May 24, 2004

The Jesus Landing Pad. Bush administration alters mideast policy to correctly align with second-coming-of-you-know-who. . . . they object on the grounds that all of Old Testament Israel belongs to the Jews. Until Israel is intact and Solomon's temple rebuilt, they believe, Christ won't come back to earth.

Some of you monkeys may say "well duh", but I'm surprised at how many people aren't aware of the POTUS' wacko jeebus-crispy beliefs.

posted by pete_best 20 years ago
  • If only these zealots would accept Jesus Christ into their hearts... then they wouldn't have to worry about trying to summon him via geopolitical / theocratical maneuverings and snake-handling sorcery, based on dodgy interpretations of selected parts of the Bible to begin with! As if Jesus really gives a shit if Solomon's temple is rebuilt... And can low level priests even conjure deities??
  • ...and if it requires a touch of genocide for Jesus, I guess Sharon's experience with concentration camps makes him the perfect ally, right?
  • Hmmm... MonkeyFilter: Genocide for Jesus Has anyone considered that the real reason Saddam was taken out was because he was rewarding terror attacks against Israel?
  • And can low level priests even conjure deities?? I think you have to be like a twentieth level Druid or something. I'll have to check my DM's guide. /D&D geek
  • I hear they're also going to install some of these in Iraq soon, too.
  • Hey, I became an ordained minister via the interweb, and many here in Arkansas can attest to my m4dd d31ty-c0njur1ng sk1llz. For instance, two weeks ago, while busting up kindling for a campfire, I conjured up the uber-deity SprainedAnkulus. He follows me to this day, mostly because my limp makes me easy to catch. Wingnuts like this make honest-to-Gawrsh sane believers look bad. There are those of us who, you know, actually read books instead of burning them or beating people with them. We are rational, compassionate, caring people who don't favor basing national policy on a conversation with Brother Ezekiel. Problem is, we don't scream as loudly. /grumpy
  • mods plz delete.
  • ...and rodgerd, your statements are ignorant and inflammatory. Please try to keep the genocidal abstractions out of the lavender...or i'll be forced to whip out my menorah on yo
  • Is all his cabal playing on wealthy and influential religious associations and individuals' beliefs in order to advance their (supposedly) more down to earth agendas... or are they *really* believing this doom-and-gloom, no-christian-left-behind-in-the-rapture scenario? As usual these days, both options are frightening.
  • Nice find certainsome1! This was my very favorite part: Alpha Stimulation - Pulsing cabinet lights that are synchronised to alpha brainwave frequency to increase suggestion and acceptance of our Christian themes... Christian backmasking - ...All our remixed songs have subliminal messages looped and reversed throughout the tune to promote wholesome thoughts - In conjunction with the alpha wave lights, this has a scientifically-proven effect on the player's psyche. Messages played within the songs include, 'Obey your parents', 'Donate to your Church', 'Gays will burn in Hell' and many more inspirational quotes. Holy cow! I looked on snopes & couldn't find it, but will be doing a bit more research. This has to be a joke, right?
  • Interesting, coming on the heels of this report on PBS's Frontline aired last week which explored Bush's relationship with evangelical Christianity.
  • minda... um, I think that was a parody...
  • Kim Johnson doesn't call it converting Jews to Christianity. She calls it "Circumcision of the Heart" Now that is one uncomfortable metaphor. Keep that izmel away from my mitral valves, thank you very much.
  • Big problem is, that according to Jewish scripture, the Jews aren't allowed to establish a state in the Holy Land or rebuild the Temple until the appearance of the Messiach. You see, cos, they were kinda banished forever until God's say-so, as it were.. Which is kind of a Catch-22, if you think about it, for the Fundoid Xtians. What.. the Jews already established a state in the Holy Land? Well, God's gonna be mighty pissed off when he gets back from his break. You know, I woulda thought the Jews would have learned what God does when he gets angry with them, already. Ho hum.
  • Back in the late 50s, I remember getting into a sustained discussion with my best friend (a fellow SF enthusiast) about the most probable future we each could imagine. His envisioned future postulated robots making the need to work obsolete, so that people lost the will to live once they realized how unnecessary they were in the scheme of things. Mine was that a Christiuan fundamentalist would end up leading a nation with nuclear power into destroying the world in order to precipitate the Second Coming. (I had lived for periods in the States, and been exposed to a handful of folk of this stripe, while he hadn't). My objection to his future was that robots could only be imitative, and not really creative in terms of the arts. His objection to mine was that no civilized modern country would tolerate such a leader. I wish he'd been right.
  • bees that's the most depressing thing I've read all day. You now officially owe me a beer. I saw mention of something about a sacred cow (literally) that has to be present to fulfil bible prophecy and some group in texas is working on it?? Anyone? Beuller?
  • pete_best, sorry -- my intent was not to depress anyone, but my mood of late is bleak, I'm afraid. Will gladly stand you a drink, pete_best. Not a cow, I'd thought, but a white buffalo that's the sacred beastie in North America.
  • pete_best- you're thinking of the red heifer.
  • ambrosia thanks, that is it. Only I understood there to be a Bush connection in the sense of "these guys are trying to breed the cow for Bush" or some such. ?
  • Rense.com can fill your fix on it.
  • They may want the end of the world, but what they just may get is the end of US believablity in the rest of the world. Pollack seems reliable enough for me not to just toss this. Since I'm not a believer, guess I can't participate in his prayer meeting, but I can direct all my early hippie vibes at getting everyone out to vote this GWB out of office. (Have you noticed that since GWB became not just another frat/jock boy that no-one calls him Shrub anymore?)
  • In Case of Rapture... (path, I think you're right.)
  • I suppose you're positing that George W. Bush is some kind of Evangelical Christian who believes the Bible is the absolute true word of God, that it cannot be incorrect about anything and that Jesus is returning within our lifetimes to take the righteous to heaven and punish the sinners, such as Jews and Muslims. Well! I never!
  • Homunculus, those are some terrifying articles. Thanks for posting them.
  • Jeebuz H. Christ in a chicken basket Fuck! Max Gleason's movie "The Underhanded Fuckinization of Your Soulhead" is especially poigniant when you consider how batshit insane a terrifically rich person can be. Just please God don't let this twit be Presid . . Cocklobster Salad!! (et. al., Ibid)
  • *bangs head on table, goes looking for a bottle of whiskey*
  • The suspected spy has not returned repeated phone calls from CBS News. CBS News? Hello, Spy here. What can I tell you?