April 20, 2007

Super Monkey Collider Loses Funding Congress voted Monday to cut federal funding for the superconducting monkey collider, a controversial experiment which has cost taxpayers an estimated $7.6 billion a year since its creation in 1983.
posted by petebest 17 years ago
  • *stops bumping into petebest*
  • Oh sure it was all about the money! I see how it is! What about the science, maaaan?
  • *accelerates to near light speed for old time's sake*
  • That was ten years ago? I'm impressed. I'm old.
  • I liked the Onion much better when they used that bold, Franklinesque typeface for the headlines. Now the whole site looks all dainty. It's like I'm being tapped on the shoulder to hear a joke, instead of having the insanity in my face.
  • Monkeys colliding - it make me sad.
  • Once again the government cannot distinguish between monkeys and apes.
  • I found the article so funny I was left with no option but to slap my knee. Oh dear I seem to have wet myself with the humor. Maybe.
  • "I remember the joy I felt in college when I would launch monkeys at one another with big rubber bands, and this project would have been even more enlightening." Yeah. Some nostalgia.
  • It's just as well, really. What if colliding monkeys had created a strangelet, or a tiny black hole, or even the sudden irreversible inflation of another universe? They could have ended the world.
  • Yeah, well I was all for ending the world by strangelet implosion but would anyone listen? Nooooooooo. Instead we're going to cook ourselves slowly over decades through global warming.
  • Fight to save Earth from tiny black hole Will tiny black holes created by CERN's Large Hadron Collider destroy the world? Physicist Dave Wark of Imperial College, London, says we can all stop worrying.
  • It's been nice knowing you all.
  • Only 2.5 more hours until the end of the world!
  • Well, we're not dead yet...
  • Don't cross the streams.
  • So, I do have to pay my Visa bill?
  • They haven't actually smashed two beams yet. There's still hope for debt forgiveness.
  • Dr. Egon Spengler:     We'll cross the streams. Dr. Peter Venkman:      'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad! Dr Ray Stantz:     Cross the streams... Dr. Peter Venkman:     You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, *who paid us in advance*, before she became a dog... Dr. Egon Spengler:     Not necessarily. There's definitely a *very slim* chance we'll survive. Dr. Peter Venkman:      I love this plan! I'm excited it could work! LET'S DO IT!
  • Can I come out from under the bed, now?
  • Come on out, Flags, just mind the ho...
  • I like to think that there's a sign above the clocking out area at Cern that reads Don't go home with our hadron.
  • But oh, beamish nephew, beware of the day, If your Quarks be a Boson! For then You will softly and suddenly vanish away, And never be met with again.
  • Monkeyfilter: just mind the ho
  • Hey! ... You forgot my dots. Pay attention there, flags!