February 10, 2008

Anal Sex Fatwa ~~ "Allah will not look at a man who has anal sex with his wife."

But boys, sheep and melons, just fine.

posted by At Swim Two Birds 16 years ago
  • no, mate, they're unbelievable!! /swoons
  • OK, so Islam is out. /runs to books on Baha'i
  • I liked this quote for some reason: "Allah is not too shy to tell you the truth: Do not have sex with your wives in the anus."
  • How does Allah feel about having sex with your wife on Unranus?
  • (￣▽￣)
  • So Anal Sex Fatwa isn't the latest hipster popular beat combo?
  • Jesus, however, was positively gung-ho for giving it up the shi...oh, hello vicar! More tea?
  • Buddha was benevolent with buttsecks.
  • I've head that most religions are OK with banal sex.
  • Oh homunculus, that site is gold! Before attempting fisting, a Christian husband and wife should pray together and ask for divine guidance. The husband should ask that God guide his hand...
  • So what kind of pr0n is Allah into.
  • You know, I think instead of a FAQ or Posting Guidelines, we need a Fatwa List. Title of Fatwa: 'Bashi ruling on self-linking Date of Fatwa: 15/ March/ 2007 Date of Reply: 15/ March/ 2007 Topic of Fatwa: Controlling fucktards Question of Fatwa: What does 'Bashi say about self-linking? What are the consequences of self-linking?? What if I self-linked with my wife? Name of Mufti: Mofi Mufti Online Fatwa Committee
  • Is there anything that says a man's wives cannot wear strap-ons and penetrate him? What about each other?
  • Only if you do it with the right hand.
  • And don't tell the left hand ANYTHING ABOUT IT. That's very important.
  • And I should hope Allah wouldn't look. Some things should be private.
  • Joking aside, I kind of have mixed feelings about the ruling. On the one hand, I'm violently opposed to any clerical or governmental meddling in the bedroom. On the other hand, if wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, at least this gives them SOME kind of tool to try to avoid things they don't want to do. OK, back to the buggery jokes.
  • (Meddling between consenting adults, of course.)
  • So a religion has decided that a sex act is bad? This is my surprised face.
  • "And I should hope Allah wouldn't look. Some things should be private." Insightful, because this is apparently how Mohammed was able to distinguish true messages of Gabriel from false messages of Satan, because Allah's angel wouldn't stay in the tent while Mohammed was plooking his wife. Satan, however, stood there and had a good old gawk. or something.
  • "Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allah to bestow upon you pious offspring) for your ownselves beforehand. And fear Allah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers." Definitons of 'tilth' I found put it as a fertile land. Ergo, I assume they're referring to childbearing and such. But... where is the 'anal' part forbidden? And that 'when or how you will' is disturbing. Wideo open to interpretation. Monkeyfilter: from the front or the back
  • Tilthy bastards.
  • Speaking of the hereafter, does this impact how I can use my 72 virgins? 'Cuz it might, you know, sway the whole martyrdom balance thing. Eternity's a long time, and I'd be looking for a little variety...
  • You know just who will be right there, watching, so better not try anything unapproved, weird, kinky or otherwise deviant with your virgin allotment, Capt.
  • What if I do something extra-martyry? Don't I get a bonus?
  • 72 virgins is too many. Throw a couple of pros in there and you've got yourself a deal.
  • Hey, with all of eternity at your disposal, I'd say everyone involved will become real pros, eventually.
  • wouldn't they still be virgins if they were all back door Betties?
  • You know just who will be right there, watching Ceiling Cat?
  • I think they all heal up, miraculously, after deflowering. Like Vikings. Or Zorro.
  • Zorro's a virgin?????
  • Technically.
  • > I think they all heal up, miraculously, after deflowering. Yes, they're alleged to be perpetual virgins. Or white raisins, depending on the translator.
  • Perpetual virgins. Somehow, I don't like the implications of that. I'll take the raisins, thanks.
  • Virgin on the ridiculous now.
  • After the first night, Virgin 2.0.
  • So it's like the myth of Sisyphus, but for cherry-popping?
  • Is it in the myth of Sisyphus that Leith's police dismisseth us?
  • "Allah will not look at a man who has anal sex with his wife." But will He look at the back of her head?
  • No, he'll just look at the girls. You think Allah likes men?
  • How does Allah feel about girl-on-girl action?
  • I'm a bit late to the party here, but it seems important to note that this anti-buttsex rant is being hosted on an Islamic dating site. She's cute and all but if cornholio's out, that's going to be a problem.
  • We need to send missionaries to convert these women. Missionary is probably the wrong word. Buttbandit, that's the word.
  • Pile-Pastors. Plook-Priests. Apostles of Ass. Bishops of Booty. Rectal Rabbis.
  • People who enjoy putting their penises in other people's anuses. And are religious.
  • Now don't go getting the Catholics involved - they've caused enough trouble already.