November 21, 2008

Thomas Kinkade's 16 guidelines - for making stuff suck. If you're like me and weren't fully familiar with his body of work, I'm here to help you out.
posted by polychrome 15 years ago
  • Pour Peter, last of the hellraisers. I guess this pays the bills though.
  • I can';t think of very many things less evocative of Barry Lyndon than anything by Thomas Kinkade.
  • I just want to know why every building he paints is burning on the inside, what with the crazy glow of flames in every window and all.
  • Pour Peter, last of the hellraisers. I guess this pays the bills though. He's having a grand old time as Pope Paul on The Tudors. And his performance in Venus was as good any anyone has ever given in anything. The fact that his character is likely not all that removed from his own experience makes it all the more devastating. I couldn't recommend it highly enough.
  • TenaciousMom is a *big* Thomas Kinkade fan. In fact, we got her a Kinkade mug for xmas one year, on which the windows of the building on the side glowed more fiercely when hot liquid was added. Which given his wiki article's tidbit about his penchant for "ritual territory marking through urination" has now become a much more intellectually interesting gift. "Kink-aid" indeed.
  • Ralph Bakshi on Kinkade (goddamn that's a great photo of him):
    Is he talented? Oh yeah. Will he paint anything to make money? Oh yeah. Does he have any sort of moralistic view? No. He doesn't care about anything. He's as cheesy as they come.
  • Do you have a particular aversion to orchestral music? I know that for your version of Lord of the Rings, you were at one point considering Led Zeppelin. Not at one point. I was thinking all the way. I hate Leonard Rosenman's music in Lord of the Rings. I thought it was clichéd. Gregorian chants — what else is new? I wanted Led Zeppelin because they were right for the film. The film would have been seen by every hippie in the country. I was one of them. The Lord of the Rings was for us in the East Village. It wasn't for anybody uptown. That would have made those movies have, like, a BILLION times less suck.
  • Yeah, that would have been pretty effing cool, actually.
  • > And his performance in Venus was as good any anyone has ever given Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that. I will check it out.
  • Is it just me, or does Bashki look like Oliver Stone in about 15-20 years or so?
  • To me, he looks like Greg Grunberg from Heroes.
  • Kinkade had sufficient money + branding to build an entire village in his wretched image back in the early 00's. I owned a home in the ghetto part of that city then, and drove up to check it out. I couldn't find it, at all. At the time, I figured I just didn't have Kinkade vision, or something.
  • Codpiece! Codpiece!