May 25, 2008

Carefully calibrated coitus. "The finest theologians soon began devoting a great deal of thought to which coital positions were more pleasurable — and thus more evil — and special handbooks were distributed to Church confessors." As an exercise in projection - the mind boggles.
posted by polychrome 16 years ago
  • Three pilgrims were walking to Mecca. On their way a beautiful, westernized girl walked past them wearing almost nothing. The first pilgrim fell over with a heart attack, he was so upset with her decadence. Later, after he'd been pleasured for fifty years by the houris in Paradise, the second pilgrim arrived. "What took you so long?" the one asked. "I studied the Koran and lived a long holy life," the other answered. "Well, you certainly belong here," the first one said. A few years later the third pilgrim arrived in Paradise. "What took you so long?" they asked. "I converted to the Roman Catholic faith, married that girl, and fathered five children." The first two pilgrims were angry that he was there at all, until he explained, "This is my purgatory. I have to pay 5,000 years of abstinence for having a bad back!" (No offence intended!)
  • (It's only funny if what the post reported is allowed: that the penalty was three years abstinence for each time the man assumed the supine position.)
  • Two monks are walking down a country road when they come upon a river. Suddenly a beautiful naked girl runs up to them. She says, "The river flooded everything I have away. My family is on the other side. Can you help me across to find them?" The younger monk is flustered, but the older one picks the girl up, throws her over his shoulder and walks across the river. When he reaches the shore he puts her down, and without a word, walks on. The younger monk follows, but his mind is not at rest. After a couple of hours he stops his brother and says, "Brother, we are supposed to be above things of the flesh! And yet you picked that girl up and carried her across the river." The older monk says, "Yes, and when I got to the other side I put her down. You have been carrying her ever since." Damn horny theologians. Ain't that the truth.
  • A priest, a rabbi, and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says - "What is this, a joke?" Please remember to tip your bartenders and wait staff
  • Priest and nuns like to fuck. Hah! This message has been brought to you by comment reduction service (c)2008.
  • Mutual masturbation looks like a good deal!
  • Church thinkers like Saint Jerome announced that carnal relations were “filthy” Well, everything was filthy in the Middle Ages.
  • That's why they call them the 'Dark Ages'. Especially because of the windows.
  • A priest, a rabbit, and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says - "I like the way you've done your hare"
  • Two nuns in the bathtub... This joke has been truncated by comment reduction service (c) 2008 by orococo Two nuns on a tandem going down a cobbled street... This joke has been truncated by comment reduction service (c) 2008 by orococo A monk confesses he got semenem in ore from a nun on a tropical island. Jamaica?... This joke has been truncated by comment reduction service (c) 2008 by orococo Priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, but the mullah ducked.
  • Seen at the hardware store this weekend:
  • Ew. On my cellphone I have a photo of some ski jackets I saw in a sports shop with the unfortunate brand name "Break Wind". Can't get it off my phone, though.