April 20, 2007

I'll see your ass in Court. The defendant said his neighbour's ass was loud. That his ass smelled. So, the neighbour hauled his ass into Court, showed his ass to everyone, and proved to the jury that his 300lb ass was indeed well-groomed and under control.

As featured in a lengthy and enjoyably-juvenile interview on As It Happens yesterday evening, although there doesn't seem to be podcast of it just yet.

posted by Capt. Renault 17 years ago
  • I hate that "his ass" is becoming more and more commonly used as a substitution for "he." When it was a substitution for "himself" I could live with it (eg, "He better get his ass over here"). Now, however, I have heard it be substituted for both "he" and "him" (eg, "His ass came by my house last night," to which I actually responded, "What did the rest of him do?").
  • *cough* It is a very cute ass.
  • Arse.
  • Buddy got back.
  • That is one handsome donkey. In the town where I grew up, there was one farmer who had a pig that chased the neighbor kids. And there was this one cow that would follow me for about a mile down the road when I went for a walk. But she seemed like a friendly sort, just wanting attention.
  • What's your point?
  • So, this horse walks into a bank to deposit his paycheck. The teller looks at the check and says, "Hey, Dobbin, you're making more a week than I am! So why the long face?" *sticks head back in bucket*
  • *polka accordion interlude*
  • Sad truth: Dobbin was a gelding.
  • A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine." The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third. The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?" The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!