June 27, 2007

• But if you try to name your kid 4real...
• Parents should remember that kids have to live with the names they give them. Can you imagine growing up with the name "4real?"
• even worse, imagine the damage of growing up with parents who feel the need to 'brand' their child. I hear hot iron works quite well for that....
• 4Real is one thing, but who the hell wanted to name their kid Adolf Hitler? Nevermind calling the Registrar -- call Social Services.
• Mum just wanted to call us Number One and my bro Number Two and let us decide for ourselves later on. She gave into the pressure though. Surprisingly on some popular name lists both of our names are ranking high while they weren't so popular when we were kids. As for "branding" your kids - some people have too much time and money on their hands....
• I like the name "Chillee Ugum." Makes me think of otter bile.
• To break the deadlock, Mr. Keppler, 40, decided to spend $25 for a service on BabyNames.com... When their son was born in March, they tapped their favorite name from the list: Max Phillip. MAAAX PHIIIILLLIIP! For that price, they better have included some monogrammed diapers.
• My daughter's name came to me, while pregnant, in a dream. I walked into the dark living room, and she was sitting in the corner. She told me her name, and I asked, "Are you sure?" She rose and walked toward me. I ran away back into my bedroom. I definitely wouldn't pay for the experience. I say let the kid pick his or her own name; in my experience, if you are open to that, it will happen.
• And I guess if we ask what the kid chose for her name, we'll have to wait 6 months for the fucking answer, right? :O ;p Here's my take on unusual names for kids, given that I have a name only 4 others on the planet share & of whom 2 are racehorses & 1 is a woman - my mom had the same idea, see, had some kind of visiony thing probably while high, gave me the stupidest fucking name on planet earth, which I am still saddled with, & which nobody has ever been able to spell or pronounce correctly since day one. Then she gave me a second name that was even stupider and even gayer than the first one. She's also batshit insane, another coincidence. My take is, give the kid a 'normal' name like Bob or Stephen or Sue. Not Dweezil or Zowie or Acme Apple Booshbubby III. Then at a certain point they can change it by deed poll or whatever if it hasn't 'taken'. Grrr. Excuse me I must go lie down now.
• Cuz 26 would be too many.
• There, there, Acme Apple, it's alright.
• An oldie but a goodie: Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing.
• So what was the name, cynnbad? Astaroth?
• So I got in trouble last night with my very old, very opinionated, very too-much-time-on-her-hands great aunt for planning to call my son something other than his legal name. "It'll be an AFFLICTION for the rest of his life!" she says. For 15 minutes straight. Leprosy, now that's an affliction. Jack instead of James? Not so much, Auntie. As for kids picking their own names -- when my nephew was 4, he first learned about the concept of middle names in preschool. He goes by his middle name, which he was too young to really understand -- so he just assumed he didn't have a middle name, and made one up for himself: Tigerman. Later changed to Funnyboy. I like him very much.
• The 1965 Herb Gardner film "A Thousand Clowns" concerned a non-conformist man (played by Jason Robards) raising his twelve-year-old nephew (Barry Gordon) who was allowed to choose his own name, which he could change at will. The kid was thus known as Nick, Wilbur Malcolm, Theodore, Raphael Sabatini, Dr. Morris Fishbein, Woodrow, King, Rover, Lefty Chevrolet and Big Sam Burns. My sister used her middle name, April, during high school, before reverting to her first name, Nancy, after graduation. It was her choice and seemed to suit her well. Plus when folks call her she knows right away if they're former classmates. Frankly, I'm a believer in getting to know a kid before assigning appellations. One friend recently said of her son, "Donald seemed like such a good name when he was a babe in arms, but now that he's running around, he seems so much more like a Roscoe, we've started calling him that." So there you go.
• These folks that want to brand their precious little snowflakes probably will be taking patents out on them next. "My Max Phillip will be the ONLY Max Phillip on the planet, ha ha ha ha!" A lot of these are pretentious self-absorbed idiots, and people[who]have too much time and money on their hands.... as well as no imagination. Naming the baby is one of those special things only moms and dads get to do. Average Joe and Jane can name their dog Ralph, or call their car The Whalemobile, but only parents get to name another little person. I feel sad someone has to chicken out for fear what they pick won't be good enough. However, I'd gladly take the bucks if they're that lacking in imagination. Max Phillip? That's original? pffft! We Monkeys need to advertise as a naming agency. Am I right, Cynnbad, Path, and Moko Jono? Flagpole and Capt. Renault, you take military names for 500. Medusa and Pallas Athena, you're onto classical for a 1000. Hawthorn Windigo, He, Nickdanger, Cynnbad, Chyren, you get sturdy boys. Darling and Gomichild, you take tiny little girls. Ummm, sorry, I haven't quite figured out the niche for Hillbillyswamp and TUM, but I'm sure it's there. If they want something original, we can give it to 'em!
• Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing
• Seriously, if I had kids, which I thankfully (for them & the world) do not, I would chose their names out of Lady Gregory's Gods & Fighting Men, but whack the spellings around a tad for teh modrnz.
• Hey can anyone remember the link to that site Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing? *pokes tongue out at Lara*
• >>Can you imagine growing up with the name "4real?" You presume that the kid will live in a culture where "4real" is considered unusual or aberrant, just because you did. This is hardly certain.
• God, what a fantastic job. I should have figured this scam out. I work at a hospital; hell, I worked in maternity/pediatrics for a good chunk. While I disagree with the names-must-have-gender German law, I can't say it wouldn't be an improvement to have a list. Make the middle name something atrocious - all five middle names - but give the kid a normal one to use. And stop fucking matching twin names. It's retarded. Especially if one of them is Omarion.
• Isn't there an 'approved' names-list in Germany? I know there is one in Spain, and several other european countries. While that does feel a bit restrictive to me, after seeing friends and relatives cursing their offspring with hideous monickers based on pop singers, badly-spelled english names and such, it makes sense...
• You people never cease to amaze me with the amount of bile you can spit at other people's parenting habits. Never was a village green so festooned with nattering goodwives, upholding the appropriate standards of proper behaviour at the point of their gossiping tongues. Please do inculcate me into your orthodoxies so that I will be spared the condescention of your correctional missives, O civic mothers. Yours, Zowie Bubblebath N'gunga Poppinjay III
• Silly party...
• But on a serious note, this bile, would it be otter bile perhaps? Otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile kit is a big dumb dumb otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile otter bile...
• This is hardly certain. Just ask the wizard of NZ. I've already cleared these names with the lady-friend: Megatron for a girl. Optymus Prime Francis for a boy. Superman for an in-between.
• as I believe I have mentioned many times before: Scylla & Charybdis the twin girls I will never have...
• So, if everyone's giving their kids "unusual" names, then it's not unusual anymore, right? Problem solved.
• Great article, thanks HW! Brings up a lot of interesting points, like searching google before settling on the name. And, I knew there was a lot of hoopla over baby names, but I didn't realize it'd actually become an industry of its own. Mr. Minda and I picked "Abigail Marie" because we think it's a pretty name. I kind of wonder what those "experts" would think of it...
• Working as I do in the criminal system, I get to see nutty names on almost a daily basis. I particularly enjoy when the DA calls out a name like "Shennayequinnae" and Shennayequinnae then acts offended that her name has been mispronounced. I am going to spell my child's name D-a-v-i-d and have it be pronounced "Bob." People must be fucked with.
• I still get off on the sensible and rational Roman naming scheme, especially for girls. I suggest naming modern boys after elements, (I prefer metals), e.g. Copper, Bismuth, Antimony (though Cobalt would be unisex and Silicon might be better for a girl). Of course non-fans of ancient Rome might pick girls' names from the Periodic Table too, with suitable alteration where it's called for, e.g., Helia, Thalia, Fluorinella. And whatever you do, please don't name your kid Lakashawanda, especially if you must spell it LaxhaTia'Ouanda,unless you want to doom her to being a cashier at Wal-Mart forever (and having everyone ask her how it's pronounced while the 37 people in line behind groan). If you insist on doing so her last name better not be Jackson or Smith (not even Smythe).
• Working as I do in the criminal system, I get to see nutty names on almost a daily basis. Do you think the nutty names are possibly a causative factor of criminal activity?
• "I am going to spell my child's name D-a-v-i-d and have it be pronounced 'Bob.'" Heh, now I think I'll change the spelling of my name to B-o-b.
• i gave my son a Scots first name, originally French - or rather, Norman. A second name, originally Celtic Irish. Both of which he hated. A bit of an oddity because they are both names that feature very positively in many historical documents, as well as family history traced back centuries. They are the names of explorers, artists, writers and pioneers. He preferred, and often called himself by a name associated with mystics and alchemist-magicians. My daughter has Celtic (Welsh) names that are also relatively ancient and have historic links. She likes them both though they are more unusual than those of my son. Mine have been the bane and torment of my life though. The parents suffered a touch of the 'romantic poets' at the time. To this day i find them bloody awkward to have hanging about the battered old carcass i live in.
• Ozymandias? Is that you?
• No, no, no. Shallot, you fool, Shallot!
• "i gave my son a Scots first name, originally French - or rather, Norman." Good god, not Cheyne, by any chance?
• fwiw minda I think Abigail Marie is a really nice name.
• Do you think the nutty names are possibly a causative factor of criminal activity? Yes. Yes, I do.
• spot on Chyren, how'd you get that one? Nah, couldn't be a rellie. Not poss'! Mind you, healthy breeding stock in them Scots. A lot of them about.
• I was thinking of Cheyne Horan, the surfer.
• Not heard of him, sorry. But the name is right. It's very much a family name so maybe a rellie there. It's pretty common amongst our lot.
• How the heck did I miss that link? I read all the comments, I swear.
• I'm naming my kid Dice Wars
• Missed reading your first comment Chyren. Shit! Racehorses! I'm thinking Phar Lap here, or Cloud Dancing, maybe Dagworth Maestro? Couldn't be worse than Cynara Genevieve.
• Thank you, HW. :o)
• Do you think the nutty names are possibly a causative factor of criminal activity? Most violent middle name. Hint: NOT "Mandingo."
• There is merit in being able to choose your own name.
• MonkeyFilter: People must be fucked with. Zowie Bubblebath N'gunga Poppinjay III Hey, that's what the neighbor named his dog! Calls him Shennayequinnae, for short. It's sad when I'm substitute teaching and call out some kid's strange or mutilated name wrong. They often don't even bother to correct me. I always try, ask, and apologize if I get it wrong, but most of these kids act like it's their lot in life to bear the burden of Aemezola, Tierrainney, or Maquinzee. And then there's the dang teachers whose handwriting makes J-o-h-n look like Zolrm. ACK!!!
• This "enormous pressure" thing is 100% moosehockey. Any "pressure" these ninnies are felling is coming from themselves, and not from some evil ouside social force. They'll be lucky if the kids don;t emerge from the womb as a genration of tiny poseurs. On another note, pracctically none of the men in my family go by their real first names. Mostly because about 75% are named Frank. I've looked into changing my middle name for a lark, but here in New York it's too damn expensive.
• If you are going to change one of your names, make it your first name. I find "the" to be rather boring.
• The Alark Monster? Don't do it. Doesn't have the same ring a tall.
• I have a name only 4 others on the planet share & of whom 2 are racehorses Dear Seabiscuit, I spent 6 years in which I was convinced that my name was tonyforshort. It was an improvement over the alternative. I think most people do not like the names people chose for them. Sincerely, Tonittellini Betelgeuse Veronicastanetti III
• My mother works as an O.B. nurse, and she likes to tell the tales of people who have terrible names for their kids, and the worst by far I feel came from dome 15yr. Old Girl who named her son, mind you, SON, Sailor Serena Moon. (GOOGLE IT)
• What? It's no longer cool to name your kid Brianna, Bre-ana, Bree-anna, or the multitude of related variations?
• My uncle Frank always called his kids "Boy" and "Girl" (not their real names). I also vaguely remember them having a dog named "Dog" and a cat named "Cat."
• Momma Monster: TUM!!! Stop pretending to be your uncle this instant! What do you have to say for yourself? The Underpants Monster: Well, to be Frank....
• I also vaguely remember them having a dog named "Dog" and a cat named "Cat." My brother-in-law used to have a cat named "Dog."
• I remember when Caitlin and its multitudinous morphologies was a popular name for girls (Kaitlyn, Caytlynn, Ktlyn, and Kzchaiyytlinq). In the mid nineties when the popular thing to do was put a "La" on the front of an ordinary name to make it extraordinary, (LaShawn, LaTina, probably LaAnne and LaMary out there somewhere), I remember a poor girl coming into our music store whose parents had done the same to the name "Trina," but had shortened it by a syllable. Yes, "LaTrine." Thing is, she was 18 years old, and still had the name. Maybe she was used to it by now, or had absorbed so much abuse SHE BY GOD WASN'T GONNA LET THE BASTARDS GET HER DOWN! That's what I like to think, anyway. Godspeed, LaTrine, wherever you are.
• I also vaguely remember them having a dog named "Dog" and a cat named "Cat." I had a bear named "Bear", but I was two.
• But to derail on Uncle Frank a bit more, my parents usually didn't refer to my sister and I by our names. When talking amongst themselves, it was always this accusatory "your son" or "your daughter", and with us, "your brother" or "your sister". But it's far too late for therapy.
• I didn't like what my sister named her kids, so I refered to them as Trollbaby (now Trollboy) and Goatboy. And they actually stuck. The family decided to keep with tradition and refer to her third son as Wolfboy or Wolfie. Long story short, the father of the first one lived in a trailer under a bridge (Don't ask. Please.), goats naturally fit with trolls, and so on to wolves. If she had a girl it would have been Llamagirl, just because. Yeah, my family is twisted. We called my sister Mr. Vincent Polycarp Green for years. They have yet to pick a name to call my son, but I have been informed that they are working on it.
• Fimbulvetr Jr. looks a bit like an evil genius. Intelligent, contemplative, bald... So, either a Doctor something, or a menacing name ending in "ian". IMHO, anyway.
• Yeah. His big, round, bald head already has some of my friends and work colleagues referring to him as "The Brain". Better than being called "Pinky", I guess.
• Brain... Brainian? No. Dr. Brain? No. Dr. Callosum? Warmer... Also: Glad to know I wasn't the only one who thought it.
• If you haven't seen this already... Have fun!
• Ah, what the heck, let's just name the kid "Nymbler."
• Nickdanger, that's awesome. Haven't found Lara on there.
• You can type it in and see the popularity history of just that name.
• Haven't found Lara on there. Should be around 1966, shouldn't it?
• What cracked me up about the article was the "unique" names that the consultants were coming up with - Max, already mentioned, and, like, Natalie! Nicole! Yeah, because everyone in my high school wasn't named that. Scylla & Charybdis have to marry male twins named Rock & Hardplace. ;) I heard of an exceptionally stupid name for a baby girl a few years ago, and I really wish I could remember it. It had something to do with Anne Rice, and it looked more like something you'd name a cat, if you wanted to give a cat a quadruple-barrelled name.
• I have no desire to breed, but if God forbid the condom ever breaks, I'm going to insist on Judas if it's a boy, and Jezebel if it's a girl.
• Mr Gomichild is insisting that if we have kids the first one will be named "Zucchini".
• I don't know what my parents were thinking when they named me Mao bin Hitler-Stalin XIV.
• I have a name only 4 others on the planet share & of whom 2 are racehorses Red Rum? a name like "Shennayequinnae" I first read that as "Shinnayquanon", which would be kinda cool.
• > Lady Gregory's Gods & Fighting Men Oh, nice link (and good to see you posting again). I haven't read this since I was little. We looked for names from the Red Branch and Fenian legends for our kids, but we couldn't settle on any.
• I have made a fortune on my Chloe stock, but have recently taken sharp losses on Paris.
• Bone, surely that's JuuDaz and Jyz'aByl?
• That reminds me of the tale of The Fat Man and the Flat Man.
• @
• If he registers a domain, his email could be @@@.com
• I'd never heard that reading of @. I must stop working with people with decent English! I remember all the fuss with Zhu Rongji's name. You'd see the rong (镕) written with alternate characters or even broken down into (钅＋容).
• "While the "@" simple is familiar to Chinese e-mail users..." Do they mean the "@" symbol, or am I missing something?
• The entries for our kid's art and writing contest are in - it's that time of year when I get to wonder what parents were smoking eight or nine years ago. This year's standout: Allexus.
• Mr Gomichild is insisting that if we have kids the first one will be named "Zucchini". posted by gomichild at 09:23AM UTC on June 29, 2007 I'm really looking forward to an update on this comment. gomi?
• You'll have to explain the problem with "Allexus", TUM. Is it just the variant spelling? Or do you feel it's too close to product placement?
• A little from Column A, and a little from Column B.
• I'm 38 weeks, ready to explode and the name issue has still not been decided....
• Start a Curious George thread!
• Heh. There is a List already - just need a final commitment from the other half.
• Meaning us, right?
• I don't know, "Zucchini" sounds pretty committed.... :)
• Some helpful tips for new parents.
• First runner up: Mollee (AKA The Girl Who Will Never Be Taken Seriously)
• I've suggested he be called Becks, considering the amount of time he spends kicking... can I get some support here?
• Isn't gomichildchild the obvious answer?
• Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii allowed to change her name.
• Although I'm glad the whoole thing is resolved, I'm left with a question. Were her teachers, like, reading out her full name during roll call or something? "Talula" in itself isn't so bad - how were the people teasing her about her name aware of the whole business?
• Oh, and "Violence" is OK, but "Sex Fruit" isn't?
• Some people should remain childless. Ought to be a law. You like that stupid name, then YOU get to change yours and use it, and the kid gets a name like Mary or John. That said, Oceania is pretty, but WTF is with people wanting to spell in text message? Second time I've heard of that. We could retro-actively name Violence's parents Asshole Wanker and Dumb Shit. Werks for me.
• We could use a random name generator to assign legal names at birth. You wanna change it, you have to pay the same fee you'd pay to get your own name changed. The money goes to pay for Head Start or SCHIP or somehting.
• Yeah, you're just sore because they let your parents name you "The Underpants Monster"! You're obviously biased in this thread, and shouldn't be allowed to comment!
• I was named for my great-great-grandfather, The Unionsuit Dervish.
• They interviewed a guy on the news in relation to Talula's story last night. His name was Brian Gotlucky.
• Study finds positive correlation between unpopular first names and juvenile delinquency: "... the more unique, rare and unpopular the name is, the more likely it popped up in youth crime files 10 to 18 years later."
• I see a cause and effect issue there. I think the kind of parents most likely to give kids unique names contribute more to the delinquency than the name itself.