June 08, 2008

Mall Ninja! Cos malls are DANGEROUS people. You don't know it but shit goes DOWN in malls like you wouldn't believe. Well, I feel like scrubbing my eyeballs safer. via.
posted by polychrome 16 years ago
  • I thought you were refering to this guy.
  • I kept wanting to look away and stop reading, but I couldn't.
  • I never wore a gun when I was a guard, but I wrote this song: I was a Pinkerton at the Neenah Foundry. Walked the night shift, dusk to dawn. Two foundries, and a spanking new office building, From the grim grime to the marble floor. The guard before me got his hand broke in his car door By the workers that were still free For ratting on time-card punched irregularities Made by their buddies in the union. They made fun of the lightning bolts on my shoulders, Offered to take me down under the conveyor belts. It was 120 degrees in the cupola pouring room. I'd sweat through there and head outside to the end of the field. One time it was Wisconsin twenty below out there, But I'd turn the key and walk back inside. Before they fired me, my boss took me out to the woods one day. “See how the vine curls around the young tree?' “Yes, I see. Yes, I see.” “The tree be you, but the vine is me. You won't get all that big before you're done!”
  • you know polychrome, I've already put up with having friends send me creepy love letters from that guy...monkeyfilter was a safe haven, but you have taken that from me!
  • I kept telling myself it must be made-up...
  • *shudders* *applies bleach to eyeballs* Why can't I ever listen?
  • Truly, Mall Ninja is an inspiration to trolls every where.
  • Medusa - I'm sorry......but also intrigued. Have you dated a mall ninja?
  • Listening to my own inner Mall Ninja, I've just ordered a new Maglite torch. In black. I'll use it whilst 'on patrol'. Reduced from £17 to £7! Bargain!!!
  • "I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls. " That made me laugh til i cried.... I kept on reading and laughing until near the end when I started feeling guilty because is this guy deeply delusional?
  • This guy is truly an inspiration to security guards everywhere. I wish that I had known of him during my days behind the badge. (If only to better mock some of the people that I worked with.)