November 28, 2007
9 Most Badass Bible Verses
(Not safe to read while drinking anything)If the Bible had been written by King Leonidas and the rest of the Spartans from 300, it would probably read pretty much the same as it does now. It turns out, the Bible is already chock full of ass kicking.
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Shit. That was supposed to be VERSES.
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BANNINATE!
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I shall reveal, yes, truthfully, that when I was sitting watching them film "300" , there was no God present... only Frank Miller, who, perhaps THOUGHT he was God, but given the content of his conversation, I sort of doubt it...
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THIS! IS! CANAAN! *kicks VOL down improbably deep hole, I mean seriously, how could they have made such a thing*
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Shovels.
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THIS! IS!! AAAAWESOOOOME!!!!!!
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I want some grizzly avengers! MonkeyFilter: already chock full of ass kicking
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Ha ha - so let me get this straight - God can be invoked to kill 'youths' via the power of bears because they call you a slap-head? Hokey religions and a army of bears are no match for a good blaster...oh, wait, maybe they are... *sees the light* Please forgive me for calling you all cunts. Now where's my bears?!!
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And there are even good grossout scenes, like Job scraping his boils with broken pottery.
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*unzips* This site's blocked at my work (Streaming Media?). Can someone post a list of the verses?
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Exodus 2:11-12 II Kings 2:23-24 Exekiel 23:19-20 Judges 3:16-23 Numbers 16:23-24, 31-33 Deuteronomy 25:11-12 1 Kings 18:24,38-40 Judges 15:15-16 1 Samuel 18:25-27
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Thanks TUM! Reading now... ... Samson was nearly as bad as Beowulf with the bragging.
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Related: The Dark Bible: Biblical sex, violence, and atrocities (text)
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Muteboy, ya need the comments, man, the comments!