July 24, 2007

Space Winos - Alcohol in Star Trek

Also, Star Trek drinks. If that geoshitties link were not enough, here is An Episode of Star Trek Tediously Written for an Audience Entirely Composed of Remote Amazon Tribesmen. From McSweeney's.

posted by Hank Mabuse 17 years ago
  • Seems typically human that for all of its intergallactic gallivanting, the crew of the Enterprise never encountered intoxicants other than good ol' hooch. What, no herbs? Nothing to get one toasted by smoking, snorting, injecting, or rubbing into one's belly? Seems like somebody was short on imagination (perhaps they were all just Jim Beam stockholders or simply really dedicated drinkers). Drinking and hangovers just seem so, so, solar system when contemplating inebriation on a universal scale. That alcohol lobby is potent to be able to dictate acceptable intoxicants so far afield and into the future. If Saurian brandy is tasty, just imagine what Saurian bud might be like... *eyes get red just thinking about it, goes to read McSweeney's, laughs hysterically*
  • Nice post. Also from Modern Drunkard: The Zen of Drinking Alone - Using alcohol to find your inner monkey.
  • "What, no herbs? Nothing to get one toasted by smoking, snorting, injecting, or rubbing into one's belly?" Well, there were those weird flowers that shot pollen all over Spock & made him fall in love with Jill Ireland.
  • It just proves that when you think there's absolutely nothing left to kick out of the horse's corpse that is Star Trek, someone can find one thing more. Great link.
  • "It is.... green, Captain..."
  • Obviously he did not do his research. He misspelled Worf!
  • Subject matter aside, I just loved the way the piece was written. Very gonzo. When I went to Quark's Bar in Vegas, almost every drink had blue Curacao in it, to make it look more "spacey." I had something caled an "Orion's Belt" and a "Risa Colada." Totally cheesy tourist stuff, but damn fun.
  • "What, no herbs? Nothing to get one toasted by smoking, snorting, injecting, or rubbing into one's belly?" That's certainly not true of the classical references to ST boozery.
    The Head Nurse disappeared awhile in the major Dope Bazaar, Buying an odd green potion "guaranteed to cause Pon-Farr." She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart, And a painful way of walking-with her feet a yard apart.
    -- L. Fish's Banned from Argo
  • I, too visited Quark's Bar after a trip thru the Star Trek adventure at the Vegas Hilton. I had some sort of martini in the coolest glass I have ever imbibed from. Not the first time my money and I have parted ways in Las Vegas. I did not, however, get new teeth.
  • I tried the Hadron Collada in a klein bottle. It's the most potent drink in this galactic quadrant, but it turns out you have to exist in five dimensions in order to get the fucking bottle cap off.
  • Well, since you do exist in five dimension, what's the problem?
  • I've sent this link to a buncha folks, all of whom laughed most heartily (and most were sober when they read it). I agree with TUM--I love the way the thing was written. Would still like to have seen some more imaginative intoxicants making their way into the Trek. I mean--the Universe, when last I checked, was a pretty big place. And they're still talking hangovers? Won't there be any progress in hangover cures millenia from now? Some folks have no faith in the future. One thing is for sure: Kirk was a stellar stud. With or without the libations.
  • Oh don’t give me none more of that Old Janx Spirit, No, don’t you give me none more of that Old Janx Spirit. For my head will fly, My tongue will lie, My eyes will fry, And I may die... Won’t you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit?
  • Well, since you do exist in five dimensions, what's the problem? Sure, I recently had dimensional augmentation surgery, but the problem is that those new dimensions - which you no doubt think are so "hip" and "zany" - are nought but a source of endless triste. I'm used to people making fun of my lack of height and my excess width, and I can just about bear comments on my lack of depth. But now everyone is all: "hey, look at quidnunc! That guy sure needs to lose a few inches of zorpth!" and "Hey buddy, you're not thall enough to sit with at the adults' table - ha ha!" So essentially, I regret ever wanting to extend my corporeal being into the dimenions of thalpth and zorpth.
  • The noise you hear is Einstein rolling in his grave.
  • He's actually become an Einstein condensate.
  • quid for anti-dimension!
  • "...and there's a lot going in dimensions 14 to 36 you just don't want to know about..."