October 23, 2008

US Presidential Race as D&D Game
posted by tracicle 15 years ago
  • Ha! Your thread has NO comments. You are a 20th level loser with extremely high armour class. Take 4d6 DAMAGE, traciorc.
  • OK, you have ONE comment now. I must roll 18 to save 2d8 damage from your Mace of Irony.
  • Fuck, I rolled 3. OK, I cast REPLACE ADMIN. You have a -3 penalty on your saving throw because your wisdom is PITIFULLY low.
  • It seems you make the throw. You receive 3 more comment points, and your orcish howl of triumph chills the hearts of lawful goodfolk throughout the land of Webcommentia. I lose one item at random from my backpack. **Thinks: not the summerswerd, not the summerswerd, not the summerswerd!!!**
  • FUCK I LOST THE GODDAM SWORD AND KEPT THE 30' ROPE
  • CURSE YOU, WARLOCKETTE OF FIRETOP MOUNTAIN!
  • Hmmm - six comments on this one. Must be a good link! Good work, tracy. For an ORC.
  • Seven comments now.
  • Up to 8! Thread's goin' well!
  • Hope we get to double figures - I quite like it when Monkeyfilter is full of vibrant commentary, the cut and thrust of debate! It's like a melee of conversation, a veritable sword-song of argument. Of course, I say "sword song" but the swords aren't actually MAGIC ones or anything. Maybe you'll meet someone with a +1 dagger, but it's pretty rare.
  • I had a vorpal sword once. Odd word, "vorpal," don't you think? "Vorpal, composed of or pertaining to vorp" - that's what it means. Odd that.
  • Makes you wonder whether there are other kinds of vorpal cutlery, like a vorpal spoon or something.
  • Or a vorpal spork.
  • Actually, now that I think about it, Vorpal Spork is a pretty cool name. If I had a child, I'd probably name it Vorpal Spork.
  • It's so nice to see when a child can play by himself quietly...
  • Way to ruin it, Capt.! Hey, are we a "party" now? Here's my character- Name- Nickdanger Race- Halfassling S- 9 I- 6 W- 4 Dex- 2 Cha- -3 Spells- post polemic, defend against reasoned argument, summon strawman, powerword: Killthread
  • Monkeyfilter: Way to ruin it, Capt.!
  • NNNNNNEEEEEERRRRRRRDDDDDSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! Carry on.
  • Quidnuncus the Burberian put down his tripleax and ran his short, fat fingers through his ruddy beard. "By Balder's Magic Testicle of Damage-Absorbtion," said he, "this loincloth is riding up my arse-crack like you Hobbits wouldn't fucking believe."
  • King Roxette LXXXVIII sighed his weary sigh and fingered his Ring of Mocking. Would that he had never invaded Nerdia and made war unto Ashram the Messiah Complex, voiced by Ralph Fiennes, and the 17 Penvensie toff brats. Sigh.
  • The orc stabs Nickdanger! The orc's dagger was poisoned! Nickdanger has died.
  • *puts on robe and wizard's hat*
  • I've never played D&D. I don't feel it's been a loss.
  • Kit, you and I'll go over to this corner and play spin-the-bottle, like sensible people.
  • You'd feel differently if you saw my +3 Wang of Smiteyness.
  • Kit, you and I'll go over to this corner and play spin-the-bottle, like sensible people. Yeah, well if it was a +5 enchanted bottle with matching vorpal sword, you'd like it even better.
  • Okay, back to Quid's one-man adventuring...
  • Yeah, get the hell out of my thread.
  • Haha! Quid doesn't know I'm in his thread! I knew all those skill points in Hide and Move Silently were a good investment. /Sneak Attacks quidnunc for like 6d10 damage
  • /makes saving roll; casts fireball for 20d6 damage; uses scroll of vorthank to reduce Athena's stats to mortal ones; fires arrow of fire from bow of excellence for 7d20 damage against -5 armour point penalty; overdoses from potion of geekness; dies; wonders when he will see Pallas again; suggests mofi London meetup pre-Xmas?
  • /saving throw vs. Seething, fails; casts lvl 2 Flight of Air Canada spell, fails to make save vs. poverty; flagellates self with +5 Whip of Self-Pity for 3d6 damage; casts lvl 2 Shoutout Please spell, fails to make save vs. Pathetic Loser; takes leftover Dominos pizza and warm 2L of Coke and goes home.
  • /rolls for Improved Evasion save vs fire damage; loots quid's corpse for scroll of Summon Meetup