August 04, 2008

• "the energy created by the Amezcua Bio Disc can cause liquids to become more hydratious, taste better, and to have a longer shelf life." Sweet! I was just drinking a glass of water and thinking, "This is just not sufficiently hydratious. I wish someone could fix that!" If I stick the disk to the soles of my feet, will it remove impurities from my blood?
• *yanks hard on Ralph's choker*
• Ralph, your link couldn't have been better-timed. I LOL'd at every single entry in their FAQ. Thanks, I needed that! I tried looking through the FAQ to post the funniest/least comprehensible entry. I can't choose. They are all super awesome, and charged with a catalytic conversion of energy, developing a long lasting natural resonance which has the ability to be transferred to any liquid, renewing the natural molecular chains.
• "NANO FUSION" that convinces me... I'm going for the two pack for $700.... Anyone want one for the bargain price of $350?
• y'all can just send me your money and I will order them for you, mmmkay?
• Maybe we should all chip in on a communal Monkeyfilter Biodisc. Everyone could take turns using it - placing it under their beds, putting it beneath slices of orange - then pass it along. Are there any diabetic monkeys? Because Biodisc will cure diabetes. Honest! Says so right there on the site!
• rubs a cigarette on the Bio Disk to experience a smoother tasting less throttle burning sensation. Just wow. You know, this migth be worth a shot. I'm thinking of buying one and hiding it on the bottom of a coworker's coffee cup. If after a couple months he looks younger, energized and more hydratioused than usual, well, I'm getting two!
• This really pisses me off. The people that fork over the balance in their savings account for this snake oil are the ones that are desparate and sick and willing to believe anything. I'd like to shove their technically engineered natural minerals down their throats, so the natural resonance of the scalar energy produced hydralates their lungs....to death.
• But tell us how you REALLY feel...
• **doorbell rings** Hot damn! My Bio Disk is here! *opens soggy package*
• This is a good scam, but not as good as those magnet bracelets, which have the added benefit of identifying the wearer as a sucker and an easy mark for other scam artists.
• Woo! Glorious woo! Those magnetic bracelets were a bit of a hazard during they heyday of magnetic data storage media.
• From now on I want to be called "Hydratious T.U.M."
• What about these Teslar watches?? I never heard of them until a co-worker showed up one day waving her wrist around as if it had been coated in gold leaf. Until then, she had been a pillar, a rock, an entity capable of avoiding all b.s. known to man. Now, I just can't get past that watch. The band broke. The battery died. She had to send it in for repair (the drama told to me in day-by-day detail). And, alas! The battery was not covered under warranty. The band was not covered under warranty. She forked over a couple hundred bucks for labor, parts, shipping, and added b.s. Heal this! *wipes ass* VIVA CREFLO!$!$
• $600.00 is a small price to pay for peace of mind, Ralph. And who among us can honestly say that they don't need a little more scalar resonance in their lives?
• Well I can't afford to be too careful, so I'm deffo getting me one of these. I'me going to carry it in my pants.
• *sits on Bio Disc, rubs quartz crysal, adjusts pyramid hat* Yes, yes! I feel it! The scalar resonance! My body's rhythmus is balancing! My shelf life is extending! I have calming effects of the resonance! Hey, is that a Bio Disc in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
• Too many negative vibrations in here! *adjusts lavender color on screen* *begins wafting lovely aromatherapy smells around* *plays soothing whale songs* There. All better. *gets giant economy size box of diapers* If you Monkeys going to persist in carrying that Bio Disk around in your Y-fronts, you're gonna need a change.
• It is made of high heat fusion material minerals! Like silica and quartz! But in these parts, when you take them minerals and heat 'em and cool 'em we kinda just tend to call it glass.
• No way I'm putting a sharp, hard, cold piece of glass in my pants. Even if it's warm after kit used it.