January 09, 2008

Apparently Mozart won't actually make your child smarter, says this email (Snopes is mute on this particular email; here's the Wikipedia page on the Mozart Effect), but here are some alternative composers parents may wish to try, for varying effects. (Thanks to our own Pallas Athena for the laugh.)
  • Oh it's totally true! I was just reading about it yesterday. Also, researchers from my alma mater recently published a study which proves that the Baby Einstein videos make babies stupider.
  • I'm planning on my kid having the Rush/Radiohead/LutherWright&TheWrongs/Aquabats Effect, in which the child decides to build a gigantic 1 mile tall skyscraper with esoteric Canandia bluegrass influences and a secret floor for ruling the world from.
  • I think that's a plan. Music any potential children of mine accidentally overhear will probably either have them building really large cemeteries, turning old theaters into nightclubs, or trying to conquer an Elvish kingdom. Or something. (With that Rush, you're perilously close to Elvish-kingdom-conquest yourself.... ;) Best-case scenario is that they become classical musicians, I'm afraid.
  • What a great way to start a Wednesday! The Schoenberg Effect made me chocke on my coffee. Me, I suffer from the Gilbert and Sullivan effect. I sing choruses in public.
  • Although I suppose, in keeping with the style of the article, you could say that a baby raised on G&S would always be a bit silly and repetetive, but everyone would forgive him for it because they always had a good time when he was around.
  • The Monk Effect: Child periodically uses completely wrong words when forming sentences, but somehow still manages to communicate ideas.
  • Brilliant! Corners
  • The Sinatra Effect: The child can't go pee-pee, but can only do-be-do-be-do.
  • Puccini Effect: Everything child says inexplicably moves others in the room to tears.
  • Manilow effect: everything child sings immediately moves people from room.
  • The John Cage Effect:
  • heehee
  • Oh, I'm not sure that's the Puccini Effect. It might just be "Child becomes immensely self-absorbed," or "Younger English child inexplicably starts repeating all of your child's most interesting sentences." The John Cage Effect was already proposed in the LJ post: CAGE EFFECT: Child says nothing for 4 minutes, 33 seconds. (Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.) :D
  • The Elgar Effect: Child bangs on toy drum incessantly, lies about age and attempts to join army.
  • *shudders to think what the Britney Spears Effect will be*
  • The Handel Effect: Child tends to repackage phrases he's said before and present them as new ideas.
  • BRAHMS EFFECT: The child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired. So, um, what's behind the joke on this one?