April 24, 2008

• I gotta say, that's kinda disturbing. Some people have waaay too much time on their hands. And are psychotic.
• I can sort of admire the artistry here, but nevertheless, ick!
• There was a guy who worked here before I hired on that was really really really I mean made kitfisto look normal REALLY into Star Wars. He kept a bunch of action figures carefully arranged around his cube. One of the project managers took great delight in complimenting him on his "dolls," because it invariably brought back a thunderous "THEY'RE NOT DOLLS, THEY'RE ACTION FIGURES!" This went on until she got bored and craved more entertainment. So one day she kidnapped his action figures. She then went out to ebay and bought duplicates of every single one of them, and spent the next two or three months doing horrible, horrible things to them, arranging them in lewd positions, creating gory scenes of torture and death, then finally mangling and destroying them (fire, hammer, you name it). As she did this, she took photos of her work and emailed them to him from an anonymous account. He never knew for sure who it was (several people gave him shit about the action figures), and not knowing, coupled with a weekly batch of Star Wars torture porn in his inbox, made him positively frothy. He'd holler bloody murder, even tried complaining to management, but of course management was in on it. She waited a couple of weeks, then sent him his original, unmolested action figures back via interoffice mail. He never said a word, never even acknowledged that it was over, but from that point on, when he left his cube, his shit was locked up.
• I did this same sort of stuff when I was about 12 years old. All of my scenes were set up outdoors, however. I also took all of my photos in black & white. A favorite image I took was of a tattered blonde Barbie with a missing leg. I laid her in a field of grass, impaled her torso with numerous sewing pins, and dribbled some ketchup upon the limbs... I positioned one of her arms so that it appeared that she was grasping upwards, trying to escape from being swallowed by the grass. The shot was taken from the same eye-level as Barbie, so there were a lot of close-up grass blades to frame the image. I will look for the photo tonight, though it may be buried away in the attic of my mother's home. And yes, I turned out relatively normal. I suppose! I blame my father. Earlier in the year, he took me to an art exhibition in Minneapolis that had all of these bizarre contorted Barbies.
• I'm glad the StarWars fan at your office didn't have access to firearms... Gosh. And hey, to think I felt guilty after attaching small firecrackers to my some plastic toy soldiers, when I was a little kid... they just ended up a little burnt.
• This is all great fun until you wake up in the night and there at the foot of the bed is the Barbie with the missing eyeball...and slowly she raises her amputated arm stump and points it at you...and she goes....EEEEEAAAAGHHHHH!
• I used to use a needle and thread to give my Barbies IV lines, but it was less "artistic statement" than "bored child."
• A Star Wars figure I bet your co-worker didn't have, mct.
• That is the best idea ever.
• Dammit, 404.
• you sound a little like Taffy playing car crash in one of my favoritest movies, Female Trouble,smt.
• Don't you remember, Tracy? 404 was a minor character from The Phantom Menace. I think he was a maintenance droid at the pod race.
• Oh yeah. Cute and less annoying than C-3PO.
• TP's "Star Wars Figure" link sometimes works and sometimes 404's. It seems to display only in the context of their main page, or any time after you have visited that page. Strange inter-hyper-pipeyness. But it is the same as this and similar to these.
• As much as Mattel tries to market Barbie as an energetic go-getter, ultimately she becomes a kind of passive pawn when kids play with her. So, I guess it's only natural to cast her as an anonymous victim. Oh, and...
• eeQ, that's probably the only John Water's movie that I have yet to see. Taffy you say... I'm curious now.
• As much as Mattel tries to market Barbie as an energetic go-getter, ultimately she becomes a kind of passive pawn when kids play with her. No one believes me when I tell this story, but I was in a Toys 'R' Us once during the Clinton administration, walked past the Barbie section and saw Intern Barbie, which was a professionally dressed Barbie with the top two buttons of her blouse undone. Googling reveals nothing beyond bad Lewinsky photoshop lulz, so I guess it was someone's very elaborate prank and not an official doll, but I about had a fit right there in the store. I wish now that I'd bought it.
• Here I is!
• Barbie pretends to be cool and nice and all that shit, but the bitch never returns my phone calls. I am giving her up, this time, for good. Serves her right.
• Iranian official calls Barbie 'destructive'. Tell us something we don't know...