July 15, 2008

Good News: Manners are coming back!
posted by es el Queso 16 years ago
  • Back in 1971 they'd dress nicely and croon Singing In The Rain during something like this.
  • Now if only our leaders could emulate the behavior of gang members.
  • Singin' a song called "The Blueberry Blues," I'm sorry I threw up all over your shoes. Walkin' along with a song in my soul, I'm sorry I threw all your cash down a hole. Shufflin' my feet to the Blueberry beat, I'm sorry I put Crazy Glue on your seat. Snappin' my fingers and clappin' my hands, I'm sorry I made all those ransom demands. That time I got plastered and called you a bastard, I'm sorry, my Blueberry chum. I'm beggin' your pardon for killin' your garden And rollin' your uncle in crumbs. Swingin' away on a Blueberry tune, I'm sorry I called you a dirty baboon. Tappin' my toe to a Blueberry groove, I'm sorry I told all your friends you had moved. Steppin' in time to a Blueberry dance, I'm sorry I sewed up the cuffs of your pants. Jivin' away to the Blueberry waltz, I'm glad that you love me in spite of my faults.
  • Wasn't there an episode of "Homicide: Life on the Street" where a gang member confessed to a murder because he thought he was immune from prosecution on the grounds that he screwed up and accidentally murdered someone other than he intended to kill?
  • MonkeyFilter: I'm glad that you love me in spite of my faults.
  • Grim as it is, we are better in a world where even the worst elements retain some semblance of moral self-restraint. It's a slight step up from killing him anyway, then the others just in case.
  • I'm a Lebowski, you're a Lebowski...
  • Actual exerpt from The Complete Unabridged Guide to Social Etiquette (c. 2006). Rules Regarding Actions Involving Mistaking One Person for Another 1. What do you do if you say hello to someone and use the wrong name? This is a rather common occurrence that can cause embarrassment. If you learn of your mistake immediately, it is best that you correct yourself and apologize. The following are examples of good things to say: 1- "I am so sorry. I know your name. I am just tired, and my brain isn't working right today." 2- "Forgive my slip-up. I just saw Dan earlier today, and his name must have still been on my mind." After apologizing, it is usually best to send a follow-up card or flowers. ... ... 46. What do you do if you are making a legitimate gang-related hit, and you discover that the person you are trying to kill is not the right person? Though not as common as some of the examples listed above, this can create a situation that may embarrass you for many future holiday dinners. In the event that you realize your mistake before the person is already dead, I recommend the following: 1- Stop trying to kill the guy. By discontinuing your attack, you are telling the person that you not only realize you should not be attacking the person, but that you are going to stop doing so. 2- Make up the name of someone who you think should be in prison, and then tell the person that is your name. This may lead to that person you named being arrested and imprisoned. It is never too late to try to make something good come out of a mistake. If this results in your enemy being imprisoned, then you have made the best out of a bad situation. 3- Make an anomymous 911 call. This will help to ensure that the person receives medical care as quickly as possible. 4- Send a card or flowers to the residence in a month or two. Make it anonymous. There is no need to take credit for your generosity. If the person has already died before you realize your mistake, I recommend the following: 1- Do not rape the corpse. Since you don't know this person, you don't know if raping the corpse will make the family more upset. It might. Also, you don't want any unnecessary DNA left behind. 2- Take the body with you or, in the alternative, burn the body there. Not only does this help to prevent you from being convicted of a crime that didn't even commit, it also makes for a more pleasant viewing for the family. A poll taken by Good Housekeeping in 1978 found that 83% of people would rather see the charred remains of a loved one instead of the bloody remains. 3- Find out the what the favorite restaurant of the family is, and avoid making any hits there. If it is a restaurant that you would probably not make any hits at anyway, then buy the family a gift certificate to that restaurant. Fifteen dollars is typically an appropriate amount.
  • I'm most pleasantly surprised that the younger generation consults an etiquette book for the proper behaviors. It's nice to know that our dear bernockle can be counted on to do the right thing in any social circumstance. *approvingly pats bernockle on head with lace-decorated blackjack*
  • MonkeyFilter: You don't want any unnecessary DNA left behind.
  • Bernockle, no wonder you're such a good lawyer! That book is a treasure-trove of helpful information for any client.
  • "They fled in a gray car with no windows." Easy enough to catch them then. Just look for the gray car bent around an elm tree about a block away. Can't see where you're going with no windows!
  • I can see plenty with the doors open.