December 14, 2008

Top ten self surgeries - listy fun. With added "gah! and "äieee!" and more "gah!"
  • So amazing. I don't think it would ever occur to me to cut my own arm off. On the other hand, when I once read about some earthquake victim trapped in the rubble who stayed alive for a week by drinking his own urine and I said I would never think to drink my own urine. But here it is four years later and I have a three glass a day habit. So I guess you never know.
  • *bites off own typing fingers in vain attempt to avoid posting 'coyote arm' comment*
  • I'm such a wimp.
  • I've always been intrigued by the whole trepanning thing, but I've got shaky hands.
  • I was reading Jackie Chan's blog yesterday (it was linked elsewhere) and he mentioned meeting a little girl (maybe aged 10) who was buried in the Sichuan earthquake. Rescuers tried to help her but her leg was trapped; she told them to give her the saw and cut off her own leg. To which I say: holy FUCK.
  • I once picked at a wart until it gave up coming back. Does that count?
  • That guy who cut himself for the stone gets my award for the hardest core dude of all time. Some of those others had the advantage of adrenaline or anaesthesia, but that this guy had time to think it through, secretly procure a knife and still be cool enough to send his unsuspecting wife happily off to market shortly before he performed early-modern surgery on his own groin. I don't care how tough you think you are, that guy makes you look like a mewling kitten.
  • I cut my own toenails on a regular basis.
  • pff gramma, I used to bite my toenails off. now who's hardcore??
  • *fans self*
  • Gah! Hey, you were right!
  • The whole idea that trepanation "helps blood flow more easily around the brain" is STUPID and the theory should be taken out behind the woodshed and put out of its misery. If we were supposed to have this sort of thing happen to be healthy we would already HAVE holes in our heads. Dear self-surgery proponents: Your brain is encased in a solid pile of bone for a reason. Unless you have suffered major trauma and need to vent pressure to keep your brain from crushing itself, don't f*uck with it. Love, frogs.
  • I've heard a number of glowing self-reports about the benefits of trepanation, and I've always wondered if the benefits are largely due to cognitive dissonance reduction. You've just drilled a hole in your head so of course you're going to experience all sorts of amazing but non-specific benefits. Otherwise you might just start believing that you were pretty darned foolish for drilling a hole in your head. Disclaimer: I have a whole bunch of holes in my skull: about sixteen on the bottom, around five the front, and one on each side right behind the ear. Whether these holes help me with the circulation of my blood I don't know, but I'm sure glad that they're there.
  • Remember kiddies, the safest self-trepanation can only be performed with a corkscrew. MonkeyFilter: Unless you ... need to vent pressure to keep your brain from crushing itself, don't f*uck with it.