May 14, 2007

• Shubbery = Shrubbery, local dialect. Obv.
• I'm still stuck on "topiary chicken".
• What kind of soil have you got, Captain? If it's clay you could mix in some sharp sand and perhaps a bit of compost. Might have been a good idea to go with a bit of the John Innes No. 3 rather than refilling with just the original soil, if it's that bad. I hope you realise I have no idea at all what I'm talking about.
• It's a good idea to dig the hole much larger than what you need to actually accommodate the plant you're putting in. Is there a lot of clay in the soil there? That's often the problem if the soil doesn't absorb water terribly well. I believe the solution for that is mixing some sand in with the soil, if that's indeed the case.
• Real gardeners don't preview.
• But basically I don't think you can do much without it coming up again. Sorry.
• And nor do I...
• Your best bet is to dig it out again. It shouldn't cause any damage as it won't have started to spread its roots year. Dig it up, then work the soil at the bottom and around the hole, mixing in some sand or some light gravel. Remember, you've got to hit the sides and work the middle.
• Nope, me neither.
• Wantpictures
• A shrubbery! Ni! *smirks, notices silence, slinks away*
• I don't think there's much clay in there. I think it's a matter of it being too-compacted. The Hazel drained just fine, and that wasn't different dirt or anything, and just a foot and a half away. The chicken is at the base of some newer front steps -- one of those one-piece conrete things. I think I may have dug on top of a base for the steps. However, there were some rocks in there -- rounded beach rocks, which suggests the contrary, that that soil there has never been disturbed. Which I can't imagine. The hole was twice as large as what went in it. And regardless, it should have drained before I put in the chicken. (And yes, I know it was dumb to put in the chicken when there were already hints of problems.)
• Hmm. Have you tried owl semen? Hmm.
• And I'm reluctant to pull it out again -- the chicken was quite wet and crumbly, so it was a heck of a job to get it out of the plastic bucket and in the hole in one piece, also because there's a whole bunch of stems and not just one trunk to grab onto. Basically, I had to plant it in the plastic bucket, and cut away the bucket in situ. Taking it back out again is something I could do, but it'd be a risky job.
• If it was just planted yesterday it should almost pull right out with a gentle prying with a shovel. Then you can dig a bigger hole, and fill the bottom with a couple of inches of gravel or sand. And yes, this thread is useless without pictures of the chicken.
• On non-preview...just leave it if it won't come out easily. Cedars are very hardy. I've seen them grow in the cracks of solid granite.
• Oh, oh, Capt. not good. Drainage isn't your major problem. Mr. Chicken's trying to tell you something. If the water won't even drain, then your shrub is going to not be able to send out decent roots, and will always be puny, if not actually going on to die a horrible lingering death. You need to prepare a loving home for him. You want to carefully dig him out and put him in a bucket in the shade. Cover his rootball with a burlap bag or several layers of newspaper so his exteriors don't dry out too fast. He's probably waterlogged now, and will need at least 24 hours to get his roots back in good order. You want to re-plant him when his rootball is damp, but not soaked. Dig. Dig. Dig. It will probably be easier to do now that the clay's been moistened, but will still be nasty heavy work. Try a pick? You're going to want a hole four times deeper and four times wider than the diameter of Mr. Chicken. If he's more like Mr. Peeps, then make your hole three feet by three feet. Easier to dig, if a bit messy, when you get down where it's dry, if you continue to put a bit of water in the hole and moosh it around with your shovel. You can use a metal rod and push down drain holes in the bottom of the finished hole if you'd like to add some gravy to the project or if the soil is still very compacted. It shouldn't be absolutely necessary, unless you get heavy rains or Mr. Chicken is near your rain gutter. After you pop your blisters, it's time to find some sand or normal dirt and a bag of compost. You need to lighten up that clay. Compost you can buy nearly anywhere, for sand you may have to go to a sand and gravel company. If you don't care about cost, you can sometimes buy bagged playground sand. Sand bags (for winter driving) can be had at a Wally-world type place rather than going to a garden shop, also. Mix sand 1/3, compost, 1/3 your clay soil, or if you can't get sand, use more compost and less clay mixed with normal soil. Water well to moisten all the mix and let sit. Get rid of your nasty clay by putting it in socks sewn into tubes and held over your shoulders with home-made suspenders. Tie at the bottom, fill, then tuck the them down into your pants legs. Walk around the neighbor's yard whistling and kicking the dirt with your feet as you slowly empty the sock tubes. Go home and top-dress Mr. Corkscrew with the rest of the compost. Top-dressing can be done each spring. Work last year's into the top 3-4 inches of soil, and then top-dress again. Next day plant your no-longer-soggy Mr. Chicken. Tamp him firmly, but don't stomp him to deff. Stand back, and behold the Chickeness that is Mr. Chicken. You realize that you will have to prune him or he will start to look like a shrub again, right? (and you won't be getting any eggs, either.) Love, Your GramMa BlueHorse with the green hooves
• I guess you could try some Red Wigglers. Although they'll probably bugger off to looser soil.
• Himmm, whilst compos(t)ing the above opus, I missed all the posties above. Sounds like you might have compacted subsoil from where the steps were put in. Do you have a basement? If your steps and foundation form two sides of a square, you're minimal on drainage anyway. The solution is the same even if the soil's not clay. Shrubs only a foot n' a half apart? This does not bode well, even if one's a slender corkscrew and one's a well-trimmed Mr. Chicken. Give them a bit more space, both for their elbow-room, and for your 360 degree viewing pleasure. I would say no less than six feet. Remember, you've got to hit the sides and work the middle. DING!! DING!! DING!! DING!!!!! MASTER GARDNER RORYK TAKES THE THREAD
• You heartless bastards. Have you no idea what the Captain has on his hands here???
• Napalm. It's the only thing that works.
• There's no foundation under the porch. However, there's a base for one of the porch supports on the one side, and the conrete steps on the other. Ms. Chicken (and she is a lady chicken, most definitely) is easily prunable, as the evergreen is contained within a chicken-wire frame, so I just have to prune back to just above the frame. It's topiary for idiots like me. I'll dig her back out when I get home. It's the solution I was dreading...
• If I dare qualify BlueHorse's advice a bit, I definitely wouldn't buy playground sand. Not only is it expensive, it's typically beach sand, in which the grains have been rubbed smooth to an approximately spherical shape. For optimum drainage you want jagged-edged grains, more like builder's sand. The jaggy bits create the spaces through which the water drains, whereas the spheres pack in nicely. Having read what you say, though, I'm now not sure I would dig it out after all. See how it goes? If it dies, you can just buy a plastic flamingo like us plain folks do.
• stillwantpictures
• I once had friends who had very hard soil which didn't drain well next to their new house, and it turned out the builder had spilt most of a bag of cement into it.
• Whatever you do, don't let your chicken die! We'd miss you.
• Ms. Chicken (and she is a lady chicken, most definitely) is easily prunable Show me a woman who is not easily prunable, and I'll show you every conscious woman I have ever dated.
• MonkeyFilter: It's topiary for idiots like me. *squints eyes at Plegmund You would DARE to qualify my advice? You. Would. Dare? All I have to say is this: It depends on where the sand was packaged. Capt. you will have to settle this. Take your electron microscope with you when purchasing your sand. Inspect. Report back to me. Plegmund: I'll bet THIS is the kind of flamingo you have. Not like these classy birds. *throws down gauntlet
• PLegmund has a Spanish dancer on his front lawn?
• And how, exactly, do you know she is a lady chicken? Or are you just saying that because you don't want to admit to the presence of an herbaceous cock on your lawn? Me?? I rather fancy the idea of trimming a cock every once in a while.
• Oh, and I'm with Lara. I want pictures.
• Hidden talent -- I'm a chicken sexer. I sex up those chickens good! Not really. Seriously, no.
• She has the exact shape of one of Gonzo's lady friends, so I'm assuming the obvious.
• Need pictures! Want pictures! PS Bluehorse's advice was excellent, especially the suggestion on ridding onesself of clay. Got my tube socks/suspenders right here!
• Hunter S. Thompson was into chickens? Why does that not surprise me.
• If you want, you can have a look at my bush for inspiration.
• Gonzo & Camilla Action Figures
• You can get a monkey topiary, you know.
• A picture of an actual monkey topiary, because I was curious.
• YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED HERE! WE'RE RECORDING ANY ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES ON OUR SERVER. Your referer: Your IP address: Requested URI: Your Browser: Uh. That monkey topiary is a bit aggresive.
• Cover his rootball with a burlap bag or several layers of newspaper *averts eyes*
• Which one gave you that message, Flagpole?
• Ah, now it works. That serves me right for trying to sneak a peek at my job's computer... IP must be flagged or something. Odd.
• 
• That's a Fine Falmingmo!
• I think the one in the tux is my favorite.
• One more reason on the ever-growing list of reasons not to move to Coral Gables. And where are my pictures?
• I'm pleased to say that after some initial scares, the chicken is starting to grow. I dug all around her, and broke up the soil more, and when that didn't work as well as I'd hoped, I hammered in this thin stake all around it, creating drainage/evaporation holes. That seemed to have done the trick. She browned a bit at the edges, but now she's clearly growing past the chicken-wire (hah!) topiary frame, which is the intent of the design. So all is well. I think.
• Monkeyfilter: After some initial scares, the chicken is starting to grow.
• Oh, good. Glad to hear that the chicken is doing so well*. Nice of you to post--so often we never hear the end of the Curious George posts. Of course, we'll need a pic of the Giant Chicken That Ate the Renault Family in a couple months. Be sure to keep pruning to maintain the ultimate in Chickenness. *Even though your too damn lazy to follow all the good advice you begged for, you ratbag!
• Well, it was a combination of laziness and incessant rain right after I posted. I don't do no gardening in the rain for no chicken.
• Yeah, GramMa. We never DID hear how that hoodie came out. Now, I have a couple things to say. First, I guess if you're too lazy to dig up the chicken, Capt., then you're too lazy to take its picture as well. Second, I have determined by my own scientific method that you have a chicken fixation. Exhibit 1: Likes girls with skin the "color of frozen chicken". Exhibit 2: Buys a "topiary chicken" Exhibit 3: Remembers not only that Gonzo, a character on a show that has not been on the air in roughly 100 years, had chicken friends, but their exact shape QED
• I believe I retracted Exhibit 1. My computer doesn't have the processing power to look up stuff in the Hard-Up thread, though. But it's in there. You and I both know you're my only fixation, larababy. *adjusts the night-vision goggles he stole off kit*
• Then I don't have to keep gluing on these feathers?
• We can go that way, too.
• Souldn't "chicken fixation" be shortened to "chixation?" *checks Newspeak dictionary*
• OK -- new problem. At the Farmer's Market on lunch today, I picked up an Orchid Toad Lily, or a Toad Lily Orchid. A Tricyrtis Hirta.) Big thing, twelve bucks. The ladies at the market said that it needs a lot of sun, and that was fine, as I have a hole in the front yard that could be nicely plugged with an orchid. If it really is an orchid, instead of a lily. Partial to full sun, water it at max once a week. Looking online, I'm getting different stories. Partial to full shade, moist ground to well-drained ground, etc. Which would mean that it should go in the backyard, which would be fine too, as there's about to be a gap when the dead tree is finally dug out. Anybody know what the real deal is? Full sun or shade? Drained soil or no? The internets are contradicting themselves on this...
• The plant seems to be rated a Zone 5, and my part of the globe is a 5b or 6a, whatever that all means. So temperature-wise, the plant should be ok. It's just if it wants sun or not.
• I believe we should withhold advice until a picture of the Chicken is produced. I, for one, don't believe there are any plants at all.
• Said chicken has been up on my blog since whenever, and up on facebook since yesterday, easily accessible by all member monkeys in good standing, so enough with the chicken photos already and make with the toad lily advice.
• Dearest.
• Chuck it in the hole and pray. THat's what I always say.
• How about partial shade, partial sun for a summer, then move it next spring if it fails to really take off? (doesn't have a clue, and not much of an opinion)
• OK, I missed the chicken in the blog. You're off the hook on that one. And since you said it so nicely... it's acutally a "Hairy Toad Lily" (hirta=hairy) It's poisonous from root to leaf, so don't eat it. (Deer will leave it alone, too.) It will do well in partial shade. Keep the ground moist all the time, and don't let it dry out. Late in summer it will reward you with freaky spotted star-shaped blooms, which I think is where the toad part comes in. The chicken is gorgeous.