May 02, 2004

• I understand why blogs go in reverse chronological order for people who read every day - but wouldn't it makes sense to have archives run from top to bottom rather than bottom to top? It would be so much easier to read/follow that way. sorry - this has been annoying me for some time. Please go back to your regularly scheduled thread about dating, which I know less about than about flying trees. I've discovered that you can get engaged and married without ever dating, but it involves black magic, satanic sacrafices, letters and serendipity.
• I am simultaneously ashamed for her and compelled by her narcissism.
• I'm igry.
• I'm with pyrrthon1. Is it just me, or have you not been around lately?
• I'm with Wolof.
• I don't find her unlikeable, and I'm bummed you guys do. I do think some of the anger (e.g., the poison cake) is put on, to be funny, and to disguise sadness. I went through something similar once -- Had to see a guy around the office all the time following a tough break up, and for me it really drew out the recovery process because there was that constant, inescapable reminder of failure. I envy jb.
• Neh, don't be bummed. It's just a lot of squiggle on a webpage.
• I, too, was compelled by her narcissism, so I just spent a very long time reading through the archives and gawking at the trainwreck of her personal life. The more I read, though, the less I pitied her. Or rather, I started to pity her for different reasons. Thus, I now feel obligated to offer my reaction, some thoughts, and a little objective criticism. Although I've never had to work with an ex, I can certainly empathize with onlyconnect and BB as to shittiness of a sad breakup. The experience isn't far removed from ("literally") losing a loved one; every little stupid thing becomes a nagging reminder of your pain. You feel anxious because something should be done and there is nothing you can do. Futility and depression set in; followed by loneliness, which only makes it all worse. I will now think twice about dating a coworker, though. Thanks. ;) Obviously, breaking up sucks ass, the dating game (for most of us) is a mystery, and everyone is dealt some shitty hands in life. We eventually learn to cope, move on, and most importantly, we adapt. But that chick sounds like she's still a total mess. So it's no wonder she hasn't found a stable relationship. Any 'Mr. Right' -caliber guy will run straight for the door once he hears something like, "I don't know how or why I keep dating losers; I guess I'm just a jerk magnet. Teehee!" In fact, any guy with half a brain will avoid these self-proclaimed jerk magnets like the plague. So, what's not to love? She juggles men like an eight-flippered mutant circus seal, selfishly objectifies men as boytoys, entertainers, provider$, etc., whose sole purposes seem to be fulfilling her whimsical needs, as needed. Then, after they are used, they are to be discarded, like disposable diapers. She's petty, desperate, obsessive vindictive, chaotic, immature, lecherous, shallow, self-destructive, needy, dysfunctional, hedonistic, revengeful, promiscuous, self-victimizing, and naively flaky... she believes in astrology(!) Her disempowering (is that the right word?) attitude perpetuates itself in a downward spiral of un-feminist disenfranchisement. Moreover, it must be hard for her to maintain a positive self-image while sleeping with almost anything that moves. And if she doesn't respect herself, why should anyone else? Further, she judges her own self-worth by the very superficial things which elude her... i.e., she needs a man in order to achieve any kind of self-actualization; or "success" = rich + famous + tall, dark, handsome husband + 2.5 kids. She has the emotional IQ of a 12 year old, and thus seems poorly equipped to handle emotional issues with any integrity. Everyone has his/her own faults, mind you. And reading a candid, online diary is akin to ruffling through her closet with a team of anthrop/paleontologists poring over every bone of each skeleton inside. Therefore, to be fair, I'll admit that she also seems intelligent, creative, and even insightful: she freely admits much of what I have already written. (It's important to keep that in mind if you think I'm being too harsh.) And that, perhaps, is the most maddeningly frustrating aspect of it all: she knows all about her g_ddamn problems, but refuses to halt the descent or learn from any of her own mistakes. Thus, any sane reader will want to just figuratively strangle the shit out of her and tell her to "FUCKING STOP ALREADY!" If you think I'm being too harsh, don't worry... I was already going to hell anyway.
• I enjoyed your comment, Wedge. You've described the break up feeling so perfectly that I'm sorry you've gone through such stuff, but worse, too. And for the record, I've had the "It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others" post card displayed in my office for the last four years! I don't really disagree with you that BB's single-minded pursuit of multiple men, as a sort of driving force to her life, is maddening. But I do think she writes in hyperbole, so that everything sounds more breathless and frazzled and, well, dumb, than it actually is. Re the promiscuity, I am actually *more* bothered by her current plan, which is to hold out until the guy proposes. This suggests my dad was right about men and cows and free milk, and I've always found that thought distressing. And hot damn, Wedge, you can write!
• I'm with pyrrthon1. Is it just me, or have you not been around lately? @tracicle: How sweet of you to notice my absence :-) Actually, I've been around, but I've been a little busy. I haven't been posting as aggressively as I was a month or two ago. That, plus i'm still a little bruised from my spectacularly moronic triple post of a couple of days ago. hehe.
• I see that Break Up Babe has noticed and blogged about this thread, and I just want to sort of apologize for the tough crowd and note that we don't necessarily know what the hell we are doing in our own lives, but criticism is comparatively easy. Well, I speak for myself, anyway. I've always enjoyed the blog, and the humor helped me through some tough times.
• Hi, Breakup Babe! *waves* (And we're not all boys.)
• I really don't have a problem with narcissism, but there is such thing as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She may have that, and be too young to understand why that makes her current choices "f*cked". She may also have several other lovely diagnoses. My favorite (shudder) is Borderline Personality Disorder. Well, just because I'd run screaming if anyone ever again told me they had this, that doesn't mean it's so fatal does it? :P Anyway, let's all diagnose her simply based on the obvious fiction that she writes. It's fun.