October 22, 2008
Curious George: Indian wedding present protocol
What does one get as a wedding gift for an Indian friend and co-worker? American-style nuptual gifting is generally solved with a "where are they registered?" question to a member of the bridal party. I don't know anybody in the party to which this question could be put, but we're friendly enough I'd like to get them something.
Is it OK to just ask him "where are you registered" directly? He lives in the States and they will be returning here afterwards, so how likely is it they'll be registered at one of the local stores? Is there some 'friendliness cutoff' in the culture beneath which it would be presumptuous to get them something? Call it what you will, but I'm all perplexed as to what to do. The answer, of course, may just be "send a nice card." Help a bumbling 'murriken monkey out, willya? In the mean time, I'm off to start 'rgistr', an aggregator for gift registries...
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Wampum?
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Save the silly answers for after the sensible ones, eh? I can't help, but I know someone who's been to a wedding in India recently which is as close as I can get. I'll ask her what was expected in terms of gifts. Someone here will know more, though.
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I'd ask directly, and I think he'll be chuffed. Another option is to take it on yourself to raise cash from other coworkers, then get a gift voucher for the amount raised.
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Umm -- this may be a silly and irrelevant question, but what kind of Indians are wetalking about? Indians-from-India, or Native Americans? I understand that the protocol is that you only need to buy a gift if you were invited to the wedding (whether you chose to attend or not), but I'd think that that doesn't preclude anybody from giving a gift just to be nice, regardless of invitee-status. I would think, however, that you'd be freed from the constraints of buying stuff off the registry. That said, cash always fits. Which may be a little unseemly if it's not an Italian wedding, in which case gift certificates for Home Depot or Target or something will do nicely. Not terribly exciting, but they're useful and would be appreciated regardless. Better than something which would be immediately exiled to the basement. IHMO.
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ok, have I sat on "whiskey", "smallpox", and "something you'll take back next year" long enough?
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But seriously, do whatever your culture's standard thing is rather than trying to do theirs. If you were in India and getting married would you really want your friends to all be giving you Home Depot gift certificates?