August 24, 2007

Marauding monkeys mortifying mothers; MPs miffed!

Even the vervets are making obscene gestures towards women these days. Damn kids and their loud music is probably the cause. I'm sure of it.

posted by caution live frogs 17 years ago
  • Monkey Scarer For Hire Own rocks and van. Reasonable rates. No monkey too small. Call 555-MONKEY
  • Wow. This is just plain scary. What would Zira do?
  • Even the formation of a "monkey squad" to keep track of the monkeys' movements and keep them out has failed. Wow. I really don't know what I can do here. You're being mocked by pilfering monkeys? And you can't keep them out eh? Dang. That's f*d up. See, here, we'd blast 'em. BLAM!! BLAM BLAM!! POW! A little buckshot up the keester would solve that monkey problem. Of course, we have the ice weasel problem still.
  • They're not allowed to harm the monkeys, petebest. Otherwise, no problem. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG *click* *click* /throw
  • They need a Masked Mandolinier to lure them away!
  • My first thought was have a few women with guns go after the little buggers, and instead of grabbing their boobs and gesturing, they'd be grabbing their butts and running. But since they're protected, that won't work. How about women with slingshots and rocks? Bet THAT would stop 'em. That still begs the question of monkeys tearing up the fields and ruining their crops when no one is around. Traps! How about monkey traps? If you could trap 15 of the little buggers, let the women do a little trap shaking, stick poking and water spraying, I'll bet the little buggers wouldn't be so contemptuous then! I'll just bet the men go out in the bush where no one can see and take out a few every so often. Or we could deny them cockpunch and PopTarts. And we could banninate Kit, Pete, Hank, and CheeseBro. That should bring them to heel soon enough. Oh, wait, they're not the troublemakers this time. Carry on, boys!
  • Just send in Medusa with an ample supply of women's underwear, and this problem goes away.
  • The article says they've evaded traps. I suppose they could build electrified fences, but I'm sure they don't have the resources for that.
  • They've evaded the traps because they're not baited with cockpunch! We need to send them a lifetime supply.
  • It is because of the monkeys that the women won't pee in the latrine, only in the river.
  • RTD for the win!
  • WTF? Sounds like a fucking Hitchcock movie.