In a story tailor-made for Monkeyfilter a 42-year-old chimpanzee, who eats with a knife and fork but also occasionally bites bits off people, has gone missing in a southern California forest after escaping from his cage. The owner is the same guy who was hideously mauled a few years ago while bringing the same Chimp a birthday cake (it wasn't the same ape that attacked him).

The couple broke down in tears at a press conference in Los Angeles. "What am I going to do?" said Ms Davis. "He meant the world to us," said her husband. "He was the best man at my wedding." I don't want to editorialise, here, but these people aren't doing the animals any favours, and should probably get some kind of psychiatric help. There is a line between loving animals and wanting to conserve them, and being a fucking loony tune who humanises them and ends up being impromptu doggie chow when it all goes horribly wrong. Wild animals are wild. Let them alone to do their wild thing. Having said that, the Chimp will not survive in the wild for long, but is probably smart enough to find his way back.