December 23, 2007

Christmas with the Sproutifarts - FLASH game. LOUD FARTING.
posted by Hank Mabuse 16 years ago
  • Who do I complain to about all the farting?
  • or whom -whatever, language nazis
  • it fucking STINKS in here!
  • Turkey Farts!! Just a few special memories gleaned from teh intarwebs: What would we do without connectivity that enables us to find these lovely gems and share them with our special friends? Christmas time is upon us again, a time for giving thanks for all that we have and for getting together with family members. No matter how old we are, Christmas always conjures up memories of past holidays, as we remember yesteryears and sadly think of those who are no longer seated at our table. It is also the time for one of the greatest environmental dangers to mankind - Turkey Farts! I remember one year above all others, since I had to be rushed to the hospital after accidentally inhaling the air in the sitting room, where Grandpa had parked himself after eating about eight pounds of the bird. He was blowing farts that sounded like the cannonade that marked the third day of fighting at Gettysburg, and the only way I can describe the room is that it smelled like our neighbor's septic tank when it overflowed one hot August day. I walked in on one particularly noxious blast, opened my mouth in shock, and the next thing I knew I was in the emergency room getting oxygen pumped into my system. I'm sure glad that old bastard's dead. I heard he died when he farted while working on the furnace in the basement, when the toxic fumes mixed with the gas to cause an explosion that gutted the house. But now we have Uncle Al to contend with. Uncle Al weighs about 400 pounds and is very hard of hearing, and always goes into the bathroom after consuming an enormous amount of turkey, along with a case or two of beer. Since he can't hear himself fart as he sits on the bowl, there's no holding back, and the noise is incredible. Sounds like a damn machine gun. My little cousin sat just outside the bathroom last Christmas, giggling at the noise coming from within, until one turkey-and-beer fart blew the toilet bowl off its moorings and sent Uncle Al crashing through the door. We don't know whether it was the smell, the blast, or the sight of Uncle Al with his pants down around his ankles, but my cousin hasn't been the same since. I will not bore you with any further descriptions of my family, such as Aunt Ida's cabbage-eating son, Grandma Wilma's penchant for broccoli, or my father thinking it's funny when he has a turkey-fart accident in his pants. Instead, I will wish you all a very Merry Christmas. As for me, I'm getting the hell away from all these fart-laying, disgusting slobs and will spend the day at the local pub. Another turkey story... A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tomorrow. But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke. The wife, understandably is angry, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out." Christmas morning, as wife is preparing Turkey for the special dinner, Hubbie falls asleep. The wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened. "What happened?" asked his wife. "Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out." "What did you do?" asked his wife. "Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"
  • Heartwarming!
  • This FPP blows. see what i did there?
  • Meh. I give it a ten out of fifty, Points.
  • I ENJOY FART
  • WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE OPEN A WINDOW!? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!
  • Dont forget the Belgian Farting Pig Cartoon!