March 25, 2008

The Asylum- Bringing you the Mockbusters you crave! From the giddy tech thrills of Transmorphers to the adrenaline pumping mysteries of The DaVinci Treasure, we've got it all! Crave a little creature on creature action but don't want to pay HIGH HOLLYWOOD PRICES? Let me suggest Alien Vs. Hunter, or AVH as we like to call it. You kids going crazy for snakes on some sort of transportation? We can do that, too- Bang! Snakes on a Train! Just like that Sam Jackson picture, only better cause it's on a train.

What else? Oh, you heard about that new movie with the guy with the whip and the skulls and the hoo-ha? Yeah, that's one of ours too, Allen Quatermain and the Temple of the Skulls. C'mon, c'mon, only chumps get movies from other companies. Rent one, and we'll throw in The 9/11 Commission Report, a "thriller in the tradition of United 93" for free.

posted by Nickdanger 16 years ago
  • *sigh*
  • See, it's a company that makes movies designed to confuse into buying them. /tumbleweed blows by
  • There there, Nick. There there.
  • *grabs a tumbleweed and smokes it*
  • You guys are my only friends.
  • As your friend -- dude. That's sad.
  • AVH stars Dedee Pfeiffer
  • It's a good post, nickdiggler. I applaud anyone who can make money off of consumer confusion. Isn't this sort of like what Roger Corman used to do?
  • If a Mockbuster outsells a Blockbuster, does the Mockbuster become a Blockbuster, and the Blockbuster becomes a Schlockbuster?
  • Except Corman made entertaining movies now and then. AND he had Vinnie Price. Game, Set, Match to Corman.
  • There's a pretty good article in The Believer Magazine on The Asylum that spurred this wildly successful post. Unfortunately, you have to pay to read the whole thing. If you got some spare cash, I'd recommend picking it up because The Believer is actually pretty awesome.
  • My resident expert says it was Corman's Carnosaur, which actually hit theaters before Jurassic Park. Corman is King.
  • Gene Siskel really liked Carnosaur, IIRC.
  • I liked The Terror. Very atmospheric.
  • Some comments from folks who have seen some of these films: Jim - Just a Guy says: 02.22.08 at 12:04 pm I watched Transmorphers only because I am the sefl proclaimed Movie Whore and will watch anything. I believe this movie gave me gonorrhea of the eye. I used to work at Block buster and noticed this trend over a year ago. I like it. while some of the movies are total crap it gives fans of the B-Movie a chance to see some new material. You Do says: 02.22.08 at 12:28 pm I watched Snakes on a Train and it was amazing…ly bad. It was hilarious though. My favorite line from the movie was, “Your mother’s cunt smells like carpet cleaner!” peter says: 02.22.08 at 10:55 pm snakes on a plane sounds a lot more compelling then snakes on a train because this is porobabaly how snakes on a train ends. STOP THE TRAIN Dear God Why? says: 02.23.08 at 12:36 am Transmorphers is patently terrible. I mean it. Seriously, I bought it for five dollars and I would kill for that money back. KILL. I would eat a live king cobra in order to remove that movie from my head. As a matter of fact, I have hired a team of ninjas to kill me at an inopportune moment
  • And because nickdanger has no friends and is desperate for the cheap sort of validation that one can only get from from having semi-strangers post comments in FPPs posted by the chronically insecure, I offer this amusing link found on one of the pages linked to by Mr. Danger: The 10 Most Unfortunately Named People on the Internets OK, Nick, you owe me a couple gratuitous comments on whichever heavily ignored FPP I choose to post next.
  • Thanks guys, you've given meaning to my existence.
  • Oh, except kamus' link is broken. I guess I'll spend all day in bed after all. Thanks kamus.
  • I saw Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold back in the day. It was fun. In my heart of hearts, two movies compete for the most absolute best bad movie of all time: 1) Bats, starring Lou Diamond Phillips. You know that drinking game where you take a drink whenever they say the name of the movie in the movie? If you tried that with this movie, you'd probably die. 2) Zombie Vs. Ninja, starring no one in particular. Some guys apparently bought an old Kung-fu movie (You know, Chinese, shot on film) and shot some scenes on video of themselves wearing Ninja costumes. It makes no sense and is completely wonderful.
  • Oh, and I forgot that one of the ninjas is named "Ninja Ira."
  • What the...? OK, here it is again: The 10 Most Unfortunately Named People on the Internets Sorry about that, Nick- it's OK to get out of bed after all! You are virtually loved by all your psuedo-friends here!
  • You're the pseudoist of all my pseudo-friends, kamus.