June 09, 2004
Monkey College:
Registration now open. All monkeys welcome to apply. Minority monkeys eg orang utans and colubus monkeys encouraged to apply. Monkey college is an affirmative action institution. Tuition is free for in state monkeys. All out of state monkeys pay 27 bananas per semester.
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(Checks savings account. Decides to go for MBA first.) How cool! At least, so long as it gives the helper familial ties and comfort. I considered making jokes about slave labor and such, but wisely backed off.
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The first monkey helper was called Hellion? Sounds optimistic.
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"Mojo! What have they done to you?" "Pray...For...Mojo" Seriously though, I've always been fascinated by helper animal programs. Most animal behaviorists suggest that pets are much happier when they are well-trained and fill a well-defined position within a family group. And it is heartening to see just how much more independent those with helper animals become. Of course, I could be wrong. The helper monkey uprising could be right around the corner. -
A monkey uprising! An insurgency of simians! A primate putsch! And then I, Mojo Jojo, shall rule the world! Anyway, it beats organ grinding.
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And they change CDs too! "I wanna hear that Redman CD again." (Anyone catch that?) Tangential Pop Culture Quote: "Marge, can I get a duck?" "You already have a monkey!" "Can he get a duck?"
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This is a really good service, and it's a neat idea, but I think I recall seeing a news story many years ago that these monkeys are not humanely trained for this service. This was a LONG time ago, so the practice may have improved by now. I'll have to see if I can find something on it.