June 11, 2004

• They missed one: Teams appear on the TV, Heskey is playing; emit collective groan.
• I support Scotland. Just a generally useful phrase in any awkward situation really.
• They missed out a vital element - working out who to blame for anything that goes wrong. I'd suggest a hierarchy of blame: -Injuries to key players -Bad luck -Sven's casual approach to friendlies -Emile Heskey -An overcrowded fixture list for the last season which tired-out the players -The referee -The FA -UEFA -FIFA -DEFRA -The wages players are paid these days -Not having a proper, old-fashioned English manager -Emile Heskey -Gary Neville -Emile Heskey -Emile Heskey -Emile Heskey -Playing the Diamond formation -Not playing the Diamond formation -Not "wanting it" enough -Emile Heskey -Ron Atkinson -The Tabloid Press -Posh -Emile Heskey
• "More beer, now!" always works for me. Only during the EC, really... Hmmn. In the mean time someone hung 24,500 tiny orange flags in my street. Even though no one believes the Dutch team is going anywhere, except flat on its face. "Tempestuous" whah.
• ... working out who to blame for anything that goes wrong Poor, deluded flashboy. Nothing can possibly go wrong. Why? Beckham. Beckham, Beckham, Beckham. I love him. He, I firmly believe, loves me. Together, we love football. Feel the love. Smell the imminent vistory. Taste, if you can, the sweaty man-joy of holding aloft the man holding aloft the cup. Beckham. Beckham, Beckham, Beckham.
• I'm going to get lynched now, aren't I? :(
• I have no idea which in joke to respond with. So I will repond with all of them. Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Rooney! Rooney! Oooh, it's Emile, ooo-oooh it's Emile... MonkeyFilter: Taste the sweaty man-joy This Beckham, it bends? I have a natural pessimism when it comes to football. A combination of supporting Nottingham Forest and supporting England may be the reason why. But I do love Beckham. Manly love. Whatever his hairstyle.
• surely its MonkeyFilter: Smell the imminent vistory.
• "Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Rooney! Rooney! Oooh, it's Emile, ooo-oooh it's Emile..." Bastard! Now I will hear that in my head for the whole competition! Beckham, Beckham, Beckham
• Footy, footy, footy, footy...
• vistory: n. 1. "his victory". - Who him? Beckham. Beckham, Beckham, Beckham. *sigh*
• Anyone up for a London meetup on Sunday? ;)
• Anyone up for a London meetup on Sunday? ;) *bursts into tears* Not yet! Wait for meeeeee...
• 2-1 ... sob ...
• Fuck. Cunt. Fuck.
• See? There is a fucking reason why we always blame Emile Heskey. That's because IT IS ALWAYS FUCKING EMILE HESKEY'S FUCKING FAULT. And that Stephen Gerrard's a fucking cunt too. Jesus fucking cunting piss. Fuck. What dng said. Fuck.
• Don't forget Beckham, flashboy. Fucking Beckham.
• Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK. I blame the parents. The cruel parent who brought me into this miserable world - the same bleak, pestilential world of agony that contains Emile fucking Heskey. Oh Lord, will you not just take me now? Fucking Beckham.
• OK - just got back. Have done grief. OK - So. We did good. 1-0 for 90 minutes. It hurts - I know. Two fuck-ups, two goals. In injury time. BUT we'll qualify for the second round. It's all cool. Don't lose heart. Just blame it all on Beckham. Hesky, Gerrard, Beckham. /don't worry if you don't understand. It's an English football thing.
• France! France! Oh, it's France!
• *barracks for France* *ducks*
• Ka mate, Ka mate!
• Rugby players blame the ball, or the venue.
• Oh, well, if you're going to bring up Rugby, then we can at least riposte with... Whitewash! /trying to salvage something from horror
• If I thought Chris Cairns was any good, flash, I'd feel bad that his last test was such a shocker.
• But... but... Chris Cairns was good. Had us on the ropes for most of the match, anyway. Not as cool as Vettori, though.
• Both good players. Steve Fleming, too.
• Yay for small countries: I saw Steve Fleming at the supermarket the other day. Chris isn't bad but I think he's lost a lot of his original form. He comes across outside of cricket as a poser and rather vain. He's also a distant cousin of my hubby's -- I can never resist saying that.
• That Wayne Rooney's quite good, though.
• None of our other players are, though, by the looks of things...
• I'm going to Portugal tomorrow, la la la!
• Oh. FOOTball. Damn. I thought this thread might be about football. /obligatory "I'm American and don't get it" post
• For those who want to relive the best and worse moments of Euro 2004. Repeatedly. From every angle....
• This was one of the best matches I've ever seen. Fucking hell, football can be astonishing sometimes.
• I can't believe I missed that bloody match. But hey, the last half hour of the Portugal-Spain ding-dong was pretty exciting too. The BBC virtual replay thing rocks like a wife too. Especially the one where the keeper gets lobbed from 75 yards and ends up heading it off his own line, as seen from the ball's POV. quid - really? You lucky twunt.
• Yeeaaaaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!! Ing-ger-land! Ing-ger-land! And my running commentary, which I helpfully forgot to tell anybody about... mostly because I didn't decide to do it until ten minutes into the match...
• Well, that was a pleasant surprise. (Fucking France, too, couldn't they have drawn, the bastards)
• Hmmm. I reckon we can take Portugal. Their defence didn't look like solidity personified all through their group matches. Rooney'll have them for breakfast. Providing we kick Nuno Gomez and Ronaldo in the knees very hard within the first five minutes.
• Half-Time report: I can't take another 45 fucking minutes of this. I've aged ten years. Oh sweet god in heaven.
• We're winning Flashboy! Calm down!! Will delete this post in 45 minutes, if necessary.
• That's when England are at their most vulnerable. In further news, my heart stopped about twenty minutes ago, and hasn't been heard from since.
• How are you doing, flash?
• That referee is either a fool, a coward, or corrupt. Any which way, he lacks much in both baldness and Italianess. Cunt. Still no word from my heart, although my spleen is making its presence felt most fulsomely. Lordy, lordy, lordy. Breathing also stopped. Need more beer, and the blessed kiss of an absolute void. The referee has a stupid beard.
• Interesting. Penalties, quarterfinal and England.
• ohjesusohjesusohjesusohjesusohjesus
• oh dear
• fuck
• fuck
• good
• wheeee
• fuck
• good
• YYYYYYYYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
• good
• good
• aahhh
• fuck
• good
• Initiative!
• fuck
• Pressure!
• goodgoodgood
• I can't take this anymore!!
• fuck
• F.U.C.K.
• F U C K F U C K F U C K
• Going to bed. Goodnight all.
• Oh, fucking fucking fucking cuntery. Fuck. Bye bye.
• FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK Fuck Beckham=cunt
• I blame Heskey
• Thats the first time I've laughed in about an hour, Carol... Fuck
• Football's rubbish.
• I shouldn't laugh during your time of pain, but this thread was wonderful.
• They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more folk dancing.
• Hello, just got back from the road trip. Saw England v Portugal quarter, and I would like to report that it was heaps of fun, the result notwithstanding. Also (to anyone who has not been there) Lisbon is a fantastic place to get drunk and the people are wonderful. Also, FUCK.
• I somehow agree with both BBF and quid. Lisbon is indeed an extraordinarily hospitable town.
• Biggest travesty of justice ever!!!
• It's Euro 2005 boys: are ya not all supporting the lovely ladies?????? Where are your impassioned comments about throwing away a damn good lead to the pesky Danes???? Humph: part timers......
• Oh no its about to happen again
• Oh no it did happen again FUCK
• FUCK Who the fuck invented fucking penalties anyway?
• Fuck
• commiserations, english monkeys. unfortunately, robinson is nowhere near as good as ricardo. this thread has reminded me that rooney's debut was actually euro 2004. poor spud, he's a damp squib at the end of the day. boy has the talent but hasn't the self-control, perhaps.
• He is only tiny - if he can get through his Gascoigne period without popping a knee, he should be fine. He does, however, need a striker to make advanced runs ahead of him, despite the noble efforts of Hargrinho. On the plus side, a much improved performance from England, and the fact that this toook place despite rather than because of Eriksson's tactical acumen means that it is just possible McLaren might actually achieve something. Presents I would like to celebrate the new reign: 1) An acknowledgement that, although David Beckham does indeed provide some crosses and some set piece goals, his overall contribution has dwindled ever more impressively, and the issue - England do not score goals when Beckham is not involved - should not be allowed to obscure the broader issue - England do not score goals from open play. Give him 6 substitute apppearances in friendlies or matches already won, then drop him. 2) A further acknowledgement that a fit player who is not quite as good as a not fit player will very probably still play better and may not be taken off injured or sent off out of frustration at his inability to play at full capacity. 3) An acknowledgement that if you play a link player as your sole striker, he will always be fifteen yards behind the cross.
• i was wondering on saturday if beckham wasn't such a mega-super-colossal-celebrity, would he even have a place on the squad? based on the last two seasons at madrid, i'm guessing not. but how great would have been the outcry if he'd been dropped before the cup?
• Who scored their first and last goals this time? Who has good looks, great hair, teeth that shine? Who's an experienced leader of his men? You people are just JEALOUS that he was fucking Sven.
• I can't think of anyone whose manbag I covet less than Eriksson. Eric Astrada would be preferable. In answer to the question - probably actually not that great an outcry, I suspect. Most reasonably able students of the game in Britain are aware of the farrago that Real Madrid has become, and also that Beckham is essentially a player without a position - put him in the centre and his passing, although accurate, is also to feet rather than to space, and his lack of pace and inability to tackle, along with his tendency to drift to the right, leave holes for opposition midifielder, whereas if you put him on the right he will not dribble past people or go to the byline, relying on an overlappping full-back to the right (see also inability to tackle and lack of pace - Steven Gerrard found himself a de facto right back on a few occasions because Neville had been pulled too far upfield by Beckham's relative immobility. On the other hand, he did score twice, as Quidnunc says - as a place-kicker, he is excellent. However, with far fewer players on a team than American football, actual football does not have that much give in the team. So, dropped before the World Cup kicked off would have been surprising, but replaced after T&T or Sweden less so, I think.
• after a review of the british press, i'm satisfied that it was all christian ronaldo's fault.
• Absolutely. If he'd picked Defoe, it might all have been very differennt...