December 17, 2008

• omg those are awesome. I never knew about them before, thanks NE!
• My toaster identifies which of the two slots should be used for making a single slice of toast. Why does it make a difference which slot I use? I got this one! OK, see, on a quantum mechanical level, electron spin resonances can be either "up" or "down". The toaster's two slots are oriented to take advantage of the difference in quantum electro-dynamic spin resonance frequencies which dictate whether or not a single slice of toast will be toasted or perhaps wind up like Schroedinger's unfortunate cat. Q.E. fuckin' D.
• Bazging? I didn't know that.
• Some of these are beautiful
• Every time my mum sends me a letter to my home in Bazging those filthy commies fail to deliver it!
• I have a serious and boring answer for that but it's fairly easy to look it up. As for: Why are pandas names doubled? Ling Ling, Tuan Tuan, Yuan Yuan. this follows a common pattern of re-doubling to create familiar dimunitives; parents will do it for a toddler and girly-girls will choose names like this for themselves because it's cute. You could even have a go at the national anthems one with reference to the particular theatre of nation-state in the era of high imperialism and the copying of that by nations seeking to appear "modern."
• Now answer this one, Abiezer Could you please explain why it is that squirrels are capable of such amazing athletic feats? What is it about their brains and, to a lesser degree, their bodies that allows it? I watch them at my house and have seen some amazing things.
• The clue is in I ... have seen some amazing things. This person is clearly on drugs and merely hallucinating the bush-tailed tree rats' agility. Next!
• I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched squirrels play around in the park near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die
• I live in Chicago, where taxi drivers are constantly talking on their phones. To whom are they talking? To each other, obviously.
• I love the one about the 11 year old seeking a restraining order. also, Abiezer, the doubling-as-diminutive thing exists in other cultures. in my family, some of the kids names were shortened thus (ie Jennifer became jen-jen and John became john-john instead of jenny and johnny) maybe it's an Irish thing? (in addition to being a chinese thing)
• This is, frankly, sublime. I was all ready to vote for the "Why does some music make you want to shake your butt?" but had to go with the 79-year-old man's desire to find out the truth of an old photograph.
• Huh, I thought it was a 79-old woman when I read it. Checking it it again, it's a gender neutral question.
• My toaster identifies which of the two slots should be used for making a single slice of toast. Why does it make a difference which slot I use? straightdope.com says: The "ONE SLICE" slot is where the toaster's thermostat is. Use the other opening and you could wind up with under- or overcooked toast. If your toaster has an energy-saver feature, in which only the heating coils in the center and on one side warm up when you make one slice, things might come out half-baked.
• Burma's dictator has a chestful of bullshit medals. What's up with that, Explainer? This one made me laugh, because I imagine the questioner poking the Explainer in the chest.
• It is a common baseball prank to give someone a cream pie in the face during a TV interview. Where do these cream pies come from? Do baseball teams keep cream pies in the dugout? Yes, right next to the seltzer bottles and rubber chickens. Why do all of the deli guys and food cart guys call me "Boss" (well, me and everyone else)? Beats me, Chief. Who made up the rule that if you wore a shirt all day, went home, and washed it, you can't wear it the next day? *I* did, and you do NOT want to fuck with me, mister. Now go put on a clean shirt. There, I have done my duty for the year.
• Why don't humans have a mating season? They do. It's oregano. And a little salt. And Tequila. Not so much the oregano though.
• I really feel for poor little 11 year old Anna. She's only recently discovered that Santa Claus doesn't exist, the Easter Bunny is doubtful and now, yes Virginia Anna, Black Holes do exist. Tough being a kid these days.
• When football players get injured in -4 degree weather, do they bother putting ice on the injury? Wouldn't that warm up the injury to 32 degrees? Man, I laughed so hard I scared the dog.
• >>Now go put on a clean shirt. Wait, now wasn't that his/her point?? ;)
• • If you were on a boat, what signs do sharks give if they are hungry and will attack versus if they just want to swim around the boat? They put on bibs. • Can men eat the Activia yogurt that is advertised exclusively to the modern woman in khakis? Yes, but only if the man wears khakis while eating and for at least four hours after. It's a tie-in with the old Gap campaign.
• That "modern woman in khakis" had me laughing no end.
• What is the most disloyal dog breed? The Turncoat-Stoolpigeon hound. No, seriously, it's pretty much any dog you can imagine. Train it all you want, the second a bad guy shows up with a fresh sirloin the dog is going to hand him the keys to your house and show him right where the wall safe is. Why does some music make you want to shake your butt? We have people working on this right now. It's related to the other universal dancing questions, specifically "Why does this make me wave my hands in the air?" and "Why can't white people do this?" Wouldn't one expect China's national anthem be more "plinky"? and When and why did the Communist Chinese change the name of their capital "PEKING" to Bazging? Look, Baz and Plinky, I am not sure of the answers here, so why don't you two meet up and make a trip to Bazging to ask the Chinese in person? I'm sure they will be happy to put you up in a nice place while they educate you about their culture. Oh, be sure to wear your "Free Tibet" T-shirts when you get off the plane, so they'll know you're nice friendly folks that care about the third world. Does indoor tanning hurt your tits if you have had a breast silicone implant put in for over 30 years? After 30 years of tanning, your tits are probably going to look like old leather saddle bags, with or without the implants. So, we're going with YES here. Why do all of the deli guys and food cart guys call me "Boss"? Look, Mr. Springsteen, you ask this question every year and frankly we're getting tired of it. Why can't the companies that make escalators sync the steps and the handrails so that they go the same speed? You've stumbled on a secret here: Only sissies and idiots actually use the handrail. Escalator companies make the rail move slightly faster so that dorks like you are easier to spot. I mean, look at you, desperately holding the rail just because the sign says to do so, even though it is pulling you over on your face. What a moron. God, you suck.
• If someone with DNA from the Stone Age were born today, would they be normal? That's a good question, and you can find the answer by heading down to Bob Jones University and asking pretty much anyone. You'll have to wait until they're done grunting and throwing things at the large black monolith, though. I have been accused of assault in Ohio. The woman fell over a box in the hall backward, and my brother opened the door, saw her lying there, and started hitting me. I got him down and held him down. It was all over a fight concerning my niece. What do you think will happen? What will happen is that all of us will laugh our asses off when we see you and your family on COPS next week. Please, please tell me one of you is wearing a truckers hat. Can an average person not in politics get a pardon from the president of the United States? (Possession of forged instrument, October of 1989.) If by "average" you mean "filthy, stinking rich and donating heavily to the re-election campaign", then yes. So you're SOL. Next time buy a trumpet instead of faking it. How long can humans live when they are caught on fire? For example, when a car crashes and explodes turns into a gulf of flames, but humans are alive. OK, to answer this one you need a can of gasoline, a match, and a friend with a stopwatch. I'll let you figure out the rest. Next? Hi, I am Anna. I am only 11 years old! My friend told me about this black hole [...] I just think I am too young to die—is there any way we could stop it happening? Well, no. Fact is, unless you and your friend can infiltrate the facility and engineer a leak in the liquid helium cooling units, we're all dead. So, unless you're a demolitions expert and super-spy, just keep your eye on this website for news updates, and keep your fingers crossed.
• dare not answer, for fear of a massive drop in IQ, EQ, and quality of readership. The same readership that asked these questions??
• I want to give Bazging a break. Chinese languages have different sounds that don't correspond with English letters. So any spelling that gets you to pronounce it correctly is fair. "Peking" gets us close. "Beijing" gets us closer. I guess that "Bazging" isn't any better or worse, now that I'm done laughing at it.