September 12, 2007

• die, heretic
• Sick fuck.
• Mmmmm, Guinness-flavoured Marmite spread...
• C'mon kit. At this stage of his career, he's very grateful for the work. It's been nothing but crappy panto in some very minor off-season seaside towns for years now, and he has his old mum back in Peru to support too.
• Actually, he sits on the boards of a number of preserve manufacturers, and his range of assertiveness training DVDs - 'Be Like the Bear, Use The Hard Stare' sell very well. His panto appearances are merely to satisfy the luvvy in him. H e spends most of his time in the Colony Room Club in Soho, where he's a bit of a hero for Hurst, Emin etc. He also likes to pick up young boys there, but that's his business. So this tawdry salesman routine is a bit of a mystery.
• Yes, tawdry salesman. That is wrong, but is that a squeezy Marmite bottle I see in the screenshot? Mmmm, salty squeezy byproducty goodness! roryk, I have a jar of the Guinness stuff, and it tastes exactly the same. It's a byproduct of the process before the Guinness flavouring is added.
• This is PERVERTED! Ugh Marmite... yuckies...
• Well, at least the advert includes rampant destruction and police arrests--stuff I always think of when I think of marmite.
• I have heard of Paddington Bear, but I would not have picked him out of a lineup. And I have no idea what marmalite sandwiches nor marmit even is. I will say that Paddington Bear looks a bit gangsta.
• I think we can't discount Paddington's need to revamp his public image after his last stint in rehab. Hopefully it'll go better for him than for Britney.
• Wahey! There's a bear with taste! *twirls Marmite out with a chopstick, savours it*
• No. It is the congealed putrification of all that is evil and icky in the world. Paddington would never eat such liquified fingernail dirt.
• Zigzackly! Ferpectly right!
• All youse Phyllis Steins need to march out right now to the nearest vendor of comestibles and purchase the ambrosia that is Marmite. Why do you think we call them the All Blacks?
• *hard stare*
• Kit, be honest. Did some Marmite molest you as a child? Such deep-seated hatred!
• Do not make kit angry. You would not like him when he is angry.
• *gets out Worcestershire Sauce*
• Monkeyfilter: the Devil's own toe-jam
• THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
• I love Worcestershire (pron. WER-SESS-TUH-SHIRE) sauce! And that Polish Maggi condiment that suddenly appeared in Co-op. I like condiments. And I like the word 'condiments'. Cap, I don't like him when he's laughing, either Condiments. Condiments. Condiments.
• Gimme hot sauce any day.
• "Wusstersheer". Learn to speak American.
• I prefer kit when he's weeping. Preferably after I've thumped him.
• I secretly like it when you thump me and goad you on purpose. Stinky.
• Recently got acquainted with the mythos of that bear. As some beer was involved, I doubt to have all facts straight... Peru?
• Fucking Peru.
• I thought it was pronounced wusster soss.
• I think you're all sauced.
• Ew...Marmalade Ew...Marmite.
• I agree with VOL. They're both pretty gross. Any self-respecting bear eats honey.
• Maybe he could mix them and have a nice Marmitulade sammich!
• One of the main streets here is Worcester Boulevard. I was stopped downtown one day by an American tourist who asked me where "Wor-chester" Boulevard was. Now, of course, it's a long-standing joke. He said "chest", hahaha. Also, yum! Marmite! You freaky people have probably only tried the tar-related gunk that is English Marmite. New Zealand Marmite is the best thing ever.
• Out of curiosity, did anyone here have the Paddington Bear board game? I must have had it as a little kid, but all I remember now is the Paddington figure that was part of the game, about as big as my very small hand and made of hollow plastic with glued-on fuzz and clothing. I loved that bear.
• Nah, you dreamed it.
• AND VEGEMITE IS BETTER
• I said, do you speak-a my language?
• Was it this one, tracicle?
• Whatsdishere Sauce? Dat sauce? No, dishere sauce. My understanding is there is a company making Marmite Bear Repellent. Go out in the woods, smear it all over your nekked body, repels everything.
• That doesn't look familiar, nickdanger, but I suspect the Paddington figure lasted longer than the game itself, so I remember him but not the rest of the game.
• 
• *seal fin-slapping, barks*
• The game might have been Paddington's Travels. My brother used to have it. Don't remember playing it but do remember trying to steal the little Paddington. First Zippy. Now Paddington. Are none of my childhood heros safe from the evil lure of Marmite?
• Shouldn't the bear be fleeing in horror, instead of sitting and cutely pawing the product, TUM?
• Nah, he's a paid shill for the industry. ChillCo has deep pockets.
• Yes! Velvetrabbit, that's it! I remember Paddington had a little suitcase too. And I remember the board. Man, that game was older than me.
• HOLY GOD I used to have one of those little furry plastic paddingtons, too. I always wondered where the fuck that came from. It used to sit on the shelf among the troll dolls and other 70s tchotchkes. After a while, the fur rubbed off to reveal the grey vacuum formed plastic beneath. Such is life.
• So, I take it back about you dreaming it.
• She won't reply to me, people. She's not talking to me.
• We're not talking to you either.
• Marmite - tastes nasty and a threat to international security.
• Yeah, not talkin' TO you, talkin' 'BOUT you.
• I had stuff to do!
• B...b...but I thought you were omniscient. *is disillusioned* *schisms*
• Oh no you don't kit - get back in there and finish the dishes!
• *mutter grumble* *snaps on Marigolds / feels better*
• It has just been announced that they are making Paddington Bear: The Movie.
• "likely to be live action with a CGI bear." Aww, crap.
• You want a real bear?
• Sure.
• How about this: "Coming to theatres in the Summer of 2008: Fozzie the Bear is Paddington Bear." Could he pull it off?
• Make it CGI - Garfield was a success for that reaosn.
• What about CGI people with a real bear?
• That makes more sense. AND TACKLE THE BEAR
• ...In a world, where bears wear duffel coats and Wellingtons... At a time, when undocumented Peruvian immigrants are not deported...
• How about this: "Coming to theatres in the Summer of 2008: Fozzie the Bear is Paddington Bear." I'd be in line for that faster than a bear could do something in the woods.
• From the producers of In Diana Jones... (NSFW)
• One of the reasons so many people leave Monkeyfilter is TUM's continual output of gratuitous porn. It is why I stay...
• Growl. I kept quiet during that Magic Roundabout travesty - Robbie Williams as Dougal. Shudder. But this is too much. If we tolerate this it'll be Bagpuss next. Starring Jack Black. The horror ...
• Bagpuss was the shit.
• Paddington Bear is a hateful, murderous beast! ...the bear, which was dressed in a yellow raincoat and hat at the time, is the first to have caused fatalities... Damn, you Paddinton! Eat Marmite and DIE!
• It won't kill him. He'll just develop healthy skin and nice shiny fur.
• Didn't anyone look at the sign around his neck? ("Please look after this bear.")
• The Complete Bagpuss is on special at amazon.co.uk at the moment: 3.97 GBP I'm thinking of buying it.
• You would do well to do so, and learn the mysteries of the magic chocolate biscuit making machine.
• Not only have I touched and fondled the original Bagpuss, but I have touched and fondled the original Emily.
• pics plz!
• the mysteries of the magic chocolate biscuit making machine Is that the one where you put a chocolate biscuit in the top, turn the crank, and a chocolate biscuit comes out the bottom? Bagpuss used to make me sad - all that twee 70's sepia-toned rurality. Like Nick Drake in an attic, or Carole King barefoot.
• DON'T RUIN IT FOR HIM!!!!!
• Author denies all!!! Almost.
• What ARE you lot on about?
• Those Brits can be so adorably funny.
• Not bloody likely!
• Even Blue Peter is now tainted.
• Who's this guy with a blue peter? And what did people want to name his cat?
• Pussy, apparently.
• Makes sense.
• Um, for those of us who didn't grow up with it, "Blue Peter" sounds like somethings already semi-tainted.
• I won't tell you what "semi-tainted" sounds like.
• Semolina?
• We won't tell you what Rod, Jane and Freddy got up to then...
• Well, I think we can guess what this "Rod" feller got up to.
• The other day Mr. Koko handed me a business card he got at work, from a fella named Rodney Harder. Now there's a guy who's never had problems.
• An ex of mine had the last name of Dandy. And she had an Uncle Jim. Uncle Jim was Jim Dandy. That amused me to no end. We didn't last.
• Don't get it. *cries*
• Go Jim Dandy!
• She didn't get it, either. That may have contributed to the problem. "Jim Dandy"... *snicker*
• EXPLAIN, DAMN YOU!!!!
• What Rod, Jane and Freddy (and Zippy and George and Bungle) got up to
• First Google hit, lazyass.
• (and that's youtoob, and possibly sort-of NSFW if innuendoes are a problem)
• "From the Supreme Commander, Allied Forces Europe. Sir, Prince or pauper, when a man soils a Wellington he puts his foot in it. P.S: This is not a joke. I do not find my name remotely funny, and people who do end up dead. Close bracket. I challenge you to a duel tonight at eighteen hundred hours in which you will die. Yours with sincere apologies for your impending violent slaughter, Arthur Wellesey, Duke of Wellington."
• Best TV show evah, TUM
• "Best show evah"? What?
• I still get the "Polka Dot Door" theme song stuck in my head on a regular basis.
• Psst, Capt.
• I still can't hear you.
• Hey now.
• It gets worse.
• In todays edition of "Ask a Limey," ThickCluelessYank101 asks the musical questions: What would be in it for the BBC to move kids' shows from one of its channels to another, and what would the practical effect on the viewer be?
• MORE Fucking Inspector Fucking Morse?
• BBC1 is the main, um, mainstream channel, where the BBC shows its flagship programmes etc. BBC2 is it's second 'terrestrial' (as opposed to its digital channels). BBC2 is where they show more educational stuff, the more 'out there' comedies, the snooker, etc. By moving kids' shows to BBC2, it signals a downgrading of their importance in the eyes of the BBC, moving them to make way for more of the brain-dead daytime TV fodder that already fills BBC1 from 9am onwards. I know people can easily turn over to 2, but it marks a cultural shift in the value and importance of providing quality TV for kids getting in from school.
• They should rename the channels BBC-red and BBC-blue. Then they wouldn't have to deal with this silly demotion business. But then again, British society has always been about class and status. This seems fitting.
• Ah, makes sense.
• DID SOMEONE JUST CALL MY MONARCH A BITCH!!????
• Nope, sorry. Didn't get a word of that BBC4BBC9 secret code stuff.
• Ooooooooo ... and now Sooty's for sale. *velvetrabbit skips away to check piggybank*
• Always hated Sooty.
• Paddington turns fifty, getting a new story. Now that he's old, he's revisiting his childhood, offering up laments about the family he left behind, passing cheap international phone card booths and shedding a silent tear.
• Apparently the chapter where he goes into therapy and suffers false memory syndrome is particularly moving (and graphic).
• Does this mean we can expect to read about Winnie-the-Pooh's adventures in the nursing home?