September 06, 2007

• Doing crunches at the gym. Never fails.
• Perrier.
• Too many potato chips. Also, eating before going to bed generates some impressive Dutch oven action.
• cashews are perhaps my worst offenders, also pizza, chicken tikka masala (hubby and I only eat indian food when we are staying in for the evening!) for some reason cucumbers make me burp.
• oh! I mean, I don't fart, I'm a girl!
• Girlfarts are teh funnay
• Cucumbers make many people burp. There are such things as "burpless" cucumbers (English cucumbers are supposed to be burpless), which may at least reduce the burping. No fartless cashews, alas.
• And in a further digestive-ironical twist, sugar-free foods also make you poot. I am no longer allowed to have sugar-free Reeses Peanut Butter Cups due to their highly unfortunate effects on my GI tract.
• *whpssshhh!* *whpsshhhh!* G'waaaan . . they'll never know!
• Girlfarts are teh funnay The only thing more horrid-smelling than girl farts are dog farts. FACT.
• Does it really smell like cookies
• guiness does terrible things Maddox on girl farts
• Excuuuuuse me? I do NOT fart. But I have been known to *sparkle* Eggs. Cabbage. Beans. Any day around here can be the Fourth of July. I have 2 dogs and a husband. My sparkles are lost in the mephitis
• Why? Because it's th-air.
• i fart because i care.
• petebest sir, thank you for the giggle, I laughed sooo hard, well I won't say what happened next
• I suppose this makes me very childish, but... Certain dogs are not very bright about bodily functions. We've had two of them. Every time there's a personal canine zephyr, the dog will turn around and stare, or leap up to look, or whip around and bark (intensity of reaction dependent on velocity and bouquet, I guess. And we laugh every time. Never gets old. The look on the dog's face.... OK, here it comes, folks. *drum roll PULL MY FINGER!!! I can't believe a single one of you losers didn't post that quintessential fart line already!
• guiness does terrible things I've seen you after three beers, and maybe it was that I'd had four, but you were delightful company. /me misses Euro monkeys and is willing to risk derail after tasty mint julep
• Hot girl farts right into guy's mouth. (probably NSFW) Mythbusters: Do Pretty Girls Fart? Mythbusters: Are Farts Flammable? Man, this mint julep is tasty.
• PULL MY FINGER!!!
• I love fart.
• And now, it gives me great conflict and tummy distress to present the First Annual Petebest Award for Fart Thread Commentary tooo . . . (*drumroll*) For her use of "mephitis" and "personal canine zephyr" - GramMa! (*P-Funk's "Atomic Dog" plays, crowd cheers*)
• *GramMa enters stage left wearing a shimmering sequined crimson lycra stretch off-the-shoulder backless braless long gown showing visible panty lines. *as spotlights cross, GramMa air kisses and bows deeply *GramMa sparkles***
• I find a certain serendipity in that this thread follows "Pavarotti RIP". Yes, I am sure he could. Mucho gusto.
• So has this been posted yet?
• HA!
• BlueHorse FTW, even without the preacher. Gosh it sure is sparkly in here. *reaches for Glade Mist*
• The Better Marriage Blanket Dampens Farts to Save Lives Relationships
• Meet Subtle Butt, the Fart-Neutralizing Underwear Insert
• Tipping and Tooting