May 18, 2004

• Man, I love doing these. Let's take a look at some titles in theaters, shall we? 1. Troy Boy 2. Van Hole-sing 3. Really Mean Girls with Dildos 4. Breakin' All The Rules of Nature 5. Ass on Fire 6. 18 Going on 69 plus 11. Super Size Me (with your tongue) 12. A Day Without My Mexican Houseboy
• With a few different camera angles, Troy could be a porn flick pretty easily on its own.
• I believe I'll wait to read these at home...
• Is this safe for work?
• Not really. The titles are fairly large and bold. Then there's the Hello Kitty with hooters...
• Saving Ryan's Privates is the one I always remember.
• Not to be confused with the other classic, Shaving Private Ryan.
• So, is there one titled "My Bowling Ball"? You know, three holes.
• And they missed my favorite: "Edward Penishands"
• No, "Edward Penishands" is in there, in the intro.
• "Hitler Sucks" is 67, but i can't find it anywhere.
• a few years back I was in Amsterdam on a stag weekend ... there we were standing on a corner debating whether we should go to the Van Gogh museum or Anne Frank's house (ahem) when I realised we were standing next to a shop which sold videos of a pornographic nature. I was particulary taken by one example: "Transexual Horse-Lover 1" I've often wondered whether episodes 2, 3, 4 etc were ever made!
• There's one called Airtight Granny. That's all that needs to be said.
• Actually I've always heard it as "Shaving Ryan's Privates." Is Beetlejism included on the list? Or Honey, I Blew...Everyone?
• "Big Trouble in Little Vagina" and "Tits of Fury" are hilarious. That's fantastic. Favourite Shakespearian Porn Titles: King Leer, Much Ado About Fucking, Oth...hello, A Midsummer Night's Cream, Tight-Ass Androgynous, Coriolanus, The Taming of The Really Massive Pair of Breasts. I'm in the wrong job, I tell ya...
• I wonder if they've made Cold Mountain into Hot Mountin' yet?
• I recall owning a video called "Shoot to Thrill" when I was 18 or so.
• Is Weapons of Ass Destruction on there? My favorite porn title moment has to be that scene in Clerks when the woman with the toddler asks Randal if he could order a kids video and he tells her to hold on because he's placing an order with his distributor right then, and then proceeds to read off a long string of the most foul titles ever. On the commentary track, Kevin Smith says that Jeff Anderson insisted on not shooting that line with the woman on the set because he was so embarassed.
• Gone Bad - that's a great story. Now I want to go back through Clerks and see if the woman is in the shot.
• When I was a wee youngin' I worked in a video shop. We carried the largest porn collection in the area. I can't tell you how much I hated calling the late porn returns. It was so tempting to leave the message: "Mr. Daley, your rental of 'Adventures Up the Babysitter's Ass' is 6 days late. Please return this video immediately to avoid further late fees."