July 24, 2007

• Famous limerick re-written as CNN News scroll: AMAZONIAN MAN DONS GRANNIES PAJAMAS, COULD NOT FIT IN HIS OWN, WAS TOO FAT...
• Famous limerick re-written as hip-hop: Nigga's crib's in Amazon Ripped hiz bitchez jammazon Nigga could not crammiz' on Too phat for his own jammazon.
• Famous limerick re-written as a Barry Manilow song: I remember all my life Pajamas that were not my size Could not fit my bod Wishing I were thin to Wear these nice PJ's The night goes into Morning, just another day Well-clad people pass my way Wond'ring, "what's their size?" I see pajamas, I just realized Their sleep togs are jumbo, oh Mandy Well you came and you prob'ly weren't faking but my jammies are gay, oh Mandy well you loaned me your nightie, I'm aching To show it to Jay, oh Mandy! (etc.)
• Famous limerick re-written as an Irish drinking song: I've warn these perjamas fer many a year, I've spilled on 'em whiskey, I've spilled on 'em beer. They no longer fit me, they creep up me spine, But I'll wear yer mom's nightie if you'll give me moonshine!
• (For reference) Famous Limerick: There once was a man from the Amazon Who put nighties of his Gramazon. The reason for that: He was too fat To put his own pajamazon.
• I think I've just about had enough now.
• Probably a little too late...
• Some days I miss the Brunching Shuttlecocks, Suck, Herbert Kornfield columns in the Onion, and all those other great things about the internet circa 1997.
• Aaaaaaaand, that was the Ralph The Dog Limerick and Variety Funtime Feel-Good Sing-Along Hour! Let's give a big hand to Ralph the Dog!
• A man named J. Alfred Prufrock, Was cast as a spiritual windsock, He mused that the city, Was soulfully shitty, And scuttled like claws from the Gulag.
• -applauds insolent chimp- ...and that's my favorite poem...lol
• Here's one for the Capt.: The was a young lass named Suzanne, With imports from damn near Japan, She lived by the river, And was always a giver, But you aren't 'cause you're only a man.
• ...and that's my favorite poem... You and I share tastes.
• There was a wheelbarrow quite red, On which was a bit of rain shed, The chickens were white, Much depends on the sight, And that is all that need be said.
• Carl Solomon's a hell of a man, I'm with you, old pal, in Rockland, Let's howl for them all, Short, skinny, fat, tall, With the cry, "and Moloch be damned!"
• I've heard that roses are red, And violets are blue, it is said, And it's all cliché, No matter what you say, It's doubtful she'll climb in your bed.
• So efficient, the limerick! Why did all those poets waste all those words? A Red, Red Rose My love's like a rosie in June, And a ditty that's not out of tune. I'll love you forever; We'll roll in the heather, 'Til the seas are as dry as a bone. Romeo & Juliet - Prologue In Verona, two dignified clans Had each other's blood on their hands. Kids became man and wife, Which ended the strife - Clear your evening of all other plans. I Have Been One Acquainted with the Night Acquanited with nighttime am I, As I walk 'neath the rainy, dark sky. "Tick tock, tick tock," Says the lighted-up clock, "No-one's calling you to say goodbye." The Silver Swan The swan never lets out a peep 'Til the moment before the big sleep. The world's full of geese, So muzzle it, please: Wisdom is rare, and talk's cheap.
• You stole all my plums you cheap thief From my hunger there is no relief Your apology's teh suck You're shit out of luck I'm going to whack you and cause you some grief
• TUM: "Silver Swan" was amazing.
• "A Noiseless, Patient Spider" I watched an arachnid whose goal Was to shoot out some webs from its butthole. It threw out each anchor Like some tireless wanker, So you do the same, O my soul.
• OK, two more Whitman poems, composed while posting that last one to MeFi: When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd This thirteen-page poem is fraught With death serenades overwrought. There's some shit about flowers, And it goes on for hours While Lincoln dies of a headshot. Earth, My Likeness Oh planet, I try not to gawk, But some young guy my world has rocked. My ardor athletic Gets me all frenetic, Now 'scuse me whilst I suck a cock.
• *applauds Bone Well done, old chap.
• Look, a field full of pale daffodils My nose up with pollen quite fills Depression I've had Now I'm sneezing quite bad I rather take pretty blue pills.
• There once was a despotic chappy Whose verses were quite clear and snappy He loved soldiers and ships Senators lauged at his quips But kids died when he was unhappy
• In this thread, not a thing can I do For I've squandered my wit on the blue. (That's a Livejournal link. It will make your brain shrink And you might want an emo tattoo.)
• Prince Hamlet, he dithered a lot About whether to be or to not "Dejected am I, "But too scared to die; I'll put up with the problems I've got." Ta, Bone! I think "There's some shit about flowers" is my new catchprhase.
• A man with a coy loving mistress, Lusted in terrible distress, Can one get it on, From twilight 'til dawn, Spinning cavalier from thoughts licentious?
• A louse poem by the Scot Plo'man, Bites his mouse poem written before then, The latter work may, Show in Steinbeck's first play, Which spurred Bugs to be stroked by a snowman.
• The New Testament First, Mary conceived, with God's semen A young lad, who took quite a reamin'. When he rose from the dead His followers said This doesn't bode well for the Demon.
• Think of all the ink Gutenberg could have saved!
• I've been away, Simply much too long. How nice, To return, With a simple song.
• I love poetry threads, it is true, Even ones lifted straight from the blue, But without bees or pete, They just don't seem as sweet, So I guess we'll just have to make do.
• Agreed.
• A bluebird's on wing in the sky, In my heart he won't want to fly, With liquor and smoke, And life's cruel old joke, I still won't admit that I cry.
• All Day It Has Rained Stuck in our tents as it poured, Our unit were feeling quite bored. I think young kids at play or that dog down the way, Are a bloody sight better than war.
• Pied Beauty by Gerard Manley Hopkins Glory be to God for things spotted, Speckled trout, two-tone skies, and fields plotted; Fresh firecoal, finch wings, All freckled, strange sweet things-- It's so lovely I'm feeling right potted.  
• Macbeth's Famous Soliloquy Life sucks, and it doesn't get betterer: a poor player, a strutter and fretterer, A shadow that's walking, an idiot talking, Tomorrow, tomorrow, et ceterer.
• Heh.
• Oh, Romeo, why's that your name? With a diff'rent one, you'd be the same. Our folks make us sad, So deny your old Dad And climb up my rose trellis frame.
• Here's a vase with Greek gods round it playin', So lovely it starts me to swayin'; So if Beauty's what's true Then vice versa's true too... Hell, I like it. That's all that I'm sayin'.
• A young wedding guest once heard a story from a Mariner ancient and hoary, And the gist of his words was "Be kind to sea birds-- If you don't, then by God you'll be sorry!"
• One night while riding the bus, A moose chanced upon us. We could all clearly see That the moose was a she, And thankfully perfectly harmlus. And thanks, IC!
• There once were some stars in your hair In bright formation, flocking where So straight or so soon? Perhaps right to the moon? It's not lichen, but dandruff, my dair.
• The Siphonaptera, or flea, Is older than you, and than me. ‘Tis said, pretty madam, That old Adam had ‘em. To argue with that, who are we?
• The Night Before Christmas He said "I am Santa! It's true! And I have brought presents for you!" And he placed the plethora Next to the mehorah Then cried: "What the fuck! You're a Jew!"
• She said "I am Tracy, 'tis True! And I have a web site for you!" It's better than most, You can comment or post, But there's no goddamn way to preview.
• One a proud statue lived here, Depicting old Egyptian fear, The pharaoh's a gas, His rule never lasts, "Look on my works, ye mighty, and what?"
• RTDFTW
• A purple cow I never see A purple cow I'd never be I'm tellin' you now I'd shoot that damn cow before I'd Burgess write another poem about it.
• Around the filling station there's oil, And dirtiness to offend all the goils, So many ESSO cans In those hot desert sands, And somebody to love us ail.
• There once was a man named McGee, The strangest man I did see. He grew cold, then he died, So his body I'd fried, Now he's warmer than in Tennessee.
• There once was a man, Buff'lo Bill Who was real good with a pis-tol. Onetwothreefourthenfive Pigeons dead, not alive -- Mister Death sure knew how to kill.
• There once was a woman who bathed, And while she slept, I'd gazed At her nipples and hair Laying on the bed, there -- I'm just insomniac, not depraved.
• It's not hard to lose farther or faster, Niether will bring a disaster, Losing door keys Or two lovely cities -- The art of losing's not hard to master.
• In Goya's greatest scenes we see So much suff'ring humanity Babies on bayonets and carnivorous cocks -- have you heard this yet? Now there's cars that devour my country.
• A frog on a log in a lake, Did leave a zen thought in it's wake, He jumped in the drink, Resounding a plink, Albeit, less words this should take.
• A woman with beauty so fair, Had fine luxurious hair, When out came the shears, Removing said hairs, Not a follicle's virginity spared.
• Dang; it's = its.
• Pre-what?
• Miniver Cheevy's nostalgia Was enough to give him neuralgia He wished that he had Been a Renaissqance cad So he drank, and indulged in fantasia
• I visit a lot of old churches, For what meaning? My intellect searches. Even after they crumble Some will still come to mumble As the dead give place spiritual purchase.
• There once was a man who didn't do -- His daughter lived in him like a shoe He was a big Nazi, And not a little bit bossy, So the girl had to say that she's through.
• Not linking the Inferno makes Baby Quidnunc cry.
• In the elephant's five-pound brain, Many wonderous things are contained, Poems found and created, And images o'erstated, As the animal leaves on the land its big stains.
• th futur uv salmon is us }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ********* ^^^^^^^^^ TH FUTUR UV SALMON IS US
• There once was a hill named Mount Royal And with pleasures me it did spoil With its acorns and grass And a bench for my ass Or a spot for me and my goil.