February 04, 2008

100 Items to Disappear First
posted by Hank Mabuse 16 years ago
  • Debatable, but the section with the "Sarajevo War Survivor" at the end was worth the read alone.
  • I won't be worrying too much about the hand egg beaters.
  • 101: The Bush administration.
  • I'm sorry, but I can't take seriously a list of "Things That Disappear" that does not include: Keys Matching Socks Spare Time Civil Liberties Friends Who Owe You Money
  • What a depressing way to start a wet, cold Monday morning!
  • /kisses TUM *squack!* on the nose
  • Aw, pete, you can have half my canned gravy anytime!
  • See also the first ever episode of Connections, where James Burke details the absolute suck that would follow the impending zombie apocalypse.
  • Whatever happened to that old loony?
  • I don't know, but if you look under that YewTewb username, you'll see he's upped just about every goddamn thing Burke ever did.
  • /heads to wikipedia
  • This year he will be 72.
  • If you read his books, you find that he's a clear proponent of recycling.
  • OK, it must be written by an American, because Vegetable Oil for frying food is above water containers.
  • Can you put this into context? Is this some sort of disaster planning? Is it talking about things that get stolen in case of civil insurgency? Or is this what the government is planning to take from you first? I am baffled by its use of the verb "to disappear." Am I supposed to stockpile these things? (And how does one stockpile "goats and chickens"?) Who compiled this list, and what did they base it on? Why is there one entry for rat poison, and one entry for mouse traps? Why does this list not include "tampons"? What is this list for? I tried browsing the rest of the site, but it wasn't helpful. Their main page says, "We focus on subjects that inform and educate people every day to the real challenges that face this country. Help us restore the Constitution to its rightful place of importance in the United States." Which makes me think this is a list of things that the FBI will impound first when they come knocking at your Waco compound.
  • Oh wait, I think I found tampons. Item #23, "Feminine Hygiene/Haircare/Skin products." How amusingly squeamish! Excuse me, I'm off to the store to pick up an emergency supply of honing oil. I also like how #39 is "Garlic, spices & vinegar, baking supplies," while #41 is "Flour, yeast & salt." (In between we have #40, "Big Dogs" [sic].) Quick, name "baking supplies" which are not "flour, yeast, and salt." Also: mousetraps and rat poison appear on this list. Big Dogs [sic] appear on this list. However, cats do not. Discuss.
  • I understand this list to be the "things that get looted and hoarded" in the event of societal breakdown, or perhaps zombie apocalypse. So assuming 7 things disappear per day, and society breaks down or zombies apocalypsosize on a Wednesday, you have until mid-day the following Monday to get a big dog. After that they're all gone and you're left with a Pug who sneezes horizontally.
  • I can't get the link to work, so I think I know what the first thing to disappear is.
  • *worries* *looks at stash of two dozen assorted cans and jams and teas, 8 liters of bottled water* *worries*
  • Graham crackers, saltines, pretzels, Trail mix/Jerky--Popcorn, Peanut Butter, Nuts Well! Won't hardly be worth watching a movie then. Tuna in oil... Dang! Guess I'll have to return those 12 cases of tuna in water. Dog food? The dog's just going to have to eat leftovers or catch rabbits. Pfut! Hand egg beaters? Use a whisk (I have four--HOARDING!)or a fork/big spoon, you lazy buggers. Not like you're going to be worried about the fluffiest whipped cream or the highest souffle anyway. Can openers? Learn to open a can with a knife. Better yet, buy a good pocket knife or a Leatherman. Take your toolkit with you. Honing oil--spit on the stone. Portable toilets--dig a hole. Gasoline containers--we'll run out of lamp oil, propane, coleman fuel--everything but gas? Riiiiight. Board games, cards, dice--because it's going to be just like a camping trip! Atomizers (for cooling/bathing) Atomizers? Somehow I'm not seeing spritzing as the bombs are falling. Hank, cats know when to disappear. THEY won't be participating in our little mess. But I'm not worried. I have duct tape and plastic, and I'm prepared. Just like the Prezdunt told me!
  • Hey, life's not worth living without souffle. And I just fear to think how, even if one manages to hoard such amounts of goods, the basic idea is to escape to the outskirts at least, away from big cities, ideally. I shouldn't have hang up on that telemarketer seeling me a timeshare in that remote place...
  • With guns, the other 99 sort themselves out.
  • This afternoon I realized that I do in fact have an ample supply of "lumber (all types)." And here I thought it was a big pile of junk I'd been meaning to get around to dealing with some day! Now I can rest easy, knowing that it's not junk - it's a big pile of disaster planning! Of course, now I'm mentally drafting my post-apocalypse Craigslist ad. "I am filthy! Need atomizer! Willing to trade lumber (all types)."
  • Hey, I have a hand eggbeater! I got it because I wanted to have a non-electric mixer in case I move countries again. It whips cream almost as well as an electric. I'd like to get a handcrank coffee grinder, but that's a luxury, and I'm not sure if I will. But yeah, the Sarajevo part was touching and chilling - but at the same time I have no intention of stockpiling this stuff. I have a small house, I have moved house (partially or fully) 5-6 times in the last 2 years, and have a history of hoarding in my family. At this point, I don't even want to collect books, because I don't want to have to lift them. And I'm thinking that chairs are really more of a luxury than necessity - I'm just going to get some cushions and back rests. In case you hadn't figured it out, the list is for people who fear the apocalypse. Since I don't believe in the apocalypse, that makes this all a bit moot.
  • absalom, with guns, things still disappear... from other people. and jb, this list is for people who worry about surviving after the apocalypse. Since I'm confident I WON'T survive, it's moot for me too.
  • Monkeyfilter: I have a hand eggbeater
  • Where are those of us in apartments meant to stockpile this stuff? Or are we doomed anyway?
  • You can stockpile it in the neighbors' apartment. Or he in yours. Depends on which one of you wins the Thunderdome match.
  • So should I kill him now and get started?
  • Never hurts to plan ahead.
  • Two tenants enter. One tenant wins. WHO RULE MONKEYTOWN?! (This comment would be funnier if I could find my wig.)
  • Items 101 & 102: copy of Ballard's High Rise, apartment complex skeleton key.
  • Item 102: Preview button.
  • Haha, these survival lists always make me to laugh because they miss the big food secret. Want to know it? Of course it is pemmican. The big food for snack and flavor.
  • So what if you have a gun? Monkeyfilter: I have a hand eggbeater AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!!!!!!!