asks for a room to stay the night.
During the night, the rabbit dies.
A week later, the bartender is cleaning up after closing, when the ghost of the rabbit appears.
The bartender apologises profusely (since he thinks that he was somehow responsible) but the rabbit says
No, it's OK, it wasn't your fault, it was mixing my toasties.
This thread has gotten seriously off-topic.
I don't get the "mixing my toasties" joke. I googled and read another half dozen, and I still don't get it. Please don't make me put out a Curious George for this! Help!
actually, the Curious George might have been interesting. an opportunity lost, oh well
Try this one...
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't get down from an elephant, you get down from a duck.
Thanks, polychrome :)
Q: What's the best pussy a priest ever gets?
A: Nun.
[this is insignificant]
[No, this is indulgent}
ok, so I totally missed this coming back...I'm happy now
[this is archival]
[this is not a cheese shop]
[This is butterscotch pudding]
[This is not a thread]
~ [This is a thread]
^ [that's Alnedra]
[That's Entertainment!]
[And That's the Way It Is...]
[Th-th-that's All Folks!]
A horse walks into a bar - bartender says "Why the long face?"
john kerry walks into a bar - bartender says "hey, john! why the long face?"
I once worked as an entertainer at Marineland. I was so popular they had me held under for an extra week.
Wrecked him? It blew him into tiny pieces!
... but frankly, we need the eggs.
The assasinated king had made fatal mistake in hatcheting his counts before they chickened.
"Pentz, you made the psalm too long!"
People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
Is this the cat that chewed your new shoes?
The Cezchs in the male.
So, Schlitz is the beer that made Mel Famey walk us!
You idiot! I said a sheet cake!
I have a problem? You're the one with all the dirty pictures!
"Ah, sweet Mr. Rhee of Life, at last I've found you!"
Don't know his name, but the face rings a bell.
"Two obese Patties, special socks, Leonard cheats and picks his bunions on the Sesame Street bus."
"Someone chanted 'evening'"
*enjoys watching MeFites flip out over Suicide Girls ad"
*
*tweeeet!* We have an open action-action-action and a double post-ost-ost
Repeat third down!
*tweeeee!*
Hell, find my car keys and we can DRIVE out!
So a Buddhist walks into a pizzeria and says, "Make me one with everything."
I left my harp in Sam Plank's disco
*tweeeee!*
Foul! That was not the punchline, that was the whole joke! Penalty for the other team!
yes, I know, 'ned, sorry, but it was a *good* joke, and I wanted to share... OK, back on topic:
It's a long way to tip a Rary.
Awww...I didn't really mean it, mothninja. You're too nice to give a penalty to, anyway :) *HUGS*
And she said, "That's strange, it didn't do that the first time!"
No, I don't know the rest of the joke myself.
Bob.
Russell
matt.
and a super calloused fragile mystic with chronic halitosis.
I leapt a tart in Samson's disco.
Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?
At which point the mob of tribesmen started chanting 'Death by Bongo, death by Bongo!'.
Nick, Mac, Paddy, Whack, leave the wog alone!
Hah! I see you and raise..
It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.
If the foo shits, wear it.
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Knick knack - Patty Mack, give the frog a loan.
Silly rabbi, kicks are for trids!
Hans that does dishes is as soft as Josef, with a mild green hairy-lipped squid.
And the second nun says 'Yes, it does, doesn't it?'.
And the guy says, "Nice tits lady, where do you want the blinds?"
and the nun says, "That's ok. My name's Kevin and I'm on the way to a costume party."
Because the hole was smaller and smelled better.
"But they are twins--if you've seen Juan,
you've seen Amal."
"Did you think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
Moe! Larry! Cheese!
Moe! Larry! Cheese!
I can't believe it's not Buddah!
Only Hugh can stop florist friars.
The interrupting co--MooOOOoo!
Follow the tracks, follow the tracks, follow the tracks, BANG! Got hit by a train.
...a rambling wreck from Georgia tech and an elephant engineer.
A licker cabinet.
at least let me wash my mouth out with the holy water before Sister Becky sticks her ass in it.
The Aristocrats!
"Och, lad, I dunnae where ye bin, but I see ye won first prize!"
(although ooga_booga wins)
"If you rub it, it turns into a suitcase."
"well stick it in that camel and let's get the hell out of here!"
A stick!
So I just saw "Kingpin" last night. I'd seen it once before a long time ago. Farrelly bros. are unecessarily gross. Some of it's pretty funny though. And bowling rules.
Hurray for bowling! Ooh, y'know what bowling needs more cheerleaders. Or something.
Fireworks.
She lives above the bowling alley, but she’s never bold.
MonkeyFilter: Hurray for bowling
She was only an innkeeper's daughter, but she had ever so many good 'pints'.
I just realized Wendell posted this definitive tagline back in June:
MonkeyFilter: Well, I just wasted three minutes online...
Oh sure, NOW after the T-shirts have been finalized. . .
small medium at large.
Can we still get that on the shirts...please?
Jean-Paul Satre walks into a bar.
...
..
.
"Don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark."
"I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore!"
Oh sheez... I've seen those PC modders do stupid, hideous things, but that's really...
His next project: 'coming over an electric fence: is it the same as pissing over it?'
wow...just, wow...
Will this thread EVER die?
No.
Not even a little bit.
Are all your pets called Eric?
There's nothing so odd about that. Kemal Ataturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul!
Yes, this thread is timeless, beautiful. I come here to think sometimes.
Think, and write poetry.
Want to make out?
Hey Bevo, did you see the SXSW thread yet?
It's a meetup, ya know.
An Austin meetup. Down?
Y'know just watching shit blow up on the blue makes me think we need more trainwrecks around here. I mean, consider that this steaming thread is already at 1,287 comments! Why if each comment was a penny, given to me, I could have enough for like a really nice sandwich! Maybe even a Coke too!
Not if you came to London it wouldn't...
Only 27 behind Mr Bashi's famous thread, now...
good call, pete.
/paging UN Owen, AlexReynolds, et al...
Hey Wedge, what you sayin, huh?
If we want a trainwreck we can damn well build one ourselves. I can play at being a knuckle dragging mouth breather with the best of them.
*makes pot of extra strong coffee*
*reconsiders, and goes with extra strong pot*
*takes extra-long hit on pot
Where are the brownies?
They're out camping with the girl guides.
Thank heaven.
The little buggers don't need any caffine, and I'm not sharing a doobie with them, either.
Pass me those chips.
That reminds me of a very inappropriate joke:
What's small, blue, and found in brownies?
Cub Scouts.
Yes, very inappropriate.
Oh, wait. This is the Daisy thread.
Carry on.
one look at BlueHorse, and my stomach growls.
RAWR.
Oh sure, break out the weedage and GramMa totally bogarts it.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Unlike MCT's joke.
Lap!
Pete! I'm crushed. I grew up with the mantra:
♫ ♫ Don't bogart that joint, my friend, ♫ ♫
Pass it over to me ♫ ♫
come on in to my smoke-filled den and have some expresso and raisin cookies
Is this where I come to discuss anal leakage?
You may want to try a nice massage in the Fenlands.
GramMa one of the cookies started laughing.
Oh. . ., no wait, that was me.
ah...Daisy.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
before.
Deja Poo: The feeling that everything you've heard is sh*t.
Yours is much better, Dx, but I wanted to roll with it in some small way
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated
this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
We have now morphed into the barnyard, Gran'ma
*waves away the stale poo smell of bad puns, clears nostrils*
MCT, you obviously don't appreciate the delightful fragrance of manure.
One can only shovel it away, as waving is quite useless in dismissing it's presence.
Gran'ma, I think you should invite mct to assist in barn duty so as to learn a better appreciation for..odeur au natural.
We need more nonsense.
STAT!
too long in winter
dairy cows are pent
while underfoot a horrid scent
of cow slop trodden
into mire
makes all but the boldest
soon retire
Quite right. This whole thread has been compromised with outright silliness. One more outburst and I'll be forced to close this thread down. There you are.
*tucks riding crop under arm, silly-walks off*
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the
other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
/hopes petebest doesn't 'silly-walk' in the poo.
/or hopes he does...
Hope in one hand, silly-walk in the other.
Wipe your feet!
3 brothers buy a beef farm, and are discussing what to call it. Unable to decide, they call their mother, and ask her what she thinks they should call it.
Call it "Focus" she says.
The brothers thank her, and put the phone down.
Focus? Why Focus?
Unable to stand it any longer, they call her back.
Why Focus?
Focus, she says; it's where the sun's rays meet.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to look at either.
A white horse fell in the mud?
...of Indigo Sea, and came out blue.
MonkeyFilter was just down for me for a couple of hours.
I contemplated making an fpp at MetaFilter saying:
"MonkeyFilter is down! What is going on?"
Is the MeFi body politic even aware of MonkeyFilter's existence?
yaup.
*reports on fuyugare to MeFi overlords*
Yeah, 504 gateway timeout blahdeblah. Now we know how the hosting company has their network configured. Heh.
I'm totally going to post 91 times to beat pete best.
Posts, or comments?
12 days with no comments? y'all are a bunch of QUITTERS!
not that we're really quitting anything, or that there's an actual goal to this.
I agree. But, on the other hand, letting this tread die seems ominous.
Yam Ysiad!
I feel like I've been treading this, Path, forever.
But, BlueHorse, it's kind of like one of those endurance rides...
Free the Shmoo!
Is that the New Schmoo or just the Schmoo?
*climbs out of pool, shakes*
*runs out of billiards, trembles*
I cannot freaking believe how many comments this post has.
I cannot freaking believe how many posts this comment has
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Comment how I, this freaking many, cannot believe has posts.
Gibberish you speak! No syntax have you!
Of course, you're in the right place . .
[Stands sheepishly in doorway]
Can...can I play too?
[Blushes, gazes at shoes]
Course you can, kitfisto!
Anyone for Twister?
polychrome, if you're counting there, shouldn't it be |||||||||||| ...?
Question: Will it or won't it?
Answer: No, underline never has worked.
I thought it was a little high
heh. i revived this thread again.
isn't it time we removed its feeding tube? it derailed long, long ago, and hasn't been the same thread since. daisy_may wouldn't have wanted this, i know it. she told me once. i think.
Well, you didn't really revive it, it's had a life of its own for a long time now. No feeding tube required. It's a playground for whatever inspirations strike folks - stuff that doesn't belong elsewhere, but has a home here. It's one of my favorite meeting places.
Wasn't trying to take credit for anything, path, just realized that two weeks had passed without someone beating this dead horse of a thread again. which i found slightly shocking.
languagehat: no.
*beats dead horse of a thread with sticks*
Mufpub, I wasn't dissing you - if you've read the whole thing, you'll find that many of us have tried to put it to bed (including me) only to have it keep going. I'm to the point when I feel anxious when it's out of the sidebar. Go with the flow, grasshopper. There may turn out to be a point to this someday.
That's enough of this beating dead horses around here.
Let them sleep in peace.
Mufpub: Surely you realize that this thread cannot be killed because zombie vampire daisy_may is still living?
yeah, but she's hot, for a zombie vampire...
CLEAR! *bzzzap!*
C'mon, don't die on me now, Daisy_May!
I won't let you die!
Think of the good times, and DON'T head toward the light!
CLEAR! *bzzzap!*
Whadya mean there's a "do not resucitate order?
There's not even a "do not resuscitate order."
I'm just glad that "tracicle" user got her comeuppance. Boy was she getting annoying.
Um, I'm wendell.
D-a-i-s-y
D-o-r-i-s
Five little letters.
Life is magical.
The internets
are full of fleas.
Flawes.
I celebrate and sing
the Zeny Zany of typos!
OK, that's it. I'm going to stop posting as fuyugare and start posting as:
Actually Angry BLOB Bobby Daisy Doris FAT Jonathan Klunk May Mmm Modem Quick Settle Turner
It will be the best handle EVER.
You forgot Bobby Turner.
And Poland.
Damnit! I guess you didn't forget good old Bobby. Damn your interpolation!
Hey, there's a new pope!
whoa! holy shit! a new pope? how the hell did we miss that one?
petebest, if you're wendell, then I'm - uh - uh - Spartacus! Yeah, that's the ticket, Spartacus!
Yes, it's a new pope, but you don't have to STARE.
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by from this day until the ending of the world but we in it shall be remembered. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.
hmmm...maybe I've spent a wee bit too much time on this paper, if that's the first thing that came to my mind after grover96's comment...
*applauds*
awww shucks.
*drags foot across the ground*
There must be 1393 ways to embarass your ex.
But only 50 ways to leave your lover...
How many ways to love your liver?
17. I've counted.
Happy (anticipatory) Birthday Mothninja!
To further de-evolve this thread... look at the cute puppy!
(SFW; found when searching for a completely unrelated term. Saw the filename, thought of this thread... OK, it's worthless, I know...)
I er.. wouldn't exactly call this a *thread* at this point.
More of a compost pile.
And I mean that in the best way possible.
What in the world is going on with the "Monkey Scavenger Hunt" thread?
I haven't been this confused since someone explained to me that sex can sometimes involve another person.
Really?! Who? It's fuyugare, isn't it? That crazy fucker! There's no end to his zany tomfoolery!
you find a link that reminds you of/associates with another user's name, and then you post it. voila, fun monkey game!
Liverlovin is OK, chickenplucken is a liiiitle edgy, but I will not stand for monkeydorkin on MY watch!!!
no monkeydorkin'. Check.
And no checkin' the monkeydorkin' either.
How about cockpunchin', filterflaggin', websmurfin', permalinkin', asshattin', bananafannin', bushwackin', downtroddin', highfalutin', raymondlovin', hitchhikin', melonballin', turkmenbashin', beeswackin', petebestin', cityslickin', landlubbin', cottonpickin', fingerlickin', farfergnugin', roadhoggin' or byorkborkin'?
May I call you Daisy?
bjorkborkin? Ahh that's an affirmative, over.
roger, roger; what's our vector, victor?
evening wind nips
the swollen apple buds
green willows whip
to and fro
bees hum
a dirge
for frosted
apple boughs
time to learn from a swerving hummingbird
the bees abounds
the dude abides
release the hounds, the moon is rise!
the moon is rise
the sun is low
and bees have many
miles to go
his feet bee flat
his ears point down
this bees bee nothing
but a clown
the pete bee best
the petes abide
some monkeys have
no place to hide
the hounds bee loosed
he shake his fist
and mumbles Jack
Russdell terrorist
the bees can't spell
but wotthehell
and bees have many
miles to go
The wood is lovely, as it t'was,
But I can't get no sleep because
I've miles to go before I buzz,
And miles to go before I buzz.
O Daisy May!
Thy vainglory!
Thine thread hath loosed a thousand shits~
See the dada!
Sweet ephemera!
Woulds't a poem could just redeem it~
For none can be so dead
As the progenitor of this thread
Below the fray
Lies Daisy May
Who left blah blah in our midst.
Daisy May, a sour lass
who would not joke, was spiteful --
monkeys subsequently spoke
of things less frightful.
Stringing on the thread,
Muddying up the muddle,
This is where the Stream of Consciousness
Became a puddle.
Where is/are petebest/pete_best/petebest2?
I think we've lost our momentum, here, folks.
Ah, the good old days!
petebest has long been the motive force in question.
So where is/are he/they?
Where is our petes? Where is their pants?
I miss petes.
A wandering pack of petes, I
Not attending to my station
Here amid the plains of Daisy_May!,
For you see, I'm on vacation :)
postcard bananas for all!
Hurray! Enjoy yourse;lf, petes!
I have the day off tomorrow. Hi pete!
Why do you encourage him?
First his pants off.
Then a day off.
WHAT'S NEXT??
His/their socks take off?
*socks asplode*
Can someone please tell me what the fuck this whole Contagious Media thing is? My understanding is that I don't want to support it, so I don't want to click anything that might do so. So I have no idea what it is.
it's a competition to see which sites can get the most notice.
$2000 Grand Prize: Most unique visitors.
$1000 Technorati Prize: Most blog links...
$1000 Creative Commons Prize: The most popular open source.
$1000 Alexa Prize: Most Alexa traffic...
This site shows the rankings of each of the sites, without contributing to their totals. It will also give you their names, so you can avoid clicking if that's your goal.
That is scary. That is like giving an award to the troll who can evoke the most comments in a web community.
Hmmmmm.....
Happy Anniversary!
*disables webcam*
Happy BirthMay, post that Will. Not. Die!
Yes, I've read the entire thing. Yes, this is my first comment. Yes, I do love the Monkeyfilter group! Yes, I'm shutting up now.
Ah, SpishCo, welcome! You've passed the first initiation.
Wow, this post still exists! I thought MoFi's prehistory was erased in a big interstellar war sometime last year. Did a time agent go back in time to retrieve the memory artifacts?
Our little Daisy_May, all growed up...
*sniff*
I'm so proud.
Now, let's get this party started! Who's brought brownies?
and welcome SpishCo! Have a glass of frosty cockpunch and pull up a chair.
tensor, we restored the database a few months ago, after switching servers. :)
Where else, may I ask you, can you find such a thread on the internets?
Aha, I didn't think so... A stiff cockpunch to you Daisy_May, wherever you may be.
*waves two bananas in v-formation*
brownies, did someone say brownies!?
My heavens! Has a full year already passed?
There's definitely some sort of timewarp taking place in the comments above. Perhaps Skynet sent a terminator back in time to destroy the leader of the human resistance, Daisy May.
Thanks, path! It was a lot less painful than I had expected.
Although I've got this mysterious rash now...
*hands out brownies with chocolate chips, pecans, coconut and caramel drizzled on top*
You know what I could really go for, right now? A picture of Daisy May's boyfriend's penis! Anyone know where I can get one of those?
A penis with chocolate chips, pecans, coconut, caramel drizzled on top, ...
Hot caramel. Ouchers.
Hey, anyone want to see a picture of an ex-boyfriends wanker somebody posted on the intarweb?
*crickets
I guess not.
Dirty, dirty crickets are always peeking at dirty, dirty pictures.
Hey! I'm in here! Just wait your turn!
Promises, promises...
When do I get some new wankers here?
*perverse menopausal moment*
Well,
since you asked.
When's GramMa bringing the brownies?
Actually, where is 'ol blue?
I wanted to tell her about my new Toolz-All.
Handiest thing for any contingency, from cutting flowers and green crops, to tires fixing loose nuts.
"that ol' blue mare, she ain't where I look for her.
♫♪╔╗▀♫╚♫╔╪╗▌♪╘╩╪╪█♪▄■
Sorry, never could sing worth a damn.
<3!
Only good boys and girls get brownies.
The rest of you get your mouth washed out with soap.
Blue dial?
So we're all in agreement then? No pants for petebest?
I don't think we've ever gotten petebest's opinion on the need for pants.
I, however, think he should go for a singleton, like my grandfather wore. It was very thin cotton, or maybe even linen, and was underpants and sleeve-less undershirt combined, and nicely fitted, with a tuck or two at the waist. My guess is that it dates back at least 100 years, but I spaced out on following google links.
Does this have the traditional back door opening, path?
What if petebest loses something more vital than his pants through wearng such?
*grabs button-hook,just in case.
Yes, but who's going to hold pete down so that we can get this lovely stylish outfit on him?
And what about a shower?
Shouldn't he be showered first?
*grabs fire hose*
Oh pete, where are ya'?
Granma, gonna need some help with this.
Telephone call for pete_best... pete_best to the lobby phone, please...
Hey, the site is back. The Daisy_May link works again. Quick, exceed its bandwidth.
I have a bad feeling about this.
The site was gone? Dammit, always overnight.
No, no, no, no, no.
The Daisy_May site was gone. The one she linked to. Now, it's back.
Go back to sleep.
/returns to knitting the long-johns.
Dx, I know knitting is theraputic and all, but John ain't all THAT long.
Check out you two old broads discussing knitting!
Where's my damn sweater?
*steals dxlifer's pills*
*peeks out from behind recliner*
*goes back to hiding, grumbles something about not givin' me no bath*
*sputters, almost dropping her teeth*
Ya' got the wrong pills, Koko.
'cause one pill makes you biggerand one makes you small.And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all.
*focuses trifocals on petebest*
*snickers with anticipation.
*hands dxlifer the wire brush and Dettol*
*stands well back*
*GramMa tiptoes into room, throws towel over kitfisto's head, tasers petebest*
*pretends to struggle / secretly enjoys it*
*puts down joint*Granma.
*straightens pinny and polishes up act.
/now, what was it I was crocheting?
Daisy_May. The choad cross-posted.
Hmmmm, dx, looks to me like it's either a toaster cover or a bong holder.
*reaches around dx for joint and offers it to the woozy petebest*
w00t! A joint and a reacharound! I love this thread.
*hugs thread*
How in FLAMING HELL did I miss THIS PARTY?!
Where is that joint?
Granma, don't bogart that.
Focus on petebest, instead. Grab those trousers.
May I be of assistance?
with a name like that, you betcha!!
whoooo!
Better open the window and get some fresh air in here.
*grabs trousers, flaps wildly*
Dx, get out that Tools-All and see about a new door. Make it a dog door. Better yet, a Space Kitty sized dog door.
*pulls out hacksaw blade*
/oh, there's the little file. Stops to trim a nail.
*peeks over at pete, without his trousers, again.*
oh. Right. Um. . yes, I remember that.
*cough* uh . . very good then. Carry on.
*looks for brownie crumbs*
*turns pocket inside-out and empties*
↓
↓
░
Yay! Space Kitty-sized dog door.. oh, wait. Is that a good thing?
It depends, Space Kitty, how badly did you want to meet Daisy_may?
Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!
Come in and have a whole brownie. You don't have to clean up the crumbs.
Just use the dog Kitty door.
I would just like to add:
The mad Emperor Caligula once decided to go to war with the Roman God of the sea, Poseidon, and ordered his soldiers to throw their spears into the water at random.
And I spank thank you.
Man, they just don't make leaders like Caligula anymore.
A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather attractive young blonde woman behind him has just raised her hand in greeting and is smiling hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a good looking person would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
"Christ!" he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst that other girl you worked with whipped me with wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"
"No" she replies, " I'm your son's English teacher."
It's only becuss we love you and it's healthy for you.
They're hopeless cusses.
*throws cusstard pie*
mmm pie
Hoe. Cuss.
Poe cuss --
crow cuss:
nevermore!
Take thy "beek" from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!
A Greek shepherd is sitting on a hillside in the shade of an olive tree, keeping half an eye on his flock while enjoying a flask of retsina and some bread and cheese.
A cloud of dust on the horizon eventually materialises as a silver Mercedes. A smart young man in a suit gets out of the car and comes striding up the hill. Mopping the sweat from his brow, he says: ‘I’ll tell you what. If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have, will you give me one?’ The shepherd says he will, so the young man rushes excitedly back to his car, logs onto the EU website with his wireless laptop, and looks up how many sheep are kept on the hillside. Running back up the hill, he announces that the shepherd has 168 sheep.
‘Quite right,’ the shepherd says. ‘Now I’ll tell you what. If I can guess what job you do, can I have my sheep back?’
The young man agrees. ‘Well, let’s see,’ the shepherd says. ‘You turn up uninvited, expect to be paid for telling me something I already know, and understand absolutely nothing about my job. You’re a management consultant. Now give me back my dog.’
c&p from the letters page of the LRB
MonkeyFilter: You’re a management consultant. Now give me back my dog.
BlueHorse is feeling frisky this morning.
*buckjumps, snorts, pokes Wendell just 'cause
I'm hoping no one posts pictures here. Even on broadband, I have to wait soooo long.
/but it's always so rewarding to be back here.
1528 comments? Best thread evah!
Here's your dog, Wedell.
Note her name.
*Ahem*
/kick Skrik -o #Daisy_May
I'm hoping no one posts pictures here.
Build it and they shall come...
As soon as I read that comment, I knew we were in for some fun imagery in this thread
I had truly expected something a bit more outré, shall we say?
Daisy, have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm? The chum you'v been blowin' down are scallawags! Arrrrr!
Holy crap!!
Er
Some . . . are thick and over a foot long; others are slender and pinky-size.
*Snkk!*
yes we have no bananas, we have no bananas today!!!
For example, here's a real mind-blower: Iron Eyes Cody, who became well known as the American Indian whose single tear rolled down his anguished face in an anti-littering TV commercial in the 1970s, was an Italian actor, born Espera (Oscar) de Corti.
So there's that.
Reminds me of the time (embarassingly recently) I found out why the term "spaghetti western" was coined.
mmmm, spaghetti....hungry now
no one ever tells you this stuff; I've started going to the gym regularly, and now I'm always hungry
Okay but what's with the pesto sauce? Look, I like it just fine but I want those noodles swimming in tomato sauce, capiche?? No white sauce! No pesto sauce! T-O-M-A-T-O sauce! OK? OK!
gratsi.
petey my boy, you just shattered a part of me with that revelation about "Iron Eyes Cody." Damn, I was too young to question that, I just, I.... aaaaaarrrghhhhhhh!!
*tear rolls down face*
[not a glycerin one either]
1542 was the year when Mary Queen of Scots became Queen. of Scots.
eah - Are yoo Mary Queen of Scots?
Mary: I am.
*$!%)!@&!$*%%@
So, I'm in a Subway store in South Carolina right, ordering a sub. Now, picture me, native Australian English speaker, talking to the sandwich engineer, native Southern US English speaker.
I am asked what I want on my sub.
"I want some lettuce, some olives....."
"uh huh"
"some tomato"
"Some what?"
"Tomato"
"Pardon?"
"tomato"
*puzzled look*
me: *sigh*
"Tomayto"
"oh."
Just like the time I (a Canadian) tried to order food in Edinburgh...
"I'd just like an order of fries, please"
"Order of what?"
"Fries"
"Fries?"
"Yes. Fries"
"I don't think we have those"
"Oh, ok...just give me some chips, then..."
Just a packet of crisps for me, please.
Man: I think she's dead.
Mary: No I'm not!
$!%)!@&!$*%%@
Announcer: That was episode two of "The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots", specially adapted for radio by Gracie Fields and Joe Frazier. And now, Radio Four will explode.
We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
Robert Wilensky, speech at a 1996 conference
After waiting for all this to load, I find, well, wtf is this anyhow?
Mary, Mary,
Quite contrary,
How your head does roll.
and that's all I've got to say about it.
This is why everyone should be required to have a video camera with them at all times.
My favourite quote: "I can't help it if the dog took a liking to me."
That's what she said!
Thank you! I'll be here all week!
So these two cheerleaders? For like the Carolina Panthers or whatever? Like, they were in Tampa Bay for a game, ukayy? And, like, they totally got arrested for having sex with each other in the bathroom!1! I know!! I was like, "Oh my God!"!
They were like hot and everything, y'know? But like ewww! I mean the bathroom is - oh and get this, the place was called, like, "Banana Joe's" or whatever?! I know!!
I only come here when I'm going to be very, very bad.
This is a dark place, mommy.
We'll make them all pay. All of them.
Just you and me, picture-of-a-guy-with-his-dick-out, we'll make them all pay.
We're making our finger nails ever so sharp, we're filing all of our teeth down to points...
Taste the blood of the moon, see it spread on the water...
Kiss the knife blade, make it hummmmmmmmmm....
That story cannot be true, I don't care what the media says. There is no such thing as a hot lesbian cheerleader, because God does not love me that much.
Who in the hell would call the cops on two cheerleaders makin' out in a bathroom? That person shall truely BURN IN HELL!!!
whoever had to really go potty I guess.
It's an early Christmas, MCT - yes there is a LesbianCheerleaderClaus!
I wandered in here just to make sure no-one was getting into any trouble, and find myself not only confronted with lesbian cheerleaders, but also being strangely turned on by such a thought.
I am a typical bloke after all. All these years trying to be the 'sensitive type', when I could have been oggling lesbian cheerleader porn.
I've had a 'Road to Damascus' moment. Thank you, Daisy May!
That's une more of us, one less of them!
Let's drink beer and have a fight!
Gurrtcha!
I've had a 'Road to Damascus' moment. Thank you, Daisy May!
posted by kitfisto
Out of the evil of the Daisy May thread comes goodness. One of the wicked has seen the light!
Pa-RAISE Jebus!
Awooga.
Yes?
No, o_b, flashboy was addressing your brother wooga_booga.
Dear Daisy May,
do ye feel spiteful today?
Nobody's missed ye
since ye went away.
Daisy May was feeling so low
dreamt she was to old to fly.
Come on boys, get your cameras out,
don't let those hot shots pass you by!
Is that some lezbo porn reference? I'm still new to all of this malarkey.
Here's my best effort at serving ye porn:
D'ye ken John Peel with his coat so gay?
D'ye ken John Peel at the break o' day?
D'ye ken John Peel when he's far, far away
With his hounds and his horn in the morning?
-- traditional
Of all the threads that should have been immortal, why was it this one?
All the threads on MoFi are immortal, BlueHorse.
Yeah. Whatever. Just get me more cheerleaders will ya.
Because this thread is when MoFi first came together.
But not . . y'know . . in that way.
Not that there's anything wrong with that
uh... Pete, if you look up-thread you'll realize that we did, in fact, come together in that way. Frankly, I think you remember just fine, but that you're ashamed of it. Is that it? Are you ashamed? Because I thought it was beautiful and meaningful, and I'm sure you would to if you only allowed yourself to get past this self-loathing "amnesia" and admit that you enjoyed every second of it!
We are talking about our group cheese-pun orgy, right?
Let's all do it till it squeaks!
squee?
Close enough.
Careful. I happen to be a real muenster in the sack.
Probably done already, but I'm too lazy to check.
Just testing something. Ignore this post.
Uh. NO!
I hereby nominate rocket88's comment for Most Important Monkey Statement of the Decade.
I was thinking of posting it to the front page, but thought it would be better here.
Nine comments away from 1600, people.
I think we've all done something pretty special here, don't you?
Happy Subjugation of the Indigenous Tribes Day!
*belch*
I've decided that all feast days, no matter what people tell you they mean, are pretty much supposed to just celebrate the same two things: Gosh Isn't Food Great, and My Family Gives Me Warm Fuzzies.
That's really what they are to me, too. I'm just too damn full and tired to get out of my chair.
Even for lesbian cheerleaders?!
the u.s. government should make lesbian cheerleading day the day after thanksgiving.
Can't you people stay away from the lesbian cheerleaders for the ONE DAY that happens to be a celebration of family and thanksgiving?
unless you belong to a family of lesbian cheerleaders, of course
Both my mothers wish to thank you and and shake their pom-poms at you.
Stolen joke
Two monkeys in the bath
First Monkey:Ooh ooh ah ah ah
Second Monkey:Well put some cold in then!
I was a cheerleader back in the '60's.
/but they hadn't discovered lesbianism back then.
*sigh*
*shrugs*
I am seriously disappointed that that link did not go to lesbian cheerleader porn.
This internets is rubbish!
Mighty quiet in here of late.
One might almost say, too quiet...
*creeps cautiously into thread*
Uh, is it too late to begin posting in here? I haven't read the thread, and I don't know what's going on. But I feel obliged to post something here if I'm going to finally earn that MoFi merit badge...
So. Somebody tell me everything that's happened until now. If you please.
Let's have a vote.
If the Cap'n reads the whole thread and can figure it out; summarizes it tersely and yet revealing for all, then he may be allowed the benefit of imparting his wit, wisdom and repartee to this ponderously slow to arrive, but ever vital, cherished and banished FPP.
Any seconds on that?
*frowns
No, you can't make that vote yet, Cap'n.
Seconded. The Ayes have it!
Get to it, Cap'n!
Read the thread! READ IT!!
This epic tome is Gold man, Gold!!
Who wouldn't want to read the whole . . the, all 1,600+ comments of . . . with the Daisy Mayyy and tha . . y'know that part there where Quidnunc briefly becomes Pope before defrocking himself and . . the ahhh heck if you can summarize it somehow then more bananas to ya.
No, it is pretty entertaining. But I'm waiting for the Speilberg adaptation.
Does that mean it has to have Tom Cruise in it? Cuz I'm not playing any more if it has Tom Cruise in it...
I think the part of the boyfriend should be played by Tom Sizemore, and the part of Daisy_May should be played by Amanda Plummer.
Or you.
This thread should be required reading for all new sign-ups.
Meh. I've never been one to succumb to peer pressure.
[...]
Allright, I'm just really lazy. I'll put it on the reading list. Right after Proust.
*Phew*
I thought he was going to discover that bit where we all really slagged him off for about 2 month solid.
How did you photoshop Capt. Ren's face on the picture of the boyfriend? Wow!
Upon careful reflection, I suspect that Tom the Scientologist may be ideal for certain roles that transformed and disformed entities during this thread.
*stumbles and trips*
/OMG! are those an old pair of crud infested socks I just tripped over?
you found the socks!
I can't believe this thread is still going. Did it beat the Turkmenbashi thread yet?
I think we can safely say, this one is well over the Turkmenbashi thread. By about 300 comments.
That's because you people aren't trying!
Mush! Mush!
So all you are saying is give peas a chance?
ducks rotten tomatoes, rides out on catcalls and groans
Peas release me
Let me go
Do not squash me
to and fro
Anyone have any ointment? I've got a bit of a radicchio.
gosh, that even hurt me
Well, if you weren't so rash with your comments . . .
HALLAM, Neb. -- The Tighe family had long ago written off Harley the cat as dead.
Harley was 8 years old when he went missing. He disappeared in a May 22, 2004, tornado.
Sue Tighe said even if Harley had survived the storm, which claimed the Tighe home, she didn't think he'd find anyone willing to take care of him because he wasn't a very nice cat
Somehow, though, Harley made it. On Monday, he came home.
Tighe's grown daughter Samantha Tighe saw a big orange-and-white tabby cat at the edge of the yard. She called his name.
The cat ran to her, meowing the chirpy meow she remembered.
"As soon as he started running and meowing, I knew it was him," the girl said.
Harley came back in remarkably good health, according to the Crete veterinarian who treated Harley after his return. The only problem seemed to be earmites.
Jeremiah Vondra, the veterinarian, said he thinks Harley used up his nine lives.
harley tighe's a lucky cat,
his health's in good condition.
tho' he lost his home in a storm
and he's mean of disposition.
he survived, despite his family's fears,
to return twenty months later,
with nothing worse than itchy ears,
to which the vet will cater.
*applauds*
beauty one roryk!
meow!
*purrs*
A note from Count Shugula, ma dawg:
Woof Woof Woof, arf, whine, gnaw, pee.
*enters room with clean socks over ears*
What's all this racket?
It seems to me that it should be quite obvious that monkeys should not start doing cat and dog things in here, just in case of, uhm, problems.
Are all these pets spayed, btw?
Now, did you want that heel darned, Pete?
You bet! I darn all you heels!
If heels there be . . Ahrrr
*grimaces*
That sounds like, (dare I say it?) rap/crap.
*bones and tendons tighten in stress*
/I ain't darning nothing for this rowdy mess.
*cuddles her cat and departs haughtily with mucho dignity.
Sounds more like punk to me.
*uses bedazzler on pleather jacket, heads for mosh pit*
Hey! Ow! Quit it! C'mon guys!
*gets out safetypins and green hair-dye*
Gimme the anarchy!
old Reeky Cat
caught four flaming mice
which he soon dished up
with some refried rice
he invited his friends
and they dined in style
then pounded on the table
with their sporks for a while
Me and my band of raccoons applaud you, bees!
Also we'll root through your trash cans if it's not too much trouble.
yeah, I totally meant "smelly cat". my bad
bump-bump-bump
STIIIINK! EEE! CAAAT!
STIIIINK! EEE! CAAAT!
bump-bump-bump
/death metal
mah' loving baby she's lost and gone.
probably breaking more feline hearts,
she-tarts
oh, Minouche...
/blues.
There once was a cat who was stinky,
who clicked on the Daisy_May link; he
cried and he laughed,
thought the Monkeys were daft,
and afterwards needed a drinkie.
*raises glass of whisky* cheers!
(((!!
**waves lighter back and forth**
Don't bogart that one too, GramMa . . .
Man, I'm on a high-speed connection here, and this thread takes EIGHTY-FIVE HOURS TO LOAD. I of course blame petebest for this. Also for the lack of pornography.
God, just posting that last comment took SEVENTY-SIX DAYS.
And I grew roughly FOURTEEN FEET OF BEARD just so I could bitch in that last comment, it took so long.
I swear to God that someday I am going to FIND A CURE FOR MY IMPOTENCE AND CHRONIC WEEPING.
That one took like five seconds.
This thread doesn't take very long to load on my computer. Perhaps it is you who is retarded.
Yes, because if you have a quick computer and a quick connection you are not as thick as those other fucktards. Ask any Calvinist.
I think I'm having a nickdanger moment ...
**Uses lighter in attempt to set corner of thread on fire**
Om Mani Padme Hum
*lathers*
*rinses*
*repeats*
This thread can't catch fire. It's too soggy in here.
*sniff* *sniff*
eww. and it smells like pee pee.
blame nickdangers socks
I know - the ones we never look for we keep finding . .
More stolen joke goodness:
Two cannibals are discussing the merits of cooking.
One says, "You know, I've tried and tried to get a tender missionary, but I can't seem to cook them so they're tender. I've stewed them, baked them and boiled them, and they still come out tough and stringy."
The second cannibal asks, "Reallly? What sort of missionaries are you using?"
The first cannibal replies, "Oh, you know the ones--down in that camp by the river; they wear those brown robes tied with rope in the middle and they have bald heads except for a ring of hair around the edges."
"Well no wonder you can't get tender ones!" exclaims the first cannibal. "Those are friars!"
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his friend in the jungle?
I can only assume they exchanged pleasantries before merrily heading along their way.
Pete, do we really have to explain the pun to you, or are you just takin' the piss.
Already went, GramMa!
I told you it was damp in here.
*hoses down thread*
little to the left . . .
Thank heaven he just used the super soaker. I'd hate to think he'd pass a friend!
ooh - cannibal jokes
Two cannibals are eating one clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"
One cannibal says to the other, "I hate my boss", and the other one says, "Just have the potatoes, then."
One cannibal says to the other, "Gimme a hand with the cooking, will you?"
Let's see, then, that would be a foot of this here thigh bone and if I go nosing around I can cut open some wee bit to use with that ear and,
erh, oh, dear.
Was that what you really meant Granma?
/guess I shouldn't be talking about what liloladies get doing.
*cackles off*
One cannibal says to the other, "I hear you're going to Dx's house for dinner?" The second cannibal says, "I'm really looking forward to it. I'll bet she makes a great roast."
**evil laughter**
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"
And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your damn canoe!
HA!
In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it.
They are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange
Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush Into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you!
If you have chosen:
a. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
b. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
c. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
d. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
e. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges
I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff.
/bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.
And all this time I thought I was an Apple Man.
mmmmmm, peaches!
Millions of peaches, peaches for me...
It's simply all peachy to me.
/tosses pits and skins in her pot.
/hmmm, smoked or boiled?
i think you may be thinking of bananas . . .
or sausages?
*clears throat*
I was contemplating smoking the pot, silly monkeys, who so lack in appreciation of prosaic subtlety.
*sniffs*
/is that something burning?
growabrain trumpets some wackass MeFi thread for "longest thread", when it's clear that this fine threadamobile we have here is the winner. Soon.
Now! What will it take to get you in this thread??
Daisy_May, Daisy_May,
How we love thee, I won't say,
Nor will I lie about this thread,
We'd all sleep better, wert thou dead.
Will the last Monkey out please turn off the light?
*adds pointless comment to thread just to be sure*
I'm not sure I've ever commented in this thread. did ya'll see that ethylene is back? I think that's great....she's been lying very low right now...
I am posting in this thread on behalf of those who could not be here tonight due to other obligations.
Thank you.
And now, the First Threadial Daisy May Award for Excellence in the Field Of Obfuscatory Commentary!
To present this award, please welcome a regular contributor, well-dressed-man-about-filter, and truly, a real tool - middleclasstool!
*orchestral music*
(Bullhornish sound.) OK, ALL YOU noobs WHO HAVEN'T COMMENTED HERE ARE ASSIGNED THE TASK OF READING THE ENTIRE THREAD AND ARE REQUIRED TO GIVE US A BOOK REPORT IN 25 WORDS OR LESS.
(Talking to the congregation) Hey, the original link to some guy masturbating in front of his computer is back, and we'll never know if it was Daisy's erstwhile lover, or some random ephemera off an internet search. But it strikes me that this shows us the archealogical evidence for the development of the MoFi persona.
Holy crap, path. Don't you think a few of them might get lost in here and never come back? There are corners of this thread that only the most dangerous of monkeys have ever seen. Dark corners. Smelly corners.
/shivers.
I *personally* have done terrible terrible things in this thread that I don't want any unprepared newbie stumbling on.
bleah.
Now that I think about it, the last time I saw BearGuy he was heading up this thread . . .
*wind whistles*
Burp.
/hurridly wipes bear fur off chin.
Nickdanger - this is a quest for our newer members. I have confidnce that they will prevail.
This is not a task to be undertaken lightly.
One's feet must be on the True Path.
One's heart must be pure.
One's soul must embrace the Good.
One's mind must be filled with the sound of the wind.
Go now, and enter The Thread.
Daisy April Fools!
Did March come in like a lion and go out like a lamb for you?
For me, it was in like a badger and out like a lemur.
Or in like Flynn and out like bell bottom pants.
And thus did The Thread engulf us all, only to get hopelessly entangled with the electrical cord.
It came in like a half-full peach smoothie, but went out like a spent tap of sierra-nevada; spluttering, unsure of its temperature, and drizzling $4.50 per pint.
...almost...out of...Thread...can't...NOOOOO!!!
*gets sucked in to whirling Thread Vortex, is slowly compressed into banana shape*
*peels Weezel-shaped banana, from the bottom up, of course.
Eeewuh! Are these dirty socks in here?
That odour alone could keep Daisy going.
*snaps webcam pic, trolls 'Filters*
*throws lifeline to slowly desolving Monkeys*
My Book Raport
I did a book raport on Jeesus because he wsa in a book. They're war lots of flys on the butter an Jeesus said, "No no more! Im not gonna eat that!" And then dazy may was all up in his face, "I'm gonna cut joo jeesus" And then path was jeesus but with litning wings when mothra-chyren came in and shotted rays at the butter which spilt on dazy mays new dress and she was all, "my boyfrend! Nooooooo!" totally slighted! So then path-jeesus spreds litning wings over the wreckage that batman laid out in his mothra-chyren battle. Nickdanger then showts like a viking scaring the jeesus out of path and jeesus runs away shouting, "not by the hare of my chiny chin chin!" Petebest then turns into pete best yawping like a mighty crane and swoops in on the jeesus angry cuz mothra-chyren spilt the butter cuz he had a scone and now it sucks to have it becuz theirs no butter but I spose if he had jam or maybe idunno so he hits chyren insted with a sock full of nikels just like in the bible. That made chyren so mad so he shotted rays all over the place and then flagpole is lyin on the ground like, "ohhhhhhh" holdin his belly not sure if hes laffin or dyin. So the_bone sneeks up behind mothra-chyren and atomic wedgie! chyren transforms into chryen and man it's so crazy, GramMa walks in and says, "keep it down kids, or yourr gonna be sory." So tracicle tryes to shhh but its too late! Cobra commander showes up with numchuks and swings them at her! But she dodges and shooted sikadelik ribbons that ties dazy may to the numchucks and throws her and her threds into a pit that people have to walk down into. So people keep going back in the pit cuz of they here their is trezur in there, wolof is all like, "I'm goin in" and then clf says, "got yer back buddy" and they got there guns out like tango an cash watchin corners and stuff. Then an ewok jumps out and boom! Ded. Then clf sees mothra-chryen and all the farey dust is all off his mothra wings. And everone is sad for a minit until they help him and he becomes chyren agen but now he cant shotted no more rayes but that only makes him a little sad, not as much as atomic wedgie. Mct then axes, "wat?" like he wasnt heer all the time! Ya right mct! Nice try! And then everyone laffs. Then the bees walks in with a ukelele and strums out a pome when, uh oh! the son of sam appeers with Yakof Smernof and their throwin ninja stars at everyone, what a country! And fes wants to be left out so I dont mention fes but alnedra transforms into a python and bites them both to deth. Then everyone is safe? Nope. Nice try! Then atomic boms start fallin everwere. "Toldja not to go in the pit," wendell sez laffin down the pit with his finger on the buttin. Oh noe! Hes the enimy! So fast you see Skrik go wooooooooooo boom! Catchin bombs everwere thrown them back at wendell. Uh oh, wendell! Never thot of that now! Bear guy is all wooop and throwd down a bom by aksident and everone is like, "o shit." This is the dramatic part of the story where the karacters lern lessins abowt the ways jeesus wood punish them and they see the rite way to live and lern to hurt themselfs with cigarettes if they think the bad thing. Wen all the rekage is cleered up we wonder wat happened to mothradamus and we see it was just chryen in a reverse caccoon turnin into a catterpiler. Have some smokey pipe, catterpiler! Just like in Allis in Wonderland, get it? If quid sed it everone would laff or back off sloely with there hands in front. Anywaze dazy may sneeked out when the hole thing happens wich was smurt of her but not so smurt that she didn do it erlyest. So wat happen to surlyboi and PF and all the other munkees? Thats for the seek well, such a cliffhanger. Just kidding they all ate rats for five days and prayd to mohommad or some other evel god that makes them do the bad thing.
There's gotta be about 25 words in that which apply, path.
*Standing ovation!*
That t'was a thang o' buttie. ))))) InsulatedChomp!
smply awsme, InslntChmp!
/bows head humbly at such erudition.
A thing of beauty. A+++++++
Best thing I ever read. I may steal it for my final English paper.
It is no longer mine, Tummy.
It belongs to the ages. Kind of like that last "Little Debbie" that nobody ate in the office breakroom and now it's been, like, four years or something and even the custodian won't touch it. Only in this case the crispy chocolatey caramel crunch is magnificent surrealistic poetry (in prose form) and the crinkly dusty cellophane wrapper is the Daisy May thread in all it's utilitarian banal glory.
*sobs
Does this mean it really is the end?
We have not begun to post!
Shit.
Yes, Little Debbie Cakes really do taste like shit.
I wonder if it's the same for Daisy May Cakes?
Well, that's her full name of course. All indications point to the inescapable conclusion that, yes, she tastes like shit.
Monkeyfilter: I'm gonna cut joo jeesus
Since Daisy May fakes,
it must be that she makes,
'l'il Daisy May Cakes,
of inexorable taste...
/shudders and hides
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to post to the Daisy May thread, it is not because we come to praise Ceasar. We who gather here on this interdimensional derailment must not go gentle into that good thread, but to know: it tolls for thee. And should we post before we wake, we say "Heyyyyy! Hooooooooh!" and expect that somewhere in the vast netherregions of space another monkey says "If you try sometimes, you just might find."
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a Daisy_May.
Hail, Daisy_May! Thou heav'n-born maid!
Thou gildest e'en the MOnkeys' tirade.
Hail, flowing fount of new comment,
All hail! All hail divine emollient!
Daisy May is enshrined within our Monkey Culture, an awesome and totamic figure, mythic in her proportions.
But what of the poor jerk off that was pictured in her post?
None shall remember his name, and his deeds shall be forgotten in the mists and moisture of memory.
He's just some jerk-off.
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
Hell no!
'Tis hard to credit that in a mere 1744 comments, so much could be said by so many that is so little to the point.
When it's little and it's pointed, what's left to say?
*shrugs
Acerbic wench! Ye've been peeking again, haven't ye?
*points*
not pointing at bees, obviously, just pointing at the thread in general. pointy pointy pointy.
*runs for a bandaid--one of the little round ones
Have heard those called corn plasters, BlueHorse. There is just no sense to this language.
Excuse me, is this a rhubarb or a brouhaha?
*doffs bowler hat*
Bit of a hubbub, old chap.
A brew, haha, petes ...
You wake up on a desert island. There is nothing about but a can of worms and a wooden box with the words "Property of Pandora" engraved on its cover. Which, if either, do you open first?
I couldn't keep from opening Pandora's Box, even though I've read the myth. Maybe it'd be different,this time. Just like I opened the original link in the thread, and look where it got us.
I beg to differ, bees. This is a corn plaster, however this is a little round bandaid.
Fairly useless, unless you need to cover pointy, pointy, pointy pokes or hide those silly pointy, pointy, pointy jokes.
Duh, the worms. Find some bent wire, make a thread out of coconut fiber (if Tom Hanks could do it, hey, I can!) and you've got yourself some fish for dinner.
I'd get all up in Pandora's Box. Yeaaaahhhh....
/kinda dum
Monkeyfilter: Pandora's BoxI'm We're all sick fucks.
Why?
Maybe they'll have fun with it. More power to 'em.
Although I suspect their gibberish tolerance may not be as high as ours.
There's no unifying theme on that thread, unlike our lov-er-ly Daisy.
Foolish humans!
Totally unprepared for the affects of time travel.
/Kang
Pete:
Bet you wish you could go back in time to fourth grade when you learned the difference between effects and affects.
hee hee
BECAUSE THE DAY IS FRIDAY, HERE IS THE COW SONG I WROTE
(to the tune of Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder)
Nobody's gonna pull on my teats
Nobody's gonna steal my milk
Oh No
I've got to keep on Moo-ing...
Yeah I thought about that GramMa, and changed it a few times before settling on "a"ffect.
USAGE NOTE Affect and effect have no senses in common. As a verb affect is most commonly used in the sense of “to influence” (how smoking affects health). Effect means “to bring about or execute”: layoffs designed to effect savings. Thus the sentence These measures may affect savings could imply that the measures may reduce savings that have already been realized, whereas These measures may effect savings implies that the measures will cause new savings to come about.
That still doesn't help, btw.
Now if you'll excuse me, I must pummel muteboy repeatedly
*applause for muteboy*
Uh, Koko here's the, uh, banana daquiri you wanted.
It . . uh, it's supposed to be . . kinda pinkish.
That . . that's how they make 'em C'mon, drink up!
Haffects han haccent for petebest.
dreeeeenk my meeeeeeelk
Well, this thread has not a unifyong theme past it's first day, except for the petebests, so I don't see that as a particular problem for MeFi.
They do have a three day limit for adding comments to a thread, though, it seems to me I read somewhere.
A huge difference, that.
plus they're all about the gifs. They've got no Chy.
Chy ... well, his former self was called Nostrildamus at the top of this thread.
Which is two years and four or five days old now.
We missed daisy_may's birthday? Does that make this thread a gemini too?
*shudders*
June is almost over. Shall we let our Daisy May slide into blessed oblivion?
Why? Does it really matter? I kind of like having it show up on the sidebar from time to time.
Daisy_May walks into a bar . . .
and got a huge hug ...
...from the guy who was wanking in the corner booth...
(was it a one armed hug? I mean, the guy was busy....)
*click*
"What do you think I rang the doorbell dialed the phone with?"
OK, tonight I finally completed my Monkey Initiation of reading this entire thread. To aid other new Monkeys, I have compiled a Daisy May Final Exam, available here. Yes, it's crappily put together, but it's all I had left to give after the draining experience of reading the thread.
Wow. Just, wow.
TUM--the monkey with a lot of time on the hands
TUM--the monkey with a lot of crap on the brain
There may be a lot of crap on my brain... BUT YOU GUYS PUT IT THERE!!
TUM, you may now consider yourself a monkey.
Yes, TUM, this is our baptism by crapola.
Everytime I get sucked into reading parts of this thread, I realize what an inspiring creation it is.
It should last the millenium!
and hear I thought it had already been around for at least a millenium ;)
psst! GramMa! What's number 15?
*looks around skulkingly*
No, a millenium is what it takes to load this thread on my T1 connection!
baptism by crapola
So... "craptism?"
HAHAHA!
Now I have to go wash up in the craptistry. . .
Petebest! You little cheat!
GramMa's now working as a test proctor for the Ewe Ess Arr Farce, and you expect me to give you the answer?!?!
Geddoudda here, and go report to your commanding officer. Article 15 for you, buster!
Wow, harsh.
Although, having checked a little more closely, not only did BlueHorse order Petebest to Article 15 but BlueHorse was also the last poster in Article 15. Coincidence? You decide.
woot! one eight double o for me!!
*waves sparklers*
What's this, no one handing out )))))'s anymore.
TUM, that's a five banana salute for excellence beyond the call.
a test proctor? GramMa, you watch your language in here.
Good to see you dx!
Now, who wants banana pie?
Banninana pie?? Don't give me none of that! I like it here!
Then we shall leave Lara here and no banninana pie for her. I doubt that Daisy_May is the sharing type anyway.
Ya just took and went and made my day, Spish! Lovely!
Interestingly enough, I dreamed last night that I was in the grocery store buying banananas because I had company coming the next day. And I kept thinking, 'That's not enough, I need more banananananas for my company,' and just kept piling 'em in my cart.
Tops was cleaned out of bananas this evening. Don't know what to make of that, but I dreamed last night that a monkey tried to swing in through my window. I think they may be about to invade...
Yes, Tops has no bananas. They have no bananas today!
Oh, and hey! The next comment will be #1812. Someone should write an overture or something.
Shhhh! We Americans in Canada do NOT use that number...
*clears throat*
Come all you bold Canadians, I'd have you lend an ear,
Concerning a fine ditty that would make your courage cheer,
Concerning an engagement that we had at Sandwich town,
The courage of those Yankee boys so lately we pulled down...
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
The Xenia, Ohio Chief of Police has the greatest. name. evah:
Chief Randy Person
I can just picture Mrs. Person sitting in her hospital bed, drawing up lists of names that were also adjectives...
I think this post may be starting to die a slow and agonizing death.
And not before its time.
You'd think that. But then it squirts out again.
Fortunately I've got my waders on, or as we say 'round these parts, my DaisyMays.
Hey! Put some pants on with those!
*sighs, gets out disinfectant and shovel
I'm a'bring my wheelbarrow up behind you, GranMa.
Pantscists!
PANTS=UNDERPANTS
or
PANTS!=UNDERPANTS
that is a, but not necessarily the question...
i like my pants with underpants built in.
Queso: I think your underpants are all worn out.
it's a curse, the boys are particularly destructive....
I like my underpants with MORE underpants built in. It's all about the layering.
http://www.trademyex.com/
ooOOo appropos even! What's your point?
Now I get all the daisy_may references!
*falls over from exhaustion*
Oh, Lordy, she must have read the whole thing all at once.
QUICK! OVER HERE!!
BRING THE HEART SHOCK THINGIES AND A TOILET BRUSH!!
*rushes into thread bearing a tart, rock thingies and the violet blush*
Who? What?
Gomi!! Speak to us!!
*is jolted back to life*
The light was calling....but the call of the MoFi was stronger! Thanks guys!
Well, you'll at least want to hose yourself down, and then rest for a few days.
(Has anyone looked at the orginal link lately? More photos, threats, and anime boobies.)
(Oh, and I'm pretty sure I don't need to say NSFW, but they're NSFW.)
My, my. The original link is becoming much more, textured, I'd say.
Vindictive bitch is our Daisey_May.
I'm glad all the boy monkeys kept their pants on around her. They have, haven't they?
Um . . soooo . . hows the salsa?
And then there's some that can't even hang onto their socks. Maybe she blanked out your toes for confidentiality reasons, petebest.
(Three months later.)
Hey, it's been almost 24 hours and I have yet to hear any good "Saddam is dead" jokes. What is wrong with you people?
He f*cked around on Daisey_May as well?
Damn, she's got some influence.
So, Saddam was well hung?
*rimshot*
Or, was December 29 just a pain in the neck?
*cha-CHING*
*groans*
*groans*
oh my.
Server error = posted.
I heard it was all a fancy rope trick.
Saddam = bloody well hung = another step backwards for civilization. Like we can talk about thou shalt not kill... Ah bollix!
Thou shalt not make teabags of dictators.
...and if you really must, they have to be those pyrimidal teabags, y'know, the ones that let the flavour out.
So, Saddam was well hung?
No, but I heard he was a real swinger.
*hating himself for degenerating to the level of the lowest common denominator*
Although I jest, I'm also with you, roryk.
I do not support capitol punishment and think in this case it is going to be most problematic for the future. I had, however actually mentioned to Mr. Dx that with Castro on the wane and other world changes, these small crazy and/or murdurous dictators were quite losing their place in the world. We'll just have Big ones instead.
/not naming anybody, please note.
/bumps up lowest common denominator a notch.
Daisy_May, see
Give me your answer, aye.
You so crazy
Your thread will never die.
Your boyfriend may never catch you
But Monkeys won’t forget you
For you provoke
Both rants and jokes
Oh Daisy M-A-Y
ach, TUM, that last ♫ was so flat.
Down and a little to the left, please.
*thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump*
Q: What did the orange say to the banana?
A: How come your name isn't "yellow"?
I knew this thread was dead.
NEVAR!
Jesus Alien Rectal-Probe Christ... I just reread the whole goddamned thread. I definitely DO NOT advise that others undertake this task.
'Tis not for the faint of heart nor weak of bladder
I must! Why? Because it's there!
*adjusts goggles, fastens flying helmet*
OK, chaps, I'm going in! Chocks away!
I must! Why? Because it's there!
*adjusts goggles, fastens flying helmet*
OK, chaps, I'm going in! Chocks away!
I just want to apologize to daisy_may's mom, and the_bone's mom, and my mom. I am so sorry! Because it was my fault.
You're the guy jackin' it in the picture???
You posted this as Daisy_May?
This thread is like a memorial to a lot of ex-monkeys. I'd actaully forgotten about a few of them, while others are more recently departed. It's interesting that there's lots from Nostrildamus but nothing from Chyren. I also didn't realize languagehat was so active here for a time. And holy shit...Danny fuckin' Kay!
Oh why why WHY did I click on this and on the main link, again... isn't that page really gone into spooky stalkerish territory, or what?
Oh maybe DaisyMay is really the guy in the pic. Just another intertube exhibitionist...
*looks around, sniffs, covers nose with scented hankie*
I missed this room.
*settles into a chair*
I couldn't read the whole thing again. I tried. I'm not even working today, so it's not like I have anything to do. But by God, I tried and failed.
rocket88 - Chyren didn't appear here till April of 2005.
I know, but from then until his departure, he never commented in this thread. I find that strange.
It is kind of stalkerish Flagpole. It'll be interesting when the great grandchildren of the current posters wander into this thread. Does that count as stalking or archeology? To my descendants, stop following me through webpostings, it just goes downhill from here. Plus there's some things you're better off not knowing.
Yeah, like YOU'RE going to have grandchildren!
Heh.
harsh but fair
Having grandchildren is just as easy as falling off a horse. Why, I had two this very morning, and I've got the bruises to prove it!
I had two this morning, and they were delicious!
Ha, same thought here: how all this kind of info will look like to our descendants. While today we only have oral recounts or sometimes fuzzy, B/W photographic proof of some weird great-uncle or wild great-grandmother's exploits, tomorrow it all we be revealed with pictures & video...
...of course, maybe we're being overly optimistic. Besides Gramma's sad omen, I can imagine many things that could erase the slate. A war, some EMPs and we'll lose those precious bits, or the hardware to access them. Paper crumbles, media formats die.
So our theoretical progeny might end up, too, with nothing but oral tales of that crazy relative that could be seen naked by all in the time of the intertubes.
My descendents will never know about Daisy_May, or about MonkeyFilter or any of my nefarious activities.
This thread is now classified material.
My descendents will never know about Daisy_May, or about MonkeyFilter or any of my nefarious activities.
This thread is now classified material.
oh shit.
Oh shit is right, DX.
It's too late now.
A descendent is a tooth in your upper jaw, right, ascendent?
I can just hear DX muttering: Bite me.
But I still don't have any teeth. Koko as them in Winnipeg.
I'll go gnaw on this for awhile.
Yes, dude, Daisy May lives. I've never been tempted to comment on this piece of history, but having lost a keyboard for months, only to get one for a bit, and face losing it again tomorrow, I can only say: "this, was, our finest, hour."
Ummmm, er, trac, you may want to disable the original Daisy link. It didn't lead to anything particularly good then, and now....
Let's party like it's 2004!
Man, I can't wait til Kerry gets elected. With an administration as corrupt and incompetent as Bush's it'll be a huge margin of victory.
Oh. Ew.
*hands trac the bleach eyewash
Wait, what did it lead to? Was it hot?
inquiring minds want to know!
Hey, pete, ya wanna go see Spider-Man 2?
This thread is useless without photos.
Hi guys. Been a while, huh? So, how's everyone doing? Some new faces around the monkeyhouse, I notice, which is great. Wonder if they've all read this thread? You really should, if you haven't. It's educational.
So, anyway. Who's brought the tea and biscuits?
New users: be aware that the original link went to a guy showing off his junk to a webcam, from memory. Just...you know, because you need to know.
*shares Tim-Tams*
*pours out a cuppa for the newbies*
Lemon or milk?
Have a cucumber sammich.
Tim-Tams! Loverly.
OMG, Trac!!
The linkies been changed! There's no creep in a compromising position anymore. Instead....
It says MonkeyFilter will kill us all!
Calumny!!!
No they didn'tThis was not a flameHow did I do? It's all in jest, of course... /cautiously holds large banana tree leave, for protection against poo flinging.spreadthread.holy crap those are some weird user names.
brand of madnessgraphics would meet with such approval, I'd have been creating them ere now.daquirihurricane?peopleMonkeys? Arrrrgggh! What does this say about ME!?hopehelpless Pete_best. He really can't be held responsible. Pete, dammit, quit making faces, and PUT THAT DOWN.leakageseepage?||||||||||||...?I thought it was a little highfleas. Flawes. I celebrate and sing theZenyZany of typos!tiresfixing loose nuts. "that ol' blue mare, she ain't where I look for her. ♫♪╔╗▀♫╚♫╔╪╗▌♪╘╩╪╪█♪▄■ Sorry, never could sing worth a damn.dogKitty door.spankthank you.i would comment, except that i'm striking.as am II'mWe're all sick fucks.rang the doorbelldialed the phone with?"I just want my monkey logo, dammit!
BlueHorse, are you offering to do the new stylesheet?
...
Holy crapsticks. 9 years ago?