May 17, 2004

Should Narnia be allowed to join the EU?

Government: After the ousting of a female tyrant, Narnia is making good progress towards democracy, although feudalism persists in outlying areas. GDP: very low/unknown. Major Exports: snow, wooden rings (green and yellow), talking mice. Trade routes: a wardrobe, or a series of teleporting pools. Economy: very little economic activity has been reported from Narnia in the last decade. Although there is an island in the great ocean that turns things to gold, this valuable natural resource has not been tapped. Languages: several, none classified. Environment: After a recent mini-ice-age, the climate of Narnia is returning to normal: temperate semi-tropical conditions supporting a large variety of flora and fauna. Lions, fauns, talking mice, dragons and centaurs are common. Agriculturally, Narnia produces little, although the soil is so fertile that lamp-posts can grow from snapped-off fragments of metal. Through a geophysical anomaly, Narnia exists on a region of flat earth, making it possible to fall off the edge.

posted by Captain Psyko 19 years ago
  • well if I had an EU passport I would definitely vote: YES! it seems it would be the most likely way I'll ever get to Narnia, despite years of hopeful closet searching ;)
  • I don't know about the EU, but that Narnia page is totally sweet! Awesome interface. Thanks a lot, Captain!
  • I think the Shire is a better candidate. They have a democratic culture, strong environmental policies, and the pipe-weed trade keeps their economy strong. Gondor and Rohan are out though, since as monarchies they are fundamentaly undemocratic.
  • Remember, kids: When you use the pipe-weed, you're helping the orcs!
  • Any oil? *ahem*
  • Frankly, I'm more worried that Citagazze's already lined up for the next wave of EU expansion. Loads of bloody Spectres, coming over here, taking our jobs/souls, making us go insane... The Convergence Criteria of The Shire - the even more boring epilogue Tolkien's editor made him remove from the final draft.
  • I wish people would get their facts right when discussing important political issues - on the Guardian site someone was talking about Aravis riding into Narnia without being searched, but everyone knows she entered Archenland. And though she was not searched, she was mauled by a lion.
  • Excellent point! Why do they need official border police when they have magical icons roaming the borders, capable of inflicting on the spot punishment for crimes committed in other countries?
  • I don't know whether to be happy or frightened that there is a fan webpage for Aravis Tarkheena. That's one of my favorites of the series, but not so much I would have a webpage. The whole Narnia world seems to lend itself more to introspection than fandom.
  • But then, I probably shouldn't judge, as I'm quite impressed by this Narnia fans site.
  • Although the participants in the Guardian discussion deserve credit for adding considerable depth and expertise to the discussion, it's worth noting that the original idea came from a very clever BBC show called Dead Ringers--they had a sketch on this subject recently.
  • rolypolyman - obviously not, or we US-ians would already have invaded.
  • inside the Narnia country profile at CIA headquarters... ... we believe that depsite the overthrow of the White Witch by coalition forces led by the Sons of Adam and the Daughters of Eve, some loyalist militias are still holding key areas of Narnia and may possess stockpiles of enchanted Turkish Delights, which they use to fund their operations.