September 14, 2007

Kilogram weighs less than a kilo. Causes panic among scientists, coke dealers.
posted by Capt. Renault 17 years ago
  • WOOO eeee OOOO
  • It is so funny when scientists ignore what is the obvious solution to something they can't figure out. Memo, scientists: IF YOU CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT, IT IS BECAUSE GOD IS FUCKING WITH YOU. Or it is gravity-reducing mind rays from space elves.
  • It's part of my cunning long term plan to design a new system of measuring weight. The main weight will be the Renault, with lighter weights (quidnuc, petebest, etc. and heavier weights (tracicle, kitfisto, etc.) with differences of 13.5. I figure by the time mankind heads for the Jovian moons, it will be the world's dominant system. Or at least Tanganyika's.
  • I'm a kitfisto lighter after this morning, myself.
  • Gimme a Renault of chopped ham, a petebest of tuna salad and maybe a quidnunc of sliced cheese to go, please. Oh, and could you throw in a kitfisto of hummus and a tracicle of fresh mozzerella while you're at it? Works for me.
  • 'ees only got 'af a tracicle left!
  • Well, that's a huge quidnunc off my mind.
  • This system stinks. My driver's license now says I weigh 550 Renaults!
  • Your driver's license lists your weight? Where the hell do you live?
  • Oh here we go.
  • In actual fact the standard reference Renault has been losing weight since the early 90s. It is kept in a triple-locked safe at a chateau and rarely sees the light of day – mostly for comparison with other cylindrical Renaults shipped in periodically from around the world.
  • Kitfisto weighs six petebests and is on a train headed from Albany, NY to Morgantown, WV traveling at a rate of sixty bernockles per kinnakeet. Petebest weight ten kokos and is on a train from Lawrence, KS to Hell, MI traveling at a rate of fifty Laras per ralphthedog. Who will arrive first?
  • Golly, this thread is TUMs of fun.
  • Kitfisto weighs six petebests and is on a train headed from Albany, NY to Morgantown . . Ohhh no you don't. Hold it right there, sister. I am not fooled for a second.
  • No fair! Some of us are already measurements.
  • fifty Chys for you!
  • Holy shit. We should steal that thing.
  • Petebest weight [sic] ten kokos and is on a train from Lawrence, KS to Hell, MI WRONG!!!! Everyone knows it's not a train--Petebest's going to Hell in a handcar. And he weights 11.424357 kokos.
  • The first thing to do is find the lowest common denominator.
  • /monocle expulge
  • I want to sit under that bell jar. *will try anything to lose weight
  • Try the Shangri-lah diet with me.
  • My barber shop recently changed ownership and name from Paul's Barber Shop to Shangri-la Salon. I had a fun time convincing HBS when she saw the charge on our statement that I was not visiting a place that provides "happy endings."
  • Good lord and I thought our current conversion charts were tricky. Now I need to ponder how many BlueHorses or MCTs I'm equal to.
  • '[T]he reference kilo appears to have lost 50 micrograms compared with the average of dozens of copies. "The mystery is that they were all made of the same material, and many were made at the same time and kept under the same conditions, and yet the masses among them are slowly drifting apart," he said. "We don't really have a good hypothesis for it."'* I do: MI5 persecution. * Emphasis mine.
  • The thing I love about entropy is that it requires no maintanence.
  • how many BlueHorses or MCTs I'm equal to. Maybe you can equal up to a few MCTs, but there is NO equal for a BlueHorse! *snorts, prances lightly through the air Shangri-lah diet... Hank, I have visions of us reclining in a tropical paradise being fed luscious fruits by our willing minions as Ralph operates the rope-pull fan and TUM and Medusa undulate fetchingly. *claps hands Nick, strew the orchids. And Bernockle and Pete must sing for us!
  • *lays silver platter of dates at Hank's and BlueHorse's feet, bows, strums lyre*
  • * adds tuba solo* (romantic)
  • * follows tuba solo with "Duelling Banjos" played by a kazoo orchestra. * But a romantic "Duelling Banjos".
  • Wasn't there a Star Trek episode where Bernockle and Pete sang for Captain Kirk and BlueHorse while Michael Dunn played a lyre, and all wore togas? Wow, I coulda swore...
  • was that the one where Spock was tripping on shrooms/spores?
  • That's exactly like that dream I had in that book by Borges!
  • *reaches out to touch her faithful servants with her magical musical fairy wand Only $14.95! Batteries included.
  • How much is it without the batteries? (I don't like batteries).
  • *undulates, pulls heretofore unknown muscle*
  • I think you're all ignoring the Fortean beauty of the Kilogram lessening its weight. It's impossible. It is *not* possible. The mind boggles. The monocle queefs. The eyebrows dance. FOR GOD'S SAKE.
  • "...3 magical sounds for hours of enchanted pretend play" A feature any parent is sure to appreciate.
  • What kind of magic wand has a button on it?
  • Ahhh, StoryBored. That's the magic button. Sometimes I wave the wand and it merely goes bbrrriiiiiiiinggg! and sometimes I wave the wand and push the button. Then you turn into a fat flatulent frog.
  • Maybe the fact that there's less gravity in Canada could bring clues in solving this mistery?
  • The monocle queefs. posted by Hank Mabuse at 01:16PM UTC on September 19, 2007 Now that's Fortean, allright.
  • What kind of magic wand has a button on it? Come on ladies, stop laughing.
  • *rivet*