October 13, 2007

• Choices, choices. Should I shoot myself in the head or in the foot? Or perhaps I'll let my sleeping partner shoot me in the middle of the chest.
• They do do an English version, actually, but it'll only take a cricket bat.
• I own 4 of them. I'd own 5, but they don't make one that fits a crib yet.
• Americans are the most cowardly fucking race on the planet. Seriously. The chief motivation in their life is fear. That's assuming this is not satire, but even if it is, the point still stands.
• Not sure it's not satire. From the FAQ: Why would I use back up with a shotgun rather than a handgun. There are several reasons why a shotgun is better than a handgun. A. For one it is safer for people in an adjoining room. You miss you shot with a handgun, the bullet goes though the wall. Since a shotgun using ?shot? which stop any intruder, but not penetrate completely through a wall. B. A shotgun is visible and intimidating. You may be able to scare off an intruder without firing a shot. C. A shot gun has a spread pattern. A handgun uses a single bullet. You are less like to miss your target with a shotgun when you are under the stress of a home intruder. I already have a shotgun handy. Why not keep it where I have it? Because you would have to get up and find it losing valuable time. Children visit regularly, What should I do? It is never wise to keep a loaded weapon close to untrained immature people. Put your shotgun away and lock it up. If you feel you need protection at these times, do what I do and put an aluminum baseball bat on The Back Up. A well aimed swing can interrupt many an intruder. Will I keep bumping my knees? The Back Ups unique patented design keeps your shotgun close the bed, well out of the way when getting in and out of bed. Not only that, it is hidden by your blanket and covers.
• Not satire.
• I apologise for insulting Americans, but seriously, culturally, America is ruled by fear. It is the basis of gun culture. It is the basis of the political system. I realise that individually there are many good, honest, brave Americans. I just haven't met any. Or heard of any. Or discovered any evidence in the fossil record for such. However, clearly those who pots at MokineyFilter are of a different sort altogether.
• Wow, way to ruin the phrase "I'm gonna shoot" for the bedroom.
• Monkeyfilter: Clearly of a different sort altogether.
• As a Canadian, I find your blanket condemnation of Americans a tad disturbing, Hank. Your characterization of Americans as "the most cowardly race on the planet" is pretty hyperbolic. Certainly there are areas of that culture worthy of criticism, but this is probably true of every social system yet devised. For example, I'd say that the determination of a whole group of countries in the Middle East to eradicate the state of Israel, and murder all its citizens, is pretty frikken cowardly. The planet is rife with examples of cowardly behaviours, while the recent unpleasantness in Serbia/Croatia demonstrates that vile undertakings, motivated by mindless fear, are by no means restricted to the Third World.
• And Canadians are even worse.
• The point that our political system is based on fear is totally accurate, as is the idea that it's the basis of gun fetishism. My country was built by the gun and to a great extent still lives by the gun. That doesn't evaporate out of the national consciousness overnight. Plus this contraption is a really good way to make sure your kids die. Keeping an unlocked, loaded gun at knee height? Genius. Bravo, douchebags, and I hope you make a goddamn mint.
• But it won't hurt your knees when you get out of bed, and that's the important thing.
• Just imagine the excitement, the frisson when having sex with your partner and knowing that a wrong move, a wayward limb, a sudden change in position and you or your partner could trigger a shotgun blast. Whoa. That just got me hot under the collar... *cough*
• Americans are the most cowardly fucking race on the planet ... and Canadians are even worse. *punches Hank in the back of the head, runs*
• Okay, so this is the Bback-Up. What's Plan Fucking A? Can't someone sell me a Plan A? I SLEEP WITH SEMI AUTOMATIC MACHINE PISTOLS IN BOTH HANDS!!! The Back-Up is there in case one of them rolls away from me during the night.
• I know this guy's voice -- is he the prize announcer for Price is Right or Wheel or something? You've just won -- a TRIP TO THE MORGUE!
• I guess you could keep a big Thermos of coffee in it, for first thing in the morning. Or a roled-up extra blankie. Or a giant dildo. Wait, that's basically what a gun is, innit?
• "I find your blanket condemnation...disturbing" Well let's fling just one more wad of poo, shall we?
• "pots at MokineyFilter" I'm still trying to figure that out... ya know, if we need to find reason to put down the good old us of a , we can do better than this....
• Good heavens, what a squabbly post. Looking at that video from this non-UScentric vantage point, it's really hard to see it as anything but a goofy spoof on Merken stereotypes, so discovering that it is not a spoof brings the cold chills to me, at least. And from that angle, I find Hank's reaction to be, while not conducive to global goodwill and harmony, certainly not entirely without a miniscule grain of well-placed apprehension at this eerie mindset. Plus there's the Apercreme angle. ...and BAD doggie- you know you did it just to annoy!
• I find blankets warm and cosy. ... Oh wait.
• THE GUN IS GOOD THE PENIS IS EVIL
• Texans elect gun -- In a landslide decision, the people of Texas elected a .44-caliber revolver to the U.S. Senate Tuesday. ... The gun's campaign focused on its deep nickel plating, the smooth action of its finely machined cylinder, and the crisp, positive pull of its trigger.
• I don't know about cowardly, but we in the US certainly are the most subtle people on the planet – I love the bit at the end about "many people are ordering one for each side of the bed".. Genius!
• Given how busy family life is for many these days, it's often only once you get to bed that you have a chance to discuss important matters with your partner. It would be unfair if only one side were armed.
• If I had a gu-un, I'd shoot it in the mornin', I'd shoot it in the evenin', all over this land. And if I had a gun rack, right next to my be-ed, I'd shootcha in the he-ad, all over this land...
• I do think it's important to remember that at least 51% of us are not gun-toting, imperialist freaks. And we still love our country.
• I love the bit at the end about "many people are ordering one for each side of the bed" Yup, scartol, that's one of the best lines. They blew it by not giving the statistics for divorce in the USA. That's what makes having TWO of these such a damn fine idea!!
• Woman is waken up suddenly at night by some noise and, still sleepy, starts tugging at snoring man beside her... - Uh? Oh, quick, go away, my husband is at the door! - What? Oh sheez Lucy, if my wife finds me here... wait, wait, YOU'RE MY WIFE! - AND JUST WHO IS THAT LUCY, YOU JERK!? * BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM*
• Hmmm ... edit much, Ralph? ~ As a Canadian, I find your blanket condemnation of Americans a tad disturbing.~ Redacting that single word changes the entire tone of the post. Not sure what you're on about, but next time you wanna quote me to further some obscure agenda, at least have the courtesy to use the whole frikken thing.
• Will Do! But now, back to my obscure agenda!
• You got pawned, PB. Happens to even the best; deal with it. And Hank, you're spot-on about the fear thing, you lager-swilling loudmouth braindead Aussie.

• MY OBSCURE AGENDA
  
  I.    CALL TO ORDER
  
  II.   APPROVAL OF THE MINUTES OF THE LAST MEETING
  
  III.  APPROVAL OF THE SECONDS OF THE LAST MEETING
  
  IV.   IF val(OLDBUSINESS = 0) THEN GOTO VI: END IF
  
  V.    OLD BUSINESS
  
  VI.   NEW BUSINESS
  
  VII.  REPORT FROM OBSCURE COMMITTEE
  
  VIII. REPORT FROM COMMITTEE THAT DOESN'T EDIT MUCH BUT REDACTS OFTEN
  
  IX.   DISCUSSION
  
  X.    ADJOURN
  
  

• *wipes coffee off monitor*